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OfflineMeepp
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Alone in a difficult trip
    #7689206 - 11/28/07 04:44 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

It was the day after my birthday and I had just finished drying some beautiful cubes that I had grown myself. I had never taken more than 1,5 grams of them and had had a few pleasant mild trips on them. On my last birthday I had taken dextromethorphan and had a very useful experience. So a problem here is that I don't have friends who I would trust enough to trip with. Either they are VERY anti-drug or unreliable. So I was doing this alone.

I had eaten nothing that day but I had some concentrated blackcurrant juice in my fridge. I had read of people drinking a whole bottle of the same juice for a boost. So I thought maybe it wouldn't have much of an effect if I just drank a glassful... (WRONG). Some time afterwards I took only 1,2 grams of shrooms in tea, and sat down listening to music. I had thought about the possibility of having a bad trip and thought I could handle it if I just remembered it would last only so long and that I could change it for the better. WRONG again. 

The comeup happened quickly. I was trying to relax but started feeling really uncomfortable, worse than on previous trips. I thought I'd lie down on my bed.... I had a "poisoned" feeling, and started having negative thoughts ("why did I do this really?"). I turned off the music and tried to think more positively and calm down. I wasn't really freaking out yet. There was a furry orange cat pillow on my bed and suddenly the fur looked more like weird tentacles. When I looked around my room it became alive with beautiful colours, but somehow they looked more sickening and evil. I don't remember them too well because the worst part was in my mind...

I felt like I lost control of any thoughts, there were "voices" echoing all over my head accusing me of bad things. I was being "judged" by the beings in the room.... I tried to offer them explanations but they weren't good enough. Every negative thought I had ever had came to me, and it was 10 times worse than I had ever experienced. It all came down to just hearing a loud "BOOOO" from every direction, it went on and on and on... I didn't know what I was thinking, everything was messed up and repeating itself in my head and I thought it would NEVER end. I forgot what language I speak and thought I wasn't a real person at all. I was convinced this was the end and thought about calling someone, running outside or even having to die before it stopped.

I concentrated on trying to make the trip go away :shrug:  I finally managed to get up from my bed and ran into my livingroom... I still felt like shit but I got out of the horrible thought loop. I was afraid a friend/relative would either mock me or try to take me to a hospital so I thought the only option was to stay home and not call anyone or go outside. There was a fun anime series DVD I had watched earlier, and I thought I could calm down if I watched it. Oh no. I had seen it many times but now it was really fucked up. Normally it's funny but now the main character was evil and looked like some sort of demonic alien. Another character was angelic and somehow comforting. I tried to do other stuff to distract myself but nothing really helped so I sat down and just watched the show.

At this point I just thought about life and realized many things... some of which were actually "right" and gradually I started to feel better. Suddenly just everything came out and I actually started to cry :shrug:  Usually I'm not an emotional person like that, but everything was too overwhelming. Now the trip changed completely. I was enjoying beautiful visuals and felt more euphoric than ever before in my life! For some time I just sat there gasping because everything was right again and I just felt so good! It was like a rebirth. Maybe the best moment in my life actually... I was close to freaking out once when I saw people on TV, and they looked really disturbing (electric black outlines, alien heads with no jaw) but the rest of the trip was still great. :sun:

I've always had problems with depression, paranoia, anxiety, and that probably contributed... I thought my mindset was positive but I guess I had too many underlying issues bothering me. Even though the trip was really hard at first I wouldn't change a second of it. :thumbup:  I wouldn't have guessed that 1,2 grams could be that hard, it must have been the MAOI... I've had some really intense experiences before but I can't really compare dissociatives to mushrooms.


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Offlinestefan
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Re: Alone in a difficult trip [Re: Meepp]
    #7689215 - 11/28/07 04:56 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

good that it was a positive experience after all (most of the times it is;))

the problem you describe here is 'refusing to let go'. You start fight the feelings, the trip and everything, whitch won't work. You'll have to go with what happens and sometimes there's a bump in the road that you have to pass before you end up where you want too. These bumps are important parts of trips imo, they make you learn a lot about yourself in my experience:thumbup: In dayly life these 'bumps' are on the background, but in trips they're right in your face until you're done dealing with them


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OfflineMeepp
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Re: Alone in a difficult trip [Re: stefan]
    #7689221 - 11/28/07 05:18 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

True. :grin: I realized I do that a lot actually...

It's been over two weeks since that trip, hopefully I will find a right time for another one but it will probably be a while. :smirk: Definately  gained more respect for the shrooms.


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Offlinestefan
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Registered: 04/11/01
Posts: 8,932
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Re: Alone in a difficult trip [Re: Meepp]
    #7689225 - 11/28/07 05:21 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

hopefully I will find a right time for another one but it will probably be a while.



that's a good thing imo:sun:


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