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emilbus
Drunk

Registered: 10/01/06
Posts: 1,113
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
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Im gonna be a dad and....
#7592312 - 11/03/07 07:56 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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im excited, but lately ive been having a lot of mixed feelings. before i knew my g/f was pregnant i was fine with going to work, coming home, watching tv, hanging out with her, and randomly seeing a movie or going out to eat. i was fine with only having sex with her and i was okay with not having a lot of friends and being some what of a loner. now, i want to go out, i want to meet new people, i think about being with other chicks, (which i wont, i will not cheat on her). i sometimes find myself getting mad at the fact that she will be the last girl im with. i dont know im all mixed up. im not freaking out im just......... im happy but then im pissed off. okay heres the thing. i love her and i adore her and i even like her. but for the past 6 months things have been crappy. we werent getting along for shit. i was planning on leaving her once i got my license back and got my own car which i have now, but now shes pregnant and i cant and wont leave her. i really dont know what to do. im so damn confused and im stressing out at work which causes me to fuck up. i dont know.........
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  You look down at me and you see a fool You look up at me and you see a god You look straight at me and you see yourself
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Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!


Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 9,720
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: emilbus]
#7592314 - 11/03/07 07:56 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Sounds like the married life/fatherhood ain't for you
-------------------- There is no valid reason you should be reading this
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Jack Albertson
bismillah rahmani rahim



Registered: 04/14/06
Posts: 10,065
Loc: SOLARIS
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true that kids and a girl you dont want can be a huge burden. You better change your way of thinking or get ready to be miserable. If youre lucky this experience will change you over time.
-------------------- Man is timid and apologetic; he is no longer upright; he dares not say "I think," "I am," but quotes some saint or sage. He is ashamed before the blade of grass or the blowing rose.Man postpones or remembers; he does not live in the present, but with reverted eye laments the past, or, heedless of the riches that surround him, stands on tiptoe to foresee the future. He cannot be happy and strong until he too lives with nature in the present, above time TRANSCEND
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UnholyChild666
I'M GOD


Registered: 03/26/06
Posts: 8,940
Loc:
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: emilbus]
#7592400 - 11/03/07 08:17 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Thats because you werent ready and you realize all of your time is gonna be focused on the kid, not to mentiton this girl is with you for life wether you two like each other or not. You don't have to stay in a relationship with the girl but the kid you do, if you are trying to do the right thing. I think all this is making you realize how much more in life there is to do and now you have something holding you back. This dosen't mean you are completly tied down there will be time, it's not like your the one carrying the kid and remember that! respect that! this girl is doing something amazing she's got more to be worried about then you ever will, don't forget that.
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"I am the Highest Power the leader of the pack" Actiavte My Dream Sequence Machine GOD of the hologram earth
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mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
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emil,
this is now about the kid unfortunately.
adoption might be something you guys should talk about. why bring a kid into a home where the parents do not really care for eachother and are not truly prepared.
there are countless homes with couples who cannot conceive and are both emotionally and finacially ready for a child.
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Jadian
Ninja



Registered: 07/07/05
Posts: 7,404
Loc: The desert
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: emilbus]
#7592433 - 11/03/07 08:28 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Saw one of her high heels almost to the point of breaking and then take her on a ride up the largest escalator you can find and hopefully things work themselves out.
-------------------- LNC's official Alaskan stoner
 
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emilbus
Drunk

Registered: 10/01/06
Posts: 1,113
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
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im not giving my child up. im going to work my hardest at this relationship and being the right father. theres just so much shit going through my head. the job im at now is great for a single guy. i make about 2000-2500 a month and im barley supporting my chick and i. now with a kid its going to become much harder. for me growing up wasnt that bad. my parents werent poor but they werent rich. they were middle class so i had a good life. i didnt get a fucking 20,000 dollar car when i turned 16 but i never had to worry about losing power or not having food or being kicked out cause we couldnt pay the rent. i stayed in an apt with my parents until i was 7 and from there we moved into a house. how am i suppose to do this for my kid. i dont have the money or the time to goto school to get a better job and i dunno now im just bitching. anyway, thanks for the input but im going to stop now cause im sure know one wants to here me whine.
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  You look down at me and you see a fool You look up at me and you see a god You look straight at me and you see yourself
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TODAY
Battletoad


Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: emilbus]
#7592455 - 11/03/07 08:35 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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sometimes you need to vent. this is pretty heavy stuff and it is better to vent than to let it bounce off the walls of your head only. it sucks that you aren't ready for this.
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ca'rouse (k-rouz) intr.v. To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.
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makaveli8x8
Stranger


Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 21,636
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: emilbus]
#7592470 - 11/03/07 08:41 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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you don't have time but you make time, and if your keeping the kid and want him to grow up in middle class or higher its time for you to go back to college like right now....and since your women is going to be on her back for like 6months she might as well hit the books to (online courses for now)
thats something that needs to be figuered out also, what kind of job does she have and is she willing to get a better job/college.
if you do alot of searching you prob can find a better paying job, but in the long run your better off with college, sooner you start the better.
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  We were sent to hell for eternity Ø h® We play on earth to pass the time Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.
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mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: TODAY]
#7592481 - 11/03/07 08:44 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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this is a very heavy issue. you should definitely go and do one those nightly stroll life pondering walks for this.
ask yourself:
*will you be able to lead a fulfilling life by making this choice? will this compromise your dreams?
*what choice is in the best interest of everyone. do not let personal feelings interfere. look at it from the perspective of a stranger. what is best for you, your girlfriend, and your son/daughter.
I can really feel for you on this issue, I just had a friend get knocked up at the age of 18. she is now 19, no longer with her boyfriend, struggling to make ends meet, feeling like life is passing her by. she can no longer enjoy herself or do what she wants, she can't afford to go to school, she can't be with her friends, she has to work constantly to support herself and her kid. it will be an endless vicious cycle, she will be doing this to herself until the kid is grown up.
she loves her child, but regrets having her.
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AJ4U
Cloud N9ne



Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 5,609
Loc: Dirty Jersey
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: makaveli8x8]
#7592482 - 11/03/07 08:44 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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your coat hangar is in the mail
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mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: AJ4U]
#7592486 - 11/03/07 08:45 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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mods should delete AJ4U's reply.
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AJ4U
Cloud N9ne



Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 5,609
Loc: Dirty Jersey
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
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Quote:
oliveplume said: mods should delete AJ4U's reply.
Back to PE with you hippy lol get over it
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emilbus
Drunk

Registered: 10/01/06
Posts: 1,113
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: AJ4U]
#7592578 - 11/03/07 09:09 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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i dont have the money to pay for my schooling or hers. right now my g/f isnt working which is fine but she does have the skill and the connections to become a manager and run her own store in a few years. she just doesnt want to because its fast food. her sister right now is making about 5,000-6,000 a month running her own store and i told my chick every day that she could be doing the same exact thing. she was on her way too, she went from being a car hop to an asst. to co. in a year and they ended up fucking her hard and she said fuck it and quit. the thing is that this is all she knows. anywhere else she goes will just be minimum wage bullshit and that just wont cut it. theres know way i can put her in school cause of the money. trust me, if i had it i would. shes so damn book smart its not even funny. shes too smart for her own good. so now im going to be busting my ass even more cause shes either not going to work or she will work but will only make like 600/month. right now im working 60 hours a week so i wont ever have time to goto school. i dont know how people do this. the only reason my parents made it was because my dad joined the military and worked his way up. hes now a master sgt. for the air force which is pretty bad ass i think. anyway the military is out of the question for me. as for her i know she could get in easy and go pretty far with them, but im being selfish cause im afraid i would lose her. im a pretty dumb average guy and i know the sec she got into the military she would meet all these new people and leave me eventually. i know thats my own insecurity but whatever. maybe i should just let her join. we could get married, live on base, i could still work and the kid would have a stable life. what if she has to go across seas?
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  You look down at me and you see a fool You look up at me and you see a god You look straight at me and you see yourself
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mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: emilbus]
#7592599 - 11/03/07 09:14 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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this relationship sounds too shakey my friend. i don't think this is really meant to be...
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emilbus
Drunk

Registered: 10/01/06
Posts: 1,113
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
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its kinda too late for the whole " ment to be " thing
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  You look down at me and you see a fool You look up at me and you see a god You look straight at me and you see yourself
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mushroomplume
Stranger

Registered: 10/16/06
Posts: 1,395
Last seen: 14 years, 19 days
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: emilbus]
#7592640 - 11/03/07 09:27 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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it's not.
don't take this as me trying to push you one way or the other, but you still have a choice.
you guys, especially with a baby now, are very emotionally tied to eachother and it's very hard to look past this.
I've seen this happen to so many young couples and I would hate for it to happen to you too.
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unbeliever
Yo Daddy!


Registered: 05/22/04
Posts: 5,158
Loc: Gallifrey
Last seen: 14 years, 10 months
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: emilbus]
#7592648 - 11/03/07 09:29 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Leave now before you care about 'em.
-------------------- Happiness is a warm gun...
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emilbus
Drunk

Registered: 10/01/06
Posts: 1,113
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: unbeliever]
#7592698 - 11/03/07 09:43 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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nah im going to try and make it work between us. i want the kid to be born into a family and not a single mom or dad.
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  You look down at me and you see a fool You look up at me and you see a god You look straight at me and you see yourself
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aDoS
freedom lover



Registered: 06/18/05
Posts: 7,590
Loc: land of the free
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: emilbus]
#7592737 - 11/03/07 09:56 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Join a military branch and live in base housing...just an idea.
-------------------- "If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a kind that we could wake up next morning with a clear head and an undamaged constitution - then, it seems to me, all our problems (and not merely the one small problem of discovering a novel pleasure) would be wholly solved and earth would become paradise." - Aldous Huxley GIVE ME OPIATES OR GIVE ME DEATH
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makaveli8x8
Stranger


Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 21,636
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Re: I'm gonna be a dad and.... [Re: aDoS]
#7593877 - 11/04/07 09:26 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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i hate to say it but i think she's using you, if she really cared she wouldn't make you work 60 hours a week when she is fully capable of bringing in $200-$600 a week.
at this point with a kid on the way(i assume only a month along), if she's not willing to work now for the baby....then she's prob never going to work.
Are you going to be ok working 60 hours every week for the rest of your life because she's to lazy 2? In effect the only reason you couldn't get an education is because she's been so dam lazy up to this point anyway!
Honestly i feel you really need to straighten her out or leave her...and later on file papers for the kid and demand child support from her.
hell file the papers now and make the newspaper.
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  We were sent to hell for eternity Ø h® We play on earth to pass the time Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.
Edited by makaveli8x8 (11/04/07 09:27 AM)
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Kamin



Registered: 02/04/07
Posts: 449
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: aDoS]
#7593935 - 11/04/07 09:48 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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One way or the other the thing to do now, since you want to make it work, is to find a better paying job, since as you said, it is hardly sufficient for even you and your girl, much less you, your girl, and a child. Going to school may make some things difficult for time, but it will enable you to improve your situation in the future, which is where you need to be focusing if you plan on making this work. A few classes at a community college at night would be worth the expense, plus, they are often cheaper than you think.
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makaveli8x8
Stranger


Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 21,636
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: Kamin]
#7593958 - 11/04/07 09:59 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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they have a few courses that they actually teach you on the job, i forget wth its called, i think they might actually pay for it as well i dunno. Althow alot of these are hardcore like brick mason lol but if you work union or something you get paid like $21 + an hour
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  We were sent to hell for eternity Ø h® We play on earth to pass the time Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.
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badchad
Mad Scientist

Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 13,372
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: Kamin]
#7593964 - 11/04/07 10:00 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Like others have said, you need to take a serious look at your financial situation. Money is the number one cause of arguments in relationships, at $2500/month you guys are going to be facing some very serious financial hardships. Squabbling over whether or not you can get $10 for a couple beers is going to put a tremendous strain on your relationship.
-------------------- ...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge. It is an indellible experience; it is forever known. I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did. Smith, P. Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27. ...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely. Osmond, H. Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436
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emilbus
Drunk

Registered: 10/01/06
Posts: 1,113
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
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Re: I'm gonna be a dad and.... [Re: Kamin]
#7593965 - 11/04/07 10:00 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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i don't think i would be able to find a better job. this is the best so far. as far as being lazy, I'm letting it slide because in the beginning of our relationship i didn't have a job for about 5-6 months, then again like 5 months later i didn't have a job for like 2-3 months. she basically supported us in the first 2 years we were together. now I'm supporting her. as far as classes are concerned, I'm thinking about taking some classes on line, but i have no idea what i should look into.
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  You look down at me and you see a fool You look up at me and you see a god You look straight at me and you see yourself
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makaveli8x8
Stranger


Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 21,636
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Re: I'm gonna be a dad and.... [Re: emilbus]
#7594024 - 11/04/07 10:16 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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well let the past slide, but its time for you both to get the gears rolling and prepare for your childs future, you both need well paying jobs like right now.
as for your job, take a walk down to your local union.
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  We were sent to hell for eternity Ø h® We play on earth to pass the time Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.
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bukkake


Registered: 05/28/05
Posts: 2,764
Loc: Classified
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Re: I'm gonna be a dad and.... [Re: emilbus]
#7594046 - 11/04/07 10:23 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Never have kids in America.
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circularvortex
Bass Head




Registered: 08/31/06
Posts: 12,148
Loc:
Last seen: 4 months, 30 days
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Re: I'm gonna be a dad and.... [Re: emilbus]
#7594063 - 11/04/07 10:28 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'd have to agree with makaveli8x8.
What does the gf do all day while you're busting your balls on 12 hour work days (assuming you work 5 days a week)? I don't care if you didn't have a job for a few months, you have a baby coming and you will need money. Tell her to get off her newly pregnant ass and flip some fucking burgers.
-------------------- No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, federal, or fashion police laws. All posts are works of fiction. For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool By making his world a little colder. Under closer inspection I realised it was a funky ball of tits from outer space.
 
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geokills
∙∙∙∙☼ º¿° ☼∙∙∙∙


Registered: 05/08/01
Posts: 23,417
Loc: city of angels
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: emilbus]
#7594109 - 11/04/07 10:44 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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You have to do what is right for you, but even more you have to do what is right for your potential child. Of course, unless you do what is right for you first, you're going to have a hard time on the second piece of the puzzle. Therefore, I suggest "potential" child, as depending on how far along into this you and yours are, there may still be the option of abortion. I am quite frankly amazed that no one has mentioned it yet. Adoption is all well and good, but for me personally, with the matters facing our species from the over-consumption of our resources and the often unsatisfactory level of stability for children in foster care, I would not hesitate to honestly and seriously consider the option to abort this pregnancy.
If you cannot afford to go back to school, how in the hell do you expect to afford to raise a child? Children are extremely expensive, and seeing how much you care about the well-being of your family, it could be a troubling reality to realize that you cannot provide for your child in the way that you would like - either through educational practices, medical support, real-world experiences, or even time (if you end up having to stay away from home and work all the time just to make ends meet).
I applaud you for your optimistic and caring attitude towards your lover and child, but now more than ever you have to be realistic. Of course, this is something you will need to discuss with your partner, and if she absolutely won't hear of it, or you yourself are adamantly opposed to the practice of abortion, well then I can at least understand what you are doing. But given the small scraping of information you have provided us, if I were in your shoes, I would be looking towards abortion right away.
Even in my position with a good lot of savings racked up, living in a house, aged a quarter-century, I wouldn't be able to handle raising a child. Even if I may be able to afford it financially, the relationship I have with my lover right now is not conducive to bringing up a child in a loving, stable, and committed household over the long-term... we have discussed this and both agree that now is not the time. Should an accident occur, abortion will be the likely course of action. I made it through my parent's divorce, and while so many people seem to say that you can have the child and be there for him/her, but be so quick to leave your partner, that just doesn't fly in my book. If you are already thinking about leaving the lady before you've even had the kid, having the kid is not the right thing to do!
Realize this is all coming from my own point of view. I don't presume to know all the ins and outs of your relationship, but I also don't want to see you making choices that will lower the quality of your life in the future, as well as that of your family and child. You have to be smart, be honest, engage in open communication with your partner at all times and do what you can to make sure you are both on the same page. Gaining perspective is a good thing, so even if you don't agree with me, I hope you have listened to me.
Good luck, and though I'm not a religious man, perhaps you are - so God Bless.
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-------------------- ┼ ··∙ long live the shroomery ∙·· ┼ ...╬π╥ ╥π╬...
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CherryBom
Yoga Gypsy


Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: geokills]
#7594141 - 11/04/07 10:55 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Probably the best, and most well-thought out advice in this entire thread.
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emilbus
Drunk

Registered: 10/01/06
Posts: 1,113
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
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Re: Im gonna be a dad and.... [Re: geokills]
#7594286 - 11/04/07 11:50 AM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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thanks man, thats some real shit right there. abortion is out of the question and as far as money goes and her working. she has been wanting to get a job but the sickness is keeping her from doing anything. shes in bed all day and kind of moving about at night. she still cant keep anything down. she is slowly getting better though. she does want to go back to work but for all the wrong reasons. she wants money for better clothes and dumb chick shit not to help me out with bills. the reason why shes not worried is because she comes from an immediate family of 12. her twin brother has a 7 year old son and hes my age with another kid on the way. they are living from paycheck to paycheck but seem to be fine so in her eyes that will be okay. not for me though. i have a few ideas in mind to get her motivated and start working for us and our new family but it will take some time. things will work out it will just be a little harder for me.
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  You look down at me and you see a fool You look up at me and you see a god You look straight at me and you see yourself
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