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Anonymous #1

oh my
    #7649625 - 11/18/07 12:02 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

11 years ago when i was 21, i moved out of my parrents house leaving them a note. I was going to be with a girl i met on the 'new' internet. i had been talking to this girl for 2 years. on the phone, internet, letters. I had never personally met her as she lived a few states away. when i got there, she was really great but within hours the realization set in of the situation and i had to go. she couldnt believe i would come maybe? and insted of going home to my parrents in shame at what i had done i continued a few more states away to a cousin of mine. this is where im going to start 'life'. no way, cant be that easy... later that year, i met another girl in the new place. after a month of hot passionate monkey love, shes pregnant. so i married her thinking it was the right thing to do. life has been hell. now, all these years later the internet girl finds me on the internet and we've been talking. i realized that she was the girl i really loved the whole time. she was the one i fell in love with for real. this comes at a time when things are so bad for me. this along with everything else that is going on has me beside meself. do i stay in a relationship that im not happy with as not to rock the boat or do what i think would make me the happiest? is that selfish? i just truly dont know what to do


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Offlineboxcarguy07
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Registered: 04/25/07
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Re: oh my [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7649680 - 11/18/07 12:23 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

IMO, I would stick it out with the girl you're with now.
It's your responsibility as a husband and as a father.
As a husband, you took the vows, for better or worse, etc.
As a father, your child needs his/her daddy full time.

You can learn to find joy in your situation. Yes, maybe it's rough now and it wasn't the ideal way to start, but things will get better if you let them.

Good luck!


--------------------
:musicnote:Music doesn't stop at the ears when it begins at the heart.:musicnote:


:psychsplit:"Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind."
            -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:psychsplit:


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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: oh my [Re: boxcarguy07]
    #7650064 - 11/18/07 05:25 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Responsibility? :what:
Should two people be together just because of responsibility? This sounds like so much bull shit. :rolleyes:

To the OP: just do exactly what you think will make you happy.
Staying in a situation where you have a responsibility but no feelings will only make things worse. For you and also for your family, because since your mind won't be really there, this will be noticed and things will get more and more tensed.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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Invisibledr_gonz

Registered: 08/18/03
Posts: 44,654
. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7650203 - 11/18/07 07:51 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

.


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InvisibleBully
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Re: oh my [Re: dr_gonz]
    #7650448 - 11/18/07 10:07 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

its me, anonymous is weak :geordinod:    there was nothing going on with my life at the time. Work and out with friends, then home to the 'rents'.  Then when things with the girl heated up, I had to make my move or never know. this stuff has me up at night :shrug:


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InvisibleBully
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Re: oh my [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7650477 - 11/18/07 10:25 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

MushroomTrip said:
To the OP: just do exactly what you think will make you happy.
Staying in a situation where you have a responsibility but no feelings will only make things worse. For you and also for your family, because since your mind won't be really there, this will be noticed and things will get more and more tensed.




we actually talked about that, shes a mess and if i get to be a mess then the whole ship will go down. but yet, im afraid to jump ship myself.


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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: oh my [Re: Bully]
    #7650502 - 11/18/07 10:39 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

How exactly did you meet again with your long lost love? And what happened (in more detail) that you had to leave back then?

Anyways, I think you did a smart thing telling your girl about it, it's so much better to be honest, no matter the situation.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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OfflineKristian
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Registered: 11/15/07
Posts: 31
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
Re: oh my [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7650582 - 11/18/07 11:19 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

If you are miserable where you are, leave. 1) It will adversely affect your kid, since kids are really good at picking up on how people really feel and you can be a better father if you are a happy individual. 2) It is better to acknowledge you made a mistake, and take steps to fix it than beleaguer yourself. 3) Wanting to be happy is not selfish. Wanting someone to stick around pointlessly, just because society says divorce is "taboo" is selfish and stupid.


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OfflineSampaJasli
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Re: oh my [Re: Kristian]
    #7651139 - 11/18/07 01:57 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

I don't think leaving will adversely affect your kid.
you Do have a responsibility as a father, so you should stay in your kids life because you brought him/her into the world, but you don't have to stay with your wife forever.
do you know how many marriages end in divorce and seperation?
another thing, seperation doesn't have to be a bad, taboo thing if you're open with your wife.


--------------------


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: oh my [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7651146 - 11/18/07 02:02 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

We learn by trial and error.:monkeydance:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleThin White Duke
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Re: oh my [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7651174 - 11/18/07 02:14 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
now, all these years later the internet girl finds me on the internet and we've been talking. i realized that she was the girl i really loved the whole time. she was the one i fell in love with for real.




Is this also what you felt when you first started this whole thing? Why would it be any different now?


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InvisibleGGreatOne234
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Registered: 12/23/99
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Re: oh my [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7651232 - 11/18/07 02:39 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

If you really loved this girl you would have zero hesitation to drop everything and go be with her. If you really loved this girl you wouldnt have had the time to make a topic here asking for advice, you would have just gotten on a plane to go see her as soon as possible. Without any doubt in your mind, you would do anything it took to be with her, no matter what anybody else says.

Love is the most powerful force in our universe.


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InvisibleThin White Duke
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Re: oh my [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #7651321 - 11/18/07 03:12 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

I don't think it's as black and white as that. He does have a wife and child.


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InvisibleGGreatOne234
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Re: oh my [Re: Thin White Duke]
    #7651471 - 11/18/07 03:56 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

I know, I read all that.. Personally I don't have any children of my own yet, but if I did I bet I would love my child more than any broad I barely know that I met on the internet years ago (and only met once and got a bad vibe from it). Duh. But this guy claims this internet girl is the love of his life so, basically I think he is just very confused and not really in love with her. If he was in love with her he would be making some serious changes in his life to be with this other women.

I've never been married yet either, so what the hell do I know? ha! I would never marry a girl just because I get her pregnant tho. I would only do it if I was madly in love with her and felt I could spend the rest of my life living with her.

I have been in love before tho, and it made me go to great extents to be with her. I followed my heart, not other peoples advice, but my own heart and gut.


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InvisibleThin White Duke
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Re: oh my [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #7651970 - 11/18/07 06:29 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

GGreatOne234 said:
I have been in love before tho, and it made me go to great extents to be with her. I followed my heart, not other peoples advice, but my own heart and gut.




How did that work out?


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InvisibleGGreatOne234
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Re: oh my [Re: Thin White Duke]
    #7651988 - 11/18/07 06:34 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

How did that work out?




lol :smile: no comment


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InvisibleThin White Duke
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Re: oh my [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #7651998 - 11/18/07 06:36 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Not good then :smirk:


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