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OfflineJoseLibrado
return


Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 569
Last seen: 15 years, 7 months
Re: My parents want nothing more to do with me. [Re: machination]
    #7723537 - 12/06/07 08:29 AM (16 years, 3 months ago)

hey

Listen man, i think the reason your parents want to distant themselves from you is that they think your gonna hurt them again because of your belief in unconditional love. However, i think there has been a miscommunication in regards to what love means.

Love to them means something conditional because they have no notion of love unconditional, for life. Think about our society and how it affects this into people, especially those who are in the illusion that they feel and think in societies ways, because thats who they are, when little do they see that who they are, was molded indefinatly.

I suggest clearing it up with your mother, that although you do love them and all people unconditionally, you do not like all people unconditionally. She speaks of love and having expectations and you dont. But she speaks of romantic love, the love shown in the movies, the one you love, love. lol

The difference between these is that one is acceptance which is unconditional, but one is a particular liking for a certain person. In this, she is startled when you say you love people without condition, because she thinks you like and treat the people you like, without having any expectations about them. But not having expecations seems impossible, when it comes to who you like. Who you like, is a direct reflection of who you do not like, and vice versa. like is a preference, and to her thats what love is, simply who you like.
In this she is confused shocked and fearful of being in a relation with you, because she thinks you are lying about loving them. She's thinking that you cant possibly love anyone without expectations so she concludes that you are just lying so you can take some money from them, again.

Making this clear can really, show her an aspect of you that may clear the air and possibly rebuild the gates of communication and

I have had similair instances where people say "You cannot love anyone thats crazy" And i said, i can and argued for hours, simply because we saw love in different ways. They felt i was crazy and even felt sorry for me, because they thought that i was heading towards an abusive relationship where i would say " oh i cant leave being abused, i love them!" haha.

kool. I love you, it seems. :heart:
Bye and back into the now haha.


--------------------
The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution.

And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change.

Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems.

Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: My parents want nothing more to do with me. [Re: OneWhoHasSeen]
    #7724832 - 12/06/07 02:49 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

You don't owe them a thing. You needn't be sorry or apologize for being human, learning from mistakes and growing up. The problem is there's and not yours.

Time to move ahead and create a life for yourself and those who care enough about you to let you be who you are. Good luck.:thumbup:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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OfflineNiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'
Female User Gallery

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 9 months
Re: My parents want nothing more to do with me. [Re: OneWhoHasSeen]
    #7725594 - 12/06/07 06:10 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Icelander is right. The problem here is that your parents have always expected you to be a miniature version of themselves, to do what they want you to do rather than to grow into the individual you are. If they really wanted to 'help' you, they would have asked you what you wanted in life, and how they could contribute to that. Throwing cash at you and giving you cars and houses isn't help. It's manipulation. They use thier money to buy your obedience. If they wanted to help you, they would ask you to discover your passion, and offer to contribute to any education needed to fulfill it. And considering how much they have, they really shouldn't lord it over you when they throw a little your way in the middle of hard times. Again, they sound like manipulative, selfish people.

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OfflineOneWhoHasSeen
Temporal Anomaly
 User Gallery


Registered: 11/20/04
Posts: 301
Loc: Everywhere and Nowhere
Last seen: 11 years, 1 month
Re: My parents want nothing more to do with me. [Re: NiamhNyx]
    #7725996 - 12/06/07 08:00 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Wow,

It is so good to hear from so many people who have felt the same way, and to hear your wisdom. After reading everything, I was filled with hope.

Time has passed now, and I have still not spoken to my Mother. The truth is, I have never had anything to talk with her about. Anytime we did speak it was just small talk, I could never even broach a serious conversation with her. Honestly, some time away from her feels pretty good.

I have a good relationship still with my grandparents. I honestly don't know what they think about all that happened, but I am going down there for Christmas and they were kind enough to pay for my rather expensive ticket.

I guess I will really know the result of all this once I see them in person.

Thanks again everyone.


--------------------
A Temporal Anomaly

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OfflineSurReality
PsychAdemic
Male User Gallery
Registered: 12/21/06
Posts: 11,808
Loc: Colorado, USA Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
Re: My parents want nothing more to do with me. [Re: OneWhoHasSeen]
    #7728120 - 12/07/07 10:22 AM (16 years, 3 months ago)

instead of writing your family a long well thought out philosophy, try to think one meaningful question.

i cant understand... How could someone give their child so many material items- an expensive car before you can drive, property, college education, his own place to live- but refuse to give that child their love for any reason?

it is very unfortunate this can happen between a mother and child, but at least you have people in your life that love you- im sure alot people who are in similar situations cannot even say that; you should try not let this fucked up situation get to you and care for the people in your life as you feel you parents should care for you.


--------------------
ProDOPEFiend Diary: (my public diary)

PodCast

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OfflineMushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Female User Gallery


Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 3 years, 15 days
Re: My parents want nothing more to do with me. [Re: SurReality]
    #7728716 - 12/07/07 01:19 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

No.
I used to think that a lot.
That parents should care for their children, and, in extent, my parents should understand my needs, not what they think I need.
It only brings bad and confused feelings.
Neither parents or children should do anything.
If a child realizes that his parents are not a good influence in their lives, the problem is as simple as it gets: stop being around them. I've learned that this is the healthiest and most efficient manner to treat these problems, free of all the shoulds and woulds imposed by a sick society or culture.
We all have the means and power to care for ourselves, why give this incredible ability in the hands of someone else?


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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OfflineSurReality
PsychAdemic
Male User Gallery
Registered: 12/21/06
Posts: 11,808
Loc: Colorado, USA Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
Re: My parents want nothing more to do with me. [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7728849 - 12/07/07 01:52 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

OneWhoHasSeen,
Have you tried apologizing to them? (i havent read completely into this) after all those issues are in the past and you have grown to an adult, your married, you don't need them... isn't natural for parents to throw away things they didnt like about their child once ummm they're not a child?


--------------------
ProDOPEFiend Diary: (my public diary)

PodCast

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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
Male


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 61,024
Loc: the sky
Re: My parents want nothing more to do with me. [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7729174 - 12/07/07 03:07 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

MushroomTrip said:
If a child realizes that his parents are not a good influence in their lives, the problem is as simple as it gets: stop being around them.




It took me a few years to come to this same conclusion and sever ties with my father. I am undoubtedly the better for it.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis

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OfflineMushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Female User Gallery


Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 3 years, 15 days
Re: My parents want nothing more to do with me. [Re: SurReality]
    #7729295 - 12/07/07 03:39 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

SurReality said:
OneWhoHasSeen,
Have you tried apologizing to them? (i havent read completely into this) after all those issues are in the past and you have grown to an adult, your married, you don't need them... isn't natural for parents to throw away things they didnt like about their child once ummm they're not a child?




"i havent read completely into this."

Then I suggest that you should because your advice is totally inadequate.
Please make no mistake into falling in that trap we all usually fall when it comes to family etiquette.
His entire life, his parents treated him like this. Love and comfort at the exchange that he does what he "should", what they think he should.
I am well aware of the hard and long formed social imprint that parents usually have, and that they deluded themselves with an erroneous idea regarding what raising a child means that they really reached a point where they truly believe that their way is the right way, but this doesn't mean that the child has to submit to what obviously is a seriously toxic environment and mentality.
For what exactly should he apologize to his parents? For being the person that he is, which incidentally is not what they had in mind for him?
Tell me, do you get upset at life for not playing along with your plans? Because it is the same thing with him and his parents.
Love is about accepting who the other person is. Maturity translates into becoming aware that it's not our duty to change the others, be it lovers, children or friends. This not only that facilitates communication between individuals, but it's also a huge relief for the selves. Because we become free of a responsibility that was never ours. And saves us of a lot of energy which we can invest into our own well being.
I hope I am getting through to you with that and that maybe next time you will at least read the entire story before giving advices.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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OfflineSurReality
PsychAdemic
Male User Gallery
Registered: 12/21/06
Posts: 11,808
Loc: Colorado, USA Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
Re: My parents want nothing more to do with me. [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7729375 - 12/07/07 04:01 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

im sorry i didnt read the entire story. although my question was just that and not at all ment as advice, i really was curious if he has tried apologizing- maybe i had the wrong impression, but i thought maybe he felt bad for not living up to his parents expectations. im not saying he should've tried to satisfy their selfish expectations, but if he felt bad and did apologized and his parents didn't except that- then he is not at all at fault, because they won't let go of something that can't possibly be changed.


--------------------
ProDOPEFiend Diary: (my public diary)

PodCast

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InvisibleGGreatOne234
Stranger
Registered: 12/23/99
Posts: 8,946
Re: My parents want nothing more to do with me. [Re: OneWhoHasSeen]
    #7737869 - 12/09/07 07:15 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

&feature=related

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Offlinedistgre1
...
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/10/05
Posts: 831
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
Re: My parents want nothing more to do with me. [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #7738491 - 12/09/07 09:48 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

I hope things work out for you.

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InvisibleMastamike1118
Male


Registered: 03/29/07
Posts: 2,010
Re: My parents want nothing more to do with me. [Re: distgre1]
    #7742484 - 12/10/07 08:04 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

dude life is so fucking long and surprising if you want a relationship with them you have good chances... id think at least...

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OfflineGreat Scott
Trigger Lover
Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/05/03
Posts: 19,797
Loc: Control Grid
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
Re: My parents want nothing more to do with me. [Re: OneWhoHasSeen]
    #7742861 - 12/10/07 09:38 PM (16 years, 3 months ago)

Love your mom, dude.
It sounds like she's got her head (identity-ego-etc.) caught up in soooo much old world bullshit that she may never lighten up in this lifetime.
'Tis a damn shame.  Communication breakdown.
Keep your chin up there mr. one who has seen... life will get better.  It always does. :heart:


Quote:

OneWhoHasSeen said:
love without conditions



Quote:

OneWhoHasSeen said:
and this comes with a price.




LOL :rofl:

:foreheadslap:


--------------------
:thumbup: :thumbdown:

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