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Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!


Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,720
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
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This short story won 1st place in my school newspaper
#7740272 - 12/10/07 12:09 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Long Beach sort of sucks
I struck up a conversation with a fire-tressed goddess. We bonded over our pre-flight jitters, and she entered the cabin on my arm. As we sat, we made note of the emergency exits, oxygen masks and fat people to scurry over in case of a water landing. The lights dimmed and her knuckles went white in my hand. I held my breath. She vomited on my loafers and I fell in love. She sipped a 7-up as I stroked her hair at 30,000 feet. Our paths diverged at baggage claim without a tearful goodbye. It was worth the stained leather
-------------------- There is no valid reason you should be reading this
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demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium
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Re: This short story won 1st place in my school newspaper [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#7740312 - 12/10/07 12:17 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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it reads very well, and i can relate to 'falling in love' with someone in seconds or hours, especially with the type of person she is described as (from the little description)
it's successful, but nothing about it really stands out, and that's okay
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
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Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!


Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,720
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
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Re: This short story won 1st place in my school newspaper [Re: demiu5]
#7740322 - 12/10/07 12:20 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Not really, I expect to be at least a bit wowed by a school that prides itself on liberal studies
-------------------- There is no valid reason you should be reading this
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Robo
R Series 66Y
Registered: 05/08/07
Posts: 14,861
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Re: This short story won 1st place in my school newspaper [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#7740402 - 12/10/07 12:39 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
She vomited on my loafers and I fell in love.
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desufnoC
Stranger


Registered: 11/04/07
Posts: 114
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
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Re: This short story won 1st place in my school newspaper [Re: Robo]
#7740437 - 12/10/07 12:44 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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......
-------------------- fuck captin planet!
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Coaster
BaĘżal



Registered: 05/22/06
Posts: 33,501
Loc: Deep in the Valley
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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Re: This short story won 1st place in my school newspaper [Re: desufnoC]
#7740499 - 12/10/07 12:56 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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wuts that about long beach?
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RandalFlagg
Stranger

Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
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Re: This short story won 1st place in my school newspaper [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#7740515 - 12/10/07 12:59 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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That's really fucking stupid/bad.
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Robo
R Series 66Y
Registered: 05/08/07
Posts: 14,861
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Re: This short story won 1st place in my school newspaper [Re: RandalFlagg]
#7740530 - 12/10/07 01:02 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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I guess your school didn't have too many entries then, huh
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adrian7812
Stranger



Registered: 09/26/07
Posts: 262
Loc: Sydney, Australia
Last seen: 14 years, 6 months
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Re: This short story won 1st place in my school newspaper [Re: Robo]
#7740623 - 12/10/07 01:21 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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I actually think it's not that bad.
-------------------- Nothing I say is true. It is entirely fictional. In fact, my life is entirely fictional. I do not exist.
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Tangerines




Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 17,918
Loc: woodwork
Last seen: 4 years, 23 days
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Re: This short story won 1st place in my school newspaper [Re: adrian7812]
#7740651 - 12/10/07 01:27 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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sam420
CertifiedReptilianOverlord



Registered: 01/14/05
Posts: 3,144
Loc: Scotland
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
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Re: This short story won 1st place in my school newspaper [Re: Tangerines]
#7740664 - 12/10/07 01:29 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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I was about to comment on how fucking stupid that was and I read it a couple more times and actually quite like it.
I would be pissed if I paid for it in book form though haha
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i'm a spy huntin rap dinosaur from the future
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moosehead
poop deck


Registered: 02/04/02
Posts: 9,741
Loc: pnw
Last seen: 7 months, 6 days
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Re: This short story won 1st place in my school newspaper [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#7741013 - 12/10/07 02:42 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Its so fresh and out there man. its just like BAM FUCK CONVENTION
reads like my used tp
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Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!


Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,720
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
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Re: This short story won 1st place in my school newspaper [Re: moosehead]
#7741077 - 12/10/07 02:57 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Holy shit, this has nothing to do with the topic on hand, but Virus- King Heroin is awesome
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WhiskeyClone
Not here


Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Re: This short story won 1st place in my school newspaper [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#7741144 - 12/10/07 03:16 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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If the word limit is 200 words or whatever that was, I'd say it's not bad.
Otherwise, it really needs some fleshing out.
-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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