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Invisiblekake
The answer to1984 is 1776.
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Registered: 05/06/99
Posts: 2,782
Loc: The 66th harmonic
Re: omg! [Re: Cheezit]
    #7676444 - 11/24/07 11:39 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Cheezit said:
:mraverage:




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The answer to 1984 is 1776.


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OfflineStonedShroom
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Registered: 10/21/00
Posts: 10,876
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Re: omg! [Re: Leanin]
    #7676448 - 11/24/07 11:43 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

lmao

you didn't happen to drink high life?

EDIT:

I debated on whether or not to post this as it's not very lady-like to talk about puking and pooing, but then I figured- eh, it's just the shroomery.

One night back in the day when I was struggling on $9.50/hr, I would go out with my supervisors and a few of my coworkers for $1.25 draw night at a local bar. It was piss coors light, but it was just $1.25 for a 32 oz glass, so basically 75 cents a pint. Plus they had a huge "sampler" thing that we split that had a couple burgers quartered, wings, cheese sticks, breaded mushrooms, the usual fried food bar type affair. So for about $15 I would have a decent night out. We did that for the good part of a year.

Well, one of my supervisors was fired while on medical leave, and that is completely against the law. So he took it to a lawyer, etc etc and ended up with a very nice chunk of change.

That night he came out with us and was buying round after round of shots for us. So on top of the greasy food and shit 1.25 Coors Light, I now had a good 5-7 shots of Patron, kamikazes, and a couple "blasters" to boot- you know where they drop a shot of liquor in some energy drink or beer and you throw it back all at once?

well, we were cut off at our normal haunt so we got the bright idea to just head out to another bar.

My old sup with he newfound fortune had bought himself a new car. One of those bigger luxury sedan types with leather seats and all the optional features.

He decides he wants to drive like a fucking maniac down the freeway, cue my barfing out the window. Have you ever barfed out the window of a moving car? it's not as clean as you think. some of it come right back in the window. in my hair.

whatever, everyone else was too drunk to even notice. so I went into the new bar, which happened to be a gay bar during a drag show. I rinsed out my mouth and hair in the bathroom and grabbed a pitcher of more shitty domestic on tap.

next thing I know, it's morning and I'm on the couch in a strange house, reeking of puke, head pounding. I look out the window and realize where I'm at and start to get my bearings. About that time my guts decide it's time for the obligatory hangover dump. I really don't want to bomb my sup's bathroom, plus I just wanted to be able to crawl into a shower and my own bed afterwards.

So I jot down a quick "thanks for letting me crash at your place" note on the fridge and legged it out to my car. It was the early part of July so it was sweltering hot and humid, which made for a miserable drive until the AC got cold.

I'm flying down the highway, still drunk, and what feels like a bowling ball resting in my ass. Sweating and swearing , I roll into my apt complex, and I feel some relief as I punch in the gate code. Then I realize- I live on the third floor. My eyes instantly water as I think about going up three flights of stairs, half drunk, half hung over, and completely in need of a shit.

I slowly get out of my car, tears and sweat rolling down my face, and hobble up the stairs as fast as I could without falling and/or shitting myself.

I finally reach my apt door and bust in and make a b-line for the bathroom while unbuttoning my pants (stupid button fly!!) by the time I get to bathroom I'm completely naked waste down (one of the joys of living alone) and I sit down for sweet release. My cats were thrilled to see me home and were weaving in and out of my ankles saying "hey mommy we missed you!" in kitty language. well when I sat down they were purring and being generally happy cats. Then when I opened the flood gates, the almost cartoonish sounds reverbed from what seemed like every wall of that apartment and all I saw were white and black flashes of cats running for their dear little lives.

I distinctly remember thinking to myself at one point "my God, I'm releasing the hounds of hell from my ass!!"

after what felt like 5 hours of involuntary spasms and "dry heaves" from my ass, it was over. I believe that was the day I was most thankful my dad works at a paper mill so I get free toilet paper by the case. And of course, I just had to turn around and see the damage. It was a bowl full of the most putrid nastiness one could ever imagine. took two flushes to get it all down.

I crawled into the shower then whimpered off to bed and slept until 9pm that night, just to get up and drink a couple bottles of water and eat a slice of toast, then go right back to sleep.

My cats wouldn't come near me for 2 days.


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We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience.

We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience.



Edited by StonedShroom (11/25/07 12:54 AM)


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InvisibleApollyphelion
Dungeon Master/Princess(1009)
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Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 16,757
Loc: Festival of Deaths
Re: omg! [Re: cube428]
    #7676634 - 11/25/07 01:35 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

This thread gave me a boner for some reason.


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OfflineLeanin
Student of theIron Game
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Registered: 04/18/06
Posts: 2,231
Last seen: 10 years, 7 months
Re: omg! [Re: StonedShroom]
    #7676638 - 11/25/07 01:36 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

hahaahhahahaaha

it was busch/bud light/coors btw lol


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OfflineStonedShroom
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Registered: 10/21/00
Posts: 10,876
Last seen: 6 months, 30 days
Re: omg! [Re: Leanin]
    #7676662 - 11/25/07 01:49 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

gross


--------------------
We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience.

We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience.



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Invisibleindica
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Registered: 08/17/05
Posts: 18,905
Re: omg! [Re: StonedShroom]
    #7676694 - 11/25/07 02:10 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

sometimes I wonder if my insides have given up on me and have decided to turn against me and shit themself out of my ass. honestly, I swear to god sometimes I feel like it's the end of everything when I'm taking a shit and my ass starts bleeding and there's half chunks of like fucked up looking turd floating in my bowl


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Invisibleindica
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Registered: 08/17/05
Posts: 18,905
Re: omg! [Re: StonedShroom]
    #7676700 - 11/25/07 02:15 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

sometimes I wonder if my insides have given up on me and have decided to turn against me and shit themself out of my ass. honestly, I swear to god sometimes I feel like it's the end of everything when I'm taking a shit and my ass starts bleeding and there's half chunks of like fucked up looking turd floating in my bowl


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OfflineStonedShroom
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Registered: 10/21/00
Posts: 10,876
Last seen: 6 months, 30 days
Re: omg! [Re: indica]
    #7676701 - 11/25/07 02:16 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

you should probably tell your boyfriend to stop fucking your ass so hard then.


--------------------
We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience.

We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience.



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InvisibleEgo Death
Justadropofwaterinanendlesssea
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Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 10,447
Loc: The War Machine
Re: omg! [Re: Leanin]
    #7676986 - 11/25/07 06:01 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

:toilet:


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