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OfflineHyper_Panda_GO
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Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,720
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
I think I try to say too much per sentence
    #7700839 - 11/30/07 09:10 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Also, I dunno, my style seems...off, like I'm handleing the situations far too aloofly


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Invisiblemachination
Stranger
Registered: 09/17/07
Posts: 705
Loc: Hringhorni
Re: I think I try to say too much per sentence [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
    #7700964 - 11/30/07 09:46 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

depersonalization is a virus transmitted from machine to human, we have to go into the machine to cure this, become the machine /sigh


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"Have you not learned that your word is bond? Yes, my word is bond and bond is life, I shall give my life, before my word shall fail."


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OfflineHyper_Panda_GO
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Re: I think I try to say too much per sentence [Re: machination]
    #7701010 - 11/30/07 09:58 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

So...assimilate?


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OfflineHyper_Panda_GO
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Registered: 05/28/06
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Re: I think I try to say too much per sentence [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
    #7701034 - 11/30/07 10:06 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Oh wait I forgot to provice examples to bash

The woman stood draped in lamplight as cheap as she was, cigarette smoke hazing over hooded eyes sizing up potential customers

The truth exploded from Janey, fused by awful guilt and lit by her mother's sobs, and she had no other choice but to admit that she did, indeed, kill her little brother

She was a fan of vanilla fudge, but only when Tom made it, the way he poured out the white goop so carefully, and the tidy way he wiped off any stray bits on her face and then licked them off her finger, yes, a pack of vanilla fudge would go home with her only if Tom made it


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Invisiblemachination
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Registered: 09/17/07
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Loc: Hringhorni
Re: I think I try to say too much per sentence [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
    #7701052 - 11/30/07 10:09 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

yes, to introduce gnu code into the machine


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"Have you not learned that your word is bond? Yes, my word is bond and bond is life, I shall give my life, before my word shall fail."


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InvisibleSkunk420
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Registered: 06/13/04
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Re: I think I try to say too much per sentence [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
    #7701065 - 11/30/07 10:12 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

not a good thing at all...


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OfflineHyper_Panda_GO
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Re: I think I try to say too much per sentence [Re: Skunk420]
    #7701084 - 11/30/07 10:17 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

My sentences or assimilation?


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Offlinezappa
please excusethe filth, yourmom was justhere
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Registered: 02/23/06
Posts: 256
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Re: I think I try to say too much per sentence [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
    #7715870 - 12/04/07 03:02 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

acctually, youre words werent bad. that white fudge thing was sort of creepy tho, lmfao:grin:


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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Re: I think I try to say too much per sentence [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
    #7721934 - 12/05/07 09:09 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

You ever do style imitations? You read some passages by an author, then try to write something in their style.

Hemingway is the king of simple wording, check him out.


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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


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OfflineHyper_Panda_GO
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Registered: 05/28/06
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Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Re: I think I try to say too much per sentence [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #7721942 - 12/05/07 09:11 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

I do it without thinking

My favorite was imitating Pynchon

Hemignway's been recommended before, I'll be sur eto check him out


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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Re: I think I try to say too much per sentence [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
    #7721962 - 12/05/07 09:14 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

You can always rewrite sentences that are awkward or cumbersome.


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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


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OfflineHyper_Panda_GO
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Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,720
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Re: I think I try to say too much per sentence [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #7721967 - 12/05/07 09:15 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Yah, I separated those with periods, they look much better

How do you feel about the sentences themselves, do they capture your attention?


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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Re: I think I try to say too much per sentence [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
    #7721987 - 12/05/07 09:20 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Yeah they definitely capture my attention.

The last one should definitely be more than one sentence.  The first one might be better off in two also.

Just my unqualified opinion :smile:


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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


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