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Thin White Duke
Stranger


Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 51,530
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Getting over an ex
#7542675 - 10/21/07 12:55 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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It's been 3 months now, and quite frankly I'm fucking sick of pining after her. This won't wipe away all my feelings, but it'll sure help.
I just threw away everything linked to her. I know I'll regret it come tomorrow, but I have to do this otherwise I'll never be able to move on properly. Clothes, photos, mementoes, letters etc all in the bin. I also deleted all the emails we've sent each other, as well as (and I know for a fact I'll regret this the most) our sex videos/photos/you get the point.
Time to move on and forget about that bitch.
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boxcarguy07
Uno



Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 3,942
Loc: SC
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Yes you definitely did the right thing.
You shouldn't regret getting rid of those things, especially not the sex tapes. Did the relationship last? Then those things probably weren't as special as you thought. Why would you want to be reminded of you and someone you're no longer with having sex? Be glad you got rid of those things, and continue to move on.
Good luck bro!
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Music doesn't stop at the ears when it begins at the heart.
"Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Quote:
I just threw away everything linked to her.
You just did what you had to do.  Now you do the same with all the thoughts and ideas you had regarding the two of you. It's exactly what's keeping you from forgetting her - your attachment to what you thought that was happening between the you and her... being in love with the idea of being in love. If it was more, you wouldn't even consider getting over her.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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boxcarguy07
Uno



Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 3,942
Loc: SC
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Well said, and something I myself needed to hear as well! Thanks!
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Music doesn't stop at the ears when it begins at the heart.
"Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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Thin White Duke
Stranger


Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 51,530
Loc:
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Quote:
MushroomTrip said: being in love with the idea of being in love. If it was more, you wouldn't even consider getting over her.
That makes a ton of sense, thanks 
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ZippoZ
Knomadic



Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
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man i highly reccomend going out and finding someone else, if only for a night.
you have to get out of the funk.
it worked for me !
-------------------- PEACE
zippoz "in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption" "People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."
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boxcarguy07
Uno



Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 3,942
Loc: SC
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Re: Getting over an ex [Re: ZippoZ]
#7543360 - 10/21/07 03:51 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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meh just more regrets...
unless you have no soul
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Music doesn't stop at the ears when it begins at the heart.
"Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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ZippoZ
Knomadic



Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
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???? thats an outright harsh statment.
i never advocated "using" anyone. just moving on.
-------------------- PEACE
zippoz "in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption" "People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."
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boxcarguy07
Uno



Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 3,942
Loc: SC
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Re: Getting over an ex [Re: ZippoZ]
#7543427 - 10/21/07 04:11 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Oh, I didn't mean anything by it. I was just messing around.
I was just saying you can move on without a one-night stand. Which could lead to more regrets.
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Music doesn't stop at the ears when it begins at the heart.
"Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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CherryBom
Yoga Gypsy


Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
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Sometimes a one night stand can really bring some closure to a previous relationship. It's a psysical act of 'moving on'...
Or a temporary fuck buddy. I used one of those to get over an absolutley HORRIBLE break up. It helped a little.
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Jorsher
Psychonaut



Registered: 08/28/06
Posts: 691
Loc: Earth
Last seen: 13 years, 1 month
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Re: Getting over an ex [Re: CherryBom]
#7543774 - 10/21/07 05:49 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I agree. Getting with someone else (even if it's only a night or two) works wonders for getting over someone. Be sure that both of you agree it's just a casual thing and nothing serious, and it shouldn't leave any room for regrets.
Having to get over someone can be difficult!
-------------------- 5 shroom me!
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: Getting over an ex [Re: Jorsher]
#7543823 - 10/21/07 06:02 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Having to get over someone can be difficult!
Not necessarily. "Having to get over someone" implies the realization that the certain someone was an illusion. That we fell in love with the idea that we created in our minds about them (with or without their help), and which doesn't correspond to the truth. It's a thought attachment, something that appeals to us in such a manner that we don't want to let go of that illusion. This is not love, though it can be easily confused with. Being that said, once we realize that it's only a thought pattern which keeps us from getting over, we rid that obsessive imagination, now convinced that we didn't lose "the one". I observed for a very long time how break-ups work, and I found one thing in common. People don't over their ex-es because they think they lost "the one". And since this idea is out of picture through solely realizing that we deluded ourselves into thinking that, we're free from the past, more experienced and ready to enjoy life again.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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CherryBom
Yoga Gypsy


Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
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Hmmm.
That was incredibly insightful. Thank you!
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Thin White Duke
Stranger


Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 51,530
Loc:
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Re: Getting over an ex [Re: CherryBom]
#7558022 - 10/25/07 05:23 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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The only bad thing is I keep dreaming about her, which sucks because then I wake up thinking about her and it invariably sets the tone for the rest of the day.
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CherryBom
Yoga Gypsy


Registered: 12/26/98
Posts: 11,177
Loc: Ontario
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Maybe you still love her.
Is getting back together completely out of the question?
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WhiskeyClone
Not here


Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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People dream about whatever they think about throughout the day. Tossing the memorabilia will help you think about her less.
-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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Thin White Duke
Stranger


Registered: 10/20/04
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Re: Getting over an ex [Re: CherryBom]
#7558994 - 10/25/07 12:13 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
CherryBom said: Maybe you still love her.
Is getting back together completely out of the question?
We're 5 thousand miles apart and she is now (supposedly, I have my doubts) a lesbian.
So... it's a bit difficult, yes 
That's part of the reason why I want/need to move on. There's a strong chance I'll never see her again.
I know for a fact that I still love her, but just recently it hit me that I now strongly dislike (hate is too strong) her. That's what spurned me to gather everything and throw it away.
Such conflicting emotions all the time, it's killing me.
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Thin White Duke
Stranger


Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 51,530
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Quote:
WhiskeyClone said: People dream about whatever they think about throughout the day. Tossing the memorabilia will help you think about her less.
It also doesn't help that I'm unemployed right now as all I do is sit around all day. A job will give me something to do and keep my mind occupied, so I can't wait for that.
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide



Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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Quote:
Phumfeinz said:
Quote:
WhiskeyClone said: People dream about whatever they think about throughout the day. Tossing the memorabilia will help you think about her less.
It also doesn't help that I'm unemployed right now as all I do is sit around all day. A job will give me something to do and keep my mind occupied, so I can't wait for that.
Yah I got a job and I'm slowly getting over my ex that I broke up with 3 months ago. I even got some other bitch's number last night.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Maybe is WAS love. I don't know, you know better. What I can tell you is that when you feel bad regarding someone it isn't love anymore. You know the details of what you shared and how things went between the two of you. But from what it seems, she wants nothing to do with you anymore so the connection (is it ever was one) is gone. Now love is about being and remaining connected with that person. Maybe you dream about her exactly because you try so hard to forget her. And the more you think about that, the more you think about her in fact. So it's only natural that you have those dreams. Give yourself the necessary time to heal, don't rush into it because it only takes it's natural course, which is the best. If you feel sad about it, allow yourself to feel that sadness but don't obsess over it. You're simply experiencing this feeling, in this moment, and maybe there's something you can learn from it. I think that everything should be fine with you, as long as you don't identify yourself with that sadness.It's very much like breaking your arm or something. You acknowledge the uneasy feeling but you know it's healing.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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LordSenate
One of the Lost



Registered: 09/15/02
Posts: 37,093
Loc: First Circle of Hell
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being in love with the idea of being in love
awesome way to put it.
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Thin White Duke
Stranger


Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 51,530
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Just when I thought the saga was all over:
'I'm saving up to come to England.'
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WhiskeyClone
Not here


Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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Debs202
Stranger
Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 4
Last seen: 16 years, 30 days
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My friend wrote a great article about this after his experiences having broken up with his ex.
http://www.growyourgame.com/articles/relationships/how-do-i-get-over-my-ex/
Bit of shameless self-promotion there but it's worth a look!
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BrAiN
Art Fag


Registered: 03/01/01
Posts: 6,875
Loc: Chocolate City
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
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Quote:
Phumfeinz said: Just when I thought the saga was all over:
'I'm saving up to come to England.'
pick up a sport.. keeps your mind and body occupied
I moved to LA after my last rough breakup and picked up surfing
It definately saved my sanity
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Thin White Duke
Stranger


Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 51,530
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Re: Getting over an ex [Re: BrAiN]
#7823624 - 01/02/08 12:42 PM (16 years, 30 days ago) |
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Ah this thread.
Well, things are going better now. Haven't spoken to her at all that much these past few months. The last time we did speak was kinda bad. I told her I still loved her and all that crap. We ended up talking about the possibility of there being an 'us' ever again in the future. We agreed that nothing would be definite and to just see what happens when she comes over.
But I've come to some realizations lately since then. I know that I could never be -truly- happy with her. Not unless she changed the type of person she is, but I couldn't see that happening. Heck, I wasn't even that happy when I WAS with her. I just wish I could take off these rose-tinted glasses. I don't want to be with her, but I still yearn for her. It's fucks you up, as I'm sure some of you will know.
She's still messing my mind up. Received a Christmas e-mail that she had sent to 'the people that mean a lot to me'. On New Years Eve I thought I'd be courteous and send her an email saying Happy New Year (only because she sent me a message hoping I have a good time that night). Anyways, I get an email back saying 'I remember this time last year...'
This time last year was when we first started getting into each other. She phoned me when new years struck and I phoned her when it was new years over there. Maybe I'm reading too much into that, I don't know. I just thought it was an odd thing to say. Either way I deleted it. It's my new years resolution to move on from this as best I can.
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BrAiN
Art Fag


Registered: 03/01/01
Posts: 6,875
Loc: Chocolate City
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
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should probably limit or cut off your communication with her.. at least for a few months...
The only way to really get over it is to NOT think about it... that and spend time thinking about OTHER girls and going after them. The latter will help desensitive you even more towards her.
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