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dorkus
don't look back
Registered: 04/12/04
Posts: 1,511
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How do you refrain from judging in your mind?
#7559886 - 10/25/07 04:34 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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First of all, this is long and not interesting. I guess I just wrote this to ask for any advice, or maybe just to vent. If you do read it, thank you for your valuable time.
It has been my discovery or I at least suspect that I do not inhabit my own body, and in a way have yet to be born into myself. There seem to be beliefs or set-in-stone patterns in my subconscious that I only see on very humble, stoned occasions, but which I forget once I go back out of full lucidity. These imprints colour my daily life in a feeling of seperation and dwelling on self, often resulting in self loathing and bordering very critical conditions were the whole reality is seen through a filter where everyone and everything is interpreted as negative critique and pointing towards things that need change. Also I see clearly the weaknesses in my character which in itself turn into a larger weakness, like a closed loop that I at the moment seem unable to escape. This seems to move in cycles. Other times I forget and suddenly think myself on top of the world or maybe I actually forget myself or stop focusing on who I am and I get so intensely happy and very silly. Then I remember myself again a week later and it all seems like a distant dream and my good thoughts embarassing delusions. It is like I suddenly can imagine very well how I am perceived by people around me, and all my faults and shortcomings are very strongly revealed. I can see how I have been arrogant, inward aggressive to the extent where I almost perceive friends as threatening enemies for my self-created image of myself, which of course is rooted and based from an imaginary ground in a sea of chaos thus completely baseless.
Any ways to stay conscious of these things so I will be able to change them would be appreciated. I need to throw that switch from denying reality to embracing every situation. Or that is how I am sometimes, but I expect and observe many other people having a very different and much more relaxed and accepting attitude towards life. This is hard for me to do when the shadow takes over. So are there any ways to reprogram? Are repetition and practise and constant realization the only way to go? Seems my personality(ies) is/are so set in stone that it is impossible to change. Some of the me's know this and some don't. Some want to change, some desperately want to defend what is as ideal. Some accept and let go, some cling. Some think that this clinging is denying me birth into an authentic life.
It is like I became shattered and spread to see myself in every face. But I come from a dark perspective.
There is some unease often that goes by unnoticed since it became part of the everyday picture. Makes it hard to know what feeling good really is, and tormenting to consider its relative nature. Some people feel so calm and radiate such warmth. I think I am often cold. But other times I know I radiate because people have told me. Some 62 year old guy who befriended us on a psychedelic party in England told my girlfriend that my light was very strong, but then I got schizophrenic later at the party and thoughts what everyone said was a message from beyond, or coded messages about how I was already dead. One guy told me to listen to the voices, but don't take them seriously. He said curiosity didn't kill the cat, but misfortune did. I didn't know if he was reading my mind. I kept fighting off thoughts that could be offensive to people at the party because I didn't want to hurt anyone with my critical thoughts neither disturb the pure clean light of the mental and emotional atmosphere in the room with heavy and slow vibrations of denial/fear. Non-acceptance of self often leads to non-acceptance of others and therefore negative critique which I would never utter regarding things like how the dj is spinning, people's intentions and personalities. Things no-one could be blamed for and which are subjective and of course relative, like judging people's intelligence, appearance and such.
Is it in mind's nature to seperate and judge or is there any way around this? How can we permanently slip into that mode of functioning where the self is forgotten and life is lived from inside and outwards without any identification and knot on the flow?
Hmmm, sorry this was much too long.
Edited by dorkus (10/25/07 04:54 PM)
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Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!


Registered: 05/28/06
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Re: How do you refrain from judging in your mind? [Re: dorkus]
#7559952 - 10/25/07 04:55 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I find it impossible NOT to judge, so...yah
Action wise, though, I don't let my judgements affect how I would normally act toward a person
-------------------- There is no valid reason you should be reading this
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Lion
Decadent Flower Magnate



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Re: How do you refrain from judging in your mind? [Re: dorkus]
#7559961 - 10/25/07 04:57 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
This seems to move in cycles. Other times I forget and suddenly think myself on top of the world or maybe I actually forget myself or stop focusing on who I am and I get so intensely happy and very silly. Then I remember myself again a week later and it all seems like a distant dream and my good thoughts embarassing delusions. It is like I suddenly can imagine very well how I am perceived by people around me, and all my faults and shortcomings are very strongly revealed.
I know what you mean. It can be very easy to allow judgement to arise and not let go of it in such situations. I think meditation is the best thing, and if you can taking a break from the neuroses of life in a human environment and going camping or hiking for a while. It's so easy to get caught up in the silly drama where you become acutely aware of all the ways in which you've stepped outside of the bounds that your ascribed status says you should be in, and all the ways that boundary-crossing could be perceived. It's all delusion. Anyone who's judging you is doing so out of fear, so their judgements are not a reflection on you or on them - totally ethereal.
Quote:
So are there any ways to reprogram? Are repetition and practise and constant realization the only way to go?
What do you think? You already know the answer, I bet. Disciplined practice is the only way to undo your programs. You bring awareness into your programs, you recoil, you recover, you bring more awareness back in. You shed as much light as you can, if you can't handle what's uncovered, you back out a little. I think that's what the Middle Way is about. It's a process, and the cornerstone is definitely developing good practice, as far as I know.
It can all be so overwhelming at times. The universe is testing us in a big way.
The greatest wisdom I've come upon may be this, though it is hard to adhere to:
"You can always handle the present. You can never handle the future. How can you? It doesn't exist."
Working with this when things start to go south is a way to create space around the negativity.
Anyway, peace and much love, man. Here's the trip.
-------------------- “Strengthened by contemplation and study, I will not fear my passions like a coward. My body I will give to pleasures, to diversions that I’ve dreamed of, to the most daring erotic desires, to the lustful impulses of my blood, without any fear at all, for whenever I will— and I will have the will, strengthened as I’ll be with contemplation and study— at the crucial moments I’ll recover my spirit as was before: ascetic.”
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dorkus
don't look back
Registered: 04/12/04
Posts: 1,511
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Re: How do you refrain from judging in your mind? [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#7559981 - 10/25/07 05:04 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Neither do I. Sometimes it can affect my mood though which influence how I am towards people as I try to be true to my mood and not pretend to be happy if I am not. I guess it would be hardest those times when everything seem so open that people pick up on intentions and the room is like one big mental space where everyone is wearing the inside out for all to see. But I see now that through acceptance of the fact that the critical thoughts occur they might be laughed at and seen as bullshit and therefore offending no-one, but only reflecting some baseless judgment system that also could be laughed at and through laughter dissolved by itself. Acceptance again, jsut so much harder in practice even though easy to realize on a purely intellectual level. Building it into ones day to day way of living is a whole different undertaking.
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
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Re: How do you refrain from judging in your mind? [Re: dorkus]
#7559997 - 10/25/07 05:09 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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When you realize that you're nothing but a big shit just like any other person, or you're as big of a joke as everybody else is, you'll stop clouding your head with frivolous judgments.
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AJ4U
Cloud N9ne



Registered: 09/06/06
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Re: How do you refrain from judging in your mind? [Re: Crystal G]
#7560145 - 10/25/07 06:00 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said: When you realize that you're nothing but a big shit just like any other person, or you're as big of a joke as everybody else is, you'll stop clouding your head with frivolous judgments.
Those people you think who embrace life so much really don't they've just realized to take cause they are not gods beautiful snow flake
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Jorsher
Psychonaut



Registered: 08/28/06
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Re: How do you refrain from judging in your mind? [Re: AJ4U]
#7561632 - 10/26/07 01:41 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I know exactly what you mean Unfortunately I don't have any answers, because I'm searching for the same ones.
-------------------- 5 shroom me!
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zorbman
blarrr



Registered: 06/04/04
Posts: 5,952
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Re: How do you refrain from judging in your mind? [Re: dorkus]
#7563960 - 10/26/07 05:00 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I would recommend you do some reading on spiritual topics.
Specifically, Vernon Howard's 'Mystic Path to Cosmic Power'. Don't let the title fool you- it is actually not fairy-type stuff, it shows you how to get grounded and stay there by recognizing and staying in the Real. It is written in an uncomplicated style without lots of grandiose new age language.
As such it is really a guide for mental health and becoming aware of reality and maintaining yourself there.
Based upon the following statement I would also suggest you look into meditation:
Quote:
I kept fighting off thoughts that could be offensive to people at the party because I didn't want to hurt anyone with my critical thoughts neither disturb the pure clean light of the mental and emotional atmosphere in the room
Meditation shows us not to become attached to our thoughts. If you get that type of thought again just let it go and do not put any energy into it. If you do, even though you are seeking to push the thought away, the energy you put into it will actually send it into spiritual orbit around you. Make sense?
-------------------- “The crisis takes a much longer time coming than you think, and then it happens much faster than you would have thought.” -- Rudiger Dornbusch
Edited by zorbman (10/26/07 05:11 PM)
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LordSenate
One of the Lost



Registered: 09/15/02
Posts: 37,093
Loc: First Circle of Hell
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Re: How do you refrain from judging in your mind? [Re: Hyper_Panda_GO]
#7565122 - 10/26/07 11:02 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Hyper_Panda_GO said: I find it impossible NOT to judge, so...yah
Action wise, though, I don't let my judgements affect how I would normally act toward a person
I feel the same way, its impossible for me not to judge someone.
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LordSenate
One of the Lost



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Posts: 37,093
Loc: First Circle of Hell
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Re: How do you refrain from judging in your mind? [Re: Crystal G]
#7565133 - 10/26/07 11:06 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said: When you realize that you're nothing but a big shit just like any other person, or you're as big of a joke as everybody else is, you'll stop clouding your head with frivolous judgments.
I disagree.
Im awesome thats all there is to it, no one else is like me not one bit. My awesomeness does not mean to say that no one else isnt equally or even more awesome then I. But at the same time, that isnt to say that some people just don't compare, or don't meet my expectations. IE- Being judged.
This may sound extremly egocentric but mind you im not going into full detail and didnt change up any words i used. Im not saying im drop dead gorgeous or anything like that, im talking more to the point of my morals, what i believe in, whats important to me, and how i treat people.
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kriminalelement
"jesus wept."



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Re: How do you refrain from judging in your mind? [Re: LordSenate]
#7567737 - 10/27/07 07:26 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I know what you're talking about. The self-loathing. Interpreting things around you that you might have thought of if you were trying, but these interpretations come on like a flood and it seems you can't get your mind to slow down and stop analyzing.
The worst part of life is confronting your shortcomings. I'm a very outgoing, opinionated person, and I have verbal diarrhea. So I'm constantly blurting things out in front of large amounts of people, then I think about how stupid I am later. I agonize over how idiotic I must have sounded, how egotistical. I hate how much I lack the humility needed to be calm.
My advice? Just don't think about it. Every time you start to hate yourself or think about how people might not like you, think about something else. Focus on something calm and relaxing. Read a book, go for a walk, play with your pet, draw a picture. Keeping your head clear is imperative. It doesn't do you any good to focus on shit like that unless you have something you really need to change. Just making an effort at being humble a lot can also help.
Is there anything in your past/ childhood that is making you second guess yourself? I know an unstable childhood really hurt me a bit, I'm still super neurotic.
-------------------- While there is a lower class, I am in it While there is a criminal element, I am of it While there is a soul in prison, I am not free. Eugene V Debs
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LordSenate
One of the Lost



Registered: 09/15/02
Posts: 37,093
Loc: First Circle of Hell
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Re: How do you refrain from judging in your mind? [Re: kriminalelement]
#7567749 - 10/27/07 07:30 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Me ? I don't second guess myself. If im wrong im wrong, i make mistakes like everyone else.
I don't care what people think about me, because i am how i am. Even if i did think about how someone thought about me, it still wouldnt change what they think.
I am constantly trying to better myself, but that does not mean i beat myself up.
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enotake2
Stop Bush's war



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Re: How do you refrain from judging in your mind? [Re: LordSenate]
#7568595 - 10/28/07 01:45 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Hey, it sounds like you feel pretty confused. In terms of judging other people, I think recognising times you have acted the same as others and empathising with them and what might have brought them to that situation, is helpful. I think it is also helpful to have empathy and acceptance towards yourself. You could ask someone about why they acted in some way and try and imagine yourself in their shoes. Or learn more generally about why people might be the way they are eg. learning about a type of culture. I think exposure to difference is also good - deliberately interacting with people you would judge - is a very good way to overcome prejudices in my experience. I also think that tuning into your feelings and taking them seriously is a good thing to do - recognising fear and staying away from danger, recognising situations and people that make you feel bad about yourself and moving away from them, not trying to get them to accept you because of pride. Tuning in to what make you feel good about yourself and doing more of it. Meditation is also a good tool, because anxiety interferes with self-knowledge and clarity. I am not perfect at not judging. I find it particularly hard to not judge people who repeatedly abuse other people. But empathy and learning about the reasons for peoples behaviours has definately been helpful to accept myself and other people.
-------------------- Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. "Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium "My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.
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enotake2
Stop Bush's war



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Re: How do you refrain from judging in your mind? [Re: enotake2]
#7568604 - 10/28/07 01:51 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Oh, another thing that I find is good for not judging myself when I do somthing that i feel bad about is just learning from it - working out what I could have done differently and resolving to that in similar situations in the future.
-------------------- Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. "Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium "My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.
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dorkus
don't look back
Registered: 04/12/04
Posts: 1,511
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Re: How do you refrain from judging in your mind? [Re: enotake2]
#7569953 - 10/28/07 03:21 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Thank you all for you input. It is highly appreciated.
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