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Shop: Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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OfflineSneezingPenis
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revealing motives...
    #7453029 - 09/25/07 07:14 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

from my experience, it is socially unacceptable to reveal your motives to someone.

Examples: You see a girl you would like to fuck. You walk up to her and say, "I would really like to have sex with you".

it wont work..... 99 times out of 100. Even though the woman knows that is the main reason the entire conversation started.... we seem to want someone to go through the covert motions of subverting/penetrating our defenses.

another example: if someone started posting on this website and wanted to quickly become the "in-crowd" on here and just stated in every post "will you guys like me and be cool with me?".... it probably wouldnt work....
Is it that revealing your motives in plain terms equates to desperation? is it a weakness thing?
I dont get it? it seems like that is a straight line from point A to point B. It is concise communication and pretty direct..... isnt that what people want?

"hey, I dont have many friends around here and I just figured if i started talking to random people, they could become my friends"..... that wouldnt work on a huge majority of people.

"Hey, I bought this car so I could showcase my wealth and hopefully find someone like you to be my trophy wife/arm candy".

I can understand that some of these points would be brutal honesty, and I know that most poeple cannot hanle brutal honesty.... but it works with any type of motive really


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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: revealing motives... [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #7453118 - 09/25/07 07:37 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I don't think it's about revealing motives, but about how you reveal them.
I think that honesty is something to be appreciated and I've noticed that many people are somehow drawn (on a bigger or smaller scale) to people who are sincere.
But like I said, it's in the way you present the situation.
I think that if someone was to say: "will you guys like me and be cool with me?" will indeed make the others feel the need to make fun of him, or something similar to that. This is not because of the honesty, but because that person shows clear signs of weakness.
Perhaps this is just a natural reflex we all have. Maybe it comes from the predatory instinct that we all have. That would explain why we generally feel the need to attack or/and to dislike vulnerability and feel drawn to power and confidence.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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Offlinebackfromthedead
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Re: revealing motives... [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #7453170 - 09/25/07 07:49 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

"Is it that revealing your motives in plain terms equates to desperation? is it a weakness thing?
I dont get it? it seems like that is a straight line from point A to point B. It is concise communication and pretty direct..... isnt that what people want?"

Its a game to some.
People want to be right, cool, popular, sexy, tall, thin, rich, high, in, on... Everything that they are not that appears will make them happy.
I'd say that pretty direct and concise communication didn't work so now its plan B.


--------------------


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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: revealing motives... [Re: backfromthedead]
    #7453201 - 09/25/07 08:01 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I disagree.
To be more precise, I don't entirely agree.
Yes, it is a game, but there are so many kinds of games, and some of them very entertaining, intelligent and interesting.
Let's get back to this example: "will you guys like me and be cool with me?". Now if someone would to ask me such a thing, then I would almost certainly start a satire scenario. I'd do this because it's a very efficient (and humorous in the same time) way to test people. See what they can and what abilities they have.
If they react in such a manner where they show that they are uninhibited and ready to open up and play the game, then most likely it is someone that can make a good company.
If they would start to act all tensed and stressed, it means that they have some issues, lack of self confidence and suck at enjoying life. Now this is exactly the kind of people I want to avoid.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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Offlinebackfromthedead
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Re: revealing motives... [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7453262 - 09/25/07 08:12 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

:thumbup:


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OfflinePhanTomCat
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Re: revealing motives... [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #7453400 - 09/25/07 08:50 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Do you just jump right into a freezing cold pool of water....?
If you do, it is somewhat shocking and disturbing to the pallet of senses....
If you go more slowly and pace your entrance into the freezing cold water, it is more tolerable and causes less waves....


>^;;^<


--------------------
I'll be your midnight French Fry....  :naughty:

"The most important things in life that are often ignored, are the things that one cannot see...."

>^;;^<


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OfflineSneezingPenis
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Re: revealing motives... [Re: PhanTomCat]
    #7453411 - 09/25/07 08:55 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

so you think that revealing your motives in plainspeak is an affront to the senses?

see, I felt that it was more an affront to the rules of engagement for society.... but that is why I asked this question here, to get some other perspectives on it.


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OfflinePhanTomCat
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Re: revealing motives... [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #7453471 - 09/25/07 09:12 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Well, in the "I wanna fuck you" example, it would probably be more a reason of "tradition"....

With the "be my friend" example, it could be tolerance - like an example of having a "mean" animal warm up to you....
It starts off as tolerance, then if interested a "feeling out" stage ensues, trust develops, and on and on - if it work out that way....

We (like you said, as a society) are taught to have our collective guards up....
Is it an inherent property to have traditions within life itself....?
It seems so, in many more ways that one....


>^;;^<


--------------------
I'll be your midnight French Fry....  :naughty:

"The most important things in life that are often ignored, are the things that one cannot see...."

>^;;^<


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OfflinePhanTomCat
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Re: revealing motives... [Re: PhanTomCat]
    #7453488 - 09/25/07 09:16 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

:lol:

And I am not saying that people here are like a freezing cold pool of mean animals.....!    :lol:

More like a cold call that a salesman might make....
You are either interested in hearing more, or ready to hang up from the get-go....

(I hope I am not talking myself in circles!?)   


>^;;^<


--------------------
I'll be your midnight French Fry....  :naughty:

"The most important things in life that are often ignored, are the things that one cannot see...."

>^;;^<


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OfflineSneezingPenis
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Re: revealing motives... [Re: PhanTomCat]
    #7453684 - 09/25/07 10:14 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

well, what I was more interested in is what I call the magician syndrome: most people that go see a magician do not belive in magic, yet they go to be fooled as a form of entertainment.

I cant imagine that a girl doesnt realize when a guy is hitting on them, but they want them to penetrate their boundaries/defenses... knowing that the whole point is to feel akward and naked in the morning.
when some random person starts talking to me at the bar, I know that it is because they need some instant companionship, but we go through the motions...

why do we need that mediator/liason period when it is apparent to both groups what the motives are?

I can understand the need for trust and security to develop, but it can be done in a much more efficient way.
"hey, I would like to stick my penis in one of your orifices"
"well, you are kind of cute, so buy me a beer and we can talk about it".


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InvisibleVeritas
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Re: revealing motives... [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #7453741 - 09/25/07 10:31 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

why do we need that mediator/liason period when it is apparent to both groups what the motives are?




Like, DUH, self-image, of course.  :rolleyes:  If someone knows that their current motives will expose them to social censure, and therefore contradict the self-image they have painstakingly constructed, they will obfuscate. 

A woman who said "ok, let's talk about it" to a direct revelation of the motive "I want to stick my penis in one of your orifices," would be censured as a "slut," "whore," "skank," etc...  An individual who openly requested "would you guys please like me and be cool with me" would be censured as a "loser," "geek," etc...

So we come up with more-acceptable means of communicating the same thing.  Even though we all may know what is actually being negotiated, no one has committed to a specific expression of that motive, and thus it can all be "taken back" if censure appears imminent.


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InvisibleRahz
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Re: revealing motives... [Re: Veritas]
    #7454143 - 09/26/07 12:37 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

The median period is like a curious period right? Finding out if you're on the same level. If you base your desire for a girl on looks alone, you have no standards. If you show up at a message board and ask for friends without some correspondence, you have no standards.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi


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OfflineNiamhNyx
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Re: revealing motives... [Re: Rahz]
    #7454243 - 09/26/07 01:19 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I think I would probably find it a bit overbearing for someone to walk up and tell me they wanted to fuck me right off the bat, before hellos or introductions. This is partly because it makes the easy let down a lot less easy. When you have a bit of a conversation to break the ice it gives both parties a chance to evaluate whether or not they really have any interest at all in the person, beyond appearances and if there is no compelling reason to remain interested it's a lot easier to walk away after some mindless chit-chat than once the stakes have been raised with the total honesty of initial motive. This is totally a social convention thing, but it's one I'm ok with for the most part.

I guess the other factor is that it's just more fun to flirt and hint and be subtle than it is to just be prompt and business like. I like making eyes at new interests and really think the fun would be spoiled by too hasty a proposition. Tension building adds to the thrill.

Of course there are SO MANY social relations that would be a lot smoother and more comfortable if people would just be forthcoming about thier feelings and thoughts instead of dancing around them afraid of the other's potential response. Honesty is pretty valuable. I like to be a pretty open book for the most part.


Edited by NiamhNyx (09/26/07 01:22 AM)


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OfflineDroz
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Re: revealing motives... [Re: NiamhNyx]
    #7454844 - 09/26/07 08:17 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Unless you are exctasy.. i asked a girl to give me head and that was it, i asked another girl for sex and that was it...

Good Times.

Droz


--------------------
Evolution of Time.


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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Re: revealing motives... [Re: SneezingPenis]
    #7455237 - 09/26/07 10:43 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

YawningAnus said:
from my experience, it is socially unacceptable to reveal your motives to someone.




Actually, the phenomenon you are describing, especially considering your examples, could be best represented by saying that it is not social to engage another in such a manner, and that really is your answer. :wink:

Human beings interact, and they determine their choices in regards to others based upon their interactions with them. It obviously isn't a question of brutal honesty. Human beings have a sense of identity, lines of reasoning for making their decisions, preferences for how they wish their experience of life to be, etc. It thus makes perfect sense that these human beings would require some degree of information, dependent upon the nature of that individual and their interests, in order to make a decision as to how they wish to interact with an individual.


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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