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Blend
afferent orchestra



Registered: 08/16/06
Posts: 2,949
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"Oh my God, we're all the same fucking person!!"
#7446437 - 09/24/07 01:27 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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So I hadn't had a trip in around 5 months. I finally came across an eighth of cubes a few nights ago, and the following night I split it with my girlfriend. She has tripped before, but it had been a few years, and she didn't much enjoy it. She's always told me she's probably never do it with me. But we talked about it, and we decided an eighth between us couldn't do much harm. So we split it almost evenly.... I got maybe 1/4 gram more than her.
This was a very strange experience to say the least. We started feeling it around 30 mins after eating them. I started to get the familiar feelings of drunkenness/nauseousness, and I went to the bathroom and stayed in there during the come-up. I was a little nervous to be honest - I didn't feel like I'd be able to handle it. Anyway, I went back into the bedroom and layed in bed with her. We put on some Silversun Pickups and just chilled. We couldn't look at each other in the face - it was just too much. We laughed a whole lot, and compared what we were seeing in the walls and the ceiling. This was pretty enjoyable, just laughing and talking with her.
After we'd heard the entire Silversun Pickups album, we turned on Mogwai, which turned out to be a very bad idea. Maybe this was the point where it started to go bad. I remember her looking at me with the most frightening eyes, asking me to please change the music. I could barely make out anything on my computer screen.... everything was layered...... it was kind of like when you try to record a computer screen on a video recorder, but much more distorted. I finally found some Dave Matthews, and put that on.
This was the most enjoyable part of the whole experience. Dave Matthews goes EXCEPTIONALLY with mushrooms, especially if you haven't ever really listened to much of his stuff. The live version of "Seek Up" was particularly emotional..... I absolutely loved the music. I felt like I had written the songs myself. In other words, I was moving and thinking in perfect rhythm with every song, through every subtle rhythm change, although I'd never really listened to them before. It was amazing.
After Dave Matthews went off is when I really started losing it. I can't explain exactly what happened, but it seemed to me that I had understood the whole point to life, and in a way, there wasn't one. It was the 'two contradictory things at once' trip.... I understood binary. The concept of one or zero, on or off, yes or no - it all made perfect sense. And I saw it like it was totally random whether it was one or zero, but it was always only one or the other. It's really hard to explain. Then I believed that me and my girlfriend were the same person, and I was struggling to find something to differentiate the two of us, because I just KNEW we were thinking the exact same things. And THEN I started thinking that we were ALL the same person, that all of life is the story of one immortal man. And the conflict, the problem with the world was that he was missing someone, a female. That she was dead and that he was mourning her death, and that's all that life is. I can't even begin to explain that. But it made such perfect sense at the time, that I couldn't believe anything else. I thought that no matter what happened at that moment, whether I died or I screamed out and the neighbors had me locked away, no matter what it would never end. Again, hard to explain. But I really really understood the main drive behind Chuck Palahnuik's ever-popular Fight Club and I'm telling you, dude had to be tripping to write that.
Anyway, we finally came down and everything levelled out. The trip mainly consisted of us rolling around in bed in the fetal position for about 4 hours; it was very strange. Maybe my worst trip yet, just because I feel like the majority of it was a total waste. I didn't take much from it, but for some reason my girlfriend and I are much much closer now than we were before the trip. The night after the trip when we were about to go to bed, we were telling each other goodnight, and I just started crying my eyes out, and I couldn't stop. I cried for about half an hour out of complete happiness and love. I've never done that in my life. It felt really good.
Anyway, it was a weird time, but I guess in the end it was all worth it. It's hard to believe I tripped that hard on ~2g!! It will probably be a long time before I trip again, but when I do I know who it will be with. Hopefully next time it will be better.
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psyka
Praetorian


Registered: 06/09/03
Posts: 1,652
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Re: "Oh my God, we're all the same fucking person!!" [Re: Blend]
#7446577 - 09/24/07 03:27 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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What you are feeling, is radiant love, my friend. The more love you generate for yourself, and then (this is especially important) generate love and kindness towards others, the more clarity and happiness arises as you see things the way they really are. People are in a state of suffering, usually. You will see that we bring much of the suffering to ourselves, and the medication for that suffering is love.
Loving kindness (what you were feeling) is very easy to generate on altered states of mind, and that is the only benefit of this altered state of mind. The danger of altered states of mind is attachment to that substance and extreme mental confusion/instability. But, I'm here to tell you you do not need to be on mushrooms (or anything) to feel this way, just practice generating loving kindness. Smile with your eyes, heart, and lips as often as possible. Realize that all aspects of the self are impermanent and subject to change and thus not our selves. Do not hold onto thoughts, emotions, or the body itself, as they are all not self. Without notions of a "self" there is only unconditional love approaching infinite which leads to much clarity and insight.
This is the greater lesson of what you experienced.
Please have a wonderful life from now on, as you know the divine secret
-------------------- As the life of a candle, my wick will burn out. But, the fire of my mind shall beam into infinite.

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gmuralid
Holy Cow



Registered: 08/05/07
Posts: 405
Loc: India
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Re: "Oh my God, we're all the same fucking person!!" [Re: psyka]
#7447537 - 09/24/07 12:27 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Welcome to reality, and the REAL world.
-------------------- Wilderness. It defines me.
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Lion
Decadent Flower Magnate



Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,775
Last seen: 3 days, 18 hours
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Re: "Oh my God, we're all the same fucking person!!" [Re: Blend]
#7447854 - 09/24/07 02:08 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Very awesome report!
She's coming back Around.
-------------------- “Strengthened by contemplation and study, I will not fear my passions like a coward. My body I will give to pleasures, to diversions that I’ve dreamed of, to the most daring erotic desires, to the lustful impulses of my blood, without any fear at all, for whenever I will— and I will have the will, strengthened as I’ll be with contemplation and study— at the crucial moments I’ll recover my spirit as was before: ascetic.”
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jackeheart
JackHeart

Registered: 10/02/07
Posts: 27
Loc: Nevada City, CA
Last seen: 14 years, 10 months
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Re: "Oh my God, we're all the same fucking person!!" [Re: Lion]
#7479423 - 10/03/07 12:16 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Great trip report. The title really caught my eye.
Do you think that females reciprocally need males also?
-------------------- What boundlessness the pit of consciousness travels toward an infinite being. The cave is full of tumultuous obstacles, webs seemingly inescapable. There lies the path of knowledge forming thick and thin quantum fluctuations of living operations. And its inescapable quality of beauty is far beyond the reflection of its depths. Further I fall diving head first downwards into a black hole, plunging with intension to ascension.
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Blend
afferent orchestra



Registered: 08/16/06
Posts: 2,949
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Re: "Oh my God, we're all the same fucking person!!" [Re: jackeheart]
#7496257 - 10/08/07 03:42 AM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Thanks for the replies.... It has been a while since I've been on, so I'm reading these for the first time.
I've thought a little more about it, and remembered a few more things about the trip. I now remember exactly what began the uneasiness for both of us. It started when I got up to turn something else on, after Silversun Pickups. The strangest, strongest feelings of deja vu set in, and I said aloud, "I've been here before. I've done this before." I looked at her and her eyes frightened me. I could tell she didn't like what it implied, and neither did I, although I couldn't quite figure it out. I KNEW I had done this already in the past few minutes, but at the same time, I knew I hadn't gotten up since I went to the bathroom. But at the same time, I specifically remembered getting up, going to the computer, not being able to find anything, and laying back down. I don't know why this was so unnerving, but it was. And I continued all night saying "We just did this! WE'VE ALREADY BEEN WHERE WE ARE!! SOMETHING IS HAPPENING." It was the strangest thing.
Also during the trip, toward the tail end when we were beginning to realize everything is indeed going to be just fine (after reassuring ourselves and each other over and over), I remembered 2 people I talked to earlier in the day. I work at a convenience store, and I had 2 strange customers that very day. It wasn't really the customers that were strange, it was what they had to say to me.
The first one I remembered was this big bald guy with round glasses, about 40 years old. He came up with his Diet Coke or whatever it was, and he asked me if I was in or had been to college. I told him no, that it probably wouldn't ever happen due to finance issues and whatnot, and he just stared at me with the strangest look and was like "It's something you need to do. You don't want to be a clerk all your life." Smiled, and left. I remember I could barely get the words out to my girlfriend when I was trying to tell her about it. Like I didn't want to remember it, almost. I remember after I relayed what he said to her, going "I wanted to be like 'man, whyd you have to say that? I was cool, until you brought it up!'." We laughed about that. And soon after I remembered the second of the 2 strange customers.
He was just this random guy, mid-twenties, looked like someone I'd hang out with. He got a fountain drink, paid for it, and after I gave him his change he pulls out this arrow-head and proceeds to tell me about how he had been camping or something, and had stumbled across this arrowhead on the bank of a river. He was so excited about it, and then, his precise words were "When I look at it, it's kind of like looking back in time, you know?" We smiled and he left.
That seemed completely relevant to my trip. In fact both of them did. Like they were messages for me from the universe. It was so amazing to remember these things that otherwise would have gone on unremembered.
But that 'looking back in time' bit really got me. Even now, I cannot excuse it as coincidence. It was God smiling at me.
Anyway I thought I'd share that little bit of recollection, since it seems to be an integral part of the trip. I don't know how I neglected to mention it in my original post.
Thanks for all the feedback. And to give my opinion on the question of the last poster: without a doubt. I would go so far as to say moreso. Females seem to feel more incomplete without a partner than males do.
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