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 Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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 I'm glad it's not what I am. 
#7614238 - 11/09/07 09:24 AM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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I'm really fucking glad that I am pure energy and not just my personality structure. This personality is really fucked up in so many ways sometimes I get awed and almost totally depressed by it.
Funny thing is that I'm not responsible that my dysfunctional personality came into being, yet still I'm responsible for the consequences of that programming. I'm in my mid 50s now and I still haven't really repaired much of the dysfunctions of my personality and all the pain I create for myself. So far my very best efforts have fallen short of my preferences for feeling good about my life overall.
I mean it's not like I haven't put some effort into it. I've often worked hard but, I'm guessing, unskillfully at change. My theory is that I was under such fear and stress at home that I built such protective walls around my fears to survive my home that they are still insurmountable to me. Now that I can look back with some wisdom I can really grok how completely hopeless and depressed and afraid I felt back then. I'm not saying that I haven't gained some things, but the fact is I still feel like I'm mostly still working on square one.
I'm guessing at this late date that I will always feel some of this and it could even get worse as I age and lose energy. And it could get a little better too. I just don't know at all. One thing I am fairly certain of is that the only way to get any peace these days is to take full responsibility for my personality structure in the fucked up state it's in and do whatever I can to live peacefully as possible with it.
Now I do believe that really I'm just energy. I'm glad that I believe that and that I don't believe I will be taking this personality structure along when the energy that is me goes marching on forever.
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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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dblaney
Human Being
Registered: 10/03/04
Posts: 7,894
Loc: Here & Now
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: Icelander]
#7614410 - 11/09/07 10:20 AM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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Sounds like a comforting belief. What happens if you let go of it?
--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"
"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer
Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.
"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln
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EternalCowabunga
Being of Great Significance
Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
Loc: Time and Space
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: Icelander]
#7614424 - 11/09/07 10:24 AM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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It really sent me for a loop when I discovered that not all older people are wise and that I could get stuck at any time. I've learned that not all wounds heal over time and this is hard to accept for me. There is no success guaranteed and sometimes our efforts will fall short simply because we are going at it the wrong way.
Thanks for this post, and your honesty. Do you think it would help you if you met some more awake people and they forced you into the present moment?.. If you could look into their eyes and let your barriers be dissolved by them. Sometimes we can't do it all on our own.
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dblaney
Human Being
Registered: 10/03/04
Posts: 7,894
Loc: Here & Now
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: Icelander]
#7614442 - 11/09/07 10:26 AM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Funny thing is that I'm not responsible that my dysfunctional personality came into being, yet still I'm responsible for the consequences of that programming.
I like that.
Quote:
Thanks for this post, and your honesty
And I second that.
--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"
"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer
Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.
"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: dblaney]
#7614647 - 11/09/07 11:06 AM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
dblaney said:
Sounds like a comforting belief. What happens if you let go of it?
I have let go of many of my personal beliefs over and over and not usually because I found ones that suited me better but ones that I couldn't deny the likelihood of them being more true then what I was currently believing. So I think I can do it again.
--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Quote:
EternalCowabunga said:
It really sent me for a loop when I discovered that not all older people are wise and that I could get stuck at any time. I've learned that not all wounds heal over time and this is hard to accept for me. There is no success guaranteed and sometimes our efforts will fall short simply because we are going at it the wrong way.
Thanks for this post, and your honesty. Do you think it would help you if you met some more awake people and they forced you into the present moment?.. If you could look into their eyes and let your barriers be dissolved by them. Sometimes we can't do it all on our own.
I have some of these friends and find them to be struggling with their demons also. I also have the best and wisest friend I have ever made and by far, IMO, the most honest, faithful, intelligent and loving person I will ever come across. VERITAS. Yet I am still stuck with me and my struggles. That does not mean she has had no effect on my life but that once again the responsibility for any change in any direction rests with me alone and I am often not up to the task.
--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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dblaney
Human Being
Registered: 10/03/04
Posts: 7,894
Loc: Here & Now
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: Icelander]
#7615122 - 11/09/07 12:46 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
I have some of these friends and find them to be struggling with their demons also.
Quote:
Yet I am still stuck with me and my struggles.
Why struggle?
There's a very old story about a famous Tibetan saint (Milarepa, who was, ironically, a murderer) who encountered many demons (his own, of course). After a while, during his meditation, they would begin to fill up his cave. But he didn't struggle with them. In fact, he found the biggest, most horrifying demon out of all of them, and stuck his head in its mouth. Such total surrender! What happened after that? The demons simply went away. They had nothing to rub up against. No resistance, no struggle, so they just faded off. They came back from time to time, but he offered them no struggle.
There's a similar story with Siddhartha, after he realized himself as Buddha. Every time Mara (the personified conditioned self, manifesting as demons, obstacles, doubt, fear, etc) appeared, Buddha never struggled with him or avoided him or tried to escape, he simply invited Mara to tea.
We humans seem to define ourselves so much by our struggles. We are so caught in our own drama, our own conflict. That is who we are!
I write this mostly because I too am caught in a struggle with a sizable demon: fear. Struggling with fear, trying to overcome it, has never worked. It's only when I fully experience it, surrender myself to it, that I can find any degree of fearlessness and peace, even in the face of fear itself.
--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"
"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer
Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.
"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,336
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: Icelander]
#7615356 - 11/09/07 01:42 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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I don't know if this will resonate with you, but it is what works for me. Think of everything that is "fucked up" as sub-fears. I know you have the one fear which is death anxiety, but it might help to treat every wrong thought as an individual fear... that's how the ego works.
I spend much of my day living in fear (as opposed to avoiding fear). Much of the time, I don't even know why I'm afraid, and I'm OK with that. It's not necessary to understand all the time. It's the ego which requires full knowledge of a fear for it to be dealt with because the ego knows this will trap you in mind thought and the fear will remain safe. Allow yourself to feel every fear fully, and don't let go until it's no longer thrilling. At that point, you can easily release the fear. At that point the association between the fear and the ego will usually become clear with no effort.
Basically, treat a fear as a "thing". Love the thing, allow it to embrace you while you embrace it. Eventually it becomes a light, almost silly thing, like smoke that is free to drift away.
Do you do chakras?
--------------------
rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,173
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: Rahz]
#7615407 - 11/09/07 01:55 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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hmmm,
well,
energy huh?
how do you get that?
I mean how do you get to this cleansed feeling just because of the energy thing?
because you are more than that,
I think you are a kind of conditioned interactive multimedia event & association stream.
(externally it looks like energy, but internally this is a special and unique kind of flowing structure - consciousness)
I think you need to keep track of that conditioned plastic flowing structure in order to steer your stream on the most suitable path.
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 _  🧠 _ 
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group
Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,441
Loc: Under the C
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: Icelander]
#7615583 - 11/09/07 02:44 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
I'm really fucking glad that I am pure energy...
Here is Ice in custody:
INTERDIMENSIONAL BEING OF PURE ENERGY ARRESTED FOR VIOLATION OF LAWS OF PHYSICS
PORTLAND, OR - After a meticulous and lengthy criminal investigation, authorities finally cornered a mysterious alien visitor in a Portland area research facility Wednesday, where he was promptly apprehended and charged for his flagrant violation of physical law. The culprit, a being from a higher plane of existence visually manifested through a brilliant, shimmering mass of light, surprised police by peacefully accepting the arrest. "We had no idea what this guy was capable of." explained detective Fred Duhrman, who headed the investigation and was present at the scene of the arrest. "For all we knew, he'd start vaporizing officers or launching flaming orbs of unholy death at us. You just can't be too careful when you've got a supernatural being of pure energy and light on your hands." Although a SWAT team and several heavy-weapons squads were standing by during the operation, they were not called in.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: dblaney]
#7616150 - 11/09/07 05:23 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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Why struggle?
I love pat answers like this but they are worthless IMO. Don't you think I would have stopped the struggle if I could? I mean that's what this post is about.
Oh and by the way, I could give a fuck about an old Tibetan saint and some made up story about his feats, along with the flying spagetti monster.
If you are struggling yourself then why are you still struggling and giving out advice that you don't use? Just stop then. Read what the Tibetan Masters say and just do that.
Why ask me why I struggle when if you look in the mirror you will have your answer. I'm talking about how things are rather than how we wish or pretend they were.
Your advice is the same advice I have given myself hundreds if not thousands of times to no avail. Get what I'm saying?
--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: Rahz]
#7616166 - 11/09/07 05:27 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rahz said:
I don't know if this will resonate with you, but it is what works for me. Think of everything that is "fucked up" as sub-fears. I know you have the one fear which is death anxiety, but it might help to treat every wrong thought as an individual fear... that's how the ego works.
I spend much of my day living in fear (as opposed to avoiding fear). Much of the time, I don't even know why I'm afraid, and I'm OK with that. It's not necessary to understand all the time. It's the ego which requires full knowledge of a fear for it to be dealt with because the ego knows this will trap you in mind thought and the fear will remain safe. Allow yourself to feel every fear fully, and don't let go until it's no longer thrilling. At that point, you can easily release the fear. At that point the association between the fear and the ego will usually become clear with no effort.
Basically, treat a fear as a "thing". Love the thing, allow it to embrace you while you embrace it. Eventually it becomes a light, almost silly thing, like smoke that is free to drift away.
Do you do chakras?
I've worked on all these ideas for years. Yes there is some improvement but nothing really has changed. Do I do chakras? I don't know what that means?
--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: redgreenvines]
#7616172 - 11/09/07 05:31 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said:
hmmm,
well,
energy huh?
how do you get that?
I mean how do you get to this cleansed feeling just because of the energy thing?
because you are more than that,
I think you are a kind of conditioned interactive multimedia event & association stream.
(externally it looks like energy, but internally this is a special and unique kind of flowing structure - consciousness)
I think you need to keep track of that conditioned plastic flowing structure in order to steer your stream on the most suitable path.
No, no, I don't get anything from being energy other than what everyone else does. No cleansed feelings, sorry. I use a shower for that.
I got the idea that we are energy from the fact that everything is made from the same atomic particles. So I have a belief system based on that, that when I'm dead the energy will do something else and what was called me with be gone like a dream.
--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said:
Quote:
I'm really fucking glad that I am pure energy...
Here is Ice in custody:
INTERDIMENSIONAL BEING OF PURE ENERGY ARRESTED FOR VIOLATION OF LAWS OF PHYSICS
PORTLAND, OR - After a meticulous and lengthy criminal investigation, authorities finally cornered a mysterious alien visitor in a Portland area research facility Wednesday, where he was promptly apprehended and charged for his flagrant violation of physical law. The culprit, a being from a higher plane of existence visually manifested through a brilliant, shimmering mass of light, surprised police by peacefully accepting the arrest. "We had no idea what this guy was capable of." explained detective Fred Duhrman, who headed the investigation and was present at the scene of the arrest. "For all we knew, he'd start vaporizing officers or launching flaming orbs of unholy death at us. You just can't be too careful when you've got a supernatural being of pure energy and light on your hands." Although a SWAT team and several heavy-weapons squads were standing by during the operation, they were not called in.
Well I guess it's stretching it to call the Icelander "pure".
--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,173
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: Icelander]
#7616362 - 11/09/07 06:37 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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so this about being dead
you are death obsessed
ok
fair enough
it's real
can't be avoided
so?
I kinda know that
but what's going on now is fascinating and more than random sparks too
--------------------
_ 🧠 _
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 hummermania00
Strange Son of aBitch
Registered: 04/07/07
Posts: 327
Last seen: 14 years, 7 months
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: Icelander]
#7616517 - 11/09/07 07:20 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Icelander said:
I'm really fucking glad that I am pure energy and not just my personality structure. This personality is really fucked up in so many ways sometimes I get awed and almost totally depressed by it.
Funny thing is that I'm not responsible that my dysfunctional personality came into being, yet still I'm responsible for the consequences of that programming. I'm in my mid 50s now and I still haven't really repaired much of the dysfunctions of my personality and all the pain I create for myself. So far my very best efforts have fallen short of my preferences for feeling good about my life overall.
I mean it's not like I haven't put some effort into it. I've often worked hard but, I'm guessing, unskillfully at change. My theory is that I was under such fear and stress at home that I built such protective walls around my fears to survive my home that they are still insurmountable to me. Now that I can look back with some wisdom I can really grok how completely hopeless and depressed and afraid I felt back then. I'm not saying that I haven't gained some things, but the fact is I still feel like I'm mostly still working on square one.
I'm guessing at this late date that I will always feel some of this and it could even get worse as I age and lose energy. And it could get a little better too. I just don't know at all. One thing I am fairly certain of is that the only way to get any peace these days is to take full responsibility for my personality structure in the fucked up state it's in and do whatever I can to live peacefully as possible with it.
Now I do believe that really I'm just energy. I'm glad that I believe that and that I don't believe I will be taking this personality structure along when the energy that is me goes marching on forever.
I feel for you on this Icelander, and I would really like to be able to help you if I could but probably can't. Each person is shaped by such unique circumstances. Where we end up is a product of both the input, and the assembly within of that input.
Your description of events leading to dysfunction is entirely too familiar.
Fortunately for me, the walls of which you speak have become my friend, and my enemy. I have learned (some of the time) to control their height and thickness, and when to embrace them or tear them down. Sometimes they serve a valuable purpose to protect me and others around me. Other times they are entirely useless and an interference in what I perceive I would like to do or experience.
And then I am comforted by the fact that I am still experiencing with or without, it is simply who I am and how I receive.
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You are a fortunate person indeed, if you can begin each day accepting the fact that during that day there will be ups and downs, good breaks and bad ones, disappointments, surprises, and unexpected turns of events.
When you have solved all the mysteries of life you long for death, for it is but another mystery of life.
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machination
Stranger
Registered: 09/17/07
Posts: 705
Loc: Hringhorni
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: Icelander]
#7616617 - 11/09/07 07:46 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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"The perception of electric shock can be different depending on the voltage, duration, current, path taken, frequency, etc. Current entering the hand has a threshold of perception of about 5 to 10 mA (milliampere) for DC and about 1 to 10 mA for AC at 60 Hz. Shock perception declines with increasing frequency, ultimately disappearing at frequencies above 15-20 kHz." -no idea
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"Have you not learned that your word is bond? Yes, my word is bond and bond is life, I shall give my life, before my word shall fail."
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group
Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,441
Loc: Under the C
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: Icelander]
#7616703 - 11/09/07 08:15 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
once again the responsibility for any change in any direction rests with me alone and I am often not up to the task.
I think you should fire yourself and hire a professional.
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dirtworshipper
Sitting in the heart cave
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 2,060
Loc: at The Guru's lotus feet
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: dblaney]
#7616778 - 11/09/07 08:36 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
dblaney said:Quote:
Yet I am still stuck with me and my struggles.
Why struggle?
There's a very old story about a famous Tibetan saint (Milarepa, who was, ironically, a murderer) who encountered many demons (his own, of course). After a while, during his meditation, they would begin to fill up his cave. But he didn't struggle with them. In fact, he found the biggest, most horrifying demon out of all of them, and stuck his head in its mouth. Such total surrender! What happened after that? The demons simply went away. They had nothing to rub up against. No resistance, no struggle, so they just faded off.
I love that story
"That which offers no resistance
overcomes the hardest substance
That which offers no resistance
can enter where there is no space..." Tao Te Ching
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“You've got as many lives as you like, and more, even ones you don't want.” - George Harrison
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group
Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,441
Loc: Under the C
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Bethany Hamilton put her arm in the 'demon's' mouth and wasnt quite as lucky.
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dirtworshipper
Sitting in the heart cave
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 2,060
Loc: at The Guru's lotus feet
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
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Maybe she was just faking it
You can't fake it
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“You've got as many lives as you like, and more, even ones you don't want.” - George Harrison
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,336
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: Icelander]
#7616944 - 11/09/07 09:33 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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>>>>Do I do chakras? I don't know what that means?
Any time something is bothering me, all I have to do is find the closed chakra/s and fix it. If I had a problem called death anxiety, I would bring it out and see which chakras were affected, and then just work on those chakras while I held the problem in mind. At the very least, your thought of death anxiety will promote good feelings, might even figure something out.
I bring it up because developing meditative skill is the only thing that has allowed me to actually deal with my fears. I appreciate "being", vipassana, being in the Now moment, but I also appreciate what gives me results, and nothing is quite as immediate or direct as chakra awareness.
--------------------
rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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MushmanTheManic
Stranger
Registered: 04/21/05
Posts: 4,587
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: Icelander]
#7617351 - 11/10/07 12:40 AM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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I've come to the hopeless conclusion that the errors I perceive in my own personality will persist until my death. I still struggle with them daily, but it is a struggle I can't ever imagine winning. That may sound depressing, but...
You have made it to fifty years of age, so you must be doing something right.
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ZShroom
Stranger
Registered: 07/08/07
Posts: 1,061
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Quote:
Quote:
dblaney said:
Quote:
Yet I am still stuck with me and my struggles.
Why struggle?
There's a very old story about a famous Tibetan saint (Milarepa, who was, ironically, a murderer) who encountered many demons (his own, of course). After a while, during his meditation, they would begin to fill up his cave. But he didn't struggle with them. In fact, he found the biggest, most horrifying demon out of all of them, and stuck his head in its mouth. Such total surrender! What happened after that? The demons simply went away. They had nothing to rub up against. No resistance, no struggle, so they just faded off.
I love that story
"That which offers no resistance
overcomes the hardest substance
That which offers no resistance
can enter where there is no space..." Tao Te Ching
  
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: redgreenvines]
#7618185 - 11/10/07 10:41 AM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said:
so this about being dead
you are death obsessed
ok
fair enough
it's real
can't be avoided
so?
I kinda know that
but what's going on now is fascinating and more than random sparks too
No, this is about being alive. You missed the point of this thread.
--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: hummermania00]
#7618192 - 11/10/07 10:43 AM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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I feel for you on this Icelander, and I would really like to be able to help you
If that was your picture in your avatar I think you probably could.
--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said:
Quote:
once again the responsibility for any change in any direction rests with me alone and I am often not up to the task.
I think you should fire yourself and hire a professional.
At what I'm paying, no one wants the job.
--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Quote:
MushmanTheManic said:
I've come to the hopeless conclusion that the errors I perceive in my own personality will persist until my death. I still struggle with them daily, but it is a struggle I can't ever imagine winning. That may sound depressing, but...
You have made it to fifty years of age, so you must be doing something right.
If being alive is the only criteria for success then yes, I have outlived Jim Morrison by twice.
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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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dblaney
Human Being
Registered: 10/03/04
Posts: 7,894
Loc: Here & Now
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: Icelander]
#7619780 - 11/10/07 05:53 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Icelander said:
Why struggle?
I love pat answers like this but they are worthless IMO. Don't you think I would have stopped the struggle if I could? I mean that's what this post is about.
Oh and by the way, I could give a fuck about an old Tibetan saint and some made up story about his feats, along with the flying spagetti monster.
If you are struggling yourself then why are you still struggling and giving out advice that you don't use? Just stop then. Read what the Tibetan Masters say and just do that.
Why ask me why I struggle when if you look in the mirror you will have your answer. I'm talking about how things are rather than how we wish or pretend they were.
Your advice is the same advice I have given myself hundreds if not thousands of times to no avail. Get what I'm saying?
Perhaps you misunderstood what I was saying. I'm not suggesting you struggle against your struggle. That would be pointless. Trying to stop the struggle is just that: struggling against struggle.
I'm also talking about how things are: struggle. If that's the reality of this moment, then that's the reality of this moment. Perfect, just as it is.
You know as well as I do, being the Casteneda fan that you are, that stories like that have something to convey. Whether or not Don Juan could really go against the laws of physics in the ways he did doesn't matter as much as what he was trying to teach. Same thing here.
We all struggle. It's part of growing up human. We seem to define ourselves in large part by our struggles.
But they seem to only be a problem when we really get caught up in them, either by trying to avoid or escape them, or trying to change or eliminate them. But when I simply let the struggle be itself, and fully experience it: the stories in my head, the clenched stomach, the fear, the rapid heartbeat...then it loses so much weight. Sure, it's still there. It may always be there. But that's okay. It's my experience of the present moment, and I welcome it, even if it is very uncomfortable.
All I'm saying is that this is my experience. Maybe you can learn something from it. Or maybe you have tried it hundreds or thousands of times to no avail.
I don't know man. It just sounds like you're being kind of hard on yourself. I hope you're able to be more at peace.
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"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"
"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer
Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.
"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: dblaney]
#7619799 - 11/10/07 05:57 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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I get ya.
No I'm not being hard on myself here. This is just what I see about life. I'm not under the impression that I'm special here and the only one dealing with this shit. I'm just shining a light on it so I or we can take a look.
--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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dblaney
Human Being
Registered: 10/03/04
Posts: 7,894
Loc: Here & Now
|
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Quote:
MushmanTheManic said:
I've come to the hopeless conclusion that the errors I perceive in my own personality will persist until my death. I still struggle with them daily, but it is a struggle I can't ever imagine winning. That may sound depressing, but...
You have made it to fifty years of age, so you must be doing something right.
Are they really errors? Everyone has shadowy parts of their personalities, but it is these aspects that have such a tremendous potential for growth. They're like black gold...compost. They're certainly not always fun or enjoyable or pleasurable, but they're you!
Why struggle?
--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"
"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer
Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.
"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: dblaney]
#7619821 - 11/10/07 06:04 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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That's why I said "I perceive" them as errors. I know there are really no errors except in relation to our preferences.
Why Struggle?
So again I will say,"because I can't help it." I understand logically the uselessness of struggle in this case but my life long programming toward struggle is still active and that's what this post is about.
--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
|
dblaney
Human Being
Registered: 10/03/04
Posts: 7,894
Loc: Here & Now
|
Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: Icelander]
#7619838 - 11/10/07 06:07 PM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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That's totally normal, to have struggle and conflict. But my question is directed towards your comments that give me the impression that you feel these struggles and conflicts to be bad or wrong or just in need of changing. It does seem as though you are struggling with struggle. If you weren't, then there wouldn't be any need to mention it, would there?
--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"
"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer
Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.
"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln
|
Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
|
Re: I'm glad it's not what I am. [Re: dblaney]
#7621261 - 11/11/07 08:29 AM (16 years, 5 months ago) |
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You are completely correct.
--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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