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OfflineRonaldFuckingPaul
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Existential Depression
    #7645999 - 11/16/07 09:52 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Hey guys, lately I've been constantly thinking about the origin of existence and if anything really happens after your physical body dies. I was raised a Christian but a few years back I for whatever reason questioned Christianity just because I've always been a logical individual. I have since then researched other religions and evolutionary theories and all that and concluded that Christianity was rather laughable. I guess you could say I'm a hopeful Agnostic, meaning I do hope there is some sort of afterlife like Heaven or some shit like that.

So onto my original point, I find myself constantly pondering about God and the beginning of time and lately psychedelics have been the closest I've come to even beginning to understand "God" or whatever you wish to call it. Even on my last Salvia Breakthrough I didn't connect with God but I did visit another dimension, that's better than nothing right?

However I find it rather dumb that modern Christians look down upon responsible psychedelic drug use. Their God did create most of the psychedelics I ingest for spiritual insight. Whoops God made a booboo? Well according to Christians God is perfect so these entheogens were put here for a reason unless God made a mistake which is impossible for he is perfect. There are also many contradictions in the Bible which is the Christians perfect word of God. According to the bible God kills his people in the Flood even if he loves them? But then God states "Thou shalt not kill". Anyways I'm kind of rambling, so basically what I did was exclude Christianity from my beliefs.

Another thing that's weird is that all of the rest of my family are still religious, my Dad a pastor, and some of my friends still religious as well, my friends still accept me but we never hang out now because they don't agree with me ingesting certain molecular structures. I don't want to pop their ignorant bubble though because ignorance is bliss after all right? So basically I'm sitting here on my computer typing away about what has been going on in my life lately. I know this post was kinda all over the place but what do you guys think I should do? Have any of you gone through something similar and found something to do to keep positive, meditation maybe? Have any of y'all had any connections with God through entheogens, and which entheogens would best suit my needs at the moment? I want to get out of this way of thinking it's extremely depressing to me. Peace and Love =)


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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: Existential Depression [Re: RonaldFuckingPaul]
    #7646042 - 11/16/07 10:06 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Well, first of all, what exactly do you want? Is this your final purpose? Connecting with god? What if there's no god? Then would you get disappointed? And what do you understand by "god", because there are so many definitions that it's kind of hard to establish what you're looking for.
I'm afraid that nobody can tell you what you need in order to get out of this depressed state because nobody's you. Meaning that nobody knows better than you what you need. For some people meditation works, for others it doesn't. :shrug:
Anyways, from the things you stated here, it results that maybe you still don't know exactly what you're looking for, but in the same time you're asking about means of searching. :lol:
I think it's far more effective to first know what you want and then use the right tools in finding it.


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:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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InvisiblelIllIIIllIlIIlIlIIllIllIIl
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Re: Existential Depression [Re: RonaldFuckingPaul]
    #7646053 - 11/16/07 10:09 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

i don't think i know you well enough based on that block of text to say with confidence what you should do

i will wish you luck instead


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OfflineRonaldFuckingPaul
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Re: Existential Depression [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7646066 - 11/16/07 10:13 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

MushroomTrip said:
Well, first of all, what exactly do you want? Is this your final purpose? Connecting with god? What if there's no god? Then would you get disappointed? And what do you understand by "god", because there are so many definitions that it's kind of hard to establish what you're looking for.
I'm afraid that nobody can tell you what you need in order to get out of this depressed state because nobody's you. Meaning that nobody knows better than you what you need. For some people meditation works, for others it doesn't. :shrug:
Anyways, from the things you stated here, it results that maybe you still don't know exactly what you're looking for, but in the same time you're asking about means of searching. :lol:
I think it's far more effective to first know what you want and then use the right tools in finding it.




I guess I don't really know what I want..Yea it would bum me out if there was no God considering I was raised Christian and it's imprinted in my brain lol


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OfflineRonaldFuckingPaul
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Re: Existential Depression [Re: RonaldFuckingPaul]
    #7646078 - 11/16/07 10:16 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

The thing is that I do know what I want, to be content and happy with my life. You're right in that I'm the only one who truly knows me and only I can fix this problem.


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InvisibleClean
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Re: Existential Depression [Re: RonaldFuckingPaul]
    #7646105 - 11/16/07 10:27 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Your on the right track dude. "depression" is as much a part of life as happiness. Learn to appreciate it and understand the purpose it serves.

Quote:

Yea it would bum me out if there was no God considering I was raised Christian and it's imprinted in my brain lol




You seem aware that your reality maps have largely been drawn by other people.
Grab the pen from them, kick them out of your inner sanctum, and say NO MORE!!!!
Seize the reigns of yourself and be your own driver, you deserve it.


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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: Existential Depression [Re: RonaldFuckingPaul]
    #7646107 - 11/16/07 10:28 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

reeferaddict69 said:
I guess I don't really know what I want..Yea it would bum me out if there was no God considering I was raised Christian and it's imprinted in my brain lol




Hmm :strokebeard:
And how does that relate to your agnostic views?

Maybe a good first step would consist of finding out why you're feeling depressed... the thing is that the more time passes and you still haven't figured that out, the harder it becomes to know the true roots of your depression.
This is how depression works... it all becomes more and more blurry until memories and emotions become so distorted that you end up thinking about yourself something entirely different than it is.
Give yourself the necessary space and time to realize what's happening to you, get to know who you are as more as possible because you'll find many answers on your way.
We're usually looking for a higher power (outside of ourselves) when we feel down and that our problems have passed beyond the human powers to make things right, so we need divine intervention.
With other words, some magic hand which gets us out of the shit and get us clean. :lol:
This could be a pointer to your actual state and give you a much better perspective about what you need.
Maybe the power you're looking for resides in you. :smile:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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OfflineRonaldFuckingPaul
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Re: Existential Depression [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7646114 - 11/16/07 10:30 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Thanks for the suggestions guys, much appreciated :thumbup:


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OfflineJoseLibrado
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Re: Existential Depression [Re: RonaldFuckingPaul]
    #7646226 - 11/16/07 11:15 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

hey
i can understand where your coming from. And i have been in a similair place - in fact rather i still go in and out of it. I think the reason you are depressed is because intuitivly you know that what you think about life, god and existence is incomplete. but hey you cannot have completeness without incompletness...so there is reason for your suffering depressive feelings.

I hope you can recall something that may shed some light to your question. And it is a question; if you think that what science says will happen to our bodies is true and we become nothing, remember that the experience of this would be impossible. Think about what would happen if you couldnt feel or think...would you be able to see that you cannot feel and think? The question is self answering, in that we need to feel in order to feel nothing, because nothing is defined as the absence of a thing.

another problem i have with scientific understanding that relates to death, is the simple notion that feeling and though, is in itself indescribable. What this means is, ask yourself this question...can a feeler understand what it is to feel? Can i thinker, know what it is to think? To this is answered easily as no...you cannot know what they are...you really only know what they are in relation to what they are not..example: feeling is not thought, feeling is feeling.

What i believe is then that if i have always felt and cannot know what it is to feel because of the fact that i cannot feel a the absence of feeling, once i 'die', the mere notion that i end, is inconcievable, because i would not be able to percieve the end.

the question now that comes to mind, is where does conciousness(feeling and thought) begin and end? Can i come into something like conciousness, from the absence of nothing, if the absence of something like feeling can only be known, in the presence of it?


Another thought i just came across is if conciousness can only be know by somethin who can conceptualize its existence, then i say because you do not need to be able to conceptualize conciousness, to be conciouss, it is possible that we could have always had been concioussness, even previously to our arival to the physical world...

I love you all.

Peace


--------------------
The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution.

And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change.

Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems.

Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....


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InvisibleEternalCowabunga
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Re: Existential Depression [Re: JoseLibrado]
    #7646254 - 11/16/07 11:25 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

I've thought it all before, but for some reason that post blew me away - maybe I'm in a particularly receptive state. Thanks Jose (although the post was directed to the OP).. I felt what you were saying...:tripping:


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OfflineNiamhNyx
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Re: Existential Depression [Re: RonaldFuckingPaul]
    #7646281 - 11/16/07 11:34 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

It sounds like you've found yourself at the beginning of a journey. Losing faith in the religion you were raised in is the call to develop yourself on your own terms, and to discover the world anew. Don't despair! This can be exciting. I recommend a committment to trusting your instincts and refusing to doubt your intuition, despite the negative reactions of some of the people you've grown up with.

I also recommend studying thinkers and ideas that take interpret Christianity in radically different ways. Those symbols are buried to the very depths of your psyche, and they aren't going to disappear as long as you live, so you may as well understand how they structure your conception of the universe. This is liberating, as it gives you control over what to make of the material of your subconscious rather than being driven by it without your awareness or consent. Recommended reading includes: Karl Jung, Joseph Cambpell, Karl Jaspers, Soren Kierkegaard, and stuff about gnosticism.



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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: Existential Depression [Re: RonaldFuckingPaul]
    #7646328 - 11/16/07 11:47 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

You need to throw off your religion and discover Christ. That is the Illumined Awareness by which one comes to 'Know' God. Without the Mind of Christ [Logo], there will be no fulfillment of one's need to Know, because all of your knowledge will be temporal knowledge, not the Knowledge of Being.


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OfflineRonaldFuckingPaul
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Re: Existential Depression [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #7646499 - 11/17/07 12:54 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Alright guys thanks again for your posts, I'm gonna hit the sack now and trip on DMT for 8 hours, and I'll look into those books you mentioned Niamh, Peace =)


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