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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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I'm gay.
#7560482 - 10/25/07 07:47 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I've been struggling with understanding what's up with my sexuality for years and years, and now I know; or rather, I can find acceptance for what I know and call it something that I know people can identify with. I know the label doesn't matter, I am who I am, but it helps me come to terms with how I feel inside.
I told my partner and he said, "Oh, okay, I'm gay too" (happy). He was happy for me that I could finally admit the truth to myself. I think he's known for awhile, but he thought I might just be bisexual. No, I don't think so. For almost two years I've been reluctant with sex, despite the fact that I fucking love him and love being around him. He's great company and we do connect. He is a dear friend that I hope I'll always have in my life. He offered to get a divorce (and we would still live together and be partners, in a support-for-life sense) but I said I'm not ready for that yet because I mean, I just admitted this to myself, don't I need time to prepare for any other changes? I've been telling him for years that he is free to get a girlfriend if he likes because I know he has needs to fulfill, I don't feel jealously or any sort of possession of him. He is free to do as he likes, just as he is supportive in my own life's journey to discover who I am.
So yeah, it's just a silly tag, but the truth is that men do nothing for me sexuality and that I fantasize about women quite often, more and more as I get older. I am definitely attracted to women. If not for my fetish (which I haven't felt a connection to in months) and the fact he indulged me in that, we might never have been as sexual as we were for so long.
I'm just...well I feel good admitting it. That's what this post is about anyway. I've already admitted it to my friends and they said they knew...before I did, I guess.
Life is funny.
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peaceandlove
Iron Lung



Registered: 07/16/07
Posts: 164
Last seen: 15 years, 5 months
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Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
#7560561 - 10/25/07 08:09 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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good to hear you've found a part of yourself. From the sounds of things you seem like your in a good, comfortable place. Being honest with yourself is one of the most important things you can ever do.
-------------------- "For the Horde!"
Edited by peaceandlove (10/25/07 08:09 PM)
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vaportrail
upandaway



Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 121
Last seen: 14 years, 5 months
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Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
#7560564 - 10/25/07 08:10 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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You are courageous, and I'm glad for you.  However, I don't understand why you need to tag yourself, if you really are attracted to women also. Why do you have to choose a side?
-------------------- and the hippos were boiled in their tanks
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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Heh...it's not "also." I'm not attracted to men. Not really. The only men I am attracted to are men who are more feminine and have more feminine attributes. It must be the feminine energy I am drawn to but even feminine men have something that I do not desire. They are not women.
I KNOW the tag and label doesn't matter. I am who I am and that's that, no matter what my preferences are.
I use the tag in this sense because labels can be rungs on the ladder about understanding more about oneself. In this case, declaring that "I'm gay" has been totally freeing. I don't feel at all as constrained or burdened as I did before I acknowledged, "I'm gay."
Because I feel so free when I apply that tag to myself, I feel that it's okay that I do so.
Whatever helps me, you know.
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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
#7560602 - 10/25/07 08:20 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I do get personality crushes on men all the time. I can see myself kissing and cuddling with men that I enjoy. But when it comes to sexuality...yeah. I don't think so, not anymore. I can't pretend anymore.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
#7560620 - 10/25/07 08:24 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Great. I totally support self acceptance. It's all good.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
Edited by Icelander (10/25/07 08:24 PM)
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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Thank you so much. I have to admit "coming out" is a bit scary, mostly liberating. But I just feel so free. That's how I know this is the truth. I feel so fucking free, more free then I have in my whole life. It's just taken me so long (24 years) to finally come to terms with this. I was raised in a pretty nasty Christian household and was conditioned since birth to "marry a good man, be a good wife." I married a wonderful man. I feel like I've been the best wife I could have been. But something was always missing. I always felt...unhappy...penned in, restrained. Like I was holding back some knowledge of myself because of other people's expectations of who I am.
But now I know. It's actually not a big deal. I'm still the same person. Only I have more freedom then ever in expressing and becoming who I am because of that face to face acceptance with an aspect of myself that has always been.
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vaportrail
upandaway



Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 121
Last seen: 14 years, 5 months
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Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
#7560634 - 10/25/07 08:30 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Oh I see, you embraced your fear, and then realized it no longer had power over you.
-------------------- and the hippos were boiled in their tanks
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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Yes, something like that! The best way out is through...
Thanks for listening.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
#7560659 - 10/25/07 08:38 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Awesome! I'm really happy that you came to be honest with yourself!  It feels so liberating when it happens. I wish you much happiness.
--------------------
   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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Jorsher
Psychonaut



Registered: 08/28/06
Posts: 691
Loc: Earth
Last seen: 13 years, 1 month
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Hehe I was confused at first because I thought you were male and you said you were gay but didn't have an interest in men.
Never knew you were female. Anyway, congrats on being honest with yourself and good luck on the future! Thanks for the advice you've given me in the past, is much appreciated.
-------------------- 5 shroom me!
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memes
Blessed



Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
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Re: I'm gay. [Re: Jorsher]
#7561964 - 10/26/07 07:02 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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congrats on the newfound freedom!
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JacquesCousteau
Being.



Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
Loc: Everywhere, Everytime.
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
#7565540 - 10/27/07 01:45 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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OMG! WTF?! j/k...
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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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hehe
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BrandNoob
The REALAmerican Hero!



Registered: 07/15/07
Posts: 717
Loc: Potland, OR
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
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Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
#7565971 - 10/27/07 07:24 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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-------------------- All posts were channeled through the user by typing the thoughts of telepathic beings. All photos are of paranormal origin and do not represent the physical world, as we know it. BrandNoob shall not be held accountable for the actions of deceased or hyperdimensional individuals.
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Silversoul
Rhizome


Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
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Kevin sounds like a much better sport about all of this than I could ever be. Good for you for coming to terms with yourself. I wish you a bright future with your newly found identity.
--------------------
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ManianFH
living in perverty


Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,741
Last seen: 1 day, 7 hours
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oh yeh I thought you were male at first too, so your first post kept saying you werent attracted to men, confusing me. way to put two and two together heh.
Well I hope you embrace your new happiness, and live a fulfilling life. and give that guy youre with a huge friggen hug or kiss for being so understanding
GL
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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He really is amazing. I think we were drawn to one another because we are BOTH so atypical. Weirdos, all the way. Both of us feel a lot of relief now that I have come to this realization. No pressure on anyone anymore, all freedom to be who we are without regret.
Thanks guys.
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Link
Intrinsically No Good


Registered: 07/28/99
Posts: 2,314
Loc: Lost Woods, Hyrule
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Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
#7566490 - 10/27/07 11:30 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Moth that's awesome, I'm glad you've made such a big step in discovering yourself. You rule. from Ohio
-Link
-------------------- Wonder had gone away, and he had forgotten that all life is only a set of pictures in the brain, among which there is no difference betwixt those born of real things and those born of inward dreamings, and no cause to value the one above the other. -- H.P. Lovecraft "The Silver Key"
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Liz
Owl Lady




Registered: 11/16/04
Posts: 6,962
Loc: Massachusetts
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Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
#7566917 - 10/27/07 02:18 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'm just happy that you're happy with this revelation about yourself I'm also happy that you and Kevin are going to remain close and have the deep love and respect for each other that you share.
-------------------- Remember, remember the fifth of November The gunpowder treason and plot. I see no reason why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot.
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