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AJ4U
Cloud N9ne



Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 5,609
Loc: Dirty Jersey
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
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WTF is wrong with me
#7591241 - 11/03/07 02:09 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Im having a seriouse fit of rage ever since yesterday morning. Iv never been so fucking pissed off in my entire life for no reason. Im not going through withdrawls as far as i know, but theres nothing to eat in this shit hole either.
But anyways i just tore my room apart kkicking punching breaking shit nonstop till i couldnt i just have rage inside of me thats to built up and i get angrier and angrier the more i sit here
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AlteredAgain
Visual Alchemist



Registered: 04/27/06
Posts: 11,181
Loc: Solar Circuit
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: AJ4U]
#7591244 - 11/03/07 02:10 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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work on it.
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demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: AJ4U]
#7591247 - 11/03/07 02:10 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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smoke a bowl or take some opes
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
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AJ4U
Cloud N9ne



Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 5,609
Loc: Dirty Jersey
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: demiu5]
#7591262 - 11/03/07 02:13 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I have NO drugs at my disposal which makes me angrier, seriously yesterday i went into class for a whole day and did not say a word to anyone which is very unlike me. Thursday i took 2mg of K-pin with 2 valium it was my first time with valium and iv taken the other a few times. I smoked the last of my shitty mids last night, fucking blows life blows
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S4mm1ch
CLIT commander


Registered: 06/25/06
Posts: 307
Loc: Blue Light District
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: demiu5]
#7591268 - 11/03/07 02:15 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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fuck that, pcp is where its at. then atleast u got a reason to be breakin shit
-------------------- “What is evil? Killing is evil, lying is evil, slandering is evil, abuse is evil, gossip is evil: envy is evil, hatred is evil, to cling to false doctrine is evil; all these things are evil. And what is the root of evil? Desire is the root of evil, illusion is the root of evil.”
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AlteredAgain
Visual Alchemist



Registered: 04/27/06
Posts: 11,181
Loc: Solar Circuit
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: AJ4U]
#7591270 - 11/03/07 02:15 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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i believe that relying on external crutches and remedies is quite a burden to one's own sense of well-being.
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AJ4U
Cloud N9ne



Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 5,609
Loc: Dirty Jersey
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: S4mm1ch]
#7591279 - 11/03/07 02:17 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
S4mm1ch said: fuck that, pcp is where its at. then atleast u got a reason to be breakin shit
For real
But i dont rely on drugs everyday to get by though iv been smoking pot a few times a day for the last few years! I grind my teeth just making this stupid post why the fuck couldnt i just be normal im done fucking bitching OH YA I ALSO FOUND OUT I LOST MY CREDIT CARD SUPPERRRR
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demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: AJ4U]
#7591280 - 11/03/07 02:17 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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obviously something has set you off, whether you want to (or are able to) admit it to yourself or not
it's very unlikely you grew this angry for no reason, unless your testosterone levels suddenly and dramatically leaped, which could be explained by stress or eating habits etc.
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: AJ4U]
#7591282 - 11/03/07 02:18 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Its very probable that your anger has a psychological purpose.
I suggest you stop breaking stuff, but instead lie in bed with your eyes closed and rile yourself up, and try if you can see a pattern to it, the thoughts that fuel the rage.
Maybe you are ramping up to a life-changing event. That can be a very goode thing. This can be the transition from your old life to your new life.
Lie down. Close your eyes. Go Akira.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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AJ4U
Cloud N9ne



Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 5,609
Loc: Dirty Jersey
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: demiu5]
#7591287 - 11/03/07 02:19 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
demius said: obviously something has set you off, whether you want to (or are able to) admit it to yourself or not
it's very unlikely you grew this angry for no reason, unless your testosterone levels suddenly and dramatically leaped, which could be explained by stress or eating habits etc.
I really just dont fucking know i felt it yesterday when i woke up and i was just in a fucking shitty shitty mood i have no idea why
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AlteredAgain
Visual Alchemist



Registered: 04/27/06
Posts: 11,181
Loc: Solar Circuit
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: AJ4U]
#7591298 - 11/03/07 02:21 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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best advice two posts up.
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Kid_Orgo



Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 5,514
Loc: Hale-Bopp
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: demiu5]
#7591300 - 11/03/07 02:21 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
demius said: smoke a bowl or take some opes
Only good advice if it's followed by serious introspection or counseling once the immediate attack is over.
Self-medication is not going to address the root cause.
That's a serious issue. Rage seriously impairs judgment (evidence: all the shit he just broke), and could result in something really awful.
-------------------- He was a cowboy in one of the seven days a week fights. No business, no hangout; no friends, nothing; just what you pick up and what you need.
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: Kid_Orgo]
#7591306 - 11/03/07 02:23 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Rage's an internal process, you shouldn't take it out on the world.
Turn inward, don't break any more stuff.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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AJ4U
Cloud N9ne



Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 5,609
Loc: Dirty Jersey
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: Asante]
#7591324 - 11/03/07 02:27 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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your right i should kill myself
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: AJ4U]
#7591333 - 11/03/07 02:30 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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That's not what I mean 
Look for the sources of your rage. Once you understand it better you';ll have more power to affect change and the rage too will decrease.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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AJ4U
Cloud N9ne



Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 5,609
Loc: Dirty Jersey
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: AJ4U]
#7591337 - 11/03/07 02:31 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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But really maybe i am having some sort of life changing event, which would be nice cause i dont like the asshole i have been. Shutting yourself out to the world is an easy thing to do but to do it for as long as i have and to a certain extend damaged my now
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evolprim
human



Registered: 05/07/06
Posts: 1,226
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: AJ4U]
#7591547 - 11/03/07 03:42 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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it sounds like you said you smoked pot many times a day and now you have no drugs at your disposal. and lost your credit card, not to mention the fact that you smashed your stuff probably doesnt make you feel to hot. i agree with what wiccan said about trying to resolve it, instead of fighting the world.
i think youll be fine, but you gotta look inside for this one.
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razmablues
Biologist




Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 2,403
Loc: OrangeCounty
Last seen: 14 years, 5 months
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: AJ4U]
#7591557 - 11/03/07 03:46 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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good vibes to you 
i agree with evol and wiccan, gotta look inside for this one, but just know everything will be okay anyway.
-------------------- soft silly music is meaningful, magical
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ToTheSummit
peregrinus



Registered: 08/22/99
Posts: 9,126
Loc: Las Vegas
Last seen: 7 hours, 45 minutes
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: AJ4U]
#7591703 - 11/03/07 04:22 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Something that helps in times of rage is to vent the physical energy first. Easiest way I've found is to run. Just start running. Run until you are tired, then keep on running. Run until you are exhausted, then keep on running. Run until you absolutely can't anymore. Then collapse on the grass and take time to ponder your current state of mind.
Believe me, once you've vented all the energy you have at the moment and you no longer want to lash out physically (because you have nothing left to give in that department) it'll be much easier to think clearly about your state of mind and what steps you must take from here.
Also, you're shit won't be all busted up.
-------------------- You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!
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Army of None
Lt. Nothing.

Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 451
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: ToTheSummit]
#7591900 - 11/03/07 05:40 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Self inflicted harm always seems to work for me.
I don't care what state of mind you are currently in, when you get a mini artery to spray a 1 inch fountain nonstop like a damn water gun.....it consumes your entire attention.
Good fun, I recommend it.
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag



Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: AJ4U]
#7591904 - 11/03/07 05:41 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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Break your computer.
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Noviseer
Percussion isFree



Registered: 03/18/03
Posts: 3,994
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
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Re: WTF is wrong with me [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
#7592527 - 11/03/07 08:57 PM (16 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm gonna type up a few paragraphs from The Power of Now by Eckhert Tolle for you, because I've had issues with anger myself and this REALLY helped. Check it out... The pain-body.
As long as you are unable to access the "now," every emotional pain that you experience leaves behind a residue of pain that lives on in you. It merges with the pain from the past, which was already there, and becomes loged in your mind and body. This, of course, includes the pain you suffered as a child, caused by the unconsciousness of the world into which you were born.
This accumulated pain is a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind. If you look on it as an invisible entity in its own right, you are getting quite close to the truth. Its the emotional pain-body. It has two modes of being: dormant and active. A pain-body may be dormant 90 percent of the time; in a deeply unhappy person, though, it may be active up to 100 percent of the time. Some people live almost entirely through their pain]body, while others may experience it only in certain situations, such as intimate relationships, or situations linked with past loss or abandonment, physical or emotional hurt, and so on. Anything can trigger it, particularly if it resonates with a pain pattern from your past. When it is ready to awaken from its dormant stage, even a thought or an innocent remark made by someone close to you can activate it.
Some pain bodies are obnoxious but relatively harmless, for example like a child who won't stop whining. Others are vicious and destructive monsters, true demons. Some are physically violent; many more are emotionally violent. Some will attack people around you or close to you, while others may attack you, their host. Thoughts and feelings you have about your life then will become deeply negative and self-destructive. Illnesses and accidents are often created in this way. Some pain-bodies drive their hosts to suicide.
WHen you thought you knew a person and then you are suddenly confronted with this alien, nasty creature for the first time, you are in for quite a shock. However, its more important to observe it in yourself than in someone else. Watch out for any sign of unhappiness in yourself, in whatever form--it may be the awakening pain-body. This can take the form of irritation, impatience, a somber mood, a desire to hurt, anger, rage, depression, a need to have some drama in your relationship, and so on. Catch it the moment 9it awakens from its dormant state.
**this next part really stuck with me, its important...**
The pain-body wants to survive, just like every other entity in existence, and it can only survive if it gets you to unconsciously identify with it. It can then rise up, take you over, "become you," and live through you. It needs to get its "food" though you. It will feed on any experience that resonates iwth its own kind of energy, anything that creates further pain in whatever form: anger, destructiveness, hatred, grief, emotional drama, violence, and even illness. So the pain]body, when it has taken you over, will create a situation in your life that reflects back its own energy frequency for it to feed on. Pain can only feed on pain. Pain cannot feed on joy. It finds it quite indigestible.
Once the pain-body has taken you over, you want more pain. You become a victim or a perpetrator. You want to inflict pain, or you want to suffer pain, or both. There isn't really much difference between the two. You are not conscious of this, of course, and will vehemently claim that you do not want pain. But look closely and you will find that your thinking and behavior are designed to keep the pain going, for yourself and others. If you were truly conscious of it, the pattern would dissolve, for to want more pain is insanity, and nobody is consciously insane.
The pain-body, which is the dark shadow case by the ego, is actually afraid of the light of your consciousness. It is afraid of being found out. Its survival depends on your unconscious identification with it, as well as on your unconcious fear of facing the pain that lives in you. But if you don't face it, if you don't bring the light of your consciousness into the pain, you will be forced to relive it again and again. The pain-body may seem to you like a dangerous monster that you cannot bear to look at, but I assure you that it is an insubstantial phantom that cannot prevail against the power of your presence.
Some spiritual teachings state that all pain is ultimately an illusion, and this is true. The question is: Is it true for you? A mere belief doesn't make it true. Do you want to experience pain for the rest of your life and keep saying that it is an illusion? Does that free you from the pain? What we are concerned with here is how you can realize this truth--that is, make it real in your own experience.
So the pain-body doesn't want you to observe it directly and see it for what it is. The moment you observe it, feel its energy field within you, and take your attention to it, the identification is broken. A higher dimension of consciousness has come in. I call it presence. You are now the witness or the watcher of the pain-body. This means that it cannot use you anymore by pretending to be you, and it can no longer replenish itself through you. You have found your own innermost strength. You have accessed the power of now.
-------------------- _______________________________________________________________ namaste said: no flamz in da ODD, if you got nothing to contribute then keep yo lips zipped _________________________________________________________________
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