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Anonymous #1

knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well.
    #7446400 - 09/24/07 01:01 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

This is an anonymous post, and I am making it as such because this is a deeply personal issue to me. I just need to bounce some of the ideas I have in my head off of some people. I don't want to go into too much background, but some is needed. First, I should begin by saying I have gotten a girl pregnant. I'm 21, and while I know plenty of people who have children at younger ages than I, It just does not fit into my plans right now.

I believe many people, both men and woman, think about this before it happens. The "what If's". I have always said if I get someone pregnant I will simply support them, tell them how I feel and support them with whatever decision they make. Because I have the view that is ultimately the womans choice as to whether or not they should consider an abortion. I think it should be said here that the girl I was/am sleeping with are pro-choice. I respect people who are pro-life, but I think any insight from a pro-life prospective is unhelpful at the moment. This is not to say I don't value a human life. Just I am trying to keep this realistic.

Now let me back up and explain my relationship to this girl. We know each other semi-casually, and from the start I have maintained that the relationship would not be serious, and in fact, I have very little time for her past a "friends with benefits" situation. I don't like using the term, but I made sure she was okay with it long before anything physical took place, and have given her several opportunities not to continue if she was okay with the arrangement. I do care about her feelings, but I have noticed that she is not very emotionally mature. She can be very needy, and manipulative. She also cuts, and as of the last week threated suicide more than once. I'm a good person, and respond to this the best I can. I have been seriously contemplating that any sort of physical relationship would be a bad idea.

Last week she was worried she hadn't started her period, and we got her a test. The result was negative. I just moved to a new location for school and am not always near her, and she still hadn't received her period a week later so she took another one last night which resulted as a positive. After a rough few hours she told me that she wanted to keep the child. I expressed how I think this is a bad idea. explaining to her my situation about how I don't see myself finishing school currently, and how I will move home and work. She doesn't think I will need to do that. In fact, she said if I do she wants to not even speak to me, nor accept money. which is absurd, as she has no job, has a poor work ethic (quiting two jobs without even notifying her employers over the past 3 weeks). and is in credit-card debt. So I don't know where she expects money to come from.

This is a blow to my world right now. I feel bad, but I think I may put more pressure on an abortion. at least express my case more strongly. She has had one before with an ex of 2yrs. She doesn't want to be pressured, because she claims she was before. Nor do I want to pressure her, but why give up a child from an ex she was with for over 2 years and not want to give up a child from someone they have none for a few months in a casual way. But I honestly think I should lay it on the line. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I think she has some issues to work out. not only within herself, but financially as well. She is an only child, and apparently claims she is "bratty" but that it gets money from her parents. Which is a turn off to me, as I have always worked. And I have met her parents, they don't have too much money.

I just don't know what to do. Should I pressure her, it may end the relationship, but I think that may be good. I have normally maintained a serious relationships, and that is where I had initially thought about the "What-if" scenario. So I understand that me applying pressure would make me a hypocrite. I would still be there if she decides to keep it, I do have a strong moral conscious and could never abandon a child. I'm just so conflicted, and let me say I'm not getting any studying done, that I desperately need to do. I'm under a lot of stress.


I am having a hard time articulating what I want to say, but thats the gist of it. Can anyone offer any insight?


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Anonymous #2

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7446433 - 09/24/07 01:24 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I had "child scares" twice in my life and Im only 19.

This is MY OPINION :
Get a abortion!

If I got a girl pregnant I know it would suck to do such an act or highly un-moral but I would tell her get an abortion or Ill just walk off. If you tell her you dont want to keep the child but she does then you cant be held responsible since it was HER choice!

The last girl I was with that thought she was pregnant told me she was going to kill herself...

I have BIG BIG plans for my life and having a child will just fuck it up! sometimes we need to act un-moral or cruel to advance our lifes but we must pick the lesser of the two evils...


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Anonymous #3

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #7446492 - 09/24/07 02:15 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Everyone knows its you 40oz


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Anonymous #1

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #7446499 - 09/24/07 02:18 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I do have some moral responsibilities if she does have a child. We aren't dating, we aren't together, we just get together and fuck every now and than. But, If I walked off I would still be liable for child support, and would do my best with that. But, I'm thinking I'll just man up and strongly encourage an abortion. I half think she is manipulating me here. She has admitted that manipulation is a bad habit of hers. But I'm taking the benefit of the doubt and assuming she is pregnant.

If she ends up keeping it, I'm not going to be in an relationship of any sort with her, I have made that clear over and over, since before anything physical began. But, I will be a father, I am just going to have to reevaluate my life decisions, I'm a junior in college an to top that off I'm an anthropology major. I would have to either drop out, or at the very least change my major to something that brings in money. She doesn't work and is over 1,000 in debt, wtf is she thinking. sigh.


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Anonymous #1

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #7446502 - 09/24/07 02:20 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Everyone knows its you 40oz




I can assure you its not him. I don't post on the shroomery to often, but I've been a member here for a few years now. Either way, this is anonymous for a reason.

But if another member here is having a similar issue, I encourage him to let it be known I could use someone to talk to that is in a similar situation, or has gone through one. I've been in scares like this before, but never one that (apparently) came back with a positive result. I'm so dumb, I should've known better = \


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Anonymous #4

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7446515 - 09/24/07 02:32 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

been there. done that. its pretty fucked up.

do you like the name, number and address you got right now? no? perfect!

but really, you gotta let her know how fucked up the world is right now, and its only getting worse. No need to bring anymore children into the world without a decent life. For fuck sakes there are children in africa huffing shit fumes right right now.


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Anonymous #5

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7446521 - 09/24/07 02:35 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I'm female, and I believe the choice should be totally up to the woman...

HOWEVER, I think the man should have a choice as well- to lead his life without a child, or to be a participant in raising the child.

I do not believe that someone should be responsible for another persons choice, even if they both contributed to the issue.... whoever makes the decision, takes responsibility, in my opinion.

This girl does not sound at all ready to have a child.
Ask her if she has told her parents... unless you know they are pro life. Hopefully they might convince her out of the idea.

She is definitely not ready for a child, and you don't want one now. Abortion.


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Anonymous #3

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #7446524 - 09/24/07 02:37 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

just punch her in the fucking stomach


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Anonymous #5

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #7446535 - 09/24/07 02:54 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

That is not an effective method for abortion.

....the same cannot be said for charging assault.


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Anonymous #6

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7446579 - 09/24/07 03:29 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Try to convince her to have an abortion but do so in a respectful and non-pushy way. Calmy explain the situation and how it is not amenable to bringing a child into the world.

Then when she gets the abortion run like fucking hell. This chick sounds like bad news.


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Anonymous #7

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7446584 - 09/24/07 03:37 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Have an abortion. My chick just had to get one last week. Sometimes it's the only option, it's not as bad as it seems. If you pay a little more the chick can be completely knocked out,as opposed to just being sedated. They make that vaccume tube clear for some evil reason, my insane ass chick has been using,seeing her unborn child sucked out of her, as a crutch for any negotiations.

I still want her dead, btw.

Abortion,amigo. Why fuck up your lifes over a casual fuck?


and Don't fall that shit. Give it a year or two and you'll be in court having to pay up the ass support before you know it.


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Anonymous #6

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #7446885 - 09/24/07 08:26 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

There are too many people in this world and a lot of the time people who shouldn't be having kids are the ones who are having the kids thus making more fucked up people.

Abortion. Abortion. ABORTION.


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Anonymous #8

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #7446974 - 09/24/07 09:01 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

First of all if you don't want children then use a fucking condom. Don't have sex with someone, even casual sex, unwrapped then get upset when she's pregnant. If she actually is. Before I got too upset I would go with her to the Dr. I find it interesting that when the test was done together it was neg and when she did it alone just a week later it was pos.

I have had an abortion. I would never do it again. It is awful! I can completely understand why she might not want to do it again.

It seems like you actually are considering taking responsibility, good for you! It takes two to make a baby.

There is a third option you know, there are thousands of people waiting in line to adopt newborn babies. Maybe discuss this option with her as well. I know you are upset but she is too, plus if she really is pregnant those hormones are racing thru her right now making everything seem 1000 times worse.

good luck


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Anonymous #1

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #8]
    #7447061 - 09/24/07 09:31 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

--
>>First of all if you don't want children
>>then use a fucking condom. Don't have
>>sex with someone, even casual sex,
>>unwrapped then get upset when she's
>>pregnant.
--

I have admitted my mistake, and I realize the stupidity. Oh trust me, I realize.

--
>>If she actually is. Before I got
>>too upset I would go with her to
>>the Dr. I find it interesting
>>that when the test was done
>>together it was neg and when she
>>did it alone just a week later it
>>was pos.
--

Good Idea, me and her don't live to close since I moved for school back in august, I was going to wait till this weekend and drive down and see her, with a third test.

--
>>I have had an abortion.
>>I would never do it again.
>>It is awful! I can completely
>>understand why she might not
>>want to do it again.
--
I understand as well =(

--
>>It seems like you actually are
>>considering taking responsibility,
>>good for you! It takes two to
>>make a baby.
--

I already have, I'm not a bad person. At least not on purpose.

--
>>There is a third option you know,
>>there are thousands of people
>>waiting in line to adopt newborn
>>babies. Maybe discuss this option
>>with her as well. I know you are
>>upset but she is too, plus if she
>>really is pregnant those hormones
>>are racing thru her right now making
>>everything seem 1000 times worse.
--

I mentioned that, and she wouldn't even consider that. Thinks its a horrible Idea, so yah.

--
>>good luck
--
Thank you





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Anonymous #9

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7447329 - 09/24/07 11:17 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

:drgonz:


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Anonymous #10

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #9]
    #7447422 - 09/24/07 11:44 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

it sucks dude. it really, really does. i've gone through it myself with a girl when i was 18 and a freshman in college. in fact, she got pregnant during a session of breakup sex. she missed her period, took a test, and called me up out of the blue 3 weeks after we'd broken up to tell me the horrid news.

we agreed keeping it was a very, very bad idea, so she took an abortion pill she got from a friend who has a doctor for a dad. i know she felt horrible about it for a long time afterwards. in fact, i'm fairly certain when she thinks about it now she still feels dreadful. however, i feel that it was absolutely necessary. it could have fucked both of our lives up huge... huge.

i think what you have planned is reasonable. having her take the test again with you there to make sure she's not just manipulating you is definitely a good idea. and if worse comes to worst and she is pregnant, just emphasize how ill-prepared both of you are (especially her), and how it will really just fuck up both of your plans. i'm not really sure what else to tell you. but hang in there. you seem intelligent, and i'm sure you'll pull through. good luck dude.


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Anonymous #1

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #10]
    #7447644 - 09/24/07 01:10 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

this is her current away message
Quote:


i just got this ridiculous craving for a new pair of shoes. i am obligated to spend the little money i have on shoes. yes. shut up. don't try to convince me otherwise. >:O





Is she even taking this seriously, or is she really not that bright. Sigh. Why do I get myself into these horrible situations.


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Anonymous #10

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7447665 - 09/24/07 01:16 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

because sometimes it's really difficult to not think with the smaller head?

maybe that means that she is just jerking you around, if she's just going to spend what she has on shoes?


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Anonymous #6

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7447959 - 09/24/07 02:46 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
this is her current away message
Quote:


i just got this ridiculous craving for a new pair of shoes. i am obligated to spend the little money i have on shoes. yes. shut up. don't try to convince me otherwise. >:O





Is she even taking this seriously, or is she really not that bright. Sigh. Why do I get myself into these horrible situations.




Dude, I've been there.  When you're getting pussy your brain shuts off.  A girl could even be not that good-looking and the sex could be so-so and I'll still stick my dick in her.  That's how horny us guys are.  :shrug:  And if she looks halfway decent and the sex is halfway decent then it's all over for most of us males...we'll take stupid chances, have unprotected sex, and occassionally just blow our load up in them because we're so horny.

You need to convince this chick to get the abortion then you need to stop fucking her (she sounds like more trouble than she's worth).  If you do keepo fucking her then WRAP THAT SHIT UP or get her on the pill. 

Thank God I've never had a kid.  Phew!!


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Anonymous #11

Re: knocked Someone Up, and I'm not handling it to well. [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #7448157 - 09/24/07 03:45 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

crazy chicks have been known to lie about this sort of thing

and if she's as nutty and broke as you say, things may just.. work themselves out on their own. if she drinks and doesn't eat well, odds really are in your favor.


the whole paternity thing is fucked up hard, even if she signed a waiver or some other legal document stating you were not responsible for any child support.. guess what the court doesn't care and you'd have to pay anyway. and these days it's just about fucking IMPOSSIBLE to avoid that. if you try, the government will just track you down and take money from your paycheck, or throw you in jail because that helps somehow


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