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robbyberto
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Help me revise a paper
#7633632 - 11/14/07 01:54 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Its hosted on my website because I couldn't find a format that the shroomery would accept, its safe. I'd really appreciate it guys but I understand if you don't.
http://www.psykotropia.net/paper.docx
-------------------- “People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington
Edited by robbyberto (11/14/07 01:33 PM)
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Gumby
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Re: Help me revise a paper [Re: robbyberto]
#7633644 - 11/14/07 01:59 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Thats a great idea, to have papers revised on forums. If I were in any condition to help you I'd do it. Just too stoned right now :P
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robbyberto
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Re: Help me revise a paper [Re: Gumby]
#7633660 - 11/14/07 02:04 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Sarcastic?
-------------------- “People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington
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Hyper_Panda_GO
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Re: Help me revise a paper [Re: robbyberto]
#7633670 - 11/14/07 02:07 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'll give it a look tomorrow
-------------------- There is no valid reason you should be reading this
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robbyberto
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Its due at 5:00 p.m. eastern. I'd appreciate it.
-------------------- “People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington
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Gumby
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Re: Help me revise a paper [Re: robbyberto]
#7633681 - 11/14/07 02:10 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Not at all man, it's a good idea. A lot of people like to proof read papers, including myself. I'll check it out tomorrow.
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robbyberto
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Re: Help me revise a paper [Re: Gumby]
#7633686 - 11/14/07 02:13 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Thanks man. I always get this strange feeling that people are insulting my intelligence and I don't notice it and it really bothers me. I mean I'm no genius but I've done alright so far.
-------------------- “People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington
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robbyberto
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Re: Help me revise a paper [Re: robbyberto]
#7637056 - 11/14/07 07:37 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Well you're both liars. I revised that shit on my own. Shooting for an 85.
-------------------- “People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington
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Hyper_Panda_GO
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Re: Help me revise a paper [Re: robbyberto]
#7637286 - 11/14/07 08:27 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Oops, class all day
I'll tell you what you should've done later
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Penguarky Tunguin
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Re: Help me revise a paper [Re: robbyberto]
#7637322 - 11/14/07 08:37 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Did you UNDERLINE your thesis? WTF? 
I'm an English major, so I'm picky as FUCK. Sorry.
What citation style are you using?
-------------------- Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
Edited by Penguarky Tunguin (11/14/07 08:41 PM)
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robbyberto
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Yes, yes I did. Professor requires it.
-------------------- “People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington
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Penguarky Tunguin
f n o r d


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Re: Help me revise a paper [Re: robbyberto]
#7637335 - 11/14/07 08:42 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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You use the passive voice a lot. Try to change that. It really makes your paper more interesting and engaging.
-------------------- Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
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robbyberto
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What year are you? I could always advise from an English major even if I'm only doing this class because it is a required prerequisite.
-------------------- “People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington
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Penguarky Tunguin
f n o r d


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Re: Help me revise a paper [Re: robbyberto]
#7637366 - 11/14/07 08:50 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm a sophomore, but I'm 25. I'm getting an English degree, writing concentration and a minor in linguistics.
I was all AP English throughout high school. And I took about four classes of English for my first degree.
I'm still correcting your paper by the way. I'll post when I'm done.
-------------------- Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
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robbyberto
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Good luck. I haven't taken any advanced writing classes so I don't expect you to think that its any good.
-------------------- “People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington
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Penguarky Tunguin
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Re: Help me revise a paper [Re: robbyberto]
#7637424 - 11/14/07 09:07 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Log in to view attachment
Here ya go. Revised, mainly for grammer usage, but some ideas and whatnot as well.
-------------------- Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
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robbyberto
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My professor hasn't been stringy as far as grammar goes. Man, my grammar is really bad. Thanks. Besides the poor grammar and formatting, what did you think? The Georgia public school system has forever crippled my ability to use proper grammar.
-------------------- “People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington
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Penguarky Tunguin
f n o r d


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Re: Help me revise a paper [Re: robbyberto]
#7637473 - 11/14/07 09:26 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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It was ok. I would have talked more about Sufism for Rumi. Sufism is pretty interesting and would have been interesting in your paper. Show how Sufism influenced Rumi and whatnot...
And did you purposefully leave god uncapitalized?
Could've quoted Jung or Freud about repression too, maybe bring in some of their ideas.
-------------------- Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
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robbyberto
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It was supposed to cover only Like This and certain sections of Confessions that we were given. I'll add in a little background about Sufism to highlight his spirituality. If you're interested in Sufism a descendant of Rumi's gives a presentation about it at Georgia Tech if you're ever around at the right time. I can't thank you enough for helping me. Honestly, I really appreciate the help. You probably helped me bump my grade up quite a few points. If you wouldn't mind could you help me revise other papers when the time comes? Five shrooms, no doubt. You're awesome.
-------------------- “People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington
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Penguarky Tunguin
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Re: Help me revise a paper [Re: robbyberto]
#7637526 - 11/14/07 09:44 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Sure man, glad to help whenever.
-------------------- Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
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Hyper_Panda_GO
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Aren;t they fun?
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