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indica


Registered: 08/17/05
Posts: 18,905
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Melbournites are retarded, and other things
#7722887 - 12/06/07 01:28 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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As of Tuesday, I've been down here with a crew of mostly Melbournites doing my AMSA certificate (for those that care, AMSA is a globally recognised sea safety certificate that will allow me to get a job in offshore work on any vessel anywhere in the world).
One thing completely spun me out... of the 10 Melbournites I am with, they have never heard mainland Australia referred to as "the mainland". I'm not sure if this phenomenon extends out past Victoria (Vic. probably being the only state in Australia where the majority of the population have their heads actually breaching their intestines in terms of cranio-rectal inversion (head in ass syndrome)) or if it's just I happen to be hanging with a bunch of strangely ignorant Victorians, either way, it astonished me when this girl started freaking out like I was the weird one when I said "do you guys have *such and such* on the mainland?". She looked at me and said "what the fuck is the mainland?"
Another thing that has become apparent to me is that Indians have the driest sense of humour on earth, and as do the Scottish. Although the Scottish sense of humour cracks me up in it's simple farm-child obliviously unwitty manner, it's still dry as a bone. I've no idea why I chose to share that, but we had a Scottish lecturer who cracked some of the stupidest puns I'd ever heard, but their delivery was gold.
Irrelevance. I suck at story telling.
But if you're on Mainland Australis, and you've never heard of your gay-ass hunk of land referred to as "the mainland", then you are obviously severely retarded and should not be allowed to leave your stupid city until you understand that not everyone should suck your balls and send you our precious, life giving water in return for our own terminology of your shitty territory. (read: mostly melbournites)
I'll be damned if I'm ever giving up my 45 minute showers so some chicken shit Melbournite, who hangs shit on me anyway as an "inbred convict two headed country hick" can water his fucking rose bushes, or wash his fucking V8 Clubsport, or not have to worry about getting a rainwater tank (which you are completely fucking sideways if you refuse to anyway. I was told that they would be in trouble for getting rainwater tanks because "it was robbing the catchments of rainwater". And they were stupid enough to believe them) . Go to hell, Melbourne... I hope all your shitty plants die.
But anyway, as you call us "inbreds", we call you mainlanders, which goes to show we are a much kinder, lenient and more peaceful people than you Anglo-Greco-Arabian-Afro-Sino-Italian-American assholes could ever be. I would rather live here in my green pastures than in a place where:
a) my girlfriend will get her drink spiked and she will be raped by a pack of blood thirsty footballers. At a coffee shop.
b) my car will get stolen and/or burnt out by a bunch of Sudanese crack heads
c) I will get stabbed by Africans or Asians or crack heads at the train stations
d) my dog will get shot by the postman or eaten by crackheads
e) I will be late every fucking day because your public transport system is about as efficient as trying to ram shit back up my own ass, as it is operated by crackheads. Plus, your roadways are congested like I have never seen, and have convinced me that high density population areas are for insecure people who are afraid of the dark and need someone to hold their hands while they poop.
f) I will not be able to distinguish between my parking fees and electricity bill.
g) my boss/workmates/friends/associates have a 50% chance of being involved in organised crime syndicates or being crackheads
h) my neighbours are illegal immigrants who use my family as firewood and think my washing line is a tool for executions in aid of Shariah law.
i) I cannot walk more than 20m through the CBD without being hounded by alcoholic aborginal homeless dudes asking me for a 'moke or any notes I may have.
j) I can't have a shower long enough to beat off in
k) I can't buy a single fucking thing without needing an interpreter for about 20 different languages to help me purchase a freakin can of coke
l) all my neighbours within a 20km radius will be registered sex offendors or crackheads
m) my kids will be educated by hookers and crackheads in a public school where the median IQ is .5ug of heroin in the bloodstream. Education is refferred to as "knowin' shit"
n) my lord mayor will barely be able to speak a word of english (last time I checked)
o) my taxes will be spent on erecting useless, overpriced, oversized 'impressionistic artworks' designed and constructed by boho hippie acid head fucking university twits along the freeways because commuters think the roads are 'too boring' and would just love to be distracted on their way to work in their drug-induced zombified state, causing yet more accidents for the Herald Sun to have a whinge about.
p) The Premier of the state can't even raise his own children, as they are a family of alcoholics and quite possibly crack heads (old news, I know... but it's still hilarious)
q) There is an ass-load of crackheads
The list goes on.
Anyway... Melbourne the most liveable city in the world? yes, if you are an anarchist, crackhead or just completely retarded. I'd rather be married to my sister.
That is all for now. Wish me luck on my AMSA course. And pardon all the expletives in this. Thankyou.
Edited by indica (12/06/07 03:08 AM)
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DieCommie


Registered: 12/11/03
Posts: 29,258
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Re: Melbournites are retarded, and other things [Re: indica]
#7723028 - 12/06/07 02:42 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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what? I cant understand your accent...
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indica


Registered: 08/17/05
Posts: 18,905
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Re: Melbournites are retarded, and other things [Re: DieCommie]
#7723054 - 12/06/07 03:09 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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LOLZ
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TurntableJunky
Ethno Grower



Registered: 04/26/07
Posts: 4,742
Loc: Sydney
Last seen: 15 years, 9 months
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Re: Melbournites are retarded, and other things [Re: indica]
#7723078 - 12/06/07 04:20 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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lol Ive heard of people from tasmania calling it the mainland but I would never refer to where I live as the mainland.
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indica


Registered: 08/17/05
Posts: 18,905
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Re: Melbournites are retarded, and other things [Re: TurntableJunky]
#7723082 - 12/06/07 04:27 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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i know, but the ignorance was amazing
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indica


Registered: 08/17/05
Posts: 18,905
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Re: Melbournites are retarded, and other things [Re: indica]
#7723089 - 12/06/07 04:35 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Seuss
Error: divide byzero



Registered: 04/27/01
Posts: 23,480
Loc: Caribbean
Last seen: 2 months, 20 days
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Re: Melbournites are retarded, and other things [Re: indica]
#7723091 - 12/06/07 04:41 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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> Wish me luck on my AMSA course.
Good luck, though you shouldn't need it as the course is very easy (assuming it is the same as what they offer around here. Based upon your description, it is.)
Oh, and nice rant.
-------------------- Just another spore in the wind.
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indica


Registered: 08/17/05
Posts: 18,905
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Re: Melbournites are retarded, and other things [Re: Seuss]
#7723113 - 12/06/07 05:12 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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yeah it's the same course. But the company that I'm working for, who's also paying for it got the AMC to cut it down to 7 days as opposed to 11 days = 3 weeks, so it's pretty intense but it's really good fun. The survival exercises are awesome. But the theory is easy as piss
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