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Anonymous #23

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #21]
    #7724450 - 12/06/07 01:02 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

My 6 month anniversary with an ex.

We were gettin drunk at a party and the chick I was banging before her shows up ( these bitches hated eachother, jealousy ).

Well we all get drunk at this kids house ( he lived with his mom ) and the previous chick starts coming on to my girlfriend at the time ( while we are celebrating our 6th month ) and we decide to go back into my friends bedroom to watch a movie.

Well they start making out, and it was gettin awesome, first time girl on girl action...I was freaking the fuck out with anticipation.......so I go in for the triple kiss thing.....SUCCESS...two chicks at once!!!!!

Well they get naked and my ex gf starts eating out my present girlfriend...and my present girlfriend suddenly has a wind of sobriety, and sits up and declares this is two uncomfortable I have to leave.....

She runs into the bathroom....by this time I'm naked as well.....

I chase after her and I'm in the bathroom with her, shes all shakin up because the other chick was groping my dick while she was eating her out and my girlfriend just didn't want it to happen....I subtley try to get her to go back in the room but no dice....then....

My friends mom bangs on the door....."what's going on in there?" "WHy Are there two people in the bathroom"...."Get out here now"......( I'm only 16 at this time )....I tell her to hold on...."NO....GET OUT HERE NOW!!!!"......

Well I was naked, no towels, no nothing.....I had no choice......I opened the door with my raging 16 year old boner sticking straight into the air and a very exasperated look on my face.....she was appalled....I didn't get my threesome.....my girlfriend was uncomfortable for a week.

Needless to say that was a sexual disaster.......


Then........2 months later.....

I get drunk at this kids house again....against his moms best wishes...but she still allows it.....and I pass out in his bedroom trashed.....Apparently I sleep walked ( first time I ever did this ) and crawled into bed with his mom and dad.....they didn't even wake up. I woke up at 5 in the morning and was very disoriented and hungover...lookedaround and muttered where am I, and get responded with screaming and shouting......

That kids mom hated me from then on........


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Anonymous #10

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #23]
    #7724714 - 12/06/07 02:10 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

^ :grin:


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Anonymous #24

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #23]
    #7724734 - 12/06/07 02:16 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

OK i was at this party about 10 years ago, and i was pretty fucked up on 40s and weed, and i started talking to this blond girl. People at the party referred to her as Duck, and when i had her on my lap , and was making out with her my friend Raymond ( His house party) came in, and saw me kissing her. He somehow got me into a different room.
He started laughing, and said you don't want to do this and there is a reason they call her duck..  I told him she was good people, and the girl was kind of cute.. What did she have a dick?  He said no, and that she had a kid, but if i went on with this action i would be sneaking out of his house in the morning.
Needless to say i didn't care, and later that night we ended up in his spare bedroom, where we fucked.
The next morning i woke up feeling sober, and looked over at her. She was really cute but i happen to notice that her feet where not in the same spot, but her legs were straight  under the covers.. When i lifted it, i saw that her right leg was 6 inches shorter then her left leg, and that she was called duck because when she walked she limped with the shorter leg causing her to wobble.
Needless to say i grabbed my clothes, and started to sneak out of the house.. Who was down at the bottom of the stairs with my shoes in hand.. Ray... He laughed and told me he'd tell her i had to go to work, and i did the walk of shame out of the house...:)


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Anonymous #20

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #24]
    #7724833 - 12/06/07 02:49 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

my friend Dennis had almost that exact same story.

He never gave details about "duck", but he said it was a pretty cute girl that had one leg shorter than the other.


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Anonymous #25

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #24]
    #7724920 - 12/06/07 03:11 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I've got two to share. While they're not disasters they put me in some really embarrassing situations.

Story 1:

It was the first week back to college after break. Given that nothing happens the first week, me and a group of friends decided to sit around in one of the dorm rooms and drink. In this group of friends was an exgirlfriend of 2 years that I had broken up with before the break.

Everyone in the room is drinking excessively, having a good time. Then one of our friends decides shes going to bed. Great. The ex and I decided that since the "party" was dead, we were gonna go talk about how us being friends is going to work. So we go back to my room and sit on the couch to talk.

Within 5 minutes we're both butt ass naked in my bed doing the deed. This was around 1 in the morning, mind you. So we're having some great make up sex... for about 3 hours. Around 4am someone BANGS on my door and starts screaming "SHUT THE FUCK UP. ITS 4 IN THE FUCKING MORNING AND PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP." So we stop for about 15 minutes and go at it again for about another hour.

Next day a friend of ours comes up to us an asked the ex if she slept in my room last night. She said yes and asked why she was wondering. Apparently this friend was eating breakfast in the cafeteria and overheard a conversation between these two girls who lived three floors below me in the adjecent building. The conversation was something like this:

Girl 1: Do you know who a guy named <my name> that lives in Bonel 314?
Girl 2: No, why?
Girl 1: Because he kept me and my roommate up all night having some crazy loud pornstar sex.

Me and the ex just look at each other and grin, the friend who told us knew what was up. So it was a funny little inside joke between the three of us and that was the end of it. Or so I thought...

End of the semester rolls around. I had pulled an all-nighter studying for an exam and I go out side to smoke a cigarette around 7 in the morning. While I'm out there this girl walks up to me and asks me if she can bum a smoke. So I give her one and she sits and smokes with me. I kinda knew this girl through another friend, but never knew her name. So I ask what her name is, and she asks mine. I tell her. Then she says "Wait... <my name> that lives in Bonel 314?" As I admit to that being me, I'm thinking "Oh fuck, I know where this is going."

She says "Oh really? Well do you remember a night earlier in the semester when someone was banging on your door telling you to shut up because you were having really loud sex?" "Yeah" "Yeah, well that was me."

I then had to apologize explain that me and the girl were trashed and I forgot that my window was open. I would have never thought I'd apologize to someone for having "crazy loud pornstar sex."

It was a sexual disaster!    (kinda)

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Story 2:

Last fall, my girlfriend invited me to a party at a very nice house that her friend was pet sitting at. This was going to be the first time I would drink with sister and friends (whom I'd met once before). Sounds like fun right? It was. It was a ton of fun... from what I remembered.

These girls introduced me to a drinking game called pitcher of death. I don't want or need to explain it, but its similar to kings in that if you get a king, you and your partner have to drink a pitcher of beer. The girlfriend and I got 3 of the 4 kings. Lets just say I forgot everything after that.

Turns out that the girlfriend and I wanted to get in the hot tub, so we put on our bathing suits and went out there. No one else wanted to come, they stayed inside playing drinking games. Apparently we decided to have sex in the hot tub. No big deal right?

Well, there's a slight problem there. This hot tub sits outside the living room that has huge bay windows... where everyone was playing drinking games. Eventually someone noticed that we were having sex. Being the drunk assholes they were, they didn't shout out the window "hey we can see you having sex." They watched. And made commentary ("Oh SHES ON TOP NOW!).

Eventually we went back inside and had more sex. At one point I had to take a piss. I decided it would be easier to just sit down on the toilet because I was wasted. So I down to pee and the next thing I know my girlfriend is banging on the door asking if I'm alright. I had fallen asleep on the toilet AND taken a shit, which I didn't intend to do. So we went back to the sex once I was out of the bathroom. Eventually we went to bed. That was until I woke up to go to the bathroom, tried to put on someone else's clothes and thought the closet was the bathroom.

So my girlfriend's friends and her sister saw me having sex and I passed out on the toilet in the middle of sex.

It was a sexual disaster!


Edited by Anonymous (03/25/09 11:43 AM)


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Anonymous #26

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #22]
    #7725194 - 12/06/07 04:16 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

i started to nail this girl on the couch at somebodies house, in the living room
everyone else was in another room
the persons whose house we were at didn't know that their mother would be home soon
so we got busted fucking like animals with our pants around our ankles
the mother walked in and didn't see us on the couch at first
we both sat up right away, but didn't have time to pull our pants up
the mother was standing right in front of us by the time she noticed we were there
im just sitting there with my boner, i said "Hello"
the mother walked out of the room quickly and then proceeded to raise a fucking shit storm.

It was sexual disaster!

but i loved it!


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Anonymous #27

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #26]
    #7725476 - 12/06/07 05:39 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Should've had that milf join in.


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Anonymous #26

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #27]
    #7725549 - 12/06/07 05:59 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

milf would have been nice
but no milf here


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Anonymous #28

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #26]
    #7726914 - 12/06/07 11:53 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I tried to have sex two different times.

It was a sexual disaster!


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Anonymous #2

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #28]
    #7727570 - 12/07/07 07:16 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Hey Dreamer987,

just thought I'd let you know, telling girls that you are homeless and have nowhere to go really isn't a great way to put the moves on them. Kind of screams loser.

No offense meant.


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Anonymous #29

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #7727639 - 12/07/07 07:42 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Really the worst for me was when I tried to fuck a fat chick. I was hanging out with some friends that day, and one of the girls had brought a friend with her. She looked to be a bit fat, but I figured eh Ill hit on her. So later that night the fat bitch and I head back to my place to fuck. We were both entirely sober. Anyways, I get naked and she attempts to blow me, but this blowjob involved teeth and very little sucking going on. She would even stop and start kissing my stomach for some reason.

So I put an end to that and started taking her clothes off, however when the shirt came off it became apparent that she was wearing an extremely tight shirt underneath that. I try removing the tight shirt and to my horror her stomach literally explodes out of the shirt. She takes it all the way off and now I can see her in her full glory. She looked literally like some kind of manatee. Her pants come off, and Im sitting there with a look of horror across my face. I go down on her because I figured I needed time to get my dick rehard again, but her pussy is just the most gelatinous mess of homosapien cell matter, beet red like something the farmer would make a pie out of, fat lips that looked like the brain bug in Starship Troopers. My dick starts to shrivel in fear at being thrust inside of there.

After finishing giving her head I excuse myself and say I need to find a condom. I rush out of the room, find a porn magazine I have and go to the bathroom to try and get my dick up. I figured if I could fool my dick initially, then I could trick it into staying up as I entered the fat bitch. So here I am in the bathroom looking at porn while that beast is lying on my bed in the other room. I can only picture her though, the porn does very little. I see a cute chick in the porno then suddenly she morphs into a manatee, feeding on fish and swimming in the ocean. I walk outside, take 2 shots of whiskey and go back into the bathroom. This finally calms me down to the point where I can get it up. I burst into the room with an erection and try to put the condom on. But I fuck it up every passing second my dick is getting wiser to my plot and I start losing the erection. I finally get it on and mount her. But now I had to literally move aside a fold of fat to penetrate her, and that was the downfall.

I told her I was sick and that there was no way anything sexual was going down. I think she understood the score


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Anonymous #10

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #29]
    #7727743 - 12/07/07 08:36 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

^ Holy Shit Bro.
That was a sexual disaster.


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Anonymous #30

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #29]
    #7727796 - 12/07/07 08:57 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I try removing the tight shirt and to my horror her stomach literally explodes out of the shirt. She takes it all the way off and now I can see her in her full glory. She looked literally like some kind of manatee.




hahahaha This reminds me of several of my sexual encounters.


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Anonymous #30

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #30]
    #7727831 - 12/07/07 09:12 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)



But, the bitches I do are even bigger than this.  :yesnod:


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Anonymous #31

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #30]
    #7727907 - 12/07/07 09:35 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

OK, I have one to share, it's not nearly as funny as some of your, but its not bad.

Let me set the stage a little. I'm 17 at the time, my ex-girlfriend just set me up with her 15 year old friend. This friend is a FREAK, we fucked the first night me met, and about every other time we saw each other.

Anyway, I'm at her house one night, and my buddy, who lives there at the time (her dad was a meth head who took in kids with nowhere to go) calls me and needs a place to to for the night. I guess her dad was pissed about something, who knows I never knew it and I was there, but thats not the point of the story. So we go back to my moms house, they have like 2 cases of beer, we start drinking, next think I know my friend passes out. Leaving me, his friend and my new fuck buddy. We decided to go outside and smoke some pot. Next thing I know this kid is puking everywhere. He only drank like 2 beers, guess hes just a pussy. Anyway I clean the garage, we go inside I give him a blanket and pillow and tell him the floor is the best I can give him, because his friend already got the couch.

So, my room is in the basement, one half being a living room and a sheet separating that from where my bed and computer was. I take this girl to my half of the room and we get down to business.

The kicker is, I find out, a week later, that this dude who puked in the garage WAS HER EX-BOYFRIEND!!!

And they only broke up like a week prior to that.

AND SHE DIDN'T BOTHER TO TELL ME BEFORE I FUCKED HER DAMN NEAR IN FRONT OF HIM!!!

I found out about all this because I couldn't find my paycheck, I start thinking through who has been at my house that I don't really know. BAM, that random dude. So I called my friend who knew him, and he fills me in on the scoop. I never found out if he took my check for sure, but I got it re-issued, so I got my money.

Either way that bitch was fucking loony, went to a psychiatric hospital for almost a month after eating LSD, freaking out and trying to kill herself.


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Anonymous #30

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #31]
    #7727987 - 12/07/07 09:54 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

You guys have some really good stories.  Mine are pretty tame but here goes:

1.  Had sex with several fat girls.

2.  I was doing this chick doggy-style and all of a sudden I smelled shit.  I mean SHIT.  It was over-powering.  I guess she hadn't wiped her ass thoroughly.  I still managed to finish though.

3.  I had a girl come over to my place and she's on the phone to her boyfriend saying, "We're just friends.  I just came over to his place to say hi.  Nothing's going on.  Blah blah."  Five minutes later she's naked in my bed.  :lol:  Wait...that's not really a disaster.

4.  I fucked a girl and her boyfriend found out.  He got my address and started sending me threatening letters.  That kind of sucked.  Dude, it's not my fault your girl is a ho.  :shrug:


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Anonymous #26

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #30] * 1
    #7728285 - 12/07/07 11:06 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Dude, it's not my fault your girl is a ho.

this is true

i don't understand all these crybaby fuckers,
"you fucked my girl friend"
"you fucked my girl right after i broke up with her"
"i know i told you that you could fuck her, but I didn't think that you would, i was joking"

when they want to fuck they want to fuck, quit being a bitch
it happens to everyone, i learned this when i was young


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Anonymous #3

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #29]
    #7728303 - 12/07/07 11:10 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

yeah...I ate out a fat bitch out once too  :crazy:

- about ten minutes in I try an move on to something more 'intimate'
- she insists "just one minute more"
- so I roll my eyes / hold my breath / and say a little prayer as I re-enter that cave of death

she then clasped her hands around the back of my head, and held me fucken hostage until the job was done - I was literally struggling just to gasp for air (not even attempting to do the job anymore) and she just kept trying to cram my whole head up inside of her...apparently

the funny thing though, is that this entire time she was making these real deep soulful moans (eerily similar to the sound a whale makes when it's singing) ...but... at the moment of orgasm - she suddenly shot up about twelve octaves in an instant (like one moment: she's a bass / and the next: she's a soprano)

it was rather comical to be perfectly honest with you  :lol:


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Anonymous #30

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #7728335 - 12/07/07 11:18 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
the funny thing though, is that this entire time she was making these real deep soulful moans (eerily similar to the sound a whale makes when it's singing)




hahahaha Like in Star Trek IV.


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Anonymous #29

Re: Lets here your sexual disasters. Be Honest! [Re: Anonymous #30]
    #7728363 - 12/07/07 11:26 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Such a fantastic movie


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