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lifeson2112
Stranger
Registered: 10/22/06
Posts: 36
Last seen: 15 years, 3 months
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I am not a person anymore
#7618351 - 11/10/07 11:30 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Nothing is real. Everything is too fucking bright. I don't understand why people do the things they do. What am I supposed to do when someone talks to me? What is human life worth? What the fuck is keeping me from killing someone else? I don't want to be a monster, but sometimes I just don't care. I don't belong in this world. No one is as they seem. I don't fucking exist.
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habitat0789
Insomniac



Registered: 03/09/06
Posts: 1,029
Last seen: 13 years, 5 months
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: lifeson2112]
#7618359 - 11/10/07 11:31 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love... you make."
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ilove my woods...
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ZShroom
Stranger


Registered: 07/08/07
Posts: 1,061
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: habitat0789]
#7618363 - 11/10/07 11:32 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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lifeson2112
Stranger
Registered: 10/22/06
Posts: 36
Last seen: 15 years, 3 months
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: habitat0789]
#7618382 - 11/10/07 11:36 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I don't know that I have the capacity to love anymore. Nothing really makes any sense to me. Even when I do feel love it doesn't last very long and I feel like a fool looking back on it. People are just fucking playing with me
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ZShroom
Stranger


Registered: 07/08/07
Posts: 1,061
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: lifeson2112]
#7618389 - 11/10/07 11:38 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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ZShroom
Stranger


Registered: 07/08/07
Posts: 1,061
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: ZShroom]
#7618393 - 11/10/07 11:38 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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****pointing to the signature with thumbs****
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dirtworshipper
Sitting in the heart cave



Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 2,060
Loc: at The Guru's lotus feet
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: lifeson2112]
#7618419 - 11/10/07 11:46 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Real love never stops loving, my friend.
Quote:
People are just fucking playing with me
Play with them too? better yet... Just watch those thoughts full of self pity and paranoia fall away.
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“You've got as many lives as you like, and more, even ones you don't want.” - George Harrison
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lifeson2112
Stranger

Registered: 10/22/06
Posts: 36
Last seen: 15 years, 3 months
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What the fuck is self pity, what is paranoia? I don't even know that I exist. I can't play with other people. I don't understand them. "Hey, want me to talk about some crazy shit that's going on in my head?" Noone wants to hear me talk about how I just saw the sidewalk. I can't make sense of anything. It's just THERE.
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dirtworshipper
Sitting in the heart cave



Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 2,060
Loc: at The Guru's lotus feet
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: lifeson2112]
#7618456 - 11/10/07 11:59 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Noone wants to hear me talk about how I just saw the sidewalk.
That's self pity.
Why try to make sense of anything?
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“You've got as many lives as you like, and more, even ones you don't want.” - George Harrison
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ZShroom
Stranger


Registered: 07/08/07
Posts: 1,061
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cents equal dollars, money ie. root of ALL evil
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: ZShroom]
#7618509 - 11/10/07 12:12 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Please explain to me how money are "the root of all evil"?
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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Konyap


Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: MushroomTrip]
#7618546 - 11/10/07 12:23 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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think he ment power... which i think means being alive..
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lifeson2112
Stranger

Registered: 10/22/06
Posts: 36
Last seen: 15 years, 3 months
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: MushroomTrip]
#7618551 - 11/10/07 12:25 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Where's the line between self pity and what I really feel? Why shouldn't I feel this way? How do I get rid of self pity? and ZShroom, what does money have to do with any of this?
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ZShroom
Stranger


Registered: 07/08/07
Posts: 1,061
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: lifeson2112]
#7618556 - 11/10/07 12:28 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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damn i really fucked everyones head up there, i was joking around cause u said nothing makes sense so i said.....

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ZShroom
Stranger


Registered: 07/08/07
Posts: 1,061
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: ZShroom]
#7618560 - 11/10/07 12:29 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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My advice to you is, "this is just a dream" dont be scared by it, its all in your head.....try meditation
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dirtworshipper
Sitting in the heart cave



Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 2,060
Loc: at The Guru's lotus feet
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: lifeson2112]
#7618563 - 11/10/07 12:30 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
How do I get rid of self pity?
Love the way everything is, right now total surrender
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“You've got as many lives as you like, and more, even ones you don't want.” - George Harrison
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AlteredAgain
Visual Alchemist



Registered: 04/27/06
Posts: 11,181
Loc: Solar Circuit
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: lifeson2112]
#7619744 - 11/10/07 05:41 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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it's not all about you, and yet it is.
this life you're living is not meaningful, and yet it is.
you do not belong here, and yet you do.
transcend this nagging doubt you have. you cannot think you're way out of this.
look at where you are right this moment. and ask yourself where it is you wish to be.
then get up on your saddle and fucking realize your goals!
acceptance is the greatest love you can give yourself.
it's what allows you to share yourself with others.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: lifeson2112]
#7619749 - 11/10/07 05:43 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
lifeson2112 said: Nothing is real. Everything is too fucking bright. I don't understand why people do the things they do. What am I supposed to do when someone talks to me? What is human life worth? What the fuck is keeping me from killing someone else? I don't want to be a monster, but sometimes I just don't care. I don't belong in this world. No one is as they seem. I don't fucking exist.
If you really must kill then you should kill yourself. These other people aren't responsible for your suffering.
Life and especially human life is chaos and no one told you or gave you skills for handling it. The same thing happened to me. You will have to make your own meaning and life. Most of the rest just want you to shut up and follow the rules. Good luck.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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lifeson2112
Stranger

Registered: 10/22/06
Posts: 36
Last seen: 15 years, 3 months
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: Icelander]
#7620031 - 11/10/07 07:07 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Icelander, I realize that no one is responsible for how I feel. I have found comfort in knowing that I don't have to live. Maybe some change will come out of me killing myself and this stale shit I see all around me will find some nutrient after all the chaos fades. I don't like being a fucking burden anymore.
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jonathanseagull
Cool!


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 993
Last seen: 10 years, 11 days
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Re: I am not a person anymore [Re: lifeson2112]
#7620118 - 11/10/07 07:45 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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To me, it sounds like you are having an existential crisis. Be kind to yourself. Stop being frustrated, scared, paranoid, etc. Chill. You don't have to do anything to uphold reality. It will stand on its own. It will not come crashing down on you. Explore it. Don't look at it as threatening. Give it the opportunity to be peaceful. It's all about how you choose to look at it. This is your opportunity to look at your own mind and solve all of your internal problems, since you seem dissociated. It can be an illness or a gift. It will get better, but only as quick as you choose to work on self-betterment. Let go of the anxiety and depression. Don't fight them. See it for what it is. Challenge yourself to step outside of your comfort zone. Don't worry about whether you exist or something else does or whether anything does, because nobody on the face of the earth can do such a thing, although many claim they can. Who cares?
I've been through this. Eventually, you have to let go of the need for things to be anything. Just let them be. I didn't decide whether there was being or non-being. I just let it be both. Eventually, as you become comfortable with these feelings, your world view will shift. Then they won't be negative feelings anymore, and you will be that much wiser.
Chill out. Listen to some music. Watch a movie. Play with a dog or cat. Look at how beautiful everything is. Look at how ugly it is. Realize that it flip flops depending on your projection onto it. It's your tastes. Change your tastes, change your reality.
I could go on and on, but I think you get the point. Take it easy. It will become easier and better. Challenge yourself, win the challenge, reward yourself, relax.
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Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show, That the dear She might take some pleasure of my pain: Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know, Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain.
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