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Madtowntripper
Sun-Beams out of Cucumbers



Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 21,287
Loc: The Ocean of Notions
Last seen: 5 months, 23 days
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I thought this was going to be a Nazi thread.
-------------------- After one comes, through contact with it's administrators, no longer to cherish greatly the law as a remedy in abuses, then the bottle becomes a sovereign means of direct action. If you cannot throw it at least you can always drink out of it. - Ernest Hemingway If it is life that you feel you are missing I can tell you where to find it. In the law courts, in business, in government. There is nothing occurring in the streets. Nothing but a dumbshow composed of the helpless and the impotent. -Cormac MacCarthy He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. - Aeschylus
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WhiskeyClone
Not here


Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Hehe I actually considered calling it "Mein Kampf"
-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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Madtowntripper
Sun-Beams out of Cucumbers



Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 21,287
Loc: The Ocean of Notions
Last seen: 5 months, 23 days
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I'm glad you understood what I was saying.
-------------------- After one comes, through contact with it's administrators, no longer to cherish greatly the law as a remedy in abuses, then the bottle becomes a sovereign means of direct action. If you cannot throw it at least you can always drink out of it. - Ernest Hemingway If it is life that you feel you are missing I can tell you where to find it. In the law courts, in business, in government. There is nothing occurring in the streets. Nothing but a dumbshow composed of the helpless and the impotent. -Cormac MacCarthy He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. - Aeschylus
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Damn.. I'm stuck. There are a number of areas of my life I want to improve, but I'm finding it immensely difficult.
Join the human race.
Things didn't "work out" because all those people were asking you to be something that you aren't.
I wouldn't worry too much until you're in your 30s. Take some time to think about what you would call a perfect life. Then try to do some part of that at whatever pace feels natural. Quit listening to what others think you should be. That's nuts.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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WhiskeyClone
Not here


Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Re: My struggle [Re: Icelander]
#7636022 - 11/14/07 04:46 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Icelander said:
Damn.. I'm stuck. There are a number of areas of my life I want to improve, but I'm finding it immensely difficult.
Join the human race.
Things didn't "work out" because all those people were asking you to be something that you aren't.
I wouldn't worry too much until you're in your 30s. Take some time to think about what you would call a perfect life. Then try to do some part of that at whatever pace feels natural. Quit listening to what others think you should be. That's nuts.
I'm not concerned with what others think I should be. I was merely explaining how I believe I developed my habit of self-sabotage. I've learned to destroy expectations in myself and in others to make my childhood easier, and now I'm left with these residual impulses to avoid success. Make no mistake: all the things I want to do are things I want to do. The people whose opinions really matter to me only want me to be happy anyway.
I harbor no illusions about creating a perfect life. There is no such thing. I am just frustrated with how I habitually take my time on earth for granted. Tomorrow is always a better day to reach out and grab what I want. I do struggle with pacing my efforts though, and what's a reasonable pace is something I'm starting to figure out.
-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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OK,
and as I mentioned. Welcome to he human race, everyone I know is working on all this shit.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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WhiskeyClone
Not here


Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Holy shit.
I can't believe it's been only eight months since I was this lost. I remember that day. Such hopelessness, and nothing seemed certain except that I would be in the same place again shortly. Today I am an utterly different person. Life is clear, abundant, open. I feel razor sharp almost all the time, always ready for the next page, excited. Healthy, patient, grateful. I haven't 'killed time' in a while, I welcome it all. Finally, finally! I don't feel like I'm missing out.
It's not painless, but there's no hopelessness or frustration. My negative thoughts come regularly but I calmly shoo them away like mosquitoes. They're always buzzing around but I don't let them land and suck my blood. I just have no interest in them anymore, I don't need to indulge them for comfort.
What changed? Hard to say. I've had teachers: Eckhart Tolle, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ken Keyes, Ralph Waldo Emerson, don Miguel Ruiz, countless shroomerites, real-life friends and strangers... each taught me something indispensable, I feel like every bit of their wisdom was crucial. And perhaps it all was, but something internal had to click to put it all to use, and it did.
It happened in a specific moment, when I gave up on irresponsibility, when I gave up on giving up. To make a long story short, I went for a walk to the beach, and something profound but obvious occurred to me, and by the time I came back I knew I had left 'mein kampf' behind me for good.
The missing ingredient, like I'd guessed, was responsibility. Not just for the things I do or don't do, but for the things that happen to me. I am responsible for everything I experience, and to be responsible I have to embrace it all, the good and bad. I can make use of all of it. I love my suffering as much as my bliss, and as long as I am vigilant enough to do that, there's nothing to fear.
Thank you all so much for your replies. I don't think there was a single response I didn't take something from. I am constantly humbled by the thoughtfulness and wisdom of the people here, I feel your love and I love you all.
-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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Ginseng1
Elegant Universe



Registered: 09/02/04
Posts: 3,310
Last seen: 9 years, 4 months
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Awesome dude!
You have a few years on me, but that is exactly what I felt like going through highschool. Well, I was never the whiz-kid when I was little, but I was cute and was great at drawing. I was never lonely. But I coasted throughout school. Was never an honour student, teachers forgot me easily, and the ones that cared usually would hate me. So things were difficult sometimes because of school for me... I guess you could say I was pretty much down there already.
Now I am about to finish college, and by this time, everyday to me is an excitement. I enjoy exploring everything. And with this passion of more than mere personal masturbatory mental mindfucking exploration, I have no choice but to welcome challenges, and am forced to confront my fear of failure/success. That includes sharing my wacky ideas with the world! I always get into interesting conversations with the most random folk.
And I find that this constant confrontation with new things, intetionally avoiding mediocracy, I have found that everyday of my life is like an unwritten book. I didn't like it when I felt it had already been written, when I knew I wouldn't have anything the next day, no big dreams, just a damn joint ready to be smoked and some 'searching'. Searching must also be copied and pasted onto the physical world, where there is just so much crazy shit going on!
-------------------- Flowing through beginningless time since time without beginning...
Edited by Ginseng1 (07/21/08 10:18 PM)
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figmentfragment
leaving shroomery
Registered: 04/10/07
Posts: 1,226
Loc:
Last seen: 13 years, 1 month
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I can't believe it's been only eight months since I was this lost. I remember that day. Such hopelessness, and nothing seemed certain except that I would be in the same place again shortly. Today I am an utterly different person.
I had not seen this thread, the first time around...I was very surprised to read it, in light of posts that I have read, and the general impressions I have formed of you.
I have to confess (to my own disgust) that I feel a vague envy towards any self professed "whiz kids". I almost laughed bitterly when I read that. Yeah, fucked...I know.
-------------------- Goodbye Shroomery.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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