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g00ru
lit pants tit licker



Registered: 08/09/07
Posts: 21,088
Loc: georgia, us
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Extremely Sad and Frustrating
#7737455 - 12/09/07 05:24 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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I love mushrooms. I love weed. I love LSD. I love psychedelics in general. I love what they've done for my life and I love tripping. I can't get enough of the sheer amount of intellectual possibilities tripping has opened up for me. But I think I have to stop.
A while ago I found out that my grandfather was a raging schizo. I already knew that my mother suffered from depression. My last shroom trip, I freaked out thinking that I was gonna go schizo. I'm pretty sure it was just a bad trip (I did hear voices but hey I was tripping), but it was still scary as hell. Since then I've been paying much more attention to my own thoughts. This is good in that I am much more self aware, but bad in that, as another shroomery poster has said, I feel like I may be 'thinking myself insanse.'
Last night, I got really, really high. And even under the normally docile effects of marijuana, I started freaking out thinking I was hearing voices. I wasn't really, it was obvious that these 'voices' were just thoughts, but they seemed 'louder' than normal. I realized, this could be how Schizophrenia starts. And that scares the hell out of me.
So, I have to stop. I'm not sure if I have any sort of problem at all, but either way theres no way I'll be able to trip without completely thinking I'm insane. I'm going to take at least a year off of all tripping, and going to severely limit my weed use, and how high I get when I do smoke. I'm going to try to transmit my mental energy away from drugs and towards knowledge in general.
I'd still like to come back to it when I am more secure. Has anybody reading this had to do something like this, and, more importantly, does taking an extended leave of absence make tripping in the future possible and enjoyable again, or is it ruined for me forever?
-------------------- check out my music! drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss
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RonaldFuckingPaul
Our Dear Leader



Registered: 10/31/07
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Re: Extremely Sad and Frustrating [Re: g00ru]
#7737471 - 12/09/07 05:28 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Take some acid to sort out your thoughts
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Ness1
Spreading myinvisible wings


Registered: 10/01/07
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Re: Extremely Sad and Frustrating [Re: g00ru]
#7737480 - 12/09/07 05:30 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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That sucks, bro. Personally, I'd say (from an objective POV) that if it hasn't happened yet, it likely won't. But I can totally understand your desire to quit since from a subjective POV, you're probably scared shitless for your own sanity. Good luck in the future. Happy future tripping!
-------------------- I know what they'll find, it's in their mind, it's what they want to see. Spare me from the light, here comes the night and here I'll stay, waiting for darkness.
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TypicalTripper
CannabisCuddling Canuck



Registered: 03/24/07
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I think it might be dangerous for you to trip if you have instances of schizophrenia in your family tree. On the other hand , you appear to make this worse for yourself as you're constantly thinking about the fact you might go crazy, so when you ARE actually tripping , well that's where your trip is oriented.
my 2 cents :P
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im_on_a_boat
Stranger

Registered: 04/06/06
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Re: Extremely Sad and Frustrating [Re: g00ru]
#7737482 - 12/09/07 05:30 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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what you need to do is chill out on the weed and pretty much everything..
dont smoke weed at all and just go easy with the mushies is what i would say..
works for me..
although, if you are feeling it's a good idea to quit altogether, do that. nothing wrong with that.
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mushroomplume
Stranger

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do whatever you gotta do man
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g00ru
lit pants tit licker



Registered: 08/09/07
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Quote:
TypicalTripper said: I think it might be dangerous for you to trip if you have instances of schizophrenia in your family tree. On the other hand , you appear to make this worse for yourself as you're constantly thinking about the fact you might go crazy, so when you ARE actually tripping , well that's where your trip is oriented.
my 2 cents :P
Exactly. I know that theres a 95% chance that I'm just scared, that 'the only thing to fear is fear itself,' but on the other hand I realize that I can barely tell myself this while sober, just imagine how hard it would be while tripping.
Basically I've come to the conclusion that I'm just gonna have to give this some time and not trip until I am 100% secure in my own mental well-being, and furthermore my ability to maintain mental well being while doing psychedelics (in moderation of course). Hopefully, this day will arrive some time in the future, but if it doesn't, I'm completely willing to sacrifice drugs for sanity's sake.
And just fyi, telling somebody 'don't trip your family has schizophrenia' doesn't help much. I know that, I've read the erowid warnings, what I really want is help from somebody who's been there.
edit: On the bright side, I enjoy talking about the psychedelic experience almost as much as I do actually experiencing it, so at least I'll always have the ol' shroomery.
-------------------- check out my music! drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss
Edited by g00ru (12/09/07 05:46 PM)
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vamyco
learningpatience



Registered: 11/30/07
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Re: Extremely Sad and Frustrating [Re: mushroomplume]
#7737544 - 12/09/07 05:50 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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If mental illness runs in your family, then you should definetly stop using ASAP. You are having these thoughts and will continue to do so because deep down inside, you know it: it can have and adverse effect on you which will be permenant and ruin the rest of your life.
I also love weed and mushrooms, and I know I have to and will stop using at some point (for reasons unlike yours).
So, be strong and smart and do what's right for YOU. Good luck.
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TypicalTripper
CannabisCuddling Canuck



Registered: 03/24/07
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Re: Extremely Sad and Frustrating [Re: g00ru]
#7737564 - 12/09/07 05:56 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
guruu said:
And just fyi, telling somebody 'don't trip your family has schizophrenia' doesn't help much. I know that, I've read the erowid warnings
I'm just trying to give you my point of view. Of course you can go on and take the drugs, you only have a higher chance to become schizo... what I mean is that you have to choose whether or not, for you, that possibility is worth stopping your drug consumption. I think you could find your fun elsewhere, and by the way you explained things earlier, you certainly have already enjoyed them ( and probably learned from them ) a great deal.
Peace
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g00ru
lit pants tit licker



Registered: 08/09/07
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Re: Extremely Sad and Frustrating [Re: vamyco]
#7737566 - 12/09/07 05:57 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
vamyco said: If mental illness runs in your family, then you should definetly stop using ASAP. You are having these thoughts and will continue to do so because deep down inside, you know it: it can have and adverse effect on you which will be permenant and ruin the rest of your life.
I'd prefer not to think of it in ultimatums, from what I've read there is always hope for a full recovery. But you're right, I should stop using, at least for now. My age is kind of the problem area for mental illness, so i should get out of the fire for a bit.
I honestly do not think schizophrenia is genetic, I think my knowledge that my grandfather was schizo is what freaks me out, and too much freaking out can definitely make you schizo. If I had never known that schizophrenia was an option for me, I think I would never have worried at all and never even begun what could be a possible development of it. BTW I do not think I have it, I don't have any paranoid delusions and am quite secure in what reality is.
-------------------- check out my music! drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss
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Ness1
Spreading myinvisible wings


Registered: 10/01/07
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Re: Extremely Sad and Frustrating [Re: g00ru]
#7737571 - 12/09/07 05:59 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Schizophrenia is a very muddled and meaningless word, really. Schizophrenia really describes a number of conditions. Schizophrenia is falling out of fashion in the medical community and the actual, individual disorders are being diagnosed instead. Just FYI.
-------------------- I know what they'll find, it's in their mind, it's what they want to see. Spare me from the light, here comes the night and here I'll stay, waiting for darkness.
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notapillow
I want to be a fisherman



Registered: 09/29/03
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Re: Extremely Sad and Frustrating [Re: g00ru]
#7737575 - 12/09/07 06:01 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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i was a diegnosed manic depressive at age 8 i still trip all the time. i dont listen to doctors ins sweater vests 
only you can decide what is right but there is nothing to fear. i mean it sounds like you pretty much know nothing about skitzophrenia exept it makes you "hear people" being a skitzo is a huge, HUGE laundry list of ifs ands and buts
it mens very little to alot of people. for others it is there whole life
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newlife
Raging Anamorphist



Registered: 02/08/07
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Re: Extremely Sad and Frustrating [Re: g00ru]
#7737611 - 12/09/07 06:10 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Definitely dont allow yourself to think your going crazy. Also schizophrenia usually occurs at a younger age...usually, there are exceptions. I suggest reading up on it, and definitely figuring out when your grandpa started.
Next suggestion I make to you is regarding weed. Your right to limit your use, but it is least likely to trigger anything, but it can so be careful. However, it is prone to panic attacks, and bad thoughts can lead to bad trips which is why your hearing voices.
Also, correct me if Im wrong but if your going to get a mental disorder then you will. Psychedelics will only bring it out. However, I also believe it might make existing ones worse.
So, I leave you with my two cents on the issue. Be smart, I think an abstinence is a good thing. At least as you sort everything out. Once you figure it all out you should be able to return. I would definitely look into your family tree history. See when it started. Again most likely if you dont have it now, it makes it less likely youll ever get it (especially with your drug history, it most likely would have shown up by now)
Be safe man, cheers
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notapillow
I want to be a fisherman



Registered: 09/29/03
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Re: Extremely Sad and Frustrating [Re: newlife]
#7737682 - 12/09/07 06:28 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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i know someone who did go nuts dude to latent skitzoness. that he never knew about. his parents did but neve rtold him. hes more just a unstable kind of guy to be honest. but yeah he thought he was god and went on a mission to go kill the devil (his freind across town) so he headed out the door with a knife at like 3 in the am
just be carful and dont do that
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g00ru
lit pants tit licker



Registered: 08/09/07
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Re: Extremely Sad and Frustrating [Re: notapillow]
#7737744 - 12/09/07 06:39 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
notapillow said: i know someone who did go nuts dude to latent skitzoness. that he never knew about. his parents did but neve rtold him. hes more just a unstable kind of guy to be honest. but yeah he thought he was god and went on a mission to go kill the devil (his freind across town) so he headed out the door with a knife at like 3 in the am
just be carful and dont do that
Kinda funny you should say this. Last night when I was freaking, I thought 'You know, if I believed in an sort of god I might think I was possessed by the devil. Good thing for logic.' I learned that one of the only things I'm truly positive about is that there is no God, which may be arrogant, but still helpful IMHO in a situation like this.
Yeah, I'll keep in mind not to kill my friends.
Unless they deserve it.
-------------------- check out my music! drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss
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notapillow
I want to be a fisherman



Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 31,129
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Re: Extremely Sad and Frustrating [Re: g00ru]
#7737788 - 12/09/07 06:49 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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he was fine by the way. he ended up just walking home to his mom i wasent there but the story was widly circulated.
any way best wishes man "bad trips" tripping is about the trasfiguration of your every day perspective, you. into a world without boundires. everything is one. god and devil. happy and sad. good and bad. if a trip gets too heavy for you sitting breathing is honsesly your best bet. it takes alot of experience
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Seventy
equanimitor



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Re: Extremely Sad and Frustrating [Re: notapillow]
#7737974 - 12/09/07 07:48 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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it was fear of myself that made me odd
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learningtofly
Ancient Aliens



Registered: 05/21/07
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Re: Extremely Sad and Frustrating [Re: Seventy]
#7738159 - 12/09/07 08:33 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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I had the same thing happen awhile ago, just lay off for awhile. And yes, my family does have a mental history as well. I think yer gonna be fine
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