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Apollyphelion
Dungeon Master/Princess(1009)


Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 16,757
Loc: Festival of Deaths
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I think I am brain damaged...or brain-ly different?
#7463393 - 09/28/07 08:11 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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I don't get it.
I can't help myself, especially when it is for my own good, or even my own great. In some ways, I'd rather just rot away in the cesspool of my self-loathing.
Self-loathing isn't accurate though! I love myself, at least the parts I feel I have control over. It is more like I want to rot away in my attitude that I have of HELPING everyone as much as I can. The little I DO help myself, I look at it as developing my skills to help others. In other words I won't help myself unless it can help others.
I don't even like telling people my problems, even if they are gargantuan. It would be very selfish of me to make someone feel sad because of my problems. This is somewhat difficult to write now; You guys don't need to be hearing this shit, right? 
I'm also the type of guy to champion the idea "It's all in your head" "In order to change yourself, you just GOTTA DO IT!" "Only I can make myself happy.
I'm thinking I might be the invert of a Sociopath.
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"I'm looking at you looking at it" SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL PLEASE! www.youtube.com/apollyphelion Creator of the World's Worst Comic Book
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Apollyphelion
Dungeon Master/Princess(1009)


Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 16,757
Loc: Festival of Deaths
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Re: I think I am brain damaged...or brain-ly different? [Re: Apollyphelion]
#7463427 - 09/28/07 08:31 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Possibly the MAIN POINT of this post: Do inverted sociopaths exist?
What would be one? That is what I feel like at least.
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"I'm looking at you looking at it" SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL PLEASE! www.youtube.com/apollyphelion Creator of the World's Worst Comic Book
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: I think I am brain damaged...or brain-ly different? [Re: Apollyphelion]
#7463475 - 09/28/07 08:57 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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I don't think that labeling yourself as the invert of a sociopath would really help you in a way. I've seen people who think in a very similar way to what you're describing here and I observed that what they all had in common was the feeling of guilt. And it's pretty explainable if you come to think about it. So, what exactly do you feel guilty about? Through which reason do you feel you owe something to the world?
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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Apollyphelion
Dungeon Master/Princess(1009)


Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 16,757
Loc: Festival of Deaths
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Re: I think I am brain damaged...or brain-ly different? [Re: MushroomTrip]
#7463483 - 09/28/07 09:04 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
MushroomTrip said: I don't think that labeling yourself as the invert of a sociopath would really help you in a way. I've seen people who think in a very similar way to what you're describing here and I observed that what they all had in common was the feeling of guilt. And it's pretty explainable if you come to think about it. So, what exactly do you feel guilty about? Through which reason do you feel you owe something to the world?
See, I agree with you! There is no rationality behind my thinking. For instance, I have cancer, and I just can't bring to help myself about it. The resonace of negativity it would create around me would be selfish to initiate ot those around me. And for that, I would feel so guilty.
I feel really guilty when ever I could have helped someone, but did not, for practically any reason.
EDIT: Oh, And thankyou for the reply, MushroomTrip, you are truly a 6 star earth creature!:-)
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"I'm looking at you looking at it" SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL PLEASE! www.youtube.com/apollyphelion Creator of the World's Worst Comic Book
Edited by Apollyphelion (09/28/07 09:05 AM)
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: I think I am brain damaged...or brain-ly different? [Re: Apollyphelion]
#7463534 - 09/28/07 09:29 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Helping yourself is the only thing that should be of your concern. And it's doesn't have to be about what you should do, but for what you feel like doing. What resonates with you. It feels like this idea that you always have to help others is not even your own. Some times we "borrow" this stuff from others. That's why you feel this inner contradiction. While I think and feel that helping others comes from love and compassion, and that these feelings are generated by a higher form of awareness, I also think that, in order to live an efficient and happy life is to stop judging ourselves. This comes from love and compassion as well. And I think that's where you have to start from. As long as you take helping others as a duty, the compassion turns into pity. I suggest that you only reflect on what makes you happy, because it's only from there that we can see things clear and produce a balance (in our lives and in the lives of others)
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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BlueCoyote
Beyond



Registered: 05/07/04
Posts: 6,697
Loc: Between
Last seen: 3 years, 16 days
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Re: I think I am brain damaged...or brain-ly different? [Re: Apollyphelion]
#7466297 - 09/29/07 02:25 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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You only can help others, if you help yourself (before, not afterwards or while).
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MushmanTheManic
Stranger

Registered: 04/21/05
Posts: 4,587
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Re: I think I am brain damaged...or brain-ly different? [Re: Apollyphelion]
#7467581 - 09/29/07 03:08 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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What is the problem? You seem fine.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: I think I am brain damaged...or brain-ly different? [Re: MushmanTheManic]
#7467587 - 09/29/07 03:14 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
MushmanTheManic said: What is the problem? You seem fine.
"I feel really guilty when ever I could have helped someone, but did not, for practically any reason."
Is this is your idea of fine Mushy? If so you are worse off then I thought.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
Edited by Icelander (09/29/07 03:27 PM)
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Huehuecoyotl
Fading Slowly


Registered: 06/13/04
Posts: 10,685
Loc: On the Border
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Re: I think I am brain damaged...or brain-ly different? [Re: Icelander]
#7468234 - 09/29/07 08:07 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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One can only be where one is.
-------------------- "A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda
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NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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Re: I think I am brain damaged...or brain-ly different? [Re: Apollyphelion]
#7468761 - 09/29/07 11:13 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Apollyphelion said: I don't get it.
I can't help myself, especially when it is for my own good, or even my own great. In some ways, I'd rather just rot away in the cesspool of my self-loathing.
Self-loathing isn't accurate though! I love myself, at least the parts I feel I have control over. It is more like I want to rot away in my attitude that I have of HELPING everyone as much as I can. The little I DO help myself, I look at it as developing my skills to help others. In other words I won't help myself unless it can help others.
I don't even like telling people my problems, even if they are gargantuan. It would be very selfish of me to make someone feel sad because of my problems. This is somewhat difficult to write now; You guys don't need to be hearing this shit, right? 
I'm also the type of guy to champion the idea "It's all in your head" "In order to change yourself, you just GOTTA DO IT!" "Only I can make myself happy.
I'm thinking I might be the invert of a Sociopath.
I used to have this very same neurosis! It took a while, and one particularly intense shake-up (literally a punch to the gut) to pull me out of this one... getting punched at a martial arts class pulled right to the surface some of my most deeply entrenched fears and issues - mainly my fear of asking for the exact kind of love and support and help I always so desperately wanted to GIVE people. After I finally let myself break down, people offered to help because they really cared and I realized I had to start asking for it instead of bottling up my isolation and being afraid to 'burden' people. I also realized that my need to always be helping others was really a roundabout way to feel the intimacy I was afraid to admit I wanted and needed.
Relationships are GIVE AND TAKE. If you only take on the role of giving you will burn yourself out and eventually have nothing left to give. It's clear to me that you realize there is something not quite right about just giving and never nurturing yourself or asking for nurturance from others. I can't tell you how to change, only you can know this. A good place to start, perhaps, is to give yourself permission to ask of others. To remind yourself that not only is it ok, but it is vital to do so. Give yourself a break, some space to breathe! Posting this thread is a not-so-threatening way to begin this process. Kudos on that.
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Apollyphelion
Dungeon Master/Princess(1009)


Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 16,757
Loc: Festival of Deaths
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Re: I think I am brain damaged...or brain-ly different? [Re: NiamhNyx]
#7469660 - 09/30/07 09:34 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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I'm trying!
Thanks
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"I'm looking at you looking at it" SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL PLEASE! www.youtube.com/apollyphelion Creator of the World's Worst Comic Book
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