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RandalFlagg
Stranger

Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
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A moral conundrum
#7699069 - 11/30/07 01:39 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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My grandma married a guy about 20 years ago. Their marriage lasted about 10 years and then they got divorced. My grandma got a bunch of this guy's money in the divorce settlement.
My grandma died recently and I got a small inherited retirement account thingee from her. It really isn't that much. Basically, this money is money that the ex-husband earned. I am tempted to track him down and give the money back to him. I realize that legally and morally I am well within my rights to keep this money...but I think that it's really his money because he earned it and then had it taken away from him.
Should I give him the money? I wanted to get your guy's opinion on this.
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tiny_rabid_birds
Nocturnal



Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 15,653
Loc: estados unidos
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depends on:
1. how much money it is. 2. how much trouble/money you'd have to go through to find him and get the money to him. 3. whether he'll even care about said amount of money. 4. a few other things i didn't feel like thinking of.
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RandalFlagg
Stranger

Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
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Quote:
tiny_rabid_birds said: 1. how much money it is. 2. how much trouble/money you'd have to go through to find him and get the money to him. 3. whether he'll even care about said amount of money. 4. a few other things i didn't feel like thinking of.
1. About $5,000. 2. I just did a search for him and found his address in 5 seconds. 3. No, he won't. He's rich.
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tiny_rabid_birds
Nocturnal



Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 15,653
Loc: estados unidos
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well do you really feel your grandmother did not deserve the money? she was married to him for 10 years. was she the primary homemaker? or did she do nothing but spend his money?
i dunno... i personally would keep it since he wouldn't really miss it at all, and it is completely legal, free and clear.
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trendal
J♠



Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 20,815
Loc: Ontario, Canada
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I've got a solution!
Give me the money!
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Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free. But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.
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kindkesey
take it further



Registered: 03/16/03
Posts: 2,789
Loc: on the bus!!!
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
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I'd offer it back to him...... but if he's gotta lot of loot already, he'll more than likly ask you to keep it? Just think of the gear you could buy with 5 grand!
-------------------- Stay Kool, and enjoy the bus ride.....
"Intrepid Search For Innerspace" DAVID JONES where are you?
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druqs
ALKALOIDOHOLIC


Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 8,862
Last seen: 4 months, 6 days
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Re: A moral conundrum [Re: trendal]
#7699159 - 11/30/07 01:54 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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what happens if you give him the money and he decides to become a pedophile?
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mrsautoman
Don't DriveAngry


Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 166
Loc: Dirty South
Last seen: 14 years, 4 months
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I say keep the money.
If ex-granddad was that concerned about keeping his money he would have gotten a pre-nump. I won't even get into a discussion on whether or not spouses 'earn' settlement money from divorces. In my mind it's a case by case basis thing and I don't know the particulars of their situation.
If you're feeling philanthropic give it to someone who needs it. Find a single mom who rides the bus and buy her an old beater of a vehicle or something. You could totally change someone's life for the better.
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~I was born of a voice untimely, the so-called echo of a man's ordure~
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RandalFlagg
Stranger

Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
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Quote:
tiny_rabid_birds said: well do you really feel your grandmother did not deserve the money? she was married to him for 10 years. was she the primary homemaker? or did she do nothing but spend his money?
It's not that she didn't deserve it. When they got married he had massive debt (even though he earned very good money). She stuck with him through some major financial shit. Towards the end of the marriage he became CEO of a company and they were fairly loaded. However, she did not work. All of the money brought into the marriage was through his effort.
I have a strong feelings when it comes to economic effort. I think that people should be able to keep what they have earned. That is why I dislike excessive governmental taxation and it is why I dislike divorces where the courts take a bunch of somebody's assets and give them to someone else.
I have a profound belief that this money is not mine nor was it really my grandmother's. I think that it's his.
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RandalFlagg
Stranger

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Re: A moral conundrum [Re: trendal]
#7699187 - 11/30/07 02:00 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
trendal said: I've got a solution!
Give me the money!
I've got a solution too! How about you kiss my ass?
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robbyberto
Water Boy


Registered: 05/11/06
Posts: 15,499
Loc: Netherlands
Last seen: 1 month, 4 days
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Try giving it to the guy and if he lets you keep it then donate to a good charity.
-------------------- “People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington
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RandalFlagg
Stranger

Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
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Re: A moral conundrum [Re: robbyberto]
#7699240 - 11/30/07 02:10 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
robbyberto said: Try giving it to the guy and if he lets you keep it then donate to a good charity.
That's actually a good idea. I think that's what I'll do.
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robbyberto
Water Boy


Registered: 05/11/06
Posts: 15,499
Loc: Netherlands
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Glad I could help. Tell us what you end up doing.
-------------------- “People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington
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Tangerines




Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 17,918
Loc: woodwork
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Re: A moral conundrum [Re: robbyberto]
#7699267 - 11/30/07 02:16 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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KEEP IT!!! obviously your gma wanted you to have it. Why give it back to a rich old guy who will die soon anyways?
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VisionsToReality
RIBBONS


Registered: 09/22/07
Posts: 1,083
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
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Re: A moral conundrum [Re: Tangerines]
#7699279 - 11/30/07 02:19 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Oh my fictional baby jesus, how can you even contemplate this if he is rich?
-------------------- Life is one big road with lots of signs, So when you're ridin' through the ruts, Don't you complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy Don't bury your thoughts, Put your vision to reality, yeah!
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badchad
Mad Scientist

Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 13,372
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Whether she actually earned it through working, the court awarded her the money. It is her money legally, and in the eyes of the court.
But in reality, it's only 5k, not really enough to ruffle anyone's feathers.
-------------------- ...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge. It is an indellible experience; it is forever known. I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did. Smith, P. Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27. ...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely. Osmond, H. Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436
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StreetFreak
smellin' like a plant


Registered: 02/10/07
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Loc: locked in a place where n...
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Re: A moral conundrum [Re: badchad]
#7699475 - 11/30/07 03:13 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Your grandma wanted you to have it, you should use it for something constructive in YOUR life.
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CherryBom
Yoga Gypsy


Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
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Interesting.
I probably would have just kept it and paid off some debts...but I am poor. I think it's pretty commendable of you to consider donating $5000 to charity. That's a fuckload of money to some people.
What kind of charity would you donate to?
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WhiskeyClone
Not here


Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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If it were me I'd have no qualms about keeping it. I'd finish off my student debt with it.
If you don't feel like you should have it, give it to a charity. It would do people in need more good that it would somebody with lots of money already.
-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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RandalFlagg
Stranger

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Posts: 15,608
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Re: A moral conundrum [Re: CherryBom]
#7699550 - 11/30/07 03:33 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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You know...the more I think of it the less likely I am to donate it to charity. I really think that a lot of people who receive charity and who can't make it on their own are often parasites and leeches who mooch off of other people. However, if I do end up giving it to charity then it would probably be to Iraq war vets who have lost limbs and such.
I really would prefer it if the ex-husband takes it back. But, if he doesn't take it back then the fact that my Grandmother wanted me to have it makes me somewhat inclined to keep it.
I dunno. We'll see if he answers my letter.
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