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freddurgan
Techgnostic



Registered: 01/11/04
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Enjoying being miserable
#7556275 - 10/24/07 06:10 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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It occurred to me just recently that I enjoy it when I'm miserable. Of all the things that may have hinted me to it, it was Scrubs. Dr. Cox said something along the lines of
"I'm actually...happy..Now doesn't that just make you sick?!"
And it occurred to me that I feel like that when I'm miserable. The idea of being happy again just seems disgusting to me. When I'm really down I enjoy it. I LOVE wallowing in self-loathing. I LOVE not trying to improve anything. I LOVE self-destruction.
I managed to shake this really nasty mood I was in within about 24 hours thank God, I don't know how or why. Ever since I felt that familiar veil fall over my existence last night based on something someone said, it was just awful. Last night as I lay in bed pitying myself it occurred to me that I was having fun.
Thanks for listening
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mushroomplume
Stranger

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Re: Enjoying being miserable [Re: freddurgan]
#7556817 - 10/24/07 08:25 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I have a friend I suspect is the same way.
I always thought when people were like this, they were afraid of being happy. Once your happy, you can only go down; where as with depression, there aren't any surprises.
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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
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Re: Enjoying being miserable [Re: freddurgan]
#7556985 - 10/24/07 09:02 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I feel like that's normal. But you might change your mind one day and decide that being miserable just isn't what it's cracked up to be.
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Jorsher
Psychonaut



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Re: Enjoying being miserable [Re: MOTH]
#7557161 - 10/24/07 09:34 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I "find comfort" in being miserable or self-destructive. My theory has always been i'm just so used to living that way that it's what I feel secure with.
Whenever I'm happy (ie have a seemingly good relationship and finances are great) I end up getting fucked over and end up in a more miserable position than I started. This seems to have taught me to avoid possible good situations in fear of how they always seem to end up.
Thus, i'm happy with my usual depression/boredom/drug use because I know what to expect instead of constantly wondering when shit will hit the fan during my "happy" moments in life.
Much along the lines of what oliveplume (sorry if I got your name wrong, bad memory). Something "good" in my life happens and 95% of the time I end up regretting it. I prefer to be happy (obviously) but am more comfortable in my drug use and misery knowing that things will stay the same and not get worse.
-------------------- 5 shroom me!
Edited by Jorsher (10/24/07 09:42 PM)
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PDU
travel kid vs.amerika



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Re: Enjoying being miserable [Re: Jorsher]
#7557554 - 10/24/07 11:36 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I think if you do positive things such as physical activity (for the enjoyment of it) and world travel, or spend time with nice girls that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside - these feelings might fade for a time.
-------------------- GO OUTSIDE.
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aDoS
freedom lover



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Re: Enjoying being miserable [Re: freddurgan]
#7557769 - 10/25/07 01:28 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I think I am the same way...
I don't like being around happy people...is that a sign?
-------------------- "If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a kind that we could wake up next morning with a clear head and an undamaged constitution - then, it seems to me, all our problems (and not merely the one small problem of discovering a novel pleasure) would be wholly solved and earth would become paradise." - Aldous Huxley GIVE ME OPIATES OR GIVE ME DEATH
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aDoS
freedom lover



Registered: 06/18/05
Posts: 7,590
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Re: Enjoying being miserable [Re: freddurgan]
#7557782 - 10/25/07 01:32 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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its not that I enjoy feeling sad. I enjoy feeling pissed off. I don't know why, I just like feeling pissed off and hate feeling happy.
-------------------- "If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a kind that we could wake up next morning with a clear head and an undamaged constitution - then, it seems to me, all our problems (and not merely the one small problem of discovering a novel pleasure) would be wholly solved and earth would become paradise." - Aldous Huxley GIVE ME OPIATES OR GIVE ME DEATH
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stefan
work in progress


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Re: Enjoying being miserable [Re: freddurgan]
#7557785 - 10/25/07 01:34 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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as young as you're having fun with it
Quote:
The idea of being happy again just seems disgusting to me.
why? I'm really curious.. (would you feel guilty being happy or is it so far from your current state of mind that it would make you feel uncomfortable .. or..?)
on the other hand, I kinda understand what you mean (I think..)
Quote:
I LOVE wallowing in self-loathing. I LOVE not trying to improve anything. I LOVE self-destruction.
it is the 'easy' way of coping with your 'problems', why invest more energy if it works for you (right?). Thinking about it this way also takes responsibility off things etc.
sometimes I think I like the feeling of being down too, but I found out it was a fake feeling that helped me with being ok that I didn't feel fine ofcoarse there are some parts of it that are actually nice. sometimes it just feels good to feel sorry for yourself right
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Toddo
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Re: Enjoying being miserable [Re: freddurgan]
#7557896 - 10/25/07 03:22 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I think everyone gets a little satisfaction with certain negative feelings. I love that melancholy/lonely feeling that comes over me from time to time. Sometimes its fleeting, other times its hovered over me for a couple days. I just give into it and let it flood over me. Its also a very nice tool to use in writing/music.
Yes, I always hate the situations that get me feeling that way, but I'll always love the feeling itself. You're not alone.
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WhiskeyClone
Not here


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Re: Enjoying being miserable [Re: freddurgan]
#7558362 - 10/25/07 08:44 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
freddurgan said:
And it occurred to me that I feel like that when I'm miserable. The idea of being happy again just seems disgusting to me. When I'm really down I enjoy it. I LOVE wallowing in self-loathing. I LOVE not trying to improve anything. I LOVE self-destruction.
I noticed that I do that sometimes too. I thought about it for a while before I realized why.
It's because it's easy and comfortable. Because when you loathe yourself you have nothing to lose. Nothing is on the line, there is no risk of disappointment. When you set no standards for yourself, it feels good because you know you can live up to your expectations with 100% success. Happiness becomes scary because it means there is something for which you are responsible.
When you beat up on yourself, it is satisfying because it's the easiest of targets; there is no risk of retaliation or resistance. It's like playing a video game on God mode. You kick ass because there is no challenge at all.
But that kind of wallowing does not yield a good life. It is sad and empty, albeit comfortable. It takes great courage to accomplish things, because success makes you vulnerable to failure and collapse. But to live your whole life avoiding challenges is a tragedy. If there is anything to avoid, it should be finding yourself on your deathbed, realizing you've avoided life the whole time, wishing you had it all over again.
Challenge yourself. Accomplish something today. Don't be afraid to give yourself something to lose. If you have nothing to lose, then you have nothing at all.
-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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Hyper_Panda_GO
Team Action!


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Re: Enjoying being miserable [Re: freddurgan]
#7558916 - 10/25/07 11:45 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I've experienced this too
I seem to get off on unfulfillment
It's a very strange and seemingly self-contradictory thing I have going on
-------------------- There is no valid reason you should be reading this
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MushroomTrip
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Re: Enjoying being miserable [Re: Jorsher]
#7558945 - 10/25/07 11:55 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Jorsher said: I "find comfort" in being miserable or self-destructive. My theory has always been i'm just so used to living that way that it's what I feel secure with.
Whenever I'm happy (ie have a seemingly good relationship and finances are great) I end up getting fucked over and end up in a more miserable position than I started. This seems to have taught me to avoid possible good situations in fear of how they always seem to end up.
Thus, i'm happy with my usual depression/boredom/drug use because I know what to expect instead of constantly wondering when shit will hit the fan during my "happy" moments in life.
Much along the lines of what oliveplume (sorry if I got your name wrong, bad memory). Something "good" in my life happens and 95% of the time I end up regretting it. I prefer to be happy (obviously) but am more comfortable in my drug use and misery knowing that things will stay the same and not get worse.
Yes I think your theory is right. But I think this only applies when your happiness depends on something/somebody else, something that's outside of yourself and so you have to depend on it. I think that it's important to realize that nobody and nothing "makes you happy", even though the feelings resemble a lot. When we find ourselves in incidental situations which make us feel good, it is only because we lack of self confidence and we feel inflated and flattered because we feel important. And this need to feel important comes from fear and insecuriry. Maybe you should realize what exactly is making you feel insecure about yourself, resolve it and then you'll realize that your happiness becomes a state of being, independent from your surroundings and situaions.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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Lion
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Re: Enjoying being miserable [Re: freddurgan]
#7559191 - 10/25/07 01:08 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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When you experience the 'happiness' of being miserable, it's not you, it's the conditioned self, the false self, trying to maintain it's power by reverting to what it knows.
Transcend. Just the simple fact of knowing a) that there is conditioning within you that wants you to be miserable, b) you are identifying with that conditioning, is a big step. It means you know that you are not the will to self-destruction and misery, it is only a program running through you. Then you realize you have the choice not to suffer. The extent to which you choose to end your suffering (which is not a healthy state to be in) is relative to how able you are to be aware of your conditioning and dis-identify from it.
-------------------- “Strengthened by contemplation and study, I will not fear my passions like a coward. My body I will give to pleasures, to diversions that I’ve dreamed of, to the most daring erotic desires, to the lustful impulses of my blood, without any fear at all, for whenever I will— and I will have the will, strengthened as I’ll be with contemplation and study— at the crucial moments I’ll recover my spirit as was before: ascetic.”
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Gomp
¡(Bound to·(O))be free!



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Re: Enjoying being miserable [Re: freddurgan]
#7569750 - 10/28/07 02:13 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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The pity..
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-------------------- Disclaimer!?
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Gomp
¡(Bound to·(O))be free!



Registered: 09/11/04
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Re: Enjoying being miserable [Re: freddurgan]
#7569768 - 10/28/07 02:17 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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The pity..
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-------------------- Disclaimer!?
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