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InvisibleMike_yy
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Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 7,253
Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
    #7614490 - 11/09/07 10:36 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Sorry for your loss man,, that's terrible news...

Quote:

anything that ever happened to this guy or any other drivers on the road, even something that happened in the deer's life, they all contributed. They all contributed to him staying alive to that day and then being in the accident. Absolutely everyone in his life could have changed the outcome of that day, but none of those people were to blame




I would have said something similar to this.

My friends are always dropping me things off or picking things up,, it works both ways too when i have to go to theirs.
That's just normality and none of this is your fault,,,,, :heart:


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InvisibleCureCat
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
    #7614565 - 11/09/07 10:51 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Oh man.... I'm so sorry.

It wasn't your fault. Tragedies often happen without fault.

I've been in those "if only" situations, but you shouldn't dwell, because any other day it would have been fine. This was unforseen, no one blames you, and you should not blame yourself.

With the luxury of automobiles, we assume a certain risk.

Stay sane man, life will go on. It hurts now. Don't fight it, grieve as you need to, and then get on with life. Never forget, but don't let it take you down.

All my best,
~CC


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Invisiblememes
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Posts: 27,785
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: CureCat]
    #7614601 - 11/09/07 10:57 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

here's another post sending good vibes and vast amounts of luck your way.

i know you've heard this a billion times so far: but it's not your fault. i'm sure you'll alwyas blame yourself, but hopefully with time you'll accept that this is just how things work out sometimes, and it sucks.


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InvisibleSilversoul
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
    #7614602 - 11/09/07 10:57 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Don't you dare blame yourself for this. There's no way you could've known that some driver was going to swerve like that, or that he would have his daughter with him.


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Offlinefliped
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Loc: Pacific Northwest
Last seen: 10 years, 7 months
Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
    #7614632 - 11/09/07 11:03 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

I am really sorry man!!! I know how you feel i have lost three very close friends in the past 2 years! Dont take the blame onyourself, it is not your fault. Well keep your head up and i hope your friend pulls out of his coma!


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OfflineGringo Biloba
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Registered: 10/31/07
Posts: 16
Last seen: 16 years, 2 months
Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: kidaihuan]
    #7615014 - 11/09/07 12:21 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

I am really sorry for your loss. Try staying sober and positive through this so you don't fuck your life up. The circumstances suck but it wasn't your fault. Go take the beautiful dog in your avatar for a nice long walk...all the best...


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OfflineHyper_Panda_GO
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
    #7615207 - 11/09/07 01:07 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Drugs man

They fuck up everything


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There is no valid reason you should be reading this


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
    #7615401 - 11/09/07 01:54 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Shit, man.

I'm sorry.

Blame will get you no where. It doesn't matter if you're blaming yourself or someone else or someTHING else or whatever. Blame is a fruitless endeavor.

Sometimes things just happen. Reality is a chain reaction of events. Blame doesn't actually belong to anyone for anything. Even in extreme examples, people are a product of their environments and their conditioning.

Put simply, don't blame yourself. Don't blame at all. Blame is just a subtle form of hate. Hate will not get you through hard times. Acceptance will. Acceptance is a subtle form of love. Do everything you can to love yourself and love your friend and his family through this.

Acceptance is the only way to end suffering. :heart: If you can help those around you who are suffering to understand this, they will recover from this tragedy.


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Offlinecircularvortex
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #7615440 - 11/09/07 02:07 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Don't blame yourself, you were trying to do him a favor.

Everything I could say has pretty much already been said, but I hope you do ok.  Good shroomery vibes for you  :heartpump:


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, federal, or fashion police laws. All posts are works of fiction.

For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Under closer inspection I realised it was a funky ball of tits from outer space.



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Offlinefliped
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Registered: 02/26/03
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
    #7615557 - 11/09/07 02:38 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

I dont know about you but when i am morning a friends death or anyother very sad situation i turn to music a lot to help me through tough times.... This is a song i always listen to to remember my lost friends. I know it is not completley realative to the situations either of us have been through but even just listening to the chorus of the song brings back memories of good times with my lost friends. I hope you are doing ok!
<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="
&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="
&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed>&lt;/object>


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Offlinelearningtofly
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: fliped]
    #7615633 - 11/09/07 02:53 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

thats fucked up. We both know it isn't your fault but its real fucking hard to tell that to someone and have them accept it. it is especially a shame that the little girl died.

Wheres the mom in this?


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Invisiblevandago
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
    #7616176 - 11/09/07 05:32 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

He passed, about 11:30 today, they pulled the plug.



I hate myself. I love you all though, I know in the back of my head it isn't my fault, but my normal ranting think fast brain is telling me ...."You are a lazy piece of shit, you droveto his house any other time he wanted you to( seriously probably the 2nd-3rd time he's driven to my house ) and the one time you were too fucking lazy...."

It isn't anybody's fault ( except if you get down to it, the deer, and the other driver who swerved ) but I definetely could've prevented it.

Man I loved him and his brother, they have been closer to me then anyone else over the last three years (mainly his brother, who is my best friend, but after this he won't ever be the same ).

I feel selfish for fucking sulking, I feel selfish for crying, just because so many people cared about him more, I don't deserve to feel bad, because if it wasn't for me this wouldn't have happened.

At the hospital last night, his family asked if I wanted to see him in his dying moments......and I felt too scared....too guilty....too awestruck....to do it......I just didn't want to see him like that. I hate it.

As for drugs.....thats why I think I'm going to enter some counseling.....or maybe rehab......I'm unemployed.....and do quite a bit of drugs, and there is no way I'm going to stop now.......alcohol and xanax will lead to a nasty path, but I just had to take 3mg last night, I was eating my self up.





As for whoever said drugs fuck everything up. Go fuck yourself, asshole pricks fuck everything up, and they tend to do drugs ( my friend was neither an addict or an asshole ) . Honestly I came here...posted this....and expressed my feelings....cause I'm a goddamn pussy. I'm freaking out, I don't want to feel responsible but I do, I look at my best friend now, and feel a wall between us because I don't feel proper sharing his emotion.

Edit to that ^^^ I was not in the right state of mind, after re-reading your post, I realize you're telling me that drugs will fuck everything up, not saying it contributed to his death, sorry bout that.

I'm a coward, I came here to the shroomery, because I know a lot of you, I know where good people reside online, just not as much in real life.

There's a few posts in here, that really helped me at least take one tiny step towards coping with this, I mean when 40 people tell you the same thing, it's hard to not think it's somewhat true......I know I didn't cause it....but I could've prevented it.


Edited by vandago (11/10/07 01:34 AM)


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InvisibleLiz
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
    #7616241 - 11/09/07 05:53 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

All I can say is that if you weren't beating yourself up, you wouldn't be human.  Be there for your best friend, and his family, in their time of grief - help each other through this.  Your friend is with his daughter now, I hope, and I'm sure that makes them both very happy.  :hug:


--------------------
Remember, remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.




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OfflineLuNaTiX
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
    #7616248 - 11/09/07 05:55 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

I almost wanted to avoid posting in this thread because I really don't know what I can say to such a situation. All I know is it makes me think of how unimportant my money problems are.

Take care of yourself, and I'm sure your friend and his daughter are in a better place now.


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InvisibleHELLA_TIGHT
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
    #7616330 - 11/09/07 06:26 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

I'm sorry.

It wasn't your fault, and there's nothing you can do now.


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InvisibleLeftyBurnz
Mr. I Eat Butthole
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Registered: 06/21/05
Posts: 24,570
Loc: FL
Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: Rylmonkey]
    #7616560 - 11/09/07 07:30 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Its a terrible thing that happened vandago, i know youre beating yourself up over it, and probably nothing any of us can say will change that, but honestly, go easy on yourself. there is no way you could have known this was going to happen. noone wants to lose someone that close to them, but you shouldnt make the pain worse by telling yourself it was your fault. it wasnt. and im sure if he could give you a message right now thats exactly what he would say.

im not going to tell you to cheer up, because that is an impossible feat. however, i will tell you to keep your head up.


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OfflineTlitliltzin
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: kidaihuan]
    #7616579 - 11/09/07 07:37 PM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Man, I'm so sorry about that, that's something that we wouldn't even want to wish on our enemies. Just don't let it get in the way of your life and your health, because no one here, least of all your friend, wants that for you. Don't let guilt destroy you, because then the tragedy will only grow, so stay strong and stop it here. Sending you and your friend the best of vibes long distance... I mourn your loss, and I wish you peace of mind, and health of soul. Take care.


--------------------
"...And on the Bicycle Day, Hoffman said "Let there be Light", and there was LSD. And He saw that it was GOOD..."


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Invisiblevandago
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: Tlitliltzin]
    #7617365 - 11/10/07 12:53 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

I've realized that mourning over the fact I played a part in his death is selfish. It takes away from what's truley important in this situation, like his family, my mental health, and helping all of us cope. If I sit and try to blame myself, it's just an excuse to feel more upset, and try and place blame....part of me feels like every huge event has something to blame, and placing blame will help solve things, though I know it's not true.

My mind is working in such a weird way right now, part of me is hating myself just for feeling as bad as I do about everything, just because of how bad his family feels, it's truly their loss.


I'm going to attend his funeral, and help his brother in any way I can. I really don't want to see his brother go off the deep end over this, I'd hate to lose two friends.



I miss him so much.......




Btw, if I could send every one of you a hug I'd do it. So many people on this board actually care, and it's wonderful.


Edited by vandago (11/10/07 01:35 AM)


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InvisibleLeftyBurnz
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
    #7617411 - 11/10/07 01:23 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

vandago said:
I've realized that mourning over the fact I played a part in his death is selfish. It takes away from what's truley important in this situation, like his family, my mental health, and helping all of us cope. If I sit and try to blame myself, it's just an excuse to feel more upset, and try and place blame....part of me feels like every huge event has something to blame, and placing blame will help solve things, though I know it's not true.

My mind is working in such a weird way right now, part of me is hating myself just for feeling as bad as I do about everything, just because of how bad his family feels, it's truly their loss.


I'm going to attend his funeral, and help his brother in any way I can. I really don't want to see his brother go off the deep end over this, I'd hate to lose two friends.

I miss him so much.......




Btw, if I could send every one of you a hug I'd do it. So many people on this board actually care, and it's wonderful.




glad to see youve calmed down a bit and thought things over Van. like you said, be there for his family. they need all of the support they can get. beating yourself up is alot of negative energy that the situation does not need. we are best to not dwell on the coulda, woulda. shouldas. focus on the now and the future.


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Edited by LeftyBurnz (11/10/07 01:48 AM)


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: My close friend and his daughter died today, I could've prevented it...... [Re: vandago]
    #7617608 - 11/10/07 04:09 AM (16 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

vandago said:
...part of me feels like every huge event has something to blame, and placing blame will help solve things, though I know it's not true.




As painful as this experience is and will continue to be, this may be an opportunity given to you to re-program this part of yourself into a mode of acceptance.

Learn from this experience, any way you can, and it will not have been in vain. You are not responsible for their deaths, but that does not mean there are not lessons to be had within the aftermath.

I'm not saying "just fix it" because that's not how these things work. It's just something to learn through this experience... be mindful of that potential as it unfolds and you will learn it; so that in the future, when you find yourself placing blame, you will stop dead in your tracks and find a better (healthier, more helpful) path for that energy. Healthier and more helpful for both yourself and those around you.

The quote above shows inner conflict, which inevitably results in suffering. This is an opportunity to move past that stumbling block so that you might better serve your fellow man. (In this case, by being present and able to care for and show love to this man's brother, your best friend.)

My heart goes out to you, man. Don't think you don't deserve to mourn... that's utterly fucked up, and is just another way your mind will trap you in your pain. It's very healthy for you to mourn... just realize you're mourning the loss, and not your own perceived responsibilities.

You are mourning because your friend died. Your mind might try to tell you otherwise, but it's just a coping mechanism to avoid facing and mourning the real issue.

I apologize if I sound preachy... but my heart goes out to you, man. :heart: The truth is, beating yourself up about this in any way is backpedaling. You've got to work through the personal issues as well as help others work through theirs. I know that's a lot you've got on your plate. Life is harsh like that sometimes... but try not to dismiss your own state in hopes of helping your friend and his family.

The truth is, you cannot truly love others without first loving yourself. I know that sounds really generic and cheesy, but it's seriously true. There is a reason you've heard that before. Take that gem, and crack it open. The reason you feel a wall between yourself and your friend is found within that gem.

Fuck, again, I apologize if I sound preachy... :hug:


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