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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics > Mushroom Hunting and Identification
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Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land
    #758112 -

SOME EXCUSES TO TELL THE FARMER AS TO WHY YOU ARE IN HIS FIELD.

I guess any good excuse depends upon the circumstances. I have a couple pre-made excuses waiting for that "first time" I get caught.

Excuse #1. "Mister, I think I just hit your dog with my car and he ran in this field" Before he has a chance to say "I don?t have a dog", you say "I am so sorry, I did?nt mean to hurt it, it just ran right out in front of me"....To pull off this excuse you must seem a lil upset (you will already be from getting caught) and seem to have total concern for the so called "Dog" you just hit. This is a good one if the farmer notices you and you have no way of running....In fact, if the farmer sees you first you should walk directly towards the farmer and act like you want to help find his hurt dog.

Excuse #2 "Sir, I was just looking for a Long Horn Skull" Tell the farmer that your buddy told you to go out to a cow field if you wanted a Long Horn Skull for your planter (They make cool plant holders)

Excuse #3 "Mister, I lost my dog somewhere in your field" Tell the farmer that you pulled over to the side of the road because your car was acting up. Say that your dog saw something and jumped out of your window and chased it into the field. All you are doing is looking for your dog and as soon as you find him, you will be one your way.

Excuse #4 "Sir, I am sorry for tresspassing but my friend told me there was a great fishing hole around here with 9 LB bass and I was just looking for it" This works especially good if you have a fishing pole in your car to back that claim up

Excuse #5 (Must carry a camera for this one) "Sir, I was just looking for the perfect picture of some cattle with egrets" Tell him some shit like "I run a web site or a school paper that needs the pictures. Even take a picture of him thanking him for letting you use his field for the pics.

Excuse #6 "I was looking for Indian artifacts like arrowheads and axe heads" Most "Relic" hunters go out looking for artifacts after a heavy rain (just like shroomers do) Tell him some stuff like "This area was rich in Indian heritage and I thought it would be perfect"...

And last but not least

Excuse #7 (only works if your Bin Laden) Tell the farmer that you were extremely horney and needed sex bad and the closest thing to a camel you could find in the USA was a cow. Hell, to Binny Boy it?s all pink inside...

Ok...I am new to this forum, but I am not new to all forums. One thing I do know what forums are good for, and that is GETTING FRESH IDEAS. So, if ayone else has any other good excuses, please post them because INFORMATION IS POWER

I really hope others add to this forum thread

P.S. I went out today again...no shrooms, but I did find this really cool old Dr. Pepper bottle that?s worth $100 bucks


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"If at first you don't succeed....break it all up in a fit of rage and throw it in the trash"

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #758152 -

Also...Did you know that in TEXAS, there are still old laws on the books that were never removed that stated that if a rancher finds a person on his property in possession of wire clippers he can hang them right then and there with no trial for being a cattle rustler...Funny what you learn when you do research


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"If at first you don't succeed....break it all up in a fit of rage and throw it in the trash"

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #758193 -

Hows about, "My hubcap flew off into your field,I was just retrieving it" Might even help to carry one of them into the field with you.

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #758196 -

If the farmers house isnt on the land, just say "i was thinking of buying it and i was looking it over", and when he says its not for sale say "oops sorry, wrong pasture"

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #758211 -

GOOD ONES...THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR

Keep Um' Comin


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"If at first you don't succeed....break it all up in a fit of rage and throw it in the trash"

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #758241 -

Just tell them that you're looking for insert local snake here and didn't mean any harm. Worst case is they let you go with a thorough ass chewing for being on their land without permission.


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"I tried to put it all behind me, but my redneck past is nipping at my heels.." -- Ben Folds Five

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #758258 -

RUN


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Anal sex with birds

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #758280 -

Running is a last resort for me....Running is automatically saying "I am guilty of something"

and...

If you get caught after making a bunch of people chase you...They will def press charges....Try to get out of it without running.


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"If at first you don't succeed....break it all up in a fit of rage and throw it in the trash"

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #758497 -

- Post History Deleted Upon User's Request -

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: ]
    #758633 -

Dogs are the worst excuse you could use, While farmers often have dogs theriselves, one complaint I use to get from farmers was that pickers would bring their dogs into a field and dogs would spook the dairy cattle casuing them to not give the full amount of milk when milked.

anyway, It can be dangerous so keep that in mind.

I myself, who also has snuck into fields have had problems with farmers so for the last twnety years I always asked permission. That way if cops do come you can rattle their chains by proving them wrong for hassling you.

mj

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #758636 -

You could also say that someone gave you permission to be here. For instance;

Farmer: Hey you, what the hell are you doing on my god damn property?

You: I'm sorry sir, I was out here looking for Indian Arrow Heads...My friend (make up a name) told me his uncle owned this farm and it was OK for me to be here.

Farmer: I don't know who the hell you are, and I sure as hell don't know who (your made up friends name) is. I'm calling the cops

You: I'm sorry sir...It was just a simple mistake. Maybe if you could tell me where the (make up another name) farm is, I will leave your property right now and go there. Don't worry, I will never set foot on your land again.

Farmer: Ok...just get outta here and I don't wanna see you on my land again

Maybe, if you find a farmer that does not approach you with an attitude, you might even be able to talk him into letting you search his land for the arrow heads. Like I said B4, it all depends on the situation


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"If at first you don't succeed....break it all up in a fit of rage and throw it in the trash"

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #758642 -

Yea...but the farmer only sees that you are a "motorist", who hit a dog, which you think might be his....and all you are trying to do is locate it to see if it needs medical attention. I love animals, and if I hit a dog anywhere, anytime....I would venture onto anybody's property to locate that dog to make sure it's ok.


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"If at first you don't succeed....break it all up in a fit of rage and throw it in the trash"

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #758653 -

I don't think "looking for a dog" would pan out too well when you're caught with a bag and/or a flashlight. If you're "hunting" snakes, the standard collecting equipment is easily explained.


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"I tried to put it all behind me, but my redneck past is nipping at my heels.." -- Ben Folds Five

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #758675 -

Hunting flashlight is not so good....It will upgrade your violation from tresspassing to prowling. I never have anything on me except a bag, and that can be folded up in your pocket until u find something...

These excuses only work if u DON'T get caught red handed with shrooms. That is a whole other dimension in lying that I have not thought about.....Hell, I have to find an active field though first....lol


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"If at first you don't succeed....break it all up in a fit of rage and throw it in the trash"

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #758833 -

I guess you could also just start mooing loudly and act like somebody at a party hypnotised you into thinking your a cow....you may get off on in insanity plee


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"If at first you don't succeed....break it all up in a fit of rage and throw it in the trash"

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: mjshroomer]
    #759514 -

- Post History Deleted Upon User's Request -

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Lan [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #760538 -

I'll tell the farmer you are looking for mushrooms and taking pictures of them in their habitat. You interested in mycology and since mushrooms or so diverse they would be a good place to doing some research. If you know more then I do about mycology, use it. You can even say you were looking for mushrooms for edible purposes. The landowner most likely don't know which are edible so, wouldn't bother you. At worst he would say, "burn-the-phuck-off", and you keep your sack. You may even get a landowner who's looking for shrooms too and may be able to help you in your search if you don't lie so much. Take your camera and dress like you planed on hunting shrooms because you did and it feel and look right.

You never know how long some one has been watching you on their land. Don't lie, bite the bullet, it's probly the best way out. peace
whodi

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #760563 -

This one works for some:

Just tell the farmer that your there to pick the 'shrooms from the cow pies...... If he dosent buy that... tell him how you wantta have a three-some with his teenage daughter and one of his dairy cows... if that dosent work..... just advise him that all you really wanted to do was to plant some pot between his corn and tomato patches.


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>>Jammer>>

Edited by Jammer (07/19/02 11:13 PM)

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: Jammer]
    #761102 -

hello! new to this forum....I have a never ending cowfield in my backyard, and decided to start a new hobby. we decided to carry around my hubbies paintball guns....you guys can wear big cammies too, if ya really want to look like dorks and yet have plenty o' storage area

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #766042 -

If you are older...like in your 30's, you can say that when you were a kid, u used to mess around out in the fields and all you were doing was just reliving childhood memories....Say something like "Ya know, I lost my virginity right there under that old oak tree"....Farmer will probably just chase you off


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"If at first you don't succeed....break it all up in a fit of rage and throw it in the trash"

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Post deleted by Administrator [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #767920 -



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PK

All information and images posted by myself are fictional and for entertainment purposes only. I accept no responsibility for inapropriate or Illegal use of this information.

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: PsilosKube]
    #768127 -

EEeeh.. Farmers know whats going on. Theyve seen this sort of thing since their grandfather owned the farm.

I like MJs idea, ask permission. I think the best excuse is the camera one, your just taking pics, just out walking around, sory to disturb you Mr farmer, Ill be on my way.


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GabbaDj

FAMM.ORG             

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #769884 -

Or you could say...hey DUDEEEEE, check out these CRAZZZZZY shrooms you've got growin here man, EVERYTHING IS just CRAZZZY man, just take a few of these....

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Post deleted by Moe Howard [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #770672 -



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Hugs and Kisses!

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: Macey Howard]
    #771907 -

Post deleted by administrator.

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: boxtop703]
    #774172 -

Tell the farmer that you shot a model rocket off a few miles away and it landed aroud here and your looking for it. That way the bag is not suspicios and he probably wont kick you out because your property is missing, just hope hes not some crazy redneck with a pitch fork!

Fd


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___________________________________________________________________
Fd3000 is really a brown dancing monster. He uses the info he gets from his crazy dreams to help those in need. Too bad he doesn't really exist...

"I could walk up to the president and blow smoke in his stupid monkey face and all he could do is stand there grooving on it" - Homer Simpson

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: boxtop703]
    #774201 -

This is VERY true!

My grandpa (God rest his soul) used to grab his weapons every time a stray dog got near his chickens.

But all he ever found needed was a BB GUN! (he saved the serious arms for anyone else)


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>>Jammer>>

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #777279 -


just say you are removing the mushrooms to prevent the cows from eating them and possibly dieing from the poisinous ones, or eating the non poisionous, active ones, and getting freaked out where I live there are no wild cubies and no pastures...


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If you can't convince them, confuse them.

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: Ekuenchuocha]
    #777304 -

you can tel him he`s sexy


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Cuba Libre

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: Ekuenchuocha]
    #777328 -

Just go at night, wear tight fittin black clothes with a cloak over your head... Crack open a glowstick, and take it to the inside of a can... You can point the open end of the can anywhere you want and use it as a sort of dim flashlight... this is especially good for identifying shrooms in the darkness. Plus, it's good having a green glow, it blends in well with any moonlight lighting up the green grass... totally undetectable, but if you do get cuaght, you can bow to the farmer and tell him that you are a practicing ninja, or you can run away with your ninja quickness... or just kill him.

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: TheShroomHermit]
    #777450 -


lmao, that is a good one shroom hermit


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If you can't convince them, confuse them.

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: Ekuenchuocha]
    #777528 -

Just be sure to stick some cowshit/horseshit in your plastic bag. If confronted, tell the farmer that you were grabbing some cowshit in order to play a prank on a friend. Try to keep the mushies at the bottom of the bag.

primal


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All pictures posted by me were found on the internet. Moreover, I do not grow mushrooms containing controlled substances nor do I possess any controlled substances.

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #777641 -

I kind of like the rocket one and that would be a good excuse to go knock of the farmer's door and say "I shot off a rocket and I think it landed in your fields somewhere, can I go look for it?"

PERFECT....What farmer could say no to that?


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"If at first you don't succeed....break it all up in a fit of rage and throw it in the trash"

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #778317 -

Exactly!

Me: Ah im sorry to bother you but i shot off a model rocket down the road and i think it landed in your field, can i go look for it?
Farmer: Errr just hurry up dang-nabit!

Your property is in his field, why wouldnt he let you go? Plus you have a good excuse for the bag....

Fd


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___________________________________________________________________
Fd3000 is really a brown dancing monster. He uses the info he gets from his crazy dreams to help those in need. Too bad he doesn't really exist...

"I could walk up to the president and blow smoke in his stupid monkey face and all he could do is stand there grooving on it" - Homer Simpson

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: Fd3000]
    #781391 -

get one of those fake DEA hats(which are good because they are black) and a fake badge from the dollar store, and tell the farmer you caught some kids at the high school with some shrooms and they said they got them on his farm and you are just confiscating the rest.

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #781433 -

Also...A Kite Excuse may work well too. Just say you had an expensive stunt kite and the string broke and you think if might have landed in his fields somewhere.


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"If at first you don't succeed....break it all up in a fit of rage and throw it in the trash"

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Re: Excuses To Tell Farmers If Caught On Their Land [Re: cen_tex_looker]
    #781440 -

I hope this post was helpful for those of us who don't have the luxury of someone's permission to enter their fields. People that say "Just get permission" do not understand that circumstances are different in all areas.

Here in Texas it's not very easy to get a farmer's permission. Most farmers live on huge plots of land with very long driveways that are blocked 99% of the time by locked gates, so you can't even get to the farmer's house to ask for permission. You would have to wait at the bottom of his driveway for him to leave the farm just to get a chance to talk to him.


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"If at first you don't succeed....break it all up in a fit of rage and throw it in the trash"

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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics > Mushroom Hunting and Identification
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