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Invisibletiny_rabid_birds
Nocturnal
 User Gallery


Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 15,653
Loc: estados unidos Flag
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: Blend]
    #7702476 - 12/01/07 11:30 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

deadendeavor said:
Thanks you guys for all the support/advice/general feedback.
To clear up any misconceptions:  Despite my fears that this is really happening, I'm not saying that I flat out DON'T want a kid.  What I'm saying is it's bad timing.  I realize it happens this way more often than not, but you just have to understand.  Before you jump to the conclusion that the kid will be growing up unloved, in a broken home, et cetera, understand that that isn't the plan.  I'm going to love that kid if it comes, which is looking more and more like the reality of it all.  Yes I'm scared; I'm fucking terrified actually.  But don't confuse that with hatred or regret or anything of the sort.  If it happens, I'm going to do the right thing.  When I said "Once the baby comes, there's no question whether or not we'll be keeping it"... that's me talking.  I'm not giving my blood, my responsibility, my future down to anyone else. 
My fears are of losing my self, if you know what I mean.  Am I a family man?  Is that the thing I'm cut out for?  Is this what I had in mind all along?  It isn't an easy thing to deal with.  It's still early, and I'm going to drive myself insane thinking about this. 
I'll update soon enough to let everyone know how things are.  At this point, it's pretty much the same.  She doesn't seem optimistic about it.  I don't even know what I feel, other than anxiety.  Hopefully when it all sinks in and we can accept it as not just a good possibility but inevitability, it won't be so stressful, mainly for her. 
Anyway, thanks guys.  I mean it.  You're the only people I can really talk to this about right now, and it helps having someone to listen, and give there input.  :heart:




i didn't mean to insinuate that you wouldn't love your kid.  but honestly, do you think you're going to be with your girlfriend for the long haul?  are you seriously that certain that something won't come up down the road and you two will break up?  if there happens to be a kid involved, then it will be an unfortunate victim of a broken home.

and i'm sure you're entirely capable of being a good, loving father.  but you said it yourself.  you are nowhere near financially secure.  if you're having trouble making ends meet now... well... you have no fucking idea how expensive kids are.  seriously.  it's incredible.  and i don't know about you, but i personally would not want anything short of the best i could possibly offer for my kid.

i personally would think of abortion as just putting things off until i was better prepared to raise a child.


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Offlinenolongerinuse
Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/14/06
Posts: 947
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: tiny_rabid_birds]
    #7702521 - 12/01/07 11:45 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Consider alternatives to keeping the child. Sounds like your economic situation is at an unfavorable point for you to bring another lifeform forth.


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InvisibleKid_Orgo
 User Gallery


Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 5,514
Loc: Hale-Bopp
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: Blend]
    #7702768 - 12/01/07 01:08 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

deadendeavor said:
I'm having a kid.
My girlfriend normally has her period before the 23rd.  The 24th we went and bought an EPT test (we've been worried about this for three weeks).  It was positive, but it's alot less accurate if it's a few days before your expected period... so we thought (hoped) maybe she was just a little late.
Well, it's five days later now, and I don't think it's going to happen.  She keeps saying she can feel it (her period) coming.  Is that normal in the first few weeks of pregnancy?
This couldn't have happened at a worse time.  Our roommate just moved out, we're really struggling just to make the bills.  I've been trying to save up for a car..
She doesn't even want to talk about it.  So I'm having to tip-toe around it when it's all I can think about.  I asked her if she was the least bit excited, and she gave me a simple "No."

:foreheadslap:





If you don't have the financial means or desire to raise a child, I'd seriously consider other options.

Waiting until you're older to have a child makes that child much more likely to have a good life.



--------------------
He was a cowboy in one of the seven days a week fights. No business, no hangout; no friends, nothing; just what you pick up and what you need.


Edited by Kid_Orgo (12/01/07 01:10 PM)


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OfflineMyInnerChild
EveryMum
Female


Registered: 11/11/06
Posts: 1,099
Loc: North-East
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: Kid_Orgo]
    #7704304 - 12/01/07 08:47 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)







If you don't have the financial means or desire to raise a child, I'd seriously consider other options.

Waiting until you're older to have a child makes that child much more likely to have a good life.






I agree with the second part of your first statement but not the 1st which, according to my understanding meant that you were recommending which criterion should be used (financial considerations is the example I'll use since it's the one you used)...in other words, you may have said more accurately, that it's YOUR opinion that financial considerations should colour a potential parents decision...

I DO agree that there are other options/choices.

With that said I'll now ask you to please define "older"? Personally, imo, the age means less than the maturity level. There are 18 year olds perfectly capable of being good providers and I believe culture has much to do with that as N. Americans are generally spoiled and coddled and "protected" longer than young adults of other cultures...and Europe is a fast second if not exactly the same, England and west Europe for sure, same deal but eastern is still "behind" our "progress". Unfortunately, and that's only My opinion, Eastern Europe is catching up too and the Middle east...dang! It's good to the degree that it stops men from having multiple wives...(MIC gnashes teeth at the idea! lol) and from trading wives like cattle or keeping them likes slaves. EW!!!! I know, some of you guys think that sounds cool and convenient... ha

Nuff said...excuse the rant. :thumbup:  :smile: MIC


--------------------

My inner child runs with scissors but plays nicely with others!

Sometimes the light's all shine'in on me,
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me,
What a looong strange trip it's been! ~ Truck'in


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Offlinechamp
pudding pop
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Registered: 06/27/01
Posts: 787
Loc: unknown trashscape
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: Blend]
    #7706165 - 12/02/07 11:16 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Well, someone once told me that if you wait until you can afford kids you will never have them. :grin:

If you and your partner decide to keep the baby, 9 months is a bit of time to plan for it, you could see about finding a better job and do what you need to do to get there (take a class, get an entry level position somewhere decent so you can ask for a raise in a year, some places that give benefits require you to work a certain length of time before you get coverage, etc).

I guess even though it's an emotional situation that doesn't mean you can't behave rationally.


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OfflineMyInnerChild
EveryMum
Female


Registered: 11/11/06
Posts: 1,099
Loc: North-East
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: champ]
    #7706484 - 12/02/07 12:47 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

champ said:
Well, someone once told me that if you wait until you can afford kids you will never have them. :grin:

If you and your partner decide to keep the baby, 9 months is a bit of time to plan for it, you could see about finding a better job and do what you need to do to get there (take a class, get an entry level position somewhere decent so you can ask for a raise in a year, some places that give benefits require you to work a certain length of time before you get coverage, etc).

I guess even though it's an emotional situation that doesn't mean you can't behave rationally.





here here!


--------------------

My inner child runs with scissors but plays nicely with others!

Sometimes the light's all shine'in on me,
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me,
What a looong strange trip it's been! ~ Truck'in


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InvisibleUnholyChild666
I'M GOD
Male
Registered: 03/26/06
Posts: 8,940
Loc: Flag
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: champ]
    #7708129 - 12/02/07 07:33 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I don't know about the rest of you but were I live it's like the state makes it so much easier for single moms now than ever before. I know plenty that only pay not even $100 for rent on a house and they just keep shitting out the babies left and right usually a different guy each time, I'm not saying that to be a dick it's true. They are so many places to get help, health care, food everything this is something that should be looked into for anyone who feels that can't afford it. Because if they give it to moms who don't even deserve to have kids why wouldn't they give it to someone who does and when I say someone who doesn't deserve it I mean the moms who drag their kids form guy to guy to guy to guy to guy, drive intoxicated with them in the car, you know irresponsible stuff like that.


--------------------



"I am the Highest Power the leader of the pack"

Actiavte My Dream Sequence Machine

GOD of the hologram earth


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Invisiblemachination
Stranger
Registered: 09/17/07
Posts: 705
Loc: Hringhorni
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: Blend]
    #7708172 - 12/02/07 07:50 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

raise your kid in the way and the way will be good,

you are fortunate


--------------------
"Have you not learned that your word is bond? Yes, my word is bond and bond is life, I shall give my life, before my word shall fail."


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OfflineLove Cap
Wanderer
Female


Registered: 09/16/07
Posts: 401
Loc: somewhere in the plains
Last seen: 10 years, 15 days
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: UnholyChild666]
    #7708232 - 12/02/07 08:09 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

UnholyChild666 said:
I don't know about the rest of you but were I live it's like the state makes it so much easier for single moms now than ever before. I know plenty that only pay not even $100 for rent on a house and they just keep shitting out the babies left and right usually a different guy each time, I'm not saying that to be a dick it's true. They are so many places to get help, health care, food everything this is something that should be looked into for anyone who feels that can't afford it. Because if they give it to moms who don't even deserve to have kids why wouldn't they give it to someone who does and when I say someone who doesn't deserve it I mean the moms who drag their kids form guy to guy to guy to guy to guy, drive intoxicated with them in the car, you know irresponsible stuff like that.




I don't know your point exactly but isn't this more reason to keep abortion legal?


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InvisibleUnholyChild666
I'M GOD
Male
Registered: 03/26/06
Posts: 8,940
Loc: Flag
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: Love Cap]
    #7708289 - 12/02/07 08:21 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Love Cap said:
Quote:

UnholyChild666 said:
I don't know about the rest of you but were I live it's like the state makes it so much easier for single moms now than ever before. I know plenty that only pay not even $100 for rent on a house and they just keep shitting out the babies left and right usually a different guy each time, I'm not saying that to be a dick it's true. They are so many places to get help, health care, food everything this is something that should be looked into for anyone who feels that can't afford it. Because if they give it to moms who don't even deserve to have kids why wouldn't they give it to someone who does and when I say someone who doesn't deserve it I mean the moms who drag their kids form guy to guy to guy to guy to guy, drive intoxicated with them in the car, you know irresponsible stuff like that.




I don't know your point exactly but isn't this more reason to keep abortion legal?




My point is that it could be easier to keep the child with all the help that is available, if not that than adoption. Abortion can be VERY damaging emotionally, physically, I don't know why people don't understand that. Everyone throws it out there like it's some "simple solution" I don't agree with abortion because I don't believe there is such a thing as an accidental pregnancy there is no accident about having sex even with birth control. Abortion to me has nothing to with peoples rights I think it's just about not wanting to take responsibility for ones own actions. That statement right there pissed a lot of people off but thats only because it's true, if it wasn't they wouldn't get mad, threes only one thing that makes people more mad than a lie and that is the truth. The only exception I feel would be in the case of rape, but that should be taken care of immediate as hard as it may be. Even though lots of girls who have been raped go through with giving birth.


--------------------



"I am the Highest Power the leader of the pack"

Actiavte My Dream Sequence Machine

GOD of the hologram earth


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OfflineXeluc
Traveler
Male


Registered: 04/11/07
Posts: 746
Last seen: 6 years, 16 days
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: UnholyChild666]
    #7708310 - 12/02/07 08:25 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I would definitely argue that if it is known that a possible child would be living in very bad conditions, and would grow up in a very unfavorable envirenment, that it would be merciful to wait until one is better prepared to do so.

I also believe people need to take responsibility for they're actions, however.

Don't mistake me for thinking abortion is an easy way out. I just think it would be worse to have a child that didn't even have a CHANCE for success.

I for one, feel that I am COMPLETELY financially unable to take care of a child. It just wouldn't be fair to them.


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OfflineCaribou_Lou
Stranger


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 2,510
Loc: Never Land
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: Xeluc]
    #7708321 - 12/02/07 08:27 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I think she should get an abortion, but that's just me. I wouldn't want to let a baby ruin my life. You can do something about the situation that would be better for everyone.. especially since you know about it so early.


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OfflineXeluc
Traveler
Male


Registered: 04/11/07
Posts: 746
Last seen: 6 years, 16 days
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: Caribou_Lou]
    #7708329 - 12/02/07 08:29 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

not only yours, possibly 3 in all. Possibly anyway.


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OfflineCaribou_Lou
Stranger


Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 2,510
Loc: Never Land
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: Xeluc]
    #7708345 - 12/02/07 08:32 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

More than likely.. most kids I know that were accidents didn't have a very good childhood


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OfflineXeluc
Traveler
Male


Registered: 04/11/07
Posts: 746
Last seen: 6 years, 16 days
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: Caribou_Lou]
    #7708347 - 12/02/07 08:33 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

also, the first time a child realizes that they were never meant to be, is traumatizing to say the least.


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OfflineLove Cap
Wanderer
Female


Registered: 09/16/07
Posts: 401
Loc: somewhere in the plains
Last seen: 10 years, 15 days
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: UnholyChild666]
    #7708366 - 12/02/07 08:38 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

UnholyChild666 said:
Quote:

Love Cap said:
Quote:

UnholyChild666 said:
I don't know about the rest of you but were I live it's like the state makes it so much easier for single moms now than ever before. I know plenty that only pay not even $100 for rent on a house and they just keep shitting out the babies left and right usually a different guy each time, I'm not saying that to be a dick it's true. They are so many places to get help, health care, food everything this is something that should be looked into for anyone who feels that can't afford it. Because if they give it to moms who don't even deserve to have kids why wouldn't they give it to someone who does and when I say someone who doesn't deserve it I mean the moms who drag their kids form guy to guy to guy to guy to guy, drive intoxicated with them in the car, you know irresponsible stuff like that.




I don't know your point exactly but isn't this more reason to keep abortion legal?




My point is that it could be easier to keep the child with all the help that is available, if not that than adoption. Abortion can be VERY damaging emotionally, physically, I don't know why people don't understand that. Everyone throws it out there like it's some "simple solution" I don't agree with abortion because I don't believe there is such a thing as an accidental pregnancy there is no accident about having sex even with birth control. Abortion to me has nothing to with peoples rights I think it's just about not wanting to take responsibility for ones own actions. That statement right there pissed a lot of people off but thats only because it's true, if it wasn't they wouldn't get mad, threes only one thing that makes people more mad than a lie and that is the truth. The only exception I feel would be in the case of rape, but that should be taken care of immediate as hard as it may be. Even though lots of girls who have been raped go through with giving birth.





look dude, I get how emotionally and physically damaging abortion could be. But it's not as nearly as damaging adoption could be. I don't know if you can imagine this (since you're a DUDE) but carrying a baby in your body for 9 months, then giving it away could be WAY more emotionally and physically damaging than aborting. Just wait until you're in the situation. We're over populated enough in this world, and if you choose not to have a baby, however you prevent it, the better off this world is, especially if you don't see yourself as a fit parent. There are too many orphans and starving children already. And giving your kid up for adoption isn't so easy anymore, Human services is running out of parents wanting to adopt, so now they let almost anyone adopt, and this includes abusive foster parents.
If you think abortion is wrong, then what about the morning after pill? What about condoms? where do you draw that line of what is 'morally wrong'?


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OfflinePandora
Mistress
Female


Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 117
Loc: Hawai'i
Last seen: 15 years, 2 months
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: UnholyChild666]
    #7708403 - 12/02/07 08:44 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

UnholyChild666 said:
Quote:

CherryBom said:
You know, it kind of makes me sick how at the mere mention of a late period, the coat hanger jokes come out.  Apparently you guys have zero comprehension of the seriousness of abortion.  :frown:




For someone like me it's lack of sympathy, if you don't wanna kid that bad don't have sex, if you get an abortion because of it well fuck you, get over it shut the fuck up, people don't deserve the right to have an abortion, they got pregnant by choice having sex is no accident, so to all you out there that get pregnant or get someone pregnant and don't want the kid, suck it up pussy it's your own damn fault. Ever seen how they pull the baby out and crush it's skull? I could post some pictures of aborted babies.......




And I could show you pictures of me heathly prior to pregnancy, and ridiculously anorexic post pregnancy.  If you aren't a woman, and haven't been pregnant STFU!  I chose to have an abortion for 2 main reasons.
1: I lost almost 20 lbs on a 140 lb 5'6 frame in less than a month, and in almost 3 months I ate no more than 400 calories a day.  You want to give up that much food?? That's less than a whopper a day!
2: I had done probably 7 or 8 drugs BEFORE I missed a period.  Do YOU want to risk having a f'ed up kid????
I'm not saying it's the answer.  I'm not saying it's not.  I HATED being alive while I was pregnant.  I honestly would have tried to commit suicide had I gone through with it.  Don't judge.  Whatever you (Unholy) and your girl decide, try to do it together.  She will remember your support the rest of her life.


--------------------
"There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them" - Joseph Brodsky


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Invisiblemachination
Stranger
Registered: 09/17/07
Posts: 705
Loc: Hringhorni
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: Pandora]
    #7708485 - 12/02/07 09:12 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

out


--------------------
"Have you not learned that your word is bond? Yes, my word is bond and bond is life, I shall give my life, before my word shall fail."


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Offlinegbeatle
Stranger


Registered: 08/20/07
Posts: 51
Last seen: 15 years, 5 months
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: Blend]
    #7708496 - 12/02/07 09:14 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

just toke up and ease your mind, it will all play out, just hang in there.


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InvisibleHELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag
Female User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan Flag
Re: Well, it finally happened. [Re: gbeatle]
    #7709239 - 12/03/07 12:11 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Worst... advice... ever...



--------------------




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