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Soularize
slanted and enchanted



Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 1,178
Loc: United States
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just another confused sucker with a girl problem
#7738584 - 12/09/07 10:07 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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The classic question: "should i or shouldnt i tell her?"
yup, I'm sure it's been posted in this forum before at some point, possibly several times. But I am indeed in the midst of a real pickle of a situation, involving a girl whom I fucking adore both attractively speaking and personality-wise. I normally wouldn't reach out online in a forum like this for advice and help, but this situation at hand is DRIVING ME INSANE. literally. so much of my time and energy and the space in my head is purely occupied with this girl; "does she actually like me in an attractive sense or not? Should i profess my feelings to her or not? even if she doesn't see me in that way should i still go ahead and let her know how i feel just to rid myself of this persistent anxiety?" etc etc.
I'll summarize this scenario as best and concisely as i can...So i met this girl through work, 4 months ago (we started work on the exact same day there). Almost instantly we clicked and just got along really well..laughed at eachother, danced with eachother, and after not very long at all began flirting with eachother. At that point Im not sure if I was even all that crazy about her, but was just really enjoying how much fun i was having with this person. eventually i realized that i had totally developed a crush for her. this really isnt just some random hot chick that i'd like to bang. she's unique, smart, energetic, loves the kinks and neil young : ) a total score in my eyes.
anyhow (this is where things get tricky), I also soon figured out that she is sortve flirtatious by nature. she loves people in general and isnt afraid to show it. still, it felt for a long time that she was *extra* flirtatious with me, moreso than with everybody else. things went on like this for weeks, a couple months even...I would try my hardest via conversations with her to gauge whether she just sees me as a friend or something more. for every hint i would pick up from her suggesting that she did in fact have some special feeling for me, there would be another moment the next day or so that made me honestly have to question whether i'd been shafted into the notorious "friend zone". for a long time i would bounce back and forth from thinking "yup, she surely must dig me", to "yup, i'm in the fucking 'friend zone', i'm just her god damne buddy".
this has caused me more distress and confusion than i could possibly tell you. it got to the point where i just told myself that, well, "if for even half the time i'm picking up a 'just friends' vibe from her, then that's probably all it is, so just give up you poor bastard and move on!"
a few things to consider here...a) i'm quite sure she's a virgin, hasn't dated a whole lot, and her being flirtatious is alot more innocent than it may seem. in other words she genuinely might not be aware of how beguiling and potentially deceitful her behaviour really is. b) although she's definitely not a shy person, i feel that she's very possibly the type of girl who would NOT want to be the one to confess her feelings if she did in fact like me. afterall, i still to this day havent mentioned a word to her about how i actually feel. c) being co-workers, i felt that if in fact she were to reject my feelings towards her, it would just make the process ten times harder and weirder, as i would continue to see her at work every day. I decided to leave this job yesterday, because of some significant reasons un-related to this girl problem actually. so now we don't work together, although i just hung out with her a few hours ago tonight anyway.
ugh. i'll have to stop there for now, as this post is getting longer than i intended it to. i just really dont know what to fucking do about this. i feel like i almost owe it to myself to let her know how i feel, even though realistically there is probably a less than great chance those feelings would be reciprocated. if i told her and it weirded her out or she insisted that we just be friends, im really not sure i could do it. she's an awesome person period, and is definitely a friend worth having...but i will always be attracted to her, especially after feeling this way for months on end. but that's exactly it..i've endured this stress and anxiety for months. something's gotta give, preferrably not my sanity!
oye. for those who stuck through all of that post, thankyou. any opinions, suggestions, humorous anecdotes, jokes, anything...it's all appreciated.
: )
peace.
-------------------- "All but one man died. There at Bitter Creek. And they say he ran awayyy." - A little show called Branded
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Brainiac
Rogue Scientist



Registered: 04/29/06
Posts: 13,259
Loc: 與您的女朋
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Re: just another confused sucker with a girl problem [Re: Soularize]
#7738610 - 12/09/07 10:17 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Ask her! Whats the worse, that could happen. She say no.
If you don't, you will be kicking your ass for the rest of your life.
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Fair is Fair
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boxcarguy07
Uno



Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 3,942
Loc: SC
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Re: just another confused sucker with a girl problem [Re: Soularize]
#7738613 - 12/09/07 10:17 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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you said you hung out, did you hang out by yourselves or in a group?
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Music doesn't stop at the ears when it begins at the heart.
"Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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tsquad
Stranger

Registered: 09/18/06
Posts: 104
Last seen: 13 years, 6 months
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Re: just another confused sucker with a girl problem [Re: boxcarguy07]
#7738641 - 12/09/07 10:25 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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I have the same fucking problem...and worst part about it is that she reminds me of the same path I went down with my ex, the whole excitement only to be let down kind of thing. I think I'm going to ask her to dinner tomorrow...I know she won't say no, I don't know why I haven't done it before but there's still something I'm worried about. I dunno haha
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NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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Re: just another confused sucker with a girl problem [Re: Soularize]
#7738670 - 12/09/07 10:36 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Just tell her. The worst that can happen is that she will tell you she isn't interested. It's not the end of the world. If she's wierd about it, then she's not the girl you thought she was.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: just another confused sucker with a girl problem [Re: Soularize]
#7738681 - 12/09/07 10:39 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hmmmm, what makes you think she's a virgin? How old is she exactly? 
Anyways, ask her. You have NOTHING to lose. Even if she doesn't like you like that, you will know exactly where you're standing and what to do next. It's the uncertainty that keeps bugging you, so, eliminate it.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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HappyTripping
Tranceformer
Registered: 04/16/06
Posts: 119
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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Re: just another confused sucker with a girl problem [Re: MushroomTrip]
#7738698 - 12/09/07 10:42 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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By just scanning your post, I have two words for you: The Game. Go and download some "pickup" material. Do you need an invitation to download torrents at theplace.bz?
-------------------- (Everything written here is the work or genesis of my best buddy's girlfriend's dog's-friend's cat's owner. If it has been written in the first person, the reason has been for clarity.)
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: just another confused sucker with a girl problem [Re: HappyTripping]
#7738742 - 12/09/07 10:52 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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I hope you're kidding
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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Soularize
slanted and enchanted



Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 1,178
Loc: United States
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Re: just another confused sucker with a girl problem [Re: MushroomTrip]
#7738794 - 12/09/07 11:18 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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she's 19. how do i know she's a virgin? well there's a good 90% chance that i'm accurate here. i can just tell. she's very innocent-seeming in that kind of way, and this is also based on several subtle things i've gathered from talking with her.
i'll be honest, i really don't want to hear the words "just friends" in any combination coming out of her mouth if I do ask her. it's true, im basically just living in denial over the fact that her rejecting me is a total possibility. i would be really devastated. it wouldnt be the end of the world at all, but it would honestly feel like it was for some amount of time.
i guess i just have to not be a pussy and let her know. youre right, living in this uncertainty is killing me. but with uncertainty there at least remains some amount of hope; you see, i dont KNOW for certain that she doesnt like me : )
and while it's probably just kidding myself, i guess i tend to think that if i spend more time with her and become even closer with her, that perhaps things could change in my favor. i realize as im typing this how naive and stubborn it sounds lol. god, i bet a million guys go through this exact dilemma...telling themselves to just hang on and maybe, possibly, with a little luck, she'll see me in a different light.
shit. i'd better get this over with and just tell her. i feel a loss of my own dignity just from stressing and complaining so much about this crap.
-------------------- "All but one man died. There at Bitter Creek. And they say he ran awayyy." - A little show called Branded
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RandalFlagg
Stranger

Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
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Re: just another confused sucker with a girl problem [Re: Soularize]
#7738885 - 12/10/07 12:05 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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You need to ratchet up the contact. But, you can't take it so far that if you got shot down you will be devastated. Try putting hands on shoulders, increase the flirting, etc.. Is she responds it looks like she's giving you the green light. If she doesn't like it and gets weird then you didn't do anything too embarrassing.
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HappyTripping
Tranceformer
Registered: 04/16/06
Posts: 119
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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Re: just another confused sucker with a girl problem [Re: MushroomTrip]
#7740048 - 12/10/07 11:17 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Why would I kid about self-development and becoming more of a man who's attractive to women? 
(By the way, if you're confused because you saw a picture of a kid skateboarding at theplace.bz...that's just the cover. A fake front page.)
It's a great tracker; the "how to pick up chicks" material there is fine, but gets old and repetitive. The site is really a gold mine for self-mastery, meditation, hypnosis and NLP products, which is where is really shines. I've got one invite left if anyone is interested and will make good of it, just PM me.
Anyway, go ahead and tell her Soularize. You'll just end up killing yourself if ya don't.
-------------------- (Everything written here is the work or genesis of my best buddy's girlfriend's dog's-friend's cat's owner. If it has been written in the first person, the reason has been for clarity.)
Edited by HappyTripping (12/10/07 11:26 AM)
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