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AlCapwn
ID Reset, take that subpoena


Registered: 02/03/07
Posts: 2,957
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
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Some lyrics I wrote.
#7491465 - 10/06/07 01:40 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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And, the first lyrics I ever wrote. Opinions appreciated, and feel free to point out anything really cheesy.
We will never see our Ritual reflection Or our true selves, true world, or direction
We are not supreme beings Unevolved and primitive Inadvertently bound by Limited perception
Can't see this Invisible World around us Always-a Interwoven, Rearranging, Reconstructing Reality
Can't see this Web of in- -terconnective Thoughts and ideas Split, dividing Spinning, riding Flying through the Infinite sea
The ability to experience subtley Or even to breathe Does not claim deity
Step one, accept That we are nothing But carbon life with Limited perception
Can't see this Invisible World around us Always-a Interwoven, Rearranging, Reconstructing Reality
Can't see this Web of in- -terconnective Thoughts and ideas Split, dividing Spinning, riding Flying through the Infinite sea
Ignorant is man Who assumes he can see Infinity
-------------------- Huuuuurrrrrr!
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Locus



Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 6,112
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: Some lyrics I wrote. [Re: AlCapwn]
#7491641 - 10/06/07 02:36 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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i like it
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The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein "Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe ~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~ *Check my profile to listen to my music*
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Apollyphelion
Dungeon Master/Princess(1009)


Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 16,757
Loc: Festival of Deaths
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Re: Some lyrics I wrote. [Re: Locus]
#7492157 - 10/06/07 05:37 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I think it stands stronger as a Poem, than song lyrics.
I get this feeling because of the complexity of your statements. Rush could probably pull lyrics off by singing your piece. I know I couldn't, but I sure could READ the hell out of that, which I did.
To make it more songy, I'd use more simplsitic words, you scintillating ostentatious word whore conundrum;-)
As a poem though, it is excellent, and really good for a first piece. The song part needs a smidgen of work. AND a melody. I find that the hard part!
Nice work, and keep having fun making work!
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"I'm looking at you looking at it" SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL PLEASE! www.youtube.com/apollyphelion Creator of the World's Worst Comic Book
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Locus



Registered: 03/11/04
Posts: 6,112
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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oh for sure, i agree. i was thinking of it as a poem anyway.
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The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein "Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe ~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~ *Check my profile to listen to my music*
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mathias
Ersatz Haderach



Registered: 05/01/10
Posts: 561
Last seen: 12 years, 1 month
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Re: Some lyrics I wrote. [Re: AlCapwn]
#12513862 - 05/05/10 10:10 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Nice one. Effective. Reminds me of one of the few poems I wrote that I consider successful. I am an instrumentalist mostly, so I often do not think in words when expressing myself. But when I do, things like this come out:
Vast oceans A deep blue myth Reflecting the Celestial Swirl Rippling the moon and reversing the constellations
Currents pulling comets
The romance of mass and gravity perpetuates itself As the atmosphere and the moisture polarize each other
So the colors are always changing
-------------------- intlslacker : "Why is it I always have the feeling that if RR weren't around it'd be like there were toddlers running around, bumping into walls and eating poisonous mushrooms?"
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