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Offlinerobbyberto
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Biggest douche nominations
    #7730857 - 12/07/07 11:45 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Focus: Nominate whoever you think is the biggest douche bag in the world.

My nomination: John Fitzgerald. He happens to live about five minutes away from me. I ought to look him up.
______________________________________________________



We are given to understand (hey, who makes this kind of shit up?) that the following email correspondence took place between John and some lady. "So I winked at this guy on Match. Should have known better considering his screen name was "IvyLeagueAlum." He responds with the following email...

I live in a 31 story high rise condominium, right in the middle of the Buckhead nightlife district. Do you ever come to this area of town to shop/go out/visit/explore?

I went to an Ivy League school - the University of Pennsylvania - for my undergraduate degree in economics and my graduate degree in management (Wharton School of Business). Where did you go to school?

What activities do you currently participate in to stay in shape? I work out 4 times a week at LA Fitness. Do you exercise regularly? I am 6 feet tall, 185 pounds - what about yourself? I am truly sorry if that sounds rude, impolite or even downright crass, but I have been deceived before by inaccurate representations so I prefer someone be upfront and honest on initial contact...

I do mergers & acquisitions (corporate finance) for Limited Brands (Bath & Body Works, Victoria's Secret, etc). Enjoy any of our stores/divisions?

Do you have any other recent pictures you care to share? I have many others if you care to see them.

Regards,

John
[email redacted]

"So," the lady writes, "I in turn send him a polite "No Thanks" thru the Match system which sends him the following email: 'Thanks for writing to me, but unfortunately, we're just not a good match. Good luck in your search! Our Portraits didn't match on: A. Personality'" A spurned and brokenhearted John wrote back, less robotically but no less douchily.

I think you forgot how this works. You hit on me, and therefore have to impress ME and pass MY criteria and standards - not vice versa. 6 pictures of just your head and your inability to answer a simple question lets me know one thing. You are not in shape. I am a trainer on the side, in fact, I am heading to the gym in 26 minutes!

So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don't blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel's Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren't any more of those!


Regards,

John

______________________________________________________

The article is here but I also suggest visiting his personal website .
Special mention goes to Joey Carrera.

More about him here.


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“People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington



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InvisibleRandalFlagg
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Registered: 06/15/02
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Re: Biggest douche nominations [Re: robbyberto]
    #7730864 - 12/07/07 11:48 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Wow...what a douche.


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InvisibleSilversoul
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Re: Biggest douche nominations [Re: robbyberto]
    #7730870 - 12/07/07 11:50 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I say Sean Hannity. He's just begging to get that smug look wiped off his face.


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InvisibleEternalCowabunga
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Re: Biggest douche nominations [Re: robbyberto]
    #7730878 - 12/07/07 11:52 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I feel like I should give this some thought before I post, there are some serious douches in this world.. but just off the top of my head:

Dr. Phil
David Letterman

edit: Sean Hannity is definitely a douche


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InvisibleSilversoul
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Re: Biggest douche nominations [Re: EternalCowabunga]
    #7730888 - 12/07/07 11:54 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I'd also like to nominate Jim Rome. I didn't know who he was until I worked with some people who listened to his morning sports radio show. Man, what an arrogant douche.


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Offlinerobbyberto
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Re: Biggest douche nominations [Re: Silversoul]
    #7730891 - 12/07/07 11:55 PM (13 years, 5 months ago)

I don't know man. John is pretty douchey.


" I started in "the business" years ago modeling for Wright Models during high school. I used my 98th percentile score on the SAT & ACT to acquire a Mensa membership then combined that with my 97th percentile G.P.A. to go on to a five star collegiate program.



I was educated at the University of Pennsylvania, an Ivy League institution founded in 1740 by Benjamin Franklin - the oldest university in the nation. I was social chairman of a football fraternity, published/edited the humor magazine and took classes at the Wharton School of Business (perennially ranked #1 in the world).



I have worked & consulted for several Fortune 500 companies, including Time Warner, USA Today, GTE, Sprint, Pitney Bowes & Limited Brands. I have saved 2 of these companies almost $1 million dollars combined. I was the financial analyst during the $680 million dollar initial public offering of Intimate Brands (includes Victoria's Secret and Bath & Body Works) and also created a $22 million budget from scratch for them."

I always thought O'Riley was a huge douche also.


--------------------
“People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington



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InvisibleCaptainH13
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Re: Biggest douche nominations [Re: robbyberto]
    #7730961 - 12/08/07 12:11 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Wow,Now that guy is a mother fucking douche. He's in Buckhead? I feel like i should have a picture of him if i ever head into that shithole just so i can commit some kind of vicious assault.


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InvisiblePremedman1
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Re: Biggest douche nominations [Re: robbyberto]
    #7730992 - 12/08/07 12:17 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)



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Build a man a fire, he is warm for the night. Set a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.


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Offlinerobbyberto
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Re: Biggest douche nominations [Re: CaptainH13]
    #7731005 - 12/08/07 12:20 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Is that a surprise? I really do live right next to this guy. About three minutes down the road from me, although I do NOT live in Buckhead (thank god). Also, Mitt Romney is a enormous douche bag. Just look at him. This video highlights Romney's douchiness.


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“People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington



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OfflineRonaldFuckingPaul
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Re: Biggest douche nominations [Re: Silversoul]
    #7731176 - 12/08/07 01:00 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Silversoul said:
I say Sean Hannity. He's just begging to get that smug look wiped off his face.




Yea sean is faggy, as is Bill O'reilly that fucking cunt bag!!


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Invisiblescout24
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Re: Biggest douche nominations [Re: robbyberto]
    #7731249 - 12/08/07 01:24 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

A message from John Fitzgerald to you:

"Every single piece of my life has been put up for scrutiny.  I only ask this - do you feel the punishment is worth the crime?  An overnight internet pariah for sending a girl a personal email?  Everything I have ever worked for in my life has been sullied in one day, by one person, whom I have never met.  Before you cast the next stone - would you like your life ruined over anything you have ever said, written, texted or photographed?  My reputation is all I have.  It has been severely damaged and can never be repaired.  I cannot fight an overwhelming army of bloggers whom I HAVE NEVER MET.  My future grandkids will be able to read about this on the internet 50 years from now.  This is the time when my true friends will step forward."

From the 'Media' section of his website.

When I started reading his email response I thought it was an American Psycho excerpt.  :laugh:


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Always
Be
Closing


Edited by scout24 (12/08/07 01:25 AM)


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Offlinerobbyberto
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Re: Biggest douche nominations [Re: RonaldFuckingPaul]
    #7731251 - 12/08/07 01:25 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Whoever took the pair of pants that I donated out of the Goodwill box, I will hunt you down and shit under your pillow. Thats such a douchy move. Seriously, would you guys EVER consider taking clothes out a donation box? These people go to a private university and no doubt are self entitled rich kids and one of them had the gall to steal pants out of a clothing drive box. If I ever see the mother fucker wearing my pants I will beat the piss out of them and take my pants back. Fucker.


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“People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington



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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Registered: 06/25/01
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Re: Biggest douche nominations [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #7731342 - 12/08/07 01:59 AM (13 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

RandalFlagg said:
Wow...what a douche.




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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


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