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EternalCowabunga
Being of Great Significance



Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
Loc: Time and Space
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Do you remember?
#7709589 - 12/03/07 03:22 AM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Being a baby and seeing your parents and knowing they were slaves?
Did something seem not right to you?
Are you free now and are you aware of your every single breath?
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Quote:
Being a baby and seeing your parents and knowing they were slaves?
No. I don't think I even knew what being a slave meant until much later.  As a baby all I can remember is that I was quite happy and feeling a positive energy and support from them. I guess that's how most babies feel about their parents, excepting of course the cases in which they get beaten and severely neglected. Babies need a lot of affection and I was a very fortunate baby to receive it. 
Quote:
Did something seem not right to you?
In the same sense you referring to earlier? Not really.  I hated it when I was supposed to do things which I didn't want (and which I still find useless and even harmful, on a more conscious level), but my mind could not conceive that there was something "wrong" with it. It was just against my natural impulse which was all about playing. Luckily it still is  If I would have been realizing that, I would have most probably just refused to do those things. Like I did in many other situations in my life, even as a child. 
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Are you free now and are you aware of your every single breath?
Free from what? From the unhealthy education I received from my parents? Yes, mostly. It was only when I became a teenager that I started to realize what exactly was harmful for me in the way I was raised. I'm still on the path of realizing that.  However, I think that freedom resides in the ability to be your own person and follow you own ideals. I feel truly happy and free and in love.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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EternalCowabunga
Being of Great Significance



Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
Loc: Time and Space
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Well, when I mean by something not seeming right, I mean did it seem like your parents were pushing themselves way too hard for what seemed like no reason.. my mom has always been insane since I've known her, she has borderline personality disorder and every day spent around her was a traumatizing experience. Now it is up to me to destroy those systems of defense I built up to protect myself and have a rebirth of sorts. After my last rebirth I still had to be around her every day and it was even more distressing because I had become more sensitive. This time I will be stronger.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Well my mother is not (and never was) quite mentally stable. This of course affected the way I felt, the way I acted, the way I thought... And I think that I still have to remove of lot of crap coming from that direction. Because these things affect our subconscious in such a manner that it takes time to "scan" all that. Anyways, it is the only option that makes sense. What I learned is that in order to make the whole thing more productive, you need time (all of it if possible) away from that influence. As soon as I started to realize that she was harmful to my mind in so many ways, I just found every possible mean to stay away. My advice is for you to do the same. As long as you'll be around her, you'll be bounded by the same conditionings and no real progress will ever be felt. That's what happened in my case anyways.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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EternalCowabunga
Being of Great Significance



Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
Loc: Time and Space
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Yes... I really need to get out of here. I know I do, because I feel like I don't have enough energy to be constantly sucked dry.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Then do it. You're not obliged to stay with your parents just because they're family and gave you life or any other similar bull shit. You don't have to babysit your mother and act like a good son just to make her happy. Not even if she uses emotional blackmail on you.  YOUR OWN mental health and peace is what should be your first concern.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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nolongerinuse


Registered: 05/14/06
Posts: 947
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
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Yeah, when i was a kid i didn't understand why everybody was doing all this stuff. Like why everyone had a car and had to do tasks all day long, had a job and be apart of some huge society that never stops.
-EDIT- actually, i still can't understand why we do all this shit. I'm pretty sure we could all stop and everything would be alright.
Edited by new2grow (12/03/07 06:19 PM)
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NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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I highly recommend creating some space for yourself. If you still live with your parents, move out. If you already live alone, but they call all the time, assert some boundaries and limit your interactions to once a week. Once you've lived your own life for a few years they tend to chill out and begin seeing you as an independent adult - this is when your relationship with them improves!
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EternalCowabunga
Being of Great Significance



Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
Loc: Time and Space
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Re: Do you remember? [Re: NiamhNyx]
#7712374 - 12/03/07 06:45 PM (16 years, 1 month ago) |
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Thank you guys for the advice - I'm going to start looking for a place to live immediately 
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nolongerinuse


Registered: 05/14/06
Posts: 947
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
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Yeah, in many circles your parents can't even prove that they had a choice to have you or not. So fuck em, they are as foreing to you as chinamen.
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NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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No prob. I used to fight with my mom constantly-- living with her was an anxiety ridden nightmare. Now that I've lived on my own for a few years, we get along pretty well most of the time and have become closer than we ever were before. I still have to tell her that I don't want or need her advice, and that I am fully in control of my life, but she gets it. Good luck with your situation. Moving out is the best thing you can do for your mental health, even with the added financial burden. It's worth it.
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