This is for all the people who have used an entheogen for psychological insight:
The only reason why I've considered using a psychedelic, is for the potential insight for solving personal issues and dissolving neurotically based fears.
I do not have a history of any major psychiatric disorder, except anxiety disorder that I developed as a child. I have gone through programs and I've eliminated most...most of my anxiety. While the techniques I'm using are just fine for complete recovery, I feel that I could get more of a benefit from the intentional use of an entheogen for therapy. I believe I could really get down to the base of many of my fears that I cannot accomplish in waking-state consciousness nor through meditation.
For this, I have chosen mescaline as my first "real" experience with an entheogen. Shrooms appear to be too strong for a n00b like me, and I've heard that mescaline is more of a gentler psychedelic that is less controlling and more lucid.
I have used pot habitually a few years back, but it only seemed to precipitate it after my anxiety relapsed as a teen. I have also used Salvia several times, but I find the effects too overbearing and dissociating and not conducive to a state of mind that is in "problem solving mode." I would rather use an entheogen that lets me be lucid, but at the same time, lets go of all my ego-games.
Have any of you had experiences with using an entheogen for overcoming old habits, fears and beliefs? I'd love to hear them. I'm still doing extensive research on it.
-------------------- Alone in the clouds all blue. Lying on an eiderdown. You can't see me, but I can you.
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Have any of you had experiences with using an entheogen for overcoming old habits, fears and beliefs? I'd love to hear them. I'm still doing extensive research on it.
Indeed! Mainly, for me, it's been a matter of realising that what I previously saw as "reality" was a socially conditioned construct of my mind- what I saw as right and true was, essentially, what society saw as right and true. In terms of actual habits, I find I crave weed and tobacco (never smoked cigarettes, but used tobacco in joints) far less since tripping and only occasionally smoke weed these days and almost never any tobacco.
With respect to the actual experiences, there's a trip report of my first (and possibly most profound, though as of about three days ago, maybe not) LSD experience somewhere on this forum, but I have an updated version on my home PC which I'll post here when I'm home.
I experienced what Buddhists for thousands of years and, more recently, Timothy Leary refered to as "The Clear Light of the purely mystical experience". The whole of existence was bathed in a golden, healing light- every single aspect of my being, and of the universe around me, was permeated by a force that was pure love. In this state I realised that all suffering has its source in the mind- things I previously considered as bad things that had happened to me or that other people had done to me were nothing more than events my ego interpreted as me being wronged in some way. I saw that, when the mind is cleansed of all negativity and distraction, an essence of pure goodness permeates everything- God, the clear light, Nirvana, and Cosmic Consciousness are, I believe, just different ways of understanding this phenomenon.
After this experience, I no longer had any social anxiety. I no longer walked the streets with this fear in my head of what people thought of me. No longer did I exist as a socially conditioned product, or a member of society- I existed as a human being on a beautiful, Edenic planet. While there are innumerable horrific things happening on our planet right now, I came to see people as enlightened beings who simply fail to realise their true nature due to their egos and the nature of the society we live in. I came to see that much of what I wished to achieve was, in reality, what people around me wanted me to achieve- what I, myself, desired was to progress mentally and spiritually, and live my life in a good way that was neither harmful to the planet nor any of the beings inhabiting it.
Fear of failure was gone- failure is just another way of learning. I was no longer scared of death, as I came to see myself with respect to everything- not as an isolated ego, but as a single thread in the infinite tapestry that is the universe. I had no fear of the fact that I would no longer exist, but merely gratitude that I would, for a time, know the joy and beauty of life. I saw the first fully formed rainbow of my life during my first LSD trip, and underwent what I consider to be a type of spiritual cleansing and realisation of my true purpose here- peace, knowledge and love, rather than success, power and money.
I think cacti is a perfect choice for a first trip. So long as you proceed with caution, knowledge, respect and intelligence, your anxiety disorder shouldn't be a problem. I had serious anxiety issues (nothing I ever had diagnosed, but it was there), moodswings, and intense insomnia and psychedelics have helped me with all these problems. However, it could easily have just made things worse had I not used them in a respectful manner. You seem to have done your research, though, so I don't really need to be telling you this.
The only advice I can really give you is to read up lots, as you already have been doing, choose your dose, tripping companions, time and place carefully, and totally let go of everything. I've realised lately that the only problems I've had tripping have been a result of failure on my part to lay myself down and let things fully resolve themselves. If something scares you, do not try to avoid it, simply watch it, realise why it makes you feel fear, integrate the experience and move on. I had a moment on an acid trip a few days ago when I closed my eyes and saw a gang of people looking at me in a nasty way and it scared me, so I simply looked carefully to try and focus on their faces and see who these people were- they disappeared and I went on to have a fantastic trip, culminating next to a tree bathed in rainbows, listening to "The End".
No matter what happens on the trip, allow it to happen. You have not gone insane, you are not going to die, and you are not having a bad trip. There is no such thing as a bad trip- people simply have a bad moment and then feed off their own fears and paranoia. Allow things to play themselves out to the end and you will find yourself liberated from your fears. Also, music is your friend. Choose songs that have a special significance for you, and have a few ridiculously happy songs on hand just in case things take a bad turn ("Itchycoo Park" is a good one for this, but just browse your playlist). Throw in all kinds of music- some kind of portable system is good. Also, if you're going to be outside somewhere and with other people, try to have some sort of communal music playing device available- it's not the end of the world if you don't, but listening to the same song at the same time is better, in my opinion, than everyone off in their own world.
Don't fret about bizarre and ostensibly useless experiences with salvia- the majority of people who try it find, at least at first, that it's just too strange to get anything out of. Experiment later and you might have beautiful experiences like many people have, but it's not such a great choice for your first trips. Also, avoid actually sitting trying to solve all your problems (at least in the early stages of a trip- after the peak everything usually seems to just fall into place)- simply let your ego drift away and you'll find that the person who had those problems never existed anyway- you're a human being with an infinitely complex mind, not just an ego with its frustrations and problems.
Lastly, don't get scared off by my excessive talk of ego loss- at low doses it really doesn't happen in any way resembling death, you'll just find yourself liberated from your expectations and assumptions. I hope you have an absolutely wonderful experience and I'm sure you will- I can tell you're intelligent enough to approach this kind of thing respectfully. Find a nice, peaceful, natural setting, go with one or two trusted friends (or even on your own), have nice music on hand, food, water, enough clothes to stay warm and everything will be just fine. Be sure to tell me how it goes when you do this, and if you have any other questions feel free to PM me them, though there are many other people on here far more experienced than me who can probably give you better answers.
-------------------- Disclaimer: If you have any kind of heart condition, my posts are not for you. You could literally die from reading the first couple of words in any one of them. Scroll down the page, live your life and prosper, but don't read my posts because your heart will probably explode. I am not joking.
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