holy shit these are a lot of shrooms.(unfolding the bag looking at its dry weight, stereotypical shrooms not like the last time i dosed ) i got it from my dealer he really likes you.(i never met him) i thought i was gonna get them the other day but my boy was bunzin it being in a hurry and all. its all good he didnt mind, after i get done at my crib ill call you. hell yeah we can walk round all day i have budz too so we can walk up to sev's and blaze! totally i have some from last night so i wont even drive we'll just meet up! sweet, ight then def hit me up! totally see you later. (that was the last time i saw her that day)
Filling the hotdog bun up (to the brim) with a lil soda on the side im pretty nervous, i get to writing as my trip begins reflecting on lucid dreams and life by the last sentence. I am no longer able to physically write on the paper.
"your dreams are a reflection of you life, your life is a reflection of your dreams, dreams are intertwined between the two, lucidity at its best, time and money are instruments, nothing comes from nothing, new perceptions from old ways make new landscapes, their are corners but they dont seem so hopeless, death has already been achieved go out and do something"
Wait i have the day off. grab a movie. walkin in my brothers room he doesnt even notice my state of mind, telling him im getting a movie i feel a lil shy , but he doesn't look up from his mag to see my pupils, that could've gone worse. I don't know what to watch family guy or scanner darkly, damn I'm bugging don't feel like watching TV, don't feel like doing shit, if i put on a scanner darkly i might bug and my crib aint a place to be buggin. Dammit, I'm tripping, last night was so much fun(sober), i had shit to do today, why did i take shrooms? i cant find my sweater! mom comes in we're looking around, I'm actin sober, cant find it, ripping out clothes from under the bed, keys in my hand as if I'm in a hurry, cant find it, ill get a diff sweater, my nose is running, i tell my mom I'm sick. "you get sick with this bug and its like you go berserk you cant seem to figure whether your coming or going" my moms said this before but is this what she meant? that i was insane? she must know i tripping or at least done it before. (flashback of my friend)"What would you do if your family found out you've tripped?" (earlier when i picked up from my friend)"On the way to sevs we're gonna bug, crossing the bridge with the cars coming!" "Noo thats not a good idea then, you should just chill at ur crib you have the day off, right" I cant drive, put the keys down, i prolly shouldn't even go anywhere near cars. put on a movie, no, a game, wait game cube and PS2 are on.. wait.. jus get my mom outta here.
"theres mildew all over it" looking at my hands they feel wet from putting on the sweater thats been sitting under my bed for so long "can you wash it? please ma?" "you want me to wash it? OK" ... why the fuck am i so polite when I'm tripping but a asshole normally? Its all coming together, I'm making my parents' life a living hell, Ive been so crazy in the last few months, why cant i jus pretend to agree and follow the rules while they're round? by body's so cold i cant seem to get any heat "I'm peaking i tried to get to you but i cant drive-texted" sorry baby
isolated, island, suddenly my couch talking of how defense consist of us as islands, every man for himself, no help from the line. a chain of islands a archipelago am i OD'n? emimen od'd that girl in that song, is it happening to me, how much is too much, what if my body cant take it, Hendrix...no it wasn't shrooms or lsd.. was it..youve fucked up your life, are you about to die? now my health teacher comes to mind. she was right the entire time, i went chasing the rush, if i fall asleep am i going to die? everyone i know will remember how i lived my life and how i ended it, im a anti-role model, cell rings.
"im buggin!" "well you should have taken shrooms""(my girls girl in the background) why did he take them by himself?" omg im so glad youre on the phone, dont hang up , my batteries not dead yet i found the charger!!! please stay, its soooo cold when i can drive! ill come!"
5 minutes later into the bathroom. Nausea, sitting down feels comforting, i wish i could shower and listen to music but i'd look crazy, i showered earlier. if i was in there..i picture what appears to be myself laying in the tub with the bathwater up to my face merged with me but in a not so ordinary color scheme, unable to describe, almost paintlike. gotta get outta here, still cold in room, a sinking feeling, shes so far and i cant drive, i wanna be with her.
back a bathroom. all i do is eat, shit and piss, i will do this until i die, im stuck in a loop physically, all is quite but my minds is somewhere else. now im in a completely new reality, ive crossed the barrier, the 4th dimension, this unknown texture across my vision, its not there, but at the same time it is. so complex, it was all good, everything, but you thought you could fix it, life was better when it was simple, what did you do? its so complex, im not what i was before, im not coming back, ive tripped on this weight and even differently, no drug is this powerful by itslef, i was different from the start and this is where i was bound to end up, drugs are different for everybody and i was the exact person that shouldnt have fucked with this. everythings so fucking complex now, im dead.
im staring at the bottom of a bowl, waiting to throwup and salvage whats left of my mind, its not gonna happen soon though, listen to the sounds fromt the skylight, i accociate myself with the world, where i can go..what i see as i hear the sounds and imagine
some time later i re-enter my room, nose running, stomach chruning, but now my mind is calm, the day is turnin in, my bodys here and so are my family and friends, but at the same time i feel different "are you coming?-text" thats when i grabbed the keys dip, bellport ave, thats where im goin, ill take the long way! driving i feel as though i can see EVERYTHING, its so great out, people are jus hanging out, mars volta is radiating from my 6 x 8's, windows down, sun setting, rims shining in the light. my eclipses exhaust humming as i press the pedal, cops with sirens blowing past me down the road, this is like crazy taxi, damn that is crazy, i can go anywhere, my gas tank is full too!! this is insanely fun, wave to man to go first, everybody's outside, i manage to get lost following the markings on the road, but i come up to the bay witnessn people partyin and two men handshakin then huggin each other. ive never seen the world in this light before, i feel alive, am i in heaven, will this really repeat over and over? still gettin lost, man stares at me as i find the 18 pack in my trunk has exploded, i that smell! im not anxious that people are lookin at me, i seem to trust everyone? dogs barking at me as i pull into dead end, wrong way, chiuwawa with a big ass head and other animals following behind, calm down doggie, we all gotta share. ive reached my destination, no one in sight, just waitin, my phone, fuck it ill go get it, talkin to her rents by accident? fuck that, my eyes are dilated, go home, grab cell the sun has finnally reached the horizen, so many cars, what if i just veered into oncoming traffic, what if that guy turnin pushed me into it? i visualize my jaw being ripped apart from my body as the metal collapses in on me, differnt color scheme this time, same idea. i visualize how i would get out of my car but i see myself and everyone else, the other driver the peole watching nothing i can do unless it happens...im so accepting.. i get home and sit on the toilet tryin to figure out what jus happend my brother knocks on the door and tells me hes finnaly home to play the new guitar hero with me. i completely forgot about him. in my room now i find my cell with the text left shortly after i started driving "we'll be at the bay-text" phone rings, are you coming....no...so what..ill talk to you later.. the sound of her voice, what am i doin? "you need me to help you set up?" nah bro i got it. staring at the wires i cant seem to figure anythin out, i jus threw away my girl and now i cant even seem to hear what my brother is saying, my health teacher was right, how will i ever go back to school and work? its tuesday? since when, whatve i been doin the past few days? where the fuck am i? minutes are adding up but im just sitting here noticing every so often, its so linear. my mind is shot
while my fingers are burning away at the hard difficulty slowly my conversational skills come back during multiplayer, my brother tells me that cause of my habits he's can see an effect subtly with out mentionin my name, "its ok for once in a blue moon" "i think im gonna quit smokin" "not even its ok, jus dont do it so much, people say it does nothin but you see a difference in short term memory and cops are crackin down now..." did he see my eyes? he's a phys ed teacher he would know.
my mind comes back i get the urge to talk to my girl, time out, shes mad but she says whatever, later she accepts i was trippin, its ok my relationship is back! i cant wait to take her out she wont regret it!!
6 hours after the dose my mind is back, eating food with my family is kinda cool, im such a herb sometimes, ill go relax now i think im back
this was the highest/lowest period ive ever gone through, i wont soon forget
Edited by Konyap (02/28/09 08:09 PM)
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