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OfflineXeluc
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Registered: 04/11/07
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A very bad domestic problem I need help with (loong)
    #7546693 - 10/22/07 12:27 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Well, sorry that this is so long. I am 19 and my sister is 16. I love my sister to death and we're both out of our home trying to make lives for ourselves because our dad just drinks EVERY night, and he is absolutely retarded when he's drunk, and we just can't live with it anymore.
But first, let me talk about my sister. At the end of June this year, my sisters boyfriend of 4 years was in a fatal car accident, because him and his friend jumped railroad tracks going 90mph and the car rolled repeatedly. The driver walked from the accident with no serious injury, while my sister's boyfriend was ejected 20 feet from the car and was knocked into a coma. His brain swelled over the next few days. My sister and I were at the hospital for most of the time. I was the only one she had. No other family member mostly including my dad was even ABLE to comfort her. He said sorry, but thats about it. My sister's boyfriend died on June 20th of 2007. My sister was thrown into a huge amount of depression. She has told me that I am the only thing she has left, and I know it too. She would literally kill herself if I was unable to be with her, as she would feel that she lost everything. I love my sister more than anything and I know that there isn't anything I can do about this situation, but I have to be there for her because no one else will be. My father got broken up with by a girl after dating 2 months and he was all sad about it, but any time my sister is crying because her boyfriend was killed for a completely trivial reason, all he said is that hes gone and she needs to get over it. My father is horrible at communicating, and has no compassion what-so-ever.
So my father is a pretty bad alcoholic. He normally goes through a bottle of Bacardi every 2 days, but the other night, it was one.
My father had always been kinda mean when he drank; He told us that kids weren't worth having anymore, told me I'm a failure (cuz I didn't graduate school a burnout and get a steel mill job because it's the only possible way to care for the kid that he had with someone (me) and get stuck at that job for the rest of his life, like him), and basically put us down any chance he could. He always made us feel real crappy, but he never actually touched us before this incident.
There basically no food in this house (no milk, fruits, juices, bread, or soups/canned foods) we have hamburger meat that has been in the freezer for years, but no buns. PB, but no bread. Random canned foods that really don't go together, and disgusting TV dinners than my dad wont even eat. He gets fast food most days. My father does go shopping when we annoy him enough, realistically, he goes shopping every 2 months and expects perishable foods to last this long as well. It was worse though, for years there was nothing to drink but Diet Coke and really bad well water.
He very recently bought an $800 SLR Camera, he purchased a $3000 bedroom set for himself, HAS bought some new room furnishings for me as well since my other ones I had since I was 8, a model airplane that he never finished, got two rooms in the house carpeted, bought a brand new laptop, all within 6 months. He has a decent amount of money, but he spends huge amounts on material possessions, but Literally COMPLAINS when we ask him to shop for food once a month. For years my sister and I lived with different grandparents, so my father never had to BE a real father, I moved in with him when I turned 16, and my sister who just turned 16, moved in a few months ago.
So on with what fed us up.
I had a space heater in my room on because it has been getting chilly in Ohio during the nights, and my father has neglected to purchase oil for the furnace for the season. My dad had been drinking, but decided he wasn't drunk enough, so he drove to Giant eagle for some more. (He drives drunk ALL the time and has ran off the road on 3 confirmed occasions, also my sister had to take him to a bar and pick him up at 3AM because he was going to drive drunk to the bar to get more drunk, then drive home and she wouldn't let him) So apparently he drank this whole bottle as well. He randomly comes into my room and you can just tell by his stance that he is trashed. Since the rest of the house was 64-66 F, the fact that the heater was on made my room seem a lot warmer, and he started yelling and cussing about how it was "200 FUCKING degrees in here" and he asked me what my problem was and w/e. I didn't see that this was a whole lot to scream about so I just kind of ignored it. he left the room and came back 2 more times, still yelling about the heater that he had ripped from the socket. the last time he was cussing and I told him to chill out. he's like "WHAT DID YOU TELL ME?!" and I told him that him cussing like this was really inappropriate. I did NOT raise my voice in the slightest. he storms over to me with his face an inch from mine and I hold my ground and stare right back at him. He honestly looked possessed. You know that look when you can tell that they're just not all there, crazy, insane, well that was him. he tells me I better not "be a motherfucker" because he knows about the shrooms I grow. In reality, he knew where 5 2 cup casings were. Basically one quart cased in 5 small containers, he never fund my other 3 quarts, lol. So I just looked at him because I really didn't know what to say. So he goes to my nightstand that they are under and rips it off the ground and throws it, putting a small hole in the wall, so I knew something was going down now. My sister ran in thinking he'd hit me, and he threw each of the casings at me from across the room. Obviously none of them hit me, but 4 quarts of coir spawn were strewn all over my carpeted floor which had been carpeted a week beforehand. I calmly started cleaning it all up in case police were involved. while he was screaming at me for being a failure at life just because I had a few mushrooms growing, and called my sister a lier when he told me she said I had 800 dollars of shrooms when she said she didn't.
So it basically came to the point where my father called my sister a dirty lying bitch, and other extremely offensive terms that are completely unbecoming of a father. it got to the point where he had her cornered into the hallway with his hands around her throat, and that was enough. She was crying and screaming in terror, I still can't forget the face I saw; one of someone seriously scared for their life. I yelled at him not to touch her and again he got in my face and asked me what I was going to do about it. My fathers a big man and although he was trashed, a fight with him would have been the worst thing ever. several more times he grabbed at both of us with his other arm raised to punch us in the face, but never actually executed. I had cleaned up most of the coir, save what hit the floor and my sister got a vacuum. My dad threw it down the stairs. At 2 AM, He then told us to leave and that he never wanted to see us again. we went out the door and as he went to shut the door, I said "I bet your going to slam the door on us now.", followed by a huge slam. I kinda laughed, cuz I thought it was all over. So for the first time in the whole night, i actually cussed at him. I called him a fag, I don't know why, it wasn't really the coolest thing I could have said, but w/e. So he opens the door again, shuts it, then opens it again and runs at me by my car. He grabs both sides of my head at the hair pretty hard and yells stuff that I don't remember. I tell him that if he hits me I will file domestic violence charges, he eventually lets me go and me and my sister drive up to McDonald's at 2AM. I call a close friend who wakes up his family and offers to let us sleep there for the night. The day, my sisters boyfriends parents told us we could stay there as long as we needed to to get a place to live.
So now, my sister and I are trying to get money to get an apartment, but that isn't the problem. My sister does not want to live with my father. He never actually struck her, but she doesn't not feel safe with him, and it's obvious to us that it isn't a nice household. my dad divorced his second wife and lives alone, and he told us today that he thinks he has lung cancer and doesn't expect to make it 5 more years. No one can know though, cuz he wont see a doctor. He is just drinking away the rest of his life because he is unhappy, he doesn't even expect to live much longer anyway, has failed at being a father and making a good life for his kids, and has failed to even make a happy life for himself. This isn't a good place for a 16 year old girl to live. So my sister and I have talked it over a lot, and I want to get custody of her. We both work 30 hours at part time jobs, but I have been at mine for 2 years and this Christmas, I will be taking a full time management position. and regardless of that, I could get a better paying full time job if need be. We're both pretty scared right now, he never wants to see me again but wants he, and will probably fight in courts over this. I'm only 19, and I haven't even had a family to prepare me for any college, or even life itself. I really need advice as to how I should go about getting custody over her, if its even possible, and what I need to do in order to make a living for all that is left of our family, which is us. I know there are a lot of very wise people here, and I would love for someone to PM me with any sort of advice they have. What I'm most worried about was the shrooms my dad found. he thinks this whole thing about about the shrooms, but it wasn't. he knew about them before and said "well if that's how he wants to live his life", but when he got drunk, well you know what happened. my point is, sober, he's alright, but when hes drunk, he's just unsafe. I'm pretty sure all of this will go to court, and I don't know what to say about the shrooms as they are a key part in this argument. I have read Ohio law which states that only fruits are illegal, not mycelium, but I don't know the validity of this. these trays were early in colonization, with no knots even. So i cant lie about what has happened, but I would like to know how I should go about all of this. Thanks a lot everyone.


Edited by Xeluc (10/22/07 01:26 PM)


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Offlineallreadyused
The Liquor
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Registered: 09/10/07
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Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: Xeluc]
    #7546748 - 10/22/07 12:41 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Well my day is ruined.
You both probably need psychiatric intervention. You sister especially. Call child protective services on your dad and look into getting your sister being legally emancipated or you being named her guardian.
Oh, half a bottle is a typical Friday night for me.


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Invisibledemiu5
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Registered: 08/18/05
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Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: Xeluc]
    #7546761 - 10/22/07 12:44 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

no one is going to read that unless you break it up


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Invisibletruekimbo2
Cya later, friends.
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Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: Xeluc]
    #7546762 - 10/22/07 12:44 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

at least one part of this is easy: you never grew mushrooms.
sneak into the house and get rid of anything left over. also, if you have to talk to the cops or anything, remeber, don't say anything.
i don't know why this would happen, but if you're in court trying to get custody and the "i never grew mushrooms" won't work, then you grew edible mushrooms.

you sound like a good person, it might seems scarey at first living by yourself but you get used to it really quick, and you should easily be able to get by working 30 hours a week.

good luck to you.

edit: tell us what part of ohio you're in, maybe someone out there can hook you up with a nice job or a decent apartment or something.


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You can check the last post in my journal for contact info.


Edited by truekimbo2 (10/22/07 12:45 PM)


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OfflineAlCapwn
ID Reset, take that subpoena


Registered: 02/03/07
Posts: 2,957
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: Xeluc]
    #7546854 - 10/22/07 01:09 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah, you never grew mushrooms. If he has no proof, and he's a drunk, they're probably not going to believe him or not going to care. If you both work 30 hours a week, you should be able to live pretty good if you're modest. Food and bills payed.


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Huuuuurrrrrr!


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OfflineXeluc
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Registered: 04/11/07
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Last seen: 6 years, 16 days
Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: AlCapwn]
    #7546897 - 10/22/07 01:24 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

both me and my sister work 30 hours a week. she also attends highschool and is in post secondary. I apologize for not breaking up my post much. I live in NE Ohio. as for the shrooms, its going to be his main point if this goes to court, so me jsut denying this doesnt seem viable to ME even, much less a judge, and although i have gotten all cultures form the house, coir is all over the floor and i have jars, filters, etc in my room still. Ill get that stuff later. im honestly not sure theyd give me custody at 19 though. I don't know, Im going to call the sep of jobs and family services as advice from an attourny. the lawyer said foster care is a possibility, but she NEEDS to be with me, or in extremely close, frequent contact with me. Honestly, the only family I would be comfortable with her being with is my aunt, shes a real nice person. I dont think shed do that to her brother though (my dad). ive been talking to people and this doesnt look good. I really think I have to give up onthis, the family im staying with says its possible for my dad to file kidnapping charges one me and harboring charges on the family. I really dont know what to do.


Edited by Xeluc (10/22/07 01:26 PM)


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OfflineStizzle
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Registered: 04/26/07
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Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: Xeluc]
    #7547146 - 10/22/07 02:29 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

I don't see why this would go to court... would your dad care if you and your sis moved out? Why don't you guys just get a place to stay and get away from your crazy drunk father?


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OfflineDoorsFan
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Registered: 01/11/07
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Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: Stizzle]
    #7547331 - 10/22/07 03:16 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Where is mom?


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No one fucks with the Jesus.


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InvisibleLiquidkick
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Registered: 05/03/02
Posts: 2,635
Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: Xeluc]
    #7548077 - 10/22/07 06:09 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Is there a outline somewhere?

Cliff notes would help.


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OfflineXeluc
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Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: Liquidkick]
    #7549230 - 10/22/07 09:44 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

haha no, there arent any cliff notes. I have decided to purchase either a hericium or oyster print/culture. and I know hericium is hard if impossible to get prints, meant the oyster. I've always wanted to grow edibles, but I could never make it worth the money. Well if my shrooms goto court, it would be extremely easy for me to say "they weren't illegal mushroom, look, here's the culture I bought." I'm sure that is solid enough evidence, but what do you guys think? Could ANYONE spare me an oyster print, or ANY edible culture? It would probably come faster than a store.
Also, my sister talked to her school counceler. It just so happens that she remembers me and thinks I'm "A very upstanding individual", so she filed a complaint and recomended that custody be removed from my father, and she basically got social services involved. I am now my sister's temporary gardian until the time comes for this to all go down. Who knows how long that will be seeing as how everything they do is sloooow. I'm hoping that in that time, I can show a judge that I am really trying and capable of taking care of my sister. I'll let you guys know details as they happen. Thanks to everyone who has replied.


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OfflineAlCapwn
ID Reset, take that subpoena


Registered: 02/03/07
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Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: Xeluc]
    #7549252 - 10/22/07 09:50 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Wow, that's fucking rad! I'm glad shit's working out for you.


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Huuuuurrrrrr!


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OfflineTangerines
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Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: Xeluc]
    #7549270 - 10/22/07 09:54 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

good luck man. your dad sounds terrible when he gets drunk. I wish teh best for you and your lil sis. btw my hometown is mentor, oh.


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OfflineBrAiN
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Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: AlCapwn]
    #7549283 - 10/22/07 09:58 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Sucks man. My condolences. If you need some firepower.. it's simple..... wait until he;s passed out drunk and use the camera he bought to take the most incriminating photos of him as you can... pics of him drinkin all the time. Email the really bad ones to yourself and print them out somewhere else.. and then if legal shitgoes down... you got some back


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Offlinemeatcakeman
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Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: Xeluc]
    #7549373 - 10/22/07 10:21 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

well if your father is a raging alcoholic
it sounds like it's pretty much a done deal in your favor
as long as you can show you have a steady income
and are capable of maintaining a small household
you should be fine
i don't really know about any of Ohio's state legislatures about this subject
but in CA you'd be good to go regardless if you're 19


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Hasta siempre, comandante.
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OfflineGill


Registered: 10/18/07
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Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: BrAiN]
    #7549385 - 10/22/07 10:24 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

I don't think you have much to worry about, especially since you're working. The law may be stupid, but they're not uninformed; mushrooms aren't an addictive substance, and it doesn't sound like you trip every day or do stupid things. For one, you weren't even in posession of any full grown specimens, and I don't believe posessing the materials to grow is considered illegal. If you have no prior record of drug posession, this only works more in your favor.

That, and your father is obviously a crazy drunkard. It won't take much debate on who the safer person for your sister to be with is. Mushrooms don't carry the negative stigma of other drugs, such as meth or cocaine, which doesn't sound like something you'd be involved in. Couple all of that with the fact that your sister herself would rather be with you than her father. They're not going to force your sister to live with your father, even if he tries fighting for custody. Ultimately, the decision is hers.

Also (I might be wrong about this), I think at the age of sixteen, you're given the right to choose which parent to stay with if they're divorced or if custody issues arise. Even if this isn't the case, if your sister makes it very apparent that she doesn't feel safe living with her father, nothing he could say would make much of a difference. Even if you're denied custody, it's not like they're going to ban you from having contact with your sister.


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OfflineKamin
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Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: BrAiN]
    #7549386 - 10/22/07 10:24 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Good luck. Getting some edible spores or a print would be a good idea. You can always say that you were researching growing edibles so that you might be able to support yourself when you moved out...or something similar.


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OfflineGill


Registered: 10/18/07
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Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: Kamin]
    #7549415 - 10/22/07 10:31 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

I would lean more towards expressing an interest in mycology if your mushrooms came into serious question (which I doubt will happen, considering everything your father has going against him). If you're really worried about it, you can help your case by buying some mycology books to bring up in court if the issue reaches that point. Having spores or samples of inactive species wouldn't hurt, either. It would be rather easy to make it seem as though your father is ignorant to the nature of your mycological research, and mistakingly peg you as a cultivator of illegal species' in a vain attempt to make you out as a bad person.


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InvisibleGnuBobo
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Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: Xeluc]
    #7549467 - 10/22/07 10:46 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Fuck your mushrooms. Does he work? Have you cleaned up all of your supplies, etc. from his household?

Two children, 19 and 16, going to police/courts about someone like this is a fairly good indication your father is an asshole. He sounds like a fucking absolute asshole/severely hopeless/pissed at himself/taking it out on others.

Cops take shit like domestic abuse to young girls/children far more seriously than hearsay from an alcoholic abusive father about mushrooms.

Set that shit straight. Go to human services or some public service that provide help for people like you.

That situation is fucking intolerable. If you're going to both be working, you can get a cheap apt. and work through a bad period if that's necesary. You could probably get a pro-bono lawyer given your situation, if you do have to go to court.

Shitty situation, man.


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Jerry Garcia. JERRY GARCIA! JERRY GARCIA!!!!


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OfflineXeluc
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Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: Gill]
    #7549476 - 10/22/07 10:48 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Gill, thanks a lot man. I will definatly be taking your advice.
In the state of Ohio, the wants of the minor are considered, but from reading a legal pdf, it seems that it is not all cut and dry, and it isnt the only thing taken into consideration, and her wants do not take precedence over what the court feels is best.
Keep in mind guys, things arent GREAT, just.. possibly working out. I may be her temporary gardian, but this hearing that may be a week or 6 months away will make a final desiscion, and by that time, i need to be out of this fast food and into an apartment and full time job.
and no, im not into hard drugs. weed, and mushies are nice. acid if i can find it.


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Offlinejenns_hot
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Re: A very bad dometic problem I need help with (loong) [Re: Gill]
    #7549491 - 10/22/07 10:53 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

good luck


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"Fear makes the wolf look bigger"


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