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Bridgeburner
Not spiritual at all.




Registered: 09/16/06
Posts: 20,010
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a bad trip without the drugs
#7560441 - 10/25/07 07:31 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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i've been writing a book about writing. it started as a thought about how empty words are to carry on what we really mean and how every creation reflects the artist's persona. long story. anyway i was lying in bed and i started backtracking shroomy mindfucks. and suddenly i was in a total state of mind of a low mushroom trip: i suddenly didn't realize why i was in bed or why were there stars behind my window and why was there a blanket on me.
then i started to think "maybe i'm still tripping." this was horrid. there was no noise except silence. it was silence like i'd heard it before. the kind of silence like watching someone scream for her life but the volume is muted down so all you see is the physical expression of a scream. i started seeing flashes of my worst fears & nightmares starting from my childhood and some seemed too bizarre, like womb memories. i then started to calm myself down and thought it was a panic attack. i thought "even if i am still tripping then i have to go with it." the last dose of shrooms i did was half a year ago and i thought maybe that time period was just a second in my shroom mind. i felt a sudden calm and wanted to get a knife and slit my wrists or take a gun and shoot myself: to wake myself up from the trip but it didn't seem right. i remembered the stories you hear about lsd and shrooms: someone kills himself while tripping and the whole generation of substance users gets to wear a stigmata of "don't do lsd or you'll kill yourself like that kid". so i thought even if my life is a trip in my mind still Trip rules apply: fighting it makes it worse, just go with it, all has it's natural end and your life doesn't need self-termination. psilocybin is removed from your body eventually and also eventually all living things pass on to whereever.
so i woke up and felt unreal. i looked at everything but i didn't recognize them. i knew the desk was named "desk" and my cat was "a cat" but they made no other connection in my head. i sat down and looked how strange and silent everything was. i put on some music but that sounded unreal also.
i've had these moments of de-realizations before (someone on this site called them like that, it was also on wikipedia or smt) but this is different. it's like some weird state of consciousness and calmness but the calm balances on the brink of total hysteria and irreversible panic.
any advice? this post didn't make a lot of sense but i felt i needed to share this with someone.
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ZShroom
Stranger


Registered: 07/08/07
Posts: 1,061
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Re: a bad trip without the drugs [Re: Bridgeburner]
#7560545 - 10/25/07 08:03 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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yeah, i get this all of the time. work through it and it will make u stronger....i like the idea of your writing book. I think you should stop any drug use and get outdoors for a good amount of time. Go running fishing boating skydiving skiiing snowboarding flying skating swimming....anything to take ur mind off of negatives and you will be just fine....dont examine too much and listen to TOOL! mush love good luck
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WScott
´ ɑ `▽ ᑲᓇᑕ



Registered: 07/31/05
Posts: 5,713
Loc: Nacada
Last seen: 9 months, 15 days
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Re: a bad trip without the drugs [Re: ZShroom]
#7560811 - 10/25/07 09:13 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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The next morning, when everything seemed to be detached from the concept of the word that was in your head (accurate description?), what was it like?
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Bridgeburner
Not spiritual at all.




Registered: 09/16/06
Posts: 20,010
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Re: a bad trip without the drugs [Re: WScott]
#7561437 - 10/26/07 12:16 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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interpretation-free, i guess is the best way to put it.
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lifeson2112
Stranger
Registered: 10/22/06
Posts: 36
Last seen: 15 years, 3 months
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Re: a bad trip without the drugs [Re: Bridgeburner]
#7568539 - 10/28/07 01:11 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I sometimes have that same feeling. I don't feel like myself, I am confused as hell, I'm too burnt out to have a panic attack, all I can do is watch and be drowned in this dull emotion. When that feeling comes i feel like reaching into my brain and mixing things up until I feel normal again. That's how I feel now at least. You forget what normal is when you are in that state. I have learned from it though. I don't do any drugs anymore and I have started exercising and I feel great. there are always moments, but it's not as long lasting as it used to be and the ups always outweigh the downs. You really just have to roll with it and do whatever the fuck you feel will make you better. Noone can tell you how to work your own mind. I had to reinvent a system for myself.
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Limerick
a moment ofclarity



Registered: 10/22/06
Posts: 656
Loc: the bark and below it
Last seen: 16 years, 2 months
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Re: a bad trip without the drugs [Re: Bridgeburner]
#7569005 - 10/28/07 07:35 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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helplessness is a good word.
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