|
Walter1496211
Window Washer



Registered: 09/09/07
Posts: 639
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
|
Numbness in my soul?
#7731611 - 12/08/07 01:18 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
|
|
Does anyone know what it feels like to spend your life in a constant state of numbness? (From Alcohol or Drugs)
-------------------- you see the world through the window of your experience
|
MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
|
|
Can you perhaps provide with more details?
--------------------
   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
|
Walter1496211
Window Washer



Registered: 09/09/07
Posts: 639
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
|
|
I just find myself Numb always from one substance or another. I wonder what kind of person that makes me and if I am somehow crippled by this experience.
-------------------- you see the world through the window of your experience
|
MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
|
|
What kind of a person you are is for you to find out.  Perhaps it is what you need right now - to feel numb. I am sorry but you'll have to write more than a line so I can figure our what is it that you want.
--------------------
   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
|
Walter1496211
Window Washer



Registered: 09/09/07
Posts: 639
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
|
|
I am not really looking for anything just curious about the lifestyle I live and the experience of others who share it. Why do we seek numbness out of all the creatures on earth why are we not happy with reality? What is the point of altering our consciousness? Does it gain us some greater knowledge does it guide us to greater truths? And when we find these great truths does that absolve us from the desire to become numb to make absent our feelings and seek a place of indifference? As the world around us makes war and we seek the spirit of our lives and a word to define our existence in the form of a God or an Ideal who guides us and why do we choose to turn our faces from this duty to become greater people? Will I one day be held accountable for choosing indifference rather than conviction? Conviction in living a life to the greatest benefit. And who will define benefit for me? what does it mean to become greater? Does it mean to conform or to seek a sense of self?
-------------------- you see the world through the window of your experience
|
daytripper23
?


Registered: 06/22/05
Posts: 3,595
Loc:
|
|
I know this is somewhat a cliche, but listen to The Wall, by Pink Floyd.
|
MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
|
|
Do we seek numbness? I think that "we" is a too much ambiguous term. Who's "altering" whose consciousness?  Are we talking about drugs? How do you know that they alter it? Maybe they increase it. Maybe they give it a new meaning. Consciousness is everything. How can everything be altered when the term of everything already implies all the possible modifications within it? Maybe you want to say, our fixed minds modify. Our identity. But then the discussion gets a totally new direction. Feels like a typical case of feeling guilt because of using drugs. To understand what you're looking for you have to understand your reasons first, otherwise you risk of driving... from the back seat.
--------------------
   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
|
Walter1496211
Window Washer



Registered: 09/09/07
Posts: 639
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
|
|
it might be true that I feel guilt.. but not for using drugs or drinking alcohol but I feel like maybe I do drive from the back seat maybe I am a slave to indifference it protects me from my duty.. I am glad that I am seeing that now maybe that is what I was looking for from the beginning.
-------------------- you see the world through the window of your experience
|
MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
|
|
And what is your duty? Perhaps it is just an illusion and therefore not something that's right for you. That could explain why you're "running" away from it. I've learned that everything that is duty or has similar connotations is just a big pile of bull shit.
--------------------
   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
|
Walter1496211
Window Washer



Registered: 09/09/07
Posts: 639
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
|
|
My duty to give to others... I feel like my selfishness has caused me to ignore my ability and duty to serve those who suffer it seems pathetic and cliche but in my reality I serve myself by serving others. I guess I could be running because I feel inadequate and unable to satisfy the needs of others or to succeed in helping them to the fullest.
-------------------- you see the world through the window of your experience
|
MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
|
|
I am sorry to break it down to you like that, but it really sounds like a social/religious imprint to me. It is a messianic complex, something that is more spread that one might expect. It is also a natural response to the social flaws. What makes you think that you have this duty? Can you locate the roots of this impulse?
--------------------
   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
|
NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
|
|
It isn't a duty to give to others, and when it is regarded as a duty it's insincere. Giving to others is something to be done out of the fullness of one's heart, because it makes you feel good to engage in reciprocal, caring relationships or because you passionately wish to make a difference in someone's life.
If you are too bound up in avoiding having to face your own suffering, guilt and struggle, than you won't have anything to give anyone else. I imagine you numb yourself because there are things within you trying to come to consciousness that you don't want to face. I recommend committing to facing yourself, no matter what you find, and processing it. Don't feel guilty for what you find, and know that you are capable of changing yourself and cultivating the kind of person you want to be. Wading through the mire is worth it-- for the epic view you find on the other side. My advice is to stop hiding from yourself.
|
Walter1496211
Window Washer



Registered: 09/09/07
Posts: 639
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
|
Re: Numbness in my soul? [Re: NiamhNyx]
#7731815 - 12/08/07 02:51 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
|
|
-------------------- you see the world through the window of your experience
|
Walter1496211
Window Washer



Registered: 09/09/07
Posts: 639
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
|
|
I just have to say that I have seen many therapists and nothing can compare to the reality that the shroomery members provide. Its really hard to find people who tell you how it is and don't add sugar there is something to be said for this community
-------------------- you see the world through the window of your experience
|
MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
|
|
It's a really great thing that you appreciate honesty. As Nia said, maybe it's about time to take your own advice and become honest with yourself.
--------------------
   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
|
Walter1496211
Window Washer



Registered: 09/09/07
Posts: 639
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
|
|
Emotion may be the injection of education for the soul. So I will seek that which challenges my understanding.
-------------------- you see the world through the window of your experience
|
Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
|
|
Quote:
Walter1496211 said: Does anyone know what it feels like to spend your life in a constant state of numbness? (From Alcohol or Drugs)
Alcohol and drugs are not necessary to live in a state of numbness. Anything can be used. It seems a large part of civilized life for humans. You're not different except in some degree.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
|
mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
|
Re: Numbness in my soul? [Re: Icelander]
#7732240 - 12/08/07 08:30 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
|
|
MushroomTrip,
aren't you a girl?
girls are super neat btw, I just wanted to know if you were one of them.
|
Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
|
|
S&P---- the dating forum.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
|
mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
|
Re: Numbness in my soul? [Re: Icelander]
#7732260 - 12/08/07 08:42 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Icelander said: S&P---- the dating forum.
What's S&P mean?
WE HAVE A DATING FORUM?!
|
dsquaredccubed
age askyew
Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 26
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
|
|
diussociation is a fun form of escape, cant seem to make it stick pre death yet, will try again though. maybe we'll see each other in the aether.. sometimes I pop up behind peoples ears as a gnome, othertimes a n astral body in dreams, shit ill sit on the couch next to you while you spliffin g
-------------------- cuwn1cu "You, Lynard Skinnard-hat and Me, little kitty Sat across with a velvet jacket Wild orange hair and dark, dark eyes I gawked like a twelve-year-old - smitten Carla the stripper, straight from L.A. You seem cool for a naked chick in a booth Let's be pals some day In other words,..
|
Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
|
|
It's a secret forum and you aren't invited. Sorry.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
|
dsquaredccubed
age askyew
Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 26
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
|
Re: Numbness in my soul? [Re: Icelander]
#7732269 - 12/08/07 08:46 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
|
|
word to wire mother
-------------------- cuwn1cu "You, Lynard Skinnard-hat and Me, little kitty Sat across with a velvet jacket Wild orange hair and dark, dark eyes I gawked like a twelve-year-old - smitten Carla the stripper, straight from L.A. You seem cool for a naked chick in a booth Let's be pals some day In other words,..
|
mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
|
Re: Numbness in my soul? [Re: Icelander]
#7732295 - 12/08/07 08:59 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Icelander said: It's a secret forum and you aren't invited. Sorry.
FUCK
|
dsquaredccubed
age askyew
Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 26
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
|
|
shit the club imof even allow z gerbils with batteries for brains to have the floor, elitist efreetism jah still byearning
-------------------- cuwn1cu "You, Lynard Skinnard-hat and Me, little kitty Sat across with a velvet jacket Wild orange hair and dark, dark eyes I gawked like a twelve-year-old - smitten Carla the stripper, straight from L.A. You seem cool for a naked chick in a booth Let's be pals some day In other words,..
|
mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
|
|
Quote:
dsquaredccubed said: shit the club imof even allow z gerbils with batteries for brains to have the floor, elitist efreetism jah still byearning
I guess I'm not the only one who eats paint thinner around here.
|
Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
|
|
Yeah, but you can handle it.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
|
MarkostheGnostic
Elder


Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 2 days
|
|
"I am not really looking for anything just curious about the lifestyle I live and the experience of others who share it."
Oh, you mean the lifestyle of a drug addict/alcoholic? How about these descriptors?: Dysfunctional, pathological, manipulative, emotionally stunted, parasitical, criminal, irresponsible, narcissistic, selfish, spiritually unawakened and dangerous to self and others (particularly if one drives). When did you ever come to regard mental illness, self-imposed as addiction is, to be a "lifestyle"? If anything it is a 'deathstyle.'
|
elbisivni
Registered: 10/01/06
Posts: 2,839
|
|
Quote:
oliveplume said:
Quote:
dsquaredccubed said: shit the club imof even allow z gerbils with batteries for brains to have the floor, elitist efreetism jah still byearning
I guess I'm not the only one who eats paint thinner around here.

Quote:
Icelander said: Yeah, but you can handle it.
-------------------- From dust you are made and to dust you shall return.
|
Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
|
|
Quote:
MarkostheGnostic said: "I am not really looking for anything just curious about the lifestyle I live and the experience of others who share it."
Oh, you mean the lifestyle of a drug addict/alcoholic? How about these descriptors?: Dysfunctional, pathological, manipulative, emotionally stunted, parasitical, criminal, irresponsible, narcissistic, selfish, spiritually unawakened and dangerous to self and others (particularly if one drives). When did you ever come to regard mental illness, self-imposed as addiction is, to be a "lifestyle"? If anything it is a 'deathstyle.'
Ouch.
Well It seems to be the western lifestyle to a great extent.:(
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
|
NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
|
|
Quote:
Walter1496211 said: I just have to say that I have seen many therapists and nothing can compare to the reality that the shroomery members provide. Its really hard to find people who tell you how it is and don't add sugar there is something to be said for this community
I'm glad you took my terribly blunt advice so well. These days I'm running with the 'tough love' tell-it-how-it-is approach and it seems to be a good one. The best advice anyone ever gave me was to stop feeling sorry for myself and it's stuck, and has made a major difference in the quality of my emotional life. Good luck with working through things, and don't forget that this forum is always around if you need a reality check or a sympathetic ear. Therapists are great, but they often try and bring you to realizing things for yourself rather than just bluntly telling you whats up. This is not a bad strategy, it just takes a lot more time. Sometimes a kick in the pants is really what a person needs.
|
Ozekat
Cosmic Observer



Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 186
Loc: Kentucky
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
|
Re: Numbness in my soul? [Re: NiamhNyx]
#7737003 - 12/09/07 02:52 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
|
|
great advice here 
I will numb myself on occasion simply because it is easy and alleviates having to think about anything too deeply. Opiates seem to be a great detour with drastically shitty side effects down the road, not to mention the potential for true addiction.
When I don't want to care I snort a lortab. Actually drinking alcohol for me usually brings to the front and out in the open my underlying emotional troubles. Alcohol is a numbing agent in ways but I find myself under hypnotic spells of depression while under its influence about 70% of the time I actively take it in.
I see it clearly as day, especially when applied to my life. When you want to feel numb or are exacerbating said feelings you're running from yourself and your faults.
Abstinence from drugs and alcohol may be one alternative you haven't considered yet, I don't know. But keeping a clear, vivid mindset will REALLY bring the focus on what certain things in your life that are REALLY fucked up.
Partaking in consciousness-dwindling psychoactives, I believe, does not teach one much of anything in the long run. Psychedelics are a totally different universe, they intensify that which exists and shows through the most elaborate ways all the thousands of different angles to approach problems.
At times these insights can be coupled with fear and anxiety at facing the reality of your ego and overall existence. Even cripplingly so, I have found myself here a number of times.
I think the bad trips teach me more about myself than the good.
-------------------- Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. - Chinese Proverb
Beauty & Simplicity
|
krin
Stranger


Registered: 11/20/04
Posts: 370
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
|
Re: Numbness in my soul? [Re: Ozekat]
#7737746 - 12/09/07 06:40 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
|
|
"I guess I could be running because I feel inadequate and unable to satisfy the needs of others or to succeed in helping them to the fullest. "
It is harder to heal others if you are injured, desperate or exhausted spiritually. You have to nurture some power, either harnessed in belief of self, love of natures true transformations, the relationship there is between conscious bodies, just draw and support and transmit energy, in anything you do. There are no rules except when there is a specifically designated direction/goal to your actions, which is usually bounded in the deepest "center" of your memories and soul. For love, country, success, or just the evasion of inadequate feelings, or the fulfillment of other's expectations, the nature of the energies you bring into fruition, compassionate, mathematical, religious/spiritual will be amplified by the very notion of thier power, that they self-propegate thier beauty if you are true to them. Energy amplifies/complexifies itself through truthful/accurate reactions.
All spirituality revolves around this core of "energetic experiences". To conduct through the vessel of soul the power of the universe. "scientific" formulation,religious revelations, drug experiences, altered states, tragic/traumatic jarring experiences, bring a soul into a vortex of critical and overwhelming energies. These complexs of energy serve as different events or modulators in the ever birthing form of crystalized physical reality, effecting the most outfitted facet of the universe with new pathways of developement of the "universal vibrations of the soul", to reach out with technology, with religious triumph, with counterreactions to destruction.
Edited by krin (12/09/07 06:48 PM)
|
blkjkrabbit

Registered: 07/22/07
Posts: 4,971
|
Re: Numbness in my soul? [Re: krin]
#7738051 - 12/09/07 08:10 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
|
|
good food for thought in this thread...
|
|