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vandago


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it......
#7613698 - 11/09/07 03:19 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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So nov 8th....my b-day.....will never be celebrated the same again.
My friend calls me, real close friend, one of my damn near closest friends. He wants to hang out but I told him I didn't feel like driving to his house, and told him to drive over...I DON"T FEEL LIKE DRIVING OVER....I DON"T FEEL LIKE DRIVING OVER.......I keep fucking repeating this in my head now....I can't quit I hate myself.....I was too fucking lazy, to fucking lazy to save someones life.
He leaves to come to my house, with his 3 year old daughter.....he could've told me he had his kid, I would've came, I would've goddfucking dammit drove there.
I called to tell him to pick up a gallon of milk,I didn't need it that bad, it would've put him in a better place at a better time, none of this tragic shit.....
So he drives onto the highway, in the passing lane. I car beside him swerves to hit a deer, the car swerves right into him. He's forced to pull to the left, pushing him into the grass. He's thrown across the median, into another lane, slamming head on into a semi. Him and his daughter were projected from the car, she died on impact, he's in a coma, but they are 90% sure he's brain dead, and they are going to pull the plug on him.
I'm devasted. I need something to fucking turn to, and to just scream at. I can't believe this.
I'm sorry for this my fellow shroomerites, peoples sorrows are not your joys. I'm in a rough state, send your vibes for a miracle A loving child R.I.P 2004-2007 A loving father 2004 - 2007
Update.....
He passed away around 11:30 on nov 9th. A loving father, A great son, A brother, A friend, An all around awesome person........
Edited by vandago (11/10/07 01:28 AM)
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TurntableJunky
Ethno Grower



Registered: 04/26/07
Posts: 4,742
Loc: Sydney
Last seen: 15 years, 9 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7613701 - 11/09/07 03:21 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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The bad thing is I was expecting a bel air joke. Sorry for your loss man.
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vandago


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: TurntableJunky]
#7613706 - 11/09/07 03:25 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
The bad thing is I was expecting a bel air jokequote]
Like the prince of freshness?
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wrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy



Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 13,676
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 13 hours, 22 minutes
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7613708 - 11/09/07 03:26 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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dude i dont even know what to say...
except that you shouldnt blame yourself for this. you didnt know that was gonna happen...
im so sorry man
-------------------- how's your WOW?
Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM)
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TurntableJunky
Ethno Grower



Registered: 04/26/07
Posts: 4,742
Loc: Sydney
Last seen: 15 years, 9 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7613709 - 11/09/07 03:26 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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mm
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ohmatic
searcher



Registered: 02/28/04
Posts: 6,742
Loc: europe
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: wrestler_az]
#7613710 - 11/09/07 03:28 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
wrestler_az said: except that you shouldnt blame yourself for this. you didnt know that was gonna happen...
exactly !
this is in NO WAY your fault, live is strange but you didnt do anything wrong.
sorry for your loss
--------------------
MONOTUB tek HEATBOMB tek RIP #cultivation! ....can't associate? well FUCK U !
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Acidic_Sloth
Acidic poly-Sided Di-slothamide


Registered: 05/29/02
Posts: 43,732
Loc: ainrofilac
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7613712 - 11/09/07 03:30 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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/me hugs vandango
i hope he pulls through, even so it's going to be tough for him if he does.
this is terribly sad, my condolences go out to his family and loved ones. please don't be too hard on yourself considering that this sounds like a complete freak accident. i'm sure he wouldn't want you placing all the blame on yourself. sending positive thoughts his way and yours.
-------------------- -- Accept my heart warming gift of TREE SCRATCHIES!!! I absolve thee!! --
JaP: 30,000 lines of gay, cock, and fag can't be wrong Ped: only in #shroomery is "smuggle opium in her ass" followed by "i don't want shitty opium" which is followed by " *** Joins: PENISSQUAD" -- JaP: What would this place be without random sluts? JaP: Nothing, I tell you.
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supercollider
superconducting



Registered: 10/13/00
Posts: 1,234
Loc: Waxahachie
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7613716 - 11/09/07 03:34 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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So sorry. It's just a random accident, don't blame yourself.
Good vibes: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-------------------- Supercollider? I just met her!
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vandago


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: wrestler_az]
#7613717 - 11/09/07 03:34 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Thanks for the upbeat vibes, I certainly need them right now, I want to try and stay strong to help his family ( his brother is pretty much my closest friend ), and I feel so responsible I could'nt make it up to them if i tried.
That was the sweetest little girl I ever knew, and he was my extremely close friend, he had my back over any petty shit that ever happened, helped me out countless times and never asked for anything in return. He was awesome friend, and great dad, and full of just what I consider a truly honest person.
I'm gonna be flakey on these boards for a few I'm sure, so if anyone sees any whacked out, rants on what I'm plowing through at a million miles a minute I apologize. I love all you guys, even the ones I don't talk to I just read their posts. We are all so fucking fragile, I want so much more from life....
Edited by vandago (11/10/07 01:19 AM)
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blkjkrabbit

Registered: 07/22/07
Posts: 4,971
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: Acidic_Sloth]
#7613718 - 11/09/07 03:37 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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That's pretty horrible man. Don't blame yourself though you didn't do anything wrong.
-Mourn for your loss
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sleepy
zZzZzZzZz


Registered: 01/17/05
Posts: 3,888
Loc:
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7613720 - 11/09/07 03:38 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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aw man now im all sad. can we make a filter that filters sadness. anything with the word died, death, coma, gets ignored?
Edited by sleepy (11/09/07 03:41 AM)
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Acidic_Sloth
Acidic poly-Sided Di-slothamide


Registered: 05/29/02
Posts: 43,732
Loc: ainrofilac
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7613722 - 11/09/07 03:39 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
vandago said: I'm gonna be flakey on these boards for a few I'm sure, so if anyone sees any whacked out, rants on what I'm plowing through at a million miles a minute I apologize. I ove all you guys, even theones I don't talk to I just read their posts. We are all so fucking fragile, I want so much more from life....
it's understandable that you might not be around for a few, you've got a lot on your plate right now and it's something that's going to be extremely difficult to digest. don't hate yourself over this, it was in no way your fault, and i cannot stress that enough. stay strong, my friend. i wish the best for you and his family and friends.
we'll be here if you need us.
-------------------- -- Accept my heart warming gift of TREE SCRATCHIES!!! I absolve thee!! --
JaP: 30,000 lines of gay, cock, and fag can't be wrong Ped: only in #shroomery is "smuggle opium in her ass" followed by "i don't want shitty opium" which is followed by " *** Joins: PENISSQUAD" -- JaP: What would this place be without random sluts? JaP: Nothing, I tell you.
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TheFakeSunRa
Bitch Splitter



Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 16,449
Loc: Dirdy SOUF
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7613724 - 11/09/07 03:40 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Him and his daughter were projected from the car, she died on impact
Why the fuck wasn't she in a properly strapped in car seat?
-------------------- [quote]Asante said: You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar. You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason. I disendorse you.[/quote]
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vandago


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
#7613733 - 11/09/07 03:47 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Car seats dont hold up to a car going 60 hitting a semi going 60 head on. He was driving a saturn.
ANd really we don't know the whole story on the accident itself, thats just what we've peiced together through cops and the doctors. We've heard a few different verions, so til tomorrow there won't be much solid info except what I've been told.
I stayed at the hospital all night with their family, I did my best to help.
I don't feel like I am responsible.....shit, yes i do.....jsut because of so many simple little things. I couldve just fucking drove....goddamit, if he said I got my kid, I'd have gone......i couldve just fucking said NO, NO milk man.
I'm going to miss this guy, I'm going to miss his adorable daughter, my best friend is devastated by the loss of his niece. I have to put my petty worries behind me for right now, and focusing on their family, they need help, I canhate myself later.
Edited by vandago (11/10/07 01:21 AM)
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Acidic_Sloth
Acidic poly-Sided Di-slothamide


Registered: 05/29/02
Posts: 43,732
Loc: ainrofilac
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7613736 - 11/09/07 03:49 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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you shouldn't hate yourself at all, but i guess that would be one of the normal emotional reactions to a situation like this.
-------------------- -- Accept my heart warming gift of TREE SCRATCHIES!!! I absolve thee!! --
JaP: 30,000 lines of gay, cock, and fag can't be wrong Ped: only in #shroomery is "smuggle opium in her ass" followed by "i don't want shitty opium" which is followed by " *** Joins: PENISSQUAD" -- JaP: What would this place be without random sluts? JaP: Nothing, I tell you.
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vandago


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: Acidic_Sloth]
#7613739 - 11/09/07 03:53 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Edit: Some of what I've been including in this thread is a little too in depth and revealing, I'm changing this post ( plus a few others ) due to that.
Edited by vandago (11/10/07 01:23 AM)
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Acidic_Sloth
Acidic poly-Sided Di-slothamide


Registered: 05/29/02
Posts: 43,732
Loc: ainrofilac
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7613742 - 11/09/07 03:57 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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i know it's hard and i could see me blaming myself as well if i were in your shoes, but it really isn't your fault. counseling is probably a good idea and would help you cope and deal with this.
be well. don't be too hard on yourself.
-------------------- -- Accept my heart warming gift of TREE SCRATCHIES!!! I absolve thee!! --
JaP: 30,000 lines of gay, cock, and fag can't be wrong Ped: only in #shroomery is "smuggle opium in her ass" followed by "i don't want shitty opium" which is followed by " *** Joins: PENISSQUAD" -- JaP: What would this place be without random sluts? JaP: Nothing, I tell you.
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vandago


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: Acidic_Sloth]
#7613745 - 11/09/07 04:03 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Thank you so much, I know that if ican maintain support for his family, it'd help me cope, and remember waht a fuking awesome individual was riped away from me.
I love the shroomery, I know I can post her, and people actaually post back and put that emphasis and emoition just into the words.
I love ou guys, I'm goin to try and crash. Thanks for the vibes, I'll be abck tomorrow I 'm thinking the shock will wear off into pure hysteria by then.
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VisionsToReality
RIBBONS


Registered: 09/22/07
Posts: 1,083
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... *DELETED* [Re: vandago]
#7613764 - 11/09/07 04:36 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Post deleted by VisionsToRealityReason for deletion: f
-------------------- Life is one big road with lots of signs, So when you're ridin' through the ruts, Don't you complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy Don't bury your thoughts, Put your vision to reality, yeah!
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kidaihuan
First Growery Ban



Registered: 07/25/07
Posts: 3,173
Loc: Shanghai, China
Last seen: 13 years, 3 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7613768 - 11/09/07 04:43 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I know what you mean when you blame yourself for the death, but you shouldn't. I know it's common to feel like that after someone dies, because in reality, anyone that interacted with this person in the last few weeks, or even in their entire life, could have changed what happened and not one person caused it.
I mean, if he would have not had his kid, he would have been their faster not having to put the kid in the car. If the sun was bright and when he stepped outside he has to wait a second to adjust to the brightness, it would have changed it. If the other driver had spent an extra second digging for pennies in their pocket while getting their morning coffee. Or if years ago the guy hadn't had a kid.
Really, anything that ever happened to this guy or any other drivers on the road, even something that happened in the deer's life, they all contributed. They all contributed to him staying alive to that day and then being in the accident. Absolutely everyone in his life could have changed the outcome of that day, but none of those people were to blame.
It is absolutely not your fault. It just happened to be that you interacted with him that day.
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Cameron
Too Many Words



Registered: 10/31/07
Posts: 4,437
Loc: Canada
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: kidaihuan]
#7613778 - 11/09/07 05:09 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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God damn it, that's the saddest story I've heard in a long time. I'm terribly sorry that you're all being put through something like that, and that your friend's daughter was lost (I sincerely hope that your friend will pull through).
Again, in agreement with everyone else: in no way was it your fault. In hindsight, it may seem like your decision caused the accident, but we have no way of knowing what repercussions our actions can result in. Any decision holds the potential of being your last, or someone else's. It was an every day sort of situation, but today chance took a turn for the worst...
Best wishes to you
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sleepy
zZzZzZzZz


Registered: 01/17/05
Posts: 3,888
Loc:
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7613784 - 11/09/07 05:19 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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try not sleeping for 3 days and see how you feel. climb a mountain. ride in a car. a brother is gone. where did he go?
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Gill


Registered: 10/18/07
Posts: 511
Last seen: 5 years, 9 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: kidaihuan]
#7613788 - 11/09/07 05:26 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Kidaihuan put it best. Nobody knows when somebody else is going to die, unless they plan it themselves that is. :P You didn't know that was going to happen to him. Accident-related deaths are just something you hear about on the news from time to time. You never consider the possibility of it happening, so you're not as conscious of the chances.
I can relate to the pain of loss, though, in a way. My father died about two years ago of bone cancer. He'd been complaining of shoulder pains off and on for a little while. By the time he got it checked out, the doctors discovered he had bone cancer that had already spread into parts of his spine in skull, meaning it was inoperable. He lived for about three months after that.
It didn't hit me as hard as it would have normal people, because I didn't have much of a relationship with my dad. My parents divorced when I was rather young, and my dad lived out-of-state. He'd occasionally visit, and I would usually spend a week or two at his house during the summer. The last few years before he was diagnosed, I didn't go to his house at all during the summers. His raging bitch of an ex-wife made communications between our families difficult, which also played a hand.
Before he died, I was able to reconcile any possible differences we had, so there were no hard feelings between us at all. When he died, I cried like a bitch. Since then, I've not shed a single tear over it because I have no regrets. Your kind of loss is different, though. You had no warning, so you had no chance to get anything off your chests and clear the air. My mother's health isn't all that great, so I'm not sure how many years she's got. Thankfully, there are no problems between us, but I'm still haunted by that day.
That's all, I guess.
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Dave Bowman
Albert Hoffmans Apprentice




Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 2,104
Loc: Your Imagination
Last seen: 3 months, 23 days
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: kidaihuan]
#7613798 - 11/09/07 05:33 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm greatly sorry for your loss, but you couldn't have possibly known what was going to happen. It's called an accident for a reason, no one PLANS an accident.
Keep you head up, and best of luck.
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Liz
Owl Lady




Registered: 11/16/04
Posts: 6,962
Loc: Massachusetts
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7613800 - 11/09/07 05:34 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Fuck. I'm so sorry that this happened to your friend and his daughter. I can tell how torn up you are, and that you're blaming yourself, which is a normal response - but please try not to. You had no way of knowing what would happen, and you can't 2nd guess every action based on "what ifs". You're a good person, with a good moral code, and this is tragic - but not your fault. I'm praying that your friend pulls through this somehow, and that his daughter is safely in a better place.
-------------------- Remember, remember the fifth of November The gunpowder treason and plot. I see no reason why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot.
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John0809
Sporehut King


Registered: 01/28/06 
Posts: 183
Last seen: 16 years, 18 days
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: Liz]
#7613828 - 11/09/07 05:51 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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My Heart goes ou to you and your abillity to post something so tragic, OfCourse your friends are in a place with the +|BEST|+ 1/8th you could ever buy. dont feel bad try to thhink of it as his favor to you seeing it might have been you facing th deer that night, =( very sorry and saad. my heart to you
-------------------- Check out my Site!
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gENERIX
/usr/bin/drinking?


Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 5,697
Loc: Skyward Bound
Last seen: 3 months, 7 days
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: kidaihuan]
#7613920 - 11/09/07 06:53 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm really sorry to hear about your loss!
I wouldn't blame myself though, it was a freak accident!
--------------------
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WhiskeyClone
Not here


Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7613957 - 11/09/07 07:17 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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Rylmonkey
Former Master ofThe RX-7



Registered: 07/24/05
Posts: 505
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: WhiskeyClone]
#7614054 - 11/09/07 08:10 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Wow this sounds so fucked, very hard thing to go threw no matter who you are. of course all of us at the Shroomery will pray for your friends well being, and of yours of course. I recommend you be strong for your friend and his family, we'll be here for you, well be here to see if we can slightly show you the light of life.
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Ego Death
Justadropofwaterinanendlesssea



Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 10,447
Loc: The War Machine
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7614069 - 11/09/07 08:18 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Sending shroomy vibes
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Stizzle
Stranger



Registered: 04/26/07
Posts: 754
Loc: Tuvalu
Last seen: 15 years, 6 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7614118 - 11/09/07 08:34 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I really feel for you but like the others said don't blame yourself. Your friend probably wouldn't have wanted you to be putting yourself through shit over it.
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blissedout


Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7614151 - 11/09/07 08:45 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Damn, Vandago...
I'm sorry for your loss, man. I hope your buddy pulls through.
This should be an eye opener for us. Life is too short and random for us to spend it moping and miserable. Get out there and live life and find the things that make you happy. It's such a waste feeling sorry for ourselves and trying to find somewhere to point the blame for our existence. We are here. Let's live happy!
--------------------
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LosAngelesGraff
Ca Shroomite



Registered: 06/09/06
Posts: 7,047
Loc: Califas
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7614185 - 11/09/07 08:56 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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my prayers are with you all over there. try not to blame you self friend. be happy you talked to him before this happend. it would be worse if you never got to hear him in good spirits. i had a friend end up geting shot and almost dieing cause he was hanging out with me.
--------------------
  Please help support cover-upz blog http://cover-upz.blogspot.com/ Please PM me if you can help build cover upz blog.
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Cheezit
Feel like aStranger

Registered: 10/19/07
Posts: 843
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7614208 - 11/09/07 09:09 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Hey man it's not your fault! That stupid cunt that swerved did it. The person even broke the law around here by swerving to avoid the deer. Thats why I don't like driving on the highway. Sure you can drive good, but you never know how the person next to you is going to act. I drive a tank, for stuff like this, a real war wagon. Smacks the deer straight off the road, can take a blow from a side swipe.
It's a really bad thing man! I'm sorry for your friends and all the relatives. It could have been anyone, and toady it will probably be someone else. My condolences.
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Yoschie99
nomad



Registered: 11/24/99
Posts: 3,149
Loc: center of earth
Last seen: 2 months, 17 days
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7614236 - 11/09/07 09:24 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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it's very easy to look at a tragic situation and the series of coincidences that lead to it, and put blame on yourself...
Fortunately.. this is not your fault.. it was *just* a series of coincendences that had a tragic end.
Keep your chin up.. go visit him at his bedside and tell him how much you love him and his daughter... for him and yourself...
get your grief out... let those emotions go.. and then move onto the healing.. remembering all the good...
I'm really sorry for your loss.. and hope that you find a realm of comfort for yourself, as long as it may take.

yos-
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7614326 - 11/09/07 09:56 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Oh God how terrible 
My condolances man, from the heart.
I have to say this though: Based on your story I can tell you with certainty that you are not responsible. You are not a clairvoyant, you couldn't know what happened, and because you couldn't know you couldn't be responsible. Let go of your guilt feelings and accept what happened, and that you could've done nothing to prevent it.
Vandago, listen up: don't lose yourself in drugs. It's perfectly normal to want some solace but don't take much or many drugs to try cope with this. You need a clear head. Sleep well, eat well. These will be trying times.
I've asked the Divine Force to bring your friend back, but only if he would return to a life worth living. I believe he will only die if there was nothing left for him in this life.
Be strong Vandago. Seek out times of being alone and times of being with your loved ones. If you need us, we're here.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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boomer q
Comrade General



Registered: 05/03/07
Posts: 1,091
Loc: Dirty Jersey
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: Asante]
#7614343 - 11/09/07 10:00 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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-------------------- I got bags of funk and i sell em by the tons
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JT



Registered: 02/28/07
Posts: 7,027
Loc: athens
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: boomer q]
#7614370 - 11/09/07 10:06 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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You can get through this man. It wasn't your fault.
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andrewss
precariously aggrandized


Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 8,725
Loc: ohio
Last seen: 1 month, 13 days
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: JT]
#7614395 - 11/09/07 10:15 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Thats a horrible story, sorry to hear it. Try to think positive, help the family out and try not to beat yourself up about it. Like everyone said, there is no way to predict that kind of stuff. Anyway, sad stuff... good luck
-------------------- Jesus loves you.
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RemainRandom50
Do You Need ToKnow Me?
Registered: 01/15/06
Posts: 1,695
Last seen: 14 years, 9 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: kidaihuan]
#7614397 - 11/09/07 10:16 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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my heart goes out to you.
-------------------- At times I get consumed by my everyday life and will leave the Shroomery. Yet, every time drugs come falling into my life for fun.....I always think about the Shroomery and then I'm back!
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Mike_yy


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 7,253
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7614490 - 11/09/07 10:36 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Sorry for your loss man,, that's terrible news...
Quote:
anything that ever happened to this guy or any other drivers on the road, even something that happened in the deer's life, they all contributed. They all contributed to him staying alive to that day and then being in the accident. Absolutely everyone in his life could have changed the outcome of that day, but none of those people were to blame
I would have said something similar to this.
My friends are always dropping me things off or picking things up,, it works both ways too when i have to go to theirs. That's just normality and none of this is your fault,,,,,
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CureCat
Strangest


Registered: 04/19/06
Posts: 14,058
Loc: clawing your furniture
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7614565 - 11/09/07 10:51 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Oh man.... I'm so sorry.
It wasn't your fault. Tragedies often happen without fault.
I've been in those "if only" situations, but you shouldn't dwell, because any other day it would have been fine. This was unforseen, no one blames you, and you should not blame yourself.
With the luxury of automobiles, we assume a certain risk.
Stay sane man, life will go on. It hurts now. Don't fight it, grieve as you need to, and then get on with life. Never forget, but don't let it take you down.
All my best, ~CC
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memes
Blessed



Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: CureCat]
#7614601 - 11/09/07 10:57 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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here's another post sending good vibes and vast amounts of luck your way.
i know you've heard this a billion times so far: but it's not your fault. i'm sure you'll alwyas blame yourself, but hopefully with time you'll accept that this is just how things work out sometimes, and it sucks.
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Silversoul
Rhizome


Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7614602 - 11/09/07 10:57 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Don't you dare blame yourself for this. There's no way you could've known that some driver was going to swerve like that, or that he would have his daughter with him.
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fliped
The Lost One



Registered: 02/26/03
Posts: 2,879
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Last seen: 10 years, 7 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7614632 - 11/09/07 11:03 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I am really sorry man!!! I know how you feel i have lost three very close friends in the past 2 years! Dont take the blame onyourself, it is not your fault. Well keep your head up and i hope your friend pulls out of his coma!
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Gringo Biloba
Fluid TransferTech

Registered: 10/31/07
Posts: 16
Last seen: 16 years, 2 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: kidaihuan]
#7615014 - 11/09/07 12:21 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I am really sorry for your loss. Try staying sober and positive through this so you don't fuck your life up. The circumstances suck but it wasn't your fault. Go take the beautiful dog in your avatar for a nice long walk...all the best...
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Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!


Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,720
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7615207 - 11/09/07 01:07 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Drugs man
They fuck up everything
-------------------- There is no valid reason you should be reading this
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JacquesCousteau
Being.



Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
Loc: Everywhere, Everytime.
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7615401 - 11/09/07 01:54 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Shit, man.
I'm sorry.
Blame will get you no where. It doesn't matter if you're blaming yourself or someone else or someTHING else or whatever. Blame is a fruitless endeavor.
Sometimes things just happen. Reality is a chain reaction of events. Blame doesn't actually belong to anyone for anything. Even in extreme examples, people are a product of their environments and their conditioning.
Put simply, don't blame yourself. Don't blame at all. Blame is just a subtle form of hate. Hate will not get you through hard times. Acceptance will. Acceptance is a subtle form of love. Do everything you can to love yourself and love your friend and his family through this.
Acceptance is the only way to end suffering. If you can help those around you who are suffering to understand this, they will recover from this tragedy.
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circularvortex
Bass Head




Registered: 08/31/06
Posts: 12,148
Loc:
Last seen: 4 months, 30 days
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: JacquesCousteau]
#7615440 - 11/09/07 02:07 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Don't blame yourself, you were trying to do him a favor.
Everything I could say has pretty much already been said, but I hope you do ok. Good shroomery vibes for you
-------------------- No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, federal, or fashion police laws. All posts are works of fiction. For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool By making his world a little colder. Under closer inspection I realised it was a funky ball of tits from outer space.
 
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fliped
The Lost One



Registered: 02/26/03
Posts: 2,879
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Last seen: 10 years, 7 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7615557 - 11/09/07 02:38 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I dont know about you but when i am morning a friends death or anyother very sad situation i turn to music a lot to help me through tough times.... This is a song i always listen to to remember my lost friends. I know it is not completley realative to the situations either of us have been through but even just listening to the chorus of the song brings back memories of good times with my lost friends. I hope you are doing ok! <object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>
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learningtofly
Ancient Aliens



Registered: 05/21/07
Posts: 15,105
Loc: Out of this world
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: fliped]
#7615633 - 11/09/07 02:53 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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thats fucked up. We both know it isn't your fault but its real fucking hard to tell that to someone and have them accept it. it is especially a shame that the little girl died.
Wheres the mom in this?
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vandago


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#7616176 - 11/09/07 05:32 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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He passed, about 11:30 today, they pulled the plug.
I hate myself. I love you all though, I know in the back of my head it isn't my fault, but my normal ranting think fast brain is telling me ...."You are a lazy piece of shit, you droveto his house any other time he wanted you to( seriously probably the 2nd-3rd time he's driven to my house ) and the one time you were too fucking lazy...."
It isn't anybody's fault ( except if you get down to it, the deer, and the other driver who swerved ) but I definetely could've prevented it.
Man I loved him and his brother, they have been closer to me then anyone else over the last three years (mainly his brother, who is my best friend, but after this he won't ever be the same ).
I feel selfish for fucking sulking, I feel selfish for crying, just because so many people cared about him more, I don't deserve to feel bad, because if it wasn't for me this wouldn't have happened.
At the hospital last night, his family asked if I wanted to see him in his dying moments......and I felt too scared....too guilty....too awestruck....to do it......I just didn't want to see him like that. I hate it.
As for drugs.....thats why I think I'm going to enter some counseling.....or maybe rehab......I'm unemployed.....and do quite a bit of drugs, and there is no way I'm going to stop now.......alcohol and xanax will lead to a nasty path, but I just had to take 3mg last night, I was eating my self up.
As for whoever said drugs fuck everything up. Go fuck yourself, asshole pricks fuck everything up, and they tend to do drugs ( my friend was neither an addict or an asshole ) . Honestly I came here...posted this....and expressed my feelings....cause I'm a goddamn pussy. I'm freaking out, I don't want to feel responsible but I do, I look at my best friend now, and feel a wall between us because I don't feel proper sharing his emotion.
Edit to that ^^^ I was not in the right state of mind, after re-reading your post, I realize you're telling me that drugs will fuck everything up, not saying it contributed to his death, sorry bout that.
I'm a coward, I came here to the shroomery, because I know a lot of you, I know where good people reside online, just not as much in real life.
There's a few posts in here, that really helped me at least take one tiny step towards coping with this, I mean when 40 people tell you the same thing, it's hard to not think it's somewhat true......I know I didn't cause it....but I could've prevented it.
Edited by vandago (11/10/07 01:34 AM)
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Liz
Owl Lady




Registered: 11/16/04
Posts: 6,962
Loc: Massachusetts
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7616241 - 11/09/07 05:53 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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All I can say is that if you weren't beating yourself up, you wouldn't be human. Be there for your best friend, and his family, in their time of grief - help each other through this. Your friend is with his daughter now, I hope, and I'm sure that makes them both very happy.
-------------------- Remember, remember the fifth of November The gunpowder treason and plot. I see no reason why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot.
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LuNaTiX
Quarterback




Registered: 07/28/03
Posts: 5,142
Last seen: 3 months, 16 days
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7616248 - 11/09/07 05:55 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I almost wanted to avoid posting in this thread because I really don't know what I can say to such a situation. All I know is it makes me think of how unimportant my money problems are.
Take care of yourself, and I'm sure your friend and his daughter are in a better place now.
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag



Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7616330 - 11/09/07 06:26 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm sorry.
It wasn't your fault, and there's nothing you can do now.
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LeftyBurnz
Mr. I Eat Butthole



Registered: 06/21/05
Posts: 24,570
Loc: FL
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: Rylmonkey]
#7616560 - 11/09/07 07:30 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Its a terrible thing that happened vandago, i know youre beating yourself up over it, and probably nothing any of us can say will change that, but honestly, go easy on yourself. there is no way you could have known this was going to happen. noone wants to lose someone that close to them, but you shouldnt make the pain worse by telling yourself it was your fault. it wasnt. and im sure if he could give you a message right now thats exactly what he would say.
im not going to tell you to cheer up, because that is an impossible feat. however, i will tell you to keep your head up.
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Tlitliltzin
ExperimentalConciousness



Registered: 11/08/07
Posts: 18
Last seen: 16 years, 2 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: kidaihuan]
#7616579 - 11/09/07 07:37 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Man, I'm so sorry about that, that's something that we wouldn't even want to wish on our enemies. Just don't let it get in the way of your life and your health, because no one here, least of all your friend, wants that for you. Don't let guilt destroy you, because then the tragedy will only grow, so stay strong and stop it here. Sending you and your friend the best of vibes long distance... I mourn your loss, and I wish you peace of mind, and health of soul. Take care.
-------------------- "...And on the Bicycle Day, Hoffman said "Let there be Light", and there was LSD. And He saw that it was GOOD..."
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vandago


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: Tlitliltzin]
#7617365 - 11/10/07 12:53 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I've realized that mourning over the fact I played a part in his death is selfish. It takes away from what's truley important in this situation, like his family, my mental health, and helping all of us cope. If I sit and try to blame myself, it's just an excuse to feel more upset, and try and place blame....part of me feels like every huge event has something to blame, and placing blame will help solve things, though I know it's not true.
My mind is working in such a weird way right now, part of me is hating myself just for feeling as bad as I do about everything, just because of how bad his family feels, it's truly their loss.
I'm going to attend his funeral, and help his brother in any way I can. I really don't want to see his brother go off the deep end over this, I'd hate to lose two friends.
I miss him so much.......
Btw, if I could send every one of you a hug I'd do it. So many people on this board actually care, and it's wonderful.
Edited by vandago (11/10/07 01:35 AM)
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LeftyBurnz
Mr. I Eat Butthole



Registered: 06/21/05
Posts: 24,570
Loc: FL
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7617411 - 11/10/07 01:23 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
vandago said: I've realized that mourning over the fact I played a part in his death is selfish. It takes away from what's truley important in this situation, like his family, my mental health, and helping all of us cope. If I sit and try to blame myself, it's just an excuse to feel more upset, and try and place blame....part of me feels like every huge event has something to blame, and placing blame will help solve things, though I know it's not true.
My mind is working in such a weird way right now, part of me is hating myself just for feeling as bad as I do about everything, just because of how bad his family feels, it's truly their loss.
I'm going to attend his funeral, and help his brother in any way I can. I really don't want to see his brother go off the deep end over this, I'd hate to lose two friends.
I miss him so much.......
Btw, if I could send every one of you a hug I'd do it. So many people on this board actually care, and it's wonderful.
glad to see youve calmed down a bit and thought things over Van. like you said, be there for his family. they need all of the support they can get. beating yourself up is alot of negative energy that the situation does not need. we are best to not dwell on the coulda, woulda. shouldas. focus on the now and the future.
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Edited by LeftyBurnz (11/10/07 01:48 AM)
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JacquesCousteau
Being.



Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
Loc: Everywhere, Everytime.
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7617608 - 11/10/07 04:09 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
vandago said: ...part of me feels like every huge event has something to blame, and placing blame will help solve things, though I know it's not true.
As painful as this experience is and will continue to be, this may be an opportunity given to you to re-program this part of yourself into a mode of acceptance.
Learn from this experience, any way you can, and it will not have been in vain. You are not responsible for their deaths, but that does not mean there are not lessons to be had within the aftermath.
I'm not saying "just fix it" because that's not how these things work. It's just something to learn through this experience... be mindful of that potential as it unfolds and you will learn it; so that in the future, when you find yourself placing blame, you will stop dead in your tracks and find a better (healthier, more helpful) path for that energy. Healthier and more helpful for both yourself and those around you.
The quote above shows inner conflict, which inevitably results in suffering. This is an opportunity to move past that stumbling block so that you might better serve your fellow man. (In this case, by being present and able to care for and show love to this man's brother, your best friend.)
My heart goes out to you, man. Don't think you don't deserve to mourn... that's utterly fucked up, and is just another way your mind will trap you in your pain. It's very healthy for you to mourn... just realize you're mourning the loss, and not your own perceived responsibilities.
You are mourning because your friend died. Your mind might try to tell you otherwise, but it's just a coping mechanism to avoid facing and mourning the real issue.
I apologize if I sound preachy... but my heart goes out to you, man. The truth is, beating yourself up about this in any way is backpedaling. You've got to work through the personal issues as well as help others work through theirs. I know that's a lot you've got on your plate. Life is harsh like that sometimes... but try not to dismiss your own state in hopes of helping your friend and his family.
The truth is, you cannot truly love others without first loving yourself. I know that sounds really generic and cheesy, but it's seriously true. There is a reason you've heard that before. Take that gem, and crack it open. The reason you feel a wall between yourself and your friend is found within that gem.
Fuck, again, I apologize if I sound preachy...
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Tlitliltzin
ExperimentalConciousness



Registered: 11/08/07
Posts: 18
Last seen: 16 years, 2 months
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: JacquesCousteau]
#7619976 - 11/10/07 06:44 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm glad to hear that you are starting to be able to let go of your guilt, to help your friends family, and help yourself recover. I know from personal experience that nothing like this can be instantly fixed, or even entirely resolved in years to come, but as long as you can help your friends family, and yourself, you will one day be able to reconcile yourself to this. You should cherish your friends memory always, but also remember that the most important thing you can do for him is to help yourself and his family. Again, the best of vibes from far away...and if you think it appropriate, let your friends family know that others mourn with them. Peace of Mind and Health of Soul to you all...I wish you and his family all the best.
-------------------- "...And on the Bicycle Day, Hoffman said "Let there be Light", and there was LSD. And He saw that it was GOOD..."
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necrophagist
Stranger

Registered: 11/07/07
Posts: 8
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
#7625312 - 11/12/07 11:31 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm so sorry about your loss, if there is anything i can do for you-- you let me know.
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