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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
I'm gay.
    #7560482 - 10/25/07 07:47 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

I've been struggling with understanding what's up with my sexuality for years and years, and now I know; or rather, I can find acceptance for what I know and call it something that I know people can identify with.  I know the label doesn't matter, I am who I am, but it helps me come to terms with how I feel inside. 

I told my partner and he said, "Oh, okay, I'm gay too" (happy).  He was happy for me that I could finally admit the truth to myself.  I think he's known for awhile, but he thought I might just be bisexual.  No, I don't think so.  For almost two years I've been reluctant with sex, despite the fact that I fucking love him and love being around him.  He's great company and we do connect.  He is a dear friend that I hope I'll always have in my life.  He offered to get a divorce (and we would still live together and be partners, in a support-for-life sense) but I said I'm not ready for that yet because I mean, I just admitted this to myself, don't I need time to prepare for any other changes?  I've been telling him for years that he is free to get a girlfriend if he likes because I know he has needs to fulfill, I don't feel jealously or any sort of possession of him.  He is free to do as he likes, just as he is supportive in my own life's journey to discover who I am. 

So yeah, it's just a silly tag, but the truth is that men do nothing for me sexuality and that I fantasize about women quite often, more and more as I get older.  I am definitely attracted to women.  If not for my fetish (which I haven't felt a connection to in months) and the fact he indulged me in that, we might never have been as sexual as we were for so long. 

I'm just...well I feel good admitting it.  That's what this post is about anyway.  I've already admitted it to my friends and they said they knew...before I did, I guess.  :shrug: 

Life is funny.


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Offlinepeaceandlove
Iron Lung
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/16/07
Posts: 164
Last seen: 15 years, 5 months
Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
    #7560561 - 10/25/07 08:09 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

:mushroom2: good to hear you've found a part of yourself. From the sounds of things you seem like your in a good, comfortable place. Being honest with yourself is one of the most important things you can ever do.


--------------------
"For the Horde!"


Edited by peaceandlove (10/25/07 08:09 PM)


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Offlinevaportrail
upandaway
Male


Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 121
Last seen: 14 years, 5 months
Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
    #7560564 - 10/25/07 08:10 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

You are courageous, and I'm glad for you. :smile:
However, I don't understand why you need to tag yourself, if you really are attracted to women also.  Why do you have to choose a side?


--------------------
and the hippos were boiled in their tanks


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
Re: I'm gay. [Re: vaportrail]
    #7560597 - 10/25/07 08:19 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Heh...it's not "also." I'm not attracted to men. Not really. The only men I am attracted to are men who are more feminine and have more feminine attributes. It must be the feminine energy I am drawn to but even feminine men have something that I do not desire. They are not women.

I KNOW the tag and label doesn't matter. I am who I am and that's that, no matter what my preferences are.

I use the tag in this sense because labels can be rungs on the ladder about understanding more about oneself. In this case, declaring that "I'm gay" has been totally freeing. I don't feel at all as constrained or burdened as I did before I acknowledged, "I'm gay."

Because I feel so free when I apply that tag to myself, I feel that it's okay that I do so.

Whatever helps me, you know.


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
    #7560602 - 10/25/07 08:20 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

I do get personality crushes on men all the time. I can see myself kissing and cuddling with men that I enjoy. But when it comes to sexuality...yeah. I don't think so, not anymore. I can't pretend anymore.


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
    #7560620 - 10/25/07 08:24 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Great. I totally support self acceptance. It's all good.:heart:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


Edited by Icelander (10/25/07 08:24 PM)


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
Re: I'm gay. [Re: Icelander]
    #7560633 - 10/25/07 08:30 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Thank you so much.  I have to admit "coming out" is a bit scary, mostly liberating.  But I just feel so free.  That's how I know this is the truth. I feel so fucking free, more free then I have in my whole life.  It's just taken me so long (24 years) to finally come to terms with this.  I was raised in a pretty nasty Christian household and was conditioned since birth to "marry a good man, be a good wife."  I married a wonderful man.  I feel like I've been the best wife I could have been.  But something was always missing.  I always felt...unhappy...penned in, restrained.  Like I was holding back some knowledge of myself because of other people's expectations of who I am. 

But now I know.  :shrug:  It's actually not a big deal.  I'm still the same person.  Only I have more freedom then ever in expressing and becoming who I am because of that face to face acceptance with an aspect of myself that has always been.  :smile: 

:heart:


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Offlinevaportrail
upandaway
Male


Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 121
Last seen: 14 years, 5 months
Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
    #7560634 - 10/25/07 08:30 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Oh I see, you embraced your fear, and then realized it no longer had power over you. :grin:


--------------------
and the hippos were boiled in their tanks


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
Re: I'm gay. [Re: vaportrail]
    #7560654 - 10/25/07 08:36 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Yes, something like that! The best way out is through...

Thanks for listening.


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OfflineMushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Female User Gallery


Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
    #7560659 - 10/25/07 08:38 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Awesome! I'm really happy that you came to be honest with yourself! :smile:
It feels so liberating when it happens.
I wish you much happiness. :heart:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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OfflineJorsher
Psychonaut
Male


Registered: 08/28/06
Posts: 691
Loc: Earth
Last seen: 13 years, 1 month
Re: I'm gay. [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7561654 - 10/26/07 01:48 AM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Hehe I was confused at first because I thought you were male and you said you were gay but didn't have an interest in men.

Never knew you were female. Anyway, congrats on being honest with yourself and good luck on the future! Thanks for the advice you've given me in the past, is much appreciated.


--------------------
5 shroom me!


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Invisiblememes
Blessed


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
Re: I'm gay. [Re: Jorsher]
    #7561964 - 10/26/07 07:02 AM (16 years, 3 months ago)

congrats on the newfound freedom!


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
Being.
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
Loc: Everywhere, Everytime.
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
    #7565540 - 10/27/07 01:45 AM (16 years, 3 months ago)

OMG! WTF?! :wink: j/k... :laugh:


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
Re: I'm gay. [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #7565954 - 10/27/07 07:13 AM (16 years, 3 months ago)

hehe  :heart:


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OfflineBrandNoob
The REALAmerican Hero!
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/15/07
Posts: 717
Loc: Potland, OR
Last seen: 13 years, 9 months
Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
    #7565971 - 10/27/07 07:24 AM (16 years, 3 months ago)

:thumbup:

:smile:


--------------------
All posts were channeled through the user by typing the thoughts of telepathic beings.  All photos are of paranormal origin and do not represent the physical world, as we know it.  BrandNoob shall not be held accountable for the actions of deceased or hyperdimensional individuals.


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InvisibleSilversoul
Rhizome
Male User Gallery

Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
Re: I'm gay. [Re: BrandNoob]
    #7566203 - 10/27/07 09:44 AM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Kevin sounds like a much better sport about all of this than I could ever be. Good for you for coming to terms with yourself. I wish you a bright future with your newly found identity.


--------------------


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OfflineManianFHS
living in perverty
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Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,741
Last seen: 1 day, 7 hours
Re: I'm gay. [Re: Silversoul]
    #7566303 - 10/27/07 10:24 AM (16 years, 3 months ago)

oh yeh I thought you were male at first too, so your first post kept saying you werent attracted to men, confusing me. way to put two and two together heh.

Well I hope you embrace your new happiness, and live a fulfilling life. and give that guy youre with a huge friggen hug or kiss for being so understanding

GL


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
Re: I'm gay. [Re: Silversoul]
    #7566389 - 10/27/07 10:56 AM (16 years, 3 months ago)

He really is amazing.  I think we were drawn to one another because we are BOTH so atypical.  Weirdos, all the way.  :grin:  Both of us feel a lot of relief now that I have come to this realization.  No pressure on anyone anymore, all freedom to be who we are without regret.  :smile:

Thanks guys. :heart:


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InvisibleLinkA
Intrinsically No Good


Registered: 07/28/99
Posts: 2,314
Loc: Lost Woods, Hyrule
Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
    #7566490 - 10/27/07 11:30 AM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Moth that's awesome, I'm glad you've made such a big step in discovering yourself.  You rule.  :heart: from Ohio

-Link


--------------------
Wonder had gone away, and he had forgotten that all life is only a set of pictures in the brain, among which there is no difference betwixt those born of real things and those born of inward dreamings, and no cause to value the one above the other.  -- H.P. Lovecraft "The Silver Key"


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InvisibleLiz
Owl Lady
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 11/16/04
Posts: 6,962
Loc: Massachusetts
Re: I'm gay. [Re: MOTH]
    #7566917 - 10/27/07 02:18 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

I'm just happy that you're happy with this revelation about yourself :smile:  I'm also happy that you and Kevin are going to remain close and have the deep love and respect for each other that you share.  :heart:


--------------------
Remember, remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.




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