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Anonymous #43
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #1]
#7753353 - 12/13/07 11:46 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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About ten years ago I was essentially living on the road with this girl in a gigantic 1971 ford super van. We were passing through a region of the country populated by rednecks and had to sleep so we parked in a seemingly secluded state park in the middle of nowhere and slept. The next morning we started doing the thing, this girl was extremely kinky and general preferred anal sex. Which was ok with me however i wasn't really hip on the idea of anal sex in the back of steaming hot van in the middle of nowhere with no access to showers or anything... but yeah... that is what she wanted. Moments after beginning a loud banging noise on the van's barn door, we immediately look up at the window, just in time to see a cops head pop up. He opened the door without asking and despite the fact the day was already bright with the midmorning sun, he pointed a flashlight at us. We had to interrupt our session, step out of the van and answer questions.
It was a kinda a sexual disaster
The best sexual disaster however was recounted to me by my brother and numerous other who were told of the story. I still laugh about this every time I think abut it. My brother is an idiot, he thinks of himself as being "Mr. Rock and Roll", even though he has no musical talent. The point being, he tries to be Über cool, but is so vacant he has no clue what cool is. So he has been pursuing this really beautiful, intelligent woman for two years. She of course rejects him due to the fact he is a scum bag mongoloid. But fate shined upon him one summer evening. He had been hosting a party on this antique boat, an authentic Chinese junk, I could see how it would have certain romantic appeal, with my brother in his sailor's cap... literally. Everyone left the boat, the beautiful young woman, apparently suffering from too much alcohol or perhaps mild heat exhaustion, became open to my brother's advances... so he take her on a boat ride far off shore where they could have a bit of privacy. They are making out on the deck of the boat, this poor girl probably sees this as here best and perhaps only opportunity to live out some hot irate fantasy. The clothing comes off and they are on the cusp of engaging is what could have been a life changing experience for my brother. As I mentioned, my brother is a retard, a complete mouth breather, apparently he was really excited with his mouth gaped open gasping for air, because just as they started a bee flew into his mouth, down his throat and stung the inside of his esophagus. Needless to say, they never had sex, and seeing my brother reaction (he has a terribly low pain threshold) was enough for her to rethink the situation and realize that it was a mistake, I doubt she even contemplated a second chance, not that it could have taken place that day, as she had to help the captain steer the ship back into port.
That was a sexual disaster... a truly golden sexual disaster I might add.
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Anonymous #9
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #43]
#7753380 - 12/13/07 11:54 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
As I mentioned, my brother is a retard, a complete mouth breather
I know people like that
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Anonymous #42
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #19]
#7753425 - 12/13/07 12:08 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
lack of enthusiasm?
should a guy just start wanking off half way through because you cum so fast?
The problem isn't cuming too fast, it's being so disatisfied that I realize I'm not going to cum at all. I know it isn't just me because I've had some really great sex too. A couple of the partners I've had were consistently really good.
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Anonymous #44
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #9]
#7753429 - 12/13/07 12:09 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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me and my girl got to taco bell to eat. we go home and were in the mood so she starts sucking my dick to get things going and i think i hit the back of her throat and she PUKES all over my dick and pretty much every where on my lower half of my body. KIND OF RUINED THE MOOD!!!..... NOT TO MENTION IT HAPPENED AGAIN LATER ON:(
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Anonymous #10
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #44]
#7754203 - 12/13/07 03:15 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: me and my girl got to taco bell to eat. we go home and were in the mood so she starts sucking my dick to get things going and i think i hit the back of her throat and she PUKES all over my dick and pretty much every where on my lower half of my body. KIND OF RUINED THE MOOD!!!..... NOT TO MENTION IT HAPPENED AGAIN LATER ON:(
When I started reading this, It reminded me of a sexual disaster.
Me and my gf at the time went to this party that was hosted on Caddo lake (a lake surrounded by swamp) at a Cabin where there were to be lots of patrons. It was a 420 party on may 20th 2002. There were peeps from out of state in state, out of town and in town. We knew the people that owned the house, so we had laid claim to a bed early on. (There were three beds to each of the 4 bedrooms if that's enough foreshadowing for you)... The party was a hit, lots of blunts being passed around and 100 pounds of crawfish for boiling... As the night progresses everyone is high and drunk to the point of oblivion. Me and my girl head to the bed room where there is another couple already going at it. We walk in and they look up as if they were interrupted, but we close the door behind us and just start making out. Ol' dude that was doin the banging, resumed his rythym as if it were cool for us to get down and dirty beside them.. I lay my girl on the bed and pull her pants off and go down on her and she's really turned on by all this. I start licking it real good, then I put a finger in her and she Screams.... "Shhhhhit.. WTF?" and I was like  And she grabs her hole and runs to the bathroom and I follow... Apparently it's not a good idea to play stinky finger after eating crawfish all evening. I don't think cayenne pepper seasoning feels that great in the ol' pink hole. It was so awkward, embarassing and such a turn off, not to mention she felt like her pussy was on fire for the next 3 hours.... It was a new orleans style sexual disaster.
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Anonymous #44
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #10]
#7754661 - 12/13/07 04:57 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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thats fuckin funny ^^^^^^lolo^^^^^^lolol:)
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Anonymous #25
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #44]
#7754991 - 12/13/07 06:18 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Oh man I just remembered a sexual disaster that happened several times.
I'm a huge fan of spicy food. I had these asian neighbors that had this ungodly hot asian chili paste stuff. I forget what it's called, I think it had a chicken on it. Anyway, I used to put it on almost everything I ate.
This stuff is the only hot food I've found that just won't wash off with soap, no matter how hard I tried. As you can imagine, this was a recipe for disaster.
So me and the girlfriend are doing the foreplay thing. She liked to be fingered. She loved it. Like deep as possible. Apparently I had some of the spiciest chili paste in the world on my fingers or under my nails. So I'm fingering her then all of the sudden she starts screaming. "You fucking fucker, my pussy burns like hell. MOTHER FUCKER, why didn't you wash your hands. Fuck I gotta go wash it out."
So that was the end of sex for that night. And honestly, this happened about 5 other times. One time I went down on her about an hour or two after eating. Yes, an hour or two. Same thing. "MY CLIT IS ON FIRE! CHRIST! YOU FUCKER!".... then she'd run to the bathroom.
Eventually she made a rule of no sex that night if I ate chili paste. Of course that just turned into keep your hands and mouth away from my pussy and we'd have sex anyway.
Lesson learned. Be careful with chili paste and sex.
Edited by Anonymous (03/25/09 11:44 AM)
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Anonymous #45
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #25]
#7755117 - 12/13/07 06:41 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: It was a sexual disaster!
-Gumby
The point of Shroomerites Anonymous is... forget it.
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Anonymous #25
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #45]
#7755316 - 12/13/07 07:10 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Nah man, if it's something worth being proud of you might as well give yourself credit. I think this thread would have been a lot more fun in a public forum.
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Anonymous #46
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #17]
#7755406 - 12/13/07 07:22 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: One night me and my ex were all fucked up and had been fucking nonstop for hours..sometimes I miss her..lol anyways, She was riding me and she was like I wanna do it reverse cowgirl so I said go for it.. well she stands up completely on the bed swings one leg around gets it planted then goes to move the other leg over the other side and she steps off the bed, falling and unluckily falling full speed with her ass plowing into my face. Thought it had broke my nose, but luckily it just blacked one of my eyes..HAH
Got a black eye from the brown eye..!
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Anonymous #19
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #9]
#7756185 - 12/13/07 10:07 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Quote:
As I mentioned, my brother is a retard, a complete mouth breather
I know people like that

i never heard the term 'a complete mouth breather' before
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Anonymous #42
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #19]
#7756349 - 12/13/07 10:31 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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- Apparently I had some of the spiciest chili paste in the world on my fingers or under my nails.
Oh my god, I totally forgot that this had HAPPENED TO ME TOO until you posted it! Except I was the girl in the situation. It was not pretty. The hot sauce on his fingers was some habanero shit that claimed to be THE hottest hot sauce on the market. Well, I can tell you it wasn't false advertising because this happened at least 6 hours after he ate the stuff. It was the first time we had hooked up with each other and both of us were REALLY SHY. Oh yeah, and the other thing is that we were camping so I couldn't wash it off, I had to just wait it out. That was definitly a disaster.
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Anonymous #3
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #42]
#7756501 - 12/13/07 11:00 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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I dunno...sounds pretty hot if you ask me
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Anonymous #47
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #3]
#7756545 - 12/13/07 11:09 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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fuck i rub tiger balm on my balls all the time, big whoop.
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Anonymous #3
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #47]
#7756665 - 12/13/07 11:28 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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ever try it with nair
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Anonymous #47
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #3]
#7756681 - 12/13/07 11:31 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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i but chug nair, cleans out the ol colon real good.
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Anonymous #7
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #47]
#7756951 - 12/14/07 12:32 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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the spicy food thing is definitely a common "disaster". i know it happened with me and my ex a couple of times.
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Anonymous #42
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #7]
#7757023 - 12/14/07 12:53 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Tiger balm is a little different than hot sauce. You know, it's got that whole cool and refreshing thing going for it. Hot sauce just burns-- especially when applied to the vaginal region. Would you rub pepper spray on your junk?
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Anonymous #7
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #42]
#7757084 - 12/14/07 01:12 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Tiger balm is a little different than hot sauce. You know, it's got that whole cool and refreshing thing going for it. Hot sauce just burns-- especially when applied to the vaginal region. Would you rub pepper spray on your junk?

you fucken know i would. makes it feel like there's still some fucken body heat. 
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Anonymous #47
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Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #42]
#7757159 - 12/14/07 02:12 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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i would and i have
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