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OfflineHerbus
...


Registered: 10/19/04
Posts: 1,477
Loc: Reading the map...
Last seen: 10 years, 23 days
The Law Done Gaught Me
    #7428566 - 09/19/07 02:54 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

My gunslinger days are over, boys.

They outnumbered me, and definitely out-gunned me...

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See, I used to come onto this website for sometime, but then slowly I drifted away.

Into crazy times, there were good days, great days, and shitty hopeless days.

I went back into junky phase, instead of just taking meds as they should be. But my mind was wandering into sinister lands all the time... sometimes I wouldn't take my meds. Sometimes I even liked the completely hopeless disposition opiate withdrawal gives; comtemplating just "letting loose..." and something stupid and lawless.

For a while I was doing good, taking my meds like I should, working and making money.

Then some ridiculous family issues got to me, I blamed other people too much, and instead of dealing with myself starting dating Opie again. Everything was 'all good,' always had pills (I'm pharmaceutical opiate junky primarily), fentanyl patchs. I could go on a nice trip to the coast, drive my 4Runner around on the beach, stop, snoot a powerful fentanyl concoction right up to nostril--then the fun really began...

Anyways, I was furthermore letting other people alter my mood, and not accept my responsibilties--even though others weren't either. (Isn't it funny, when somebody's life is out of order, they find other dysfunctal people to preach to...?)
Anyways, the fun was coming to an end, I was running out of money, and then ! ! ! I get ripped off for $900 bucks.

Now my mood is really changed, doctor's got me on 6mg of klonopin a day so I can chill, but gotta dose up on my weed and opiates to really chill.

If I don't take chill-out substances I' malignant, because I haven't completely come to peace with MYSELF, I wanted to kill that fucker, and this fucker, or ... I had bad vibes heading out like radio waves, easy to pick up. Started playing with my guns until I was satisfied with my shot (good), then I decided it was time to pack a pistol at times.

I was gunna get my money back, that's partially what was really pissing me off.

Times get worse, I get frustrated, I'm in pain -- all I have is a bottle of tramadol and it's not working to well, so if I wanna work and make good money I've got to snatch some extras--MS-Contins, Kadians, Norcos, Oxys plus my tramadol. And then fentanyl is for when I really want to get fucked up.

Well anyway, I reach my snapping point, I'm focused too much on other people, other people are too focused on me. I needed to take a vacation, get in peace with myself...

Instead, shit hit the flame...


Bad mood, phone call, getting bitch at, in my head thoughts start to race, argument over stupid work shit, dad wants me to help him out, I want to do work elsewhere to make more money, other shit comes up. BOOM all my pent-up bad assortment of temperaments burst forth.

Look at collection of meds in my bag-- don't take 'em, nope I'm gunna deal with this shit, right?

Tell friends I gotta go.

Meet dad, he starts bitching, I grabbed his cell phone, put it away.

Said: "You're listening to what I've got to say" (I had been trying to tell him I need some help)

Out pops gun. "Don't fucking move I'll snap a bullet into your head, or both of ours, I don't fucking care I've had it..."

About an hour passes I'm holding him nearby, almost have things worked out, mind you I said some pretty stupid obviousy psychosis mode shit... Still I believe we would have both walked away safe and alive.

Well, I believe my stepmother who is paranoid, knows her/my dad's house well because she goes nowhere else--why should she all the pills are there in her bag. *** She knows about my guns...

She was always peeking into my business, going through my stuff when I was gone.

So I took some of her pills. She would try and find drugs I might have stashed for God knows what...

Anyways *** back to the point, she must've realized the unregistered handgun was missing, she hated it when I play with muh' guns. And she kept calling my dad's phone with no answer, she knew we were dealing with something.


Soon, a sheriff arrived... well shit.

So I put the weapon down, it was a fucking .22 caliber hand gun, not trying to firefight my way to freedom.

Officers asks where the gun.

I walk towards the bed of a pickup to point its location and...

"Don't move I will shoot you." ....the fuck? You asked where the gun was, I followed your order.

Now he's telling me get on the ground.

"No."

Now there's several officers pulling up.

These yellow cords unravel very quickly towards me and I feel something hit my leg.

Officer says, "Well that didn't work." With a great expression upon the face, I'll never forget that.

So I rip the spike out of my leg to make sure he doesn't get it to work.

Now they're approaching gun in hand, and one dude goes for the takedown, I wrestle for about a second before accepting the reality there was too many of them and I didn't feel like being beaten with a club.


And then...a wonderful journey to jail, a horrible jail at that.

After 21 days of boredom, shitty food, awesome clothes-- underwear worn hundreds, thousands who knows how many times by how many inmates and sporting a black-eye from a shower dispute...


I was BAILED ON MY BIRTHDAY! HOORAY!

In retrospect, it may turn out to be a positive thing. It could have gone worse-- what if I got into it with the dude who ripped me off? In the state I was in, I mike have done something reaaal stupid; be sitting in jail facing a long time. Plus I am beginning to learn blaming others for issues gets you knowhere, dealing with yourself matters, and does get you somewhere.

SO I will be leaving again, but it looks like my parents did that parents thing parents do and I'll probably go to a program for mentals/drug addicts, etc...

I found a good-looking one down in L.A. so I think it could turn out to be fun.

So hopefully I'll get the help I need...

But yeah, just sharing my story.


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InvisibleDNKYD
Turtle!

Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 12,326
Re: The Law Done Gaught Me [Re: Herbus]
    #7428636 - 09/19/07 03:07 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Opiates, guns, and an unstable mind are not a good combination. Sounds like you've had a rough month. Good luck with the rehab. Stick with it and you'll turn your life around.


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Offlinefallingaway24
catatonic selfmedicator

Registered: 12/25/04
Posts: 419
Last seen: 9 years, 6 days
Re: The Law Done Gaught Me [Re: Herbus]
    #7428640 - 09/19/07 03:08 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

good story man, i was a hardcore opiate addict like yourself, spent 2 years in and out of diff. rehabs, a few vacations in jail, and finaly i quit the bullshit on my own, rehab works if you work it.

peace.


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OfflineToo Vanilla
The Un-Negro
Male
Registered: 09/19/07
Posts: 79
Loc: Hickory, NC
Last seen: 16 years, 3 months
Re: The Law Done Gaught Me [Re: fallingaway24]
    #7428731 - 09/19/07 03:34 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Some tips from a former oxy addict (me):

1-Don't let them give you sleeping meds when you're going through withdrawal. Just try to bear it man. More meds only bring more problems.

2-when you start getting the shits and the aches, keep the legs moving as much as you can. I know you don't want to, but any time I would just be sitting there, I'd start to lose it. Go for walks as much as you can.

3-Even though you won't want to, keep eating and get lots of water. Its hard to make yourself eat and drink when you feel like yuking all over the place, but things only get worse if you don't.

4-Write yourself a note that says the following: "Things ain't that bad." You'll start getting so depressed, you'll think your life is practically over and everything has gone to shit. That's just your mind fucking with you. After a week or so, you'll wonder what you were crying about.

Good luck chief. Stay away from any meds the Doc gives you. It'll only knock your ass off the wagon again.


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OfflineHerbus
...


Registered: 10/19/04
Posts: 1,477
Loc: Reading the map...
Last seen: 10 years, 23 days
Re: The Law Done Gaught Me [Re: Too Vanilla]
    #7428831 - 09/19/07 03:57 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks for the advice guys.


Opiate addiction is only part of it, though...

I have been diagnosed psychiatric issues, and obviously they can progress into serious issues.

Until I find some inner peace, with lots of practice of, maybe meditation and definitely tae chi--oh and of course dietary changes--I should probably stay on my meds.


Lifestyle change is what I'm really focused on-- opiates will always been around, physical pain will probably always be around.


It's my response, not the stimuli, that matters.

I "knew" that but I'm finally REALizing it, ya dig?


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OfflineHerbus
...


Registered: 10/19/04
Posts: 1,477
Loc: Reading the map...
Last seen: 10 years, 23 days
Re: The Law Done Gaught Me [Re: Herbus]
    #7429366 - 09/19/07 06:21 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

-bump


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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
Not here
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
Re: The Law Done Gaught Me [Re: Herbus]
    #7429376 - 09/19/07 06:23 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Plus I am beginning to learn blaming others for issues gets you knowhere, dealing with yourself matters, and does get you somewhere.




That's a huge step. Good luck with everything man.


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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


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Offlinemakaveli8x8
Stranger
Male User Gallery

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 21,636
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: The Law Done Gaught Me [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #7429416 - 09/19/07 06:34 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

your mind will do w/e you want it to, you just have to use your dedication


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We were sent to hell for eternity :hellfire: Ø:omgawesome:h®
We play on earth to pass the time :foreheadslap:

Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.


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InvisibleLucidDream
Hungry BlueFiend
 User Gallery


Registered: 05/09/03
Posts: 1,496
Loc: Planet of the Stupid Peop...
Re: The Law Done Gaught Me [Re: Herbus]
    #7430019 - 09/19/07 08:54 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

A lot of good advice in this thread. I would only add, forget the money, man. It's just gonna bring you down. Start clean and let go of the past. Good luck and a speedy recovery to you.


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OfflineWakeboardrB
Pepe Silvia
Male


Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 13,678
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: The Law Done Gaught Me [Re: LucidDream]
    #7430055 - 09/19/07 09:05 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Wait, you were strung out so you held your father at gunpoint to resolve some personal problems?

Just making sure I followed that right.


--------------------
Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. They found me in an alley in Burbank trying to re-enter the earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.


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Offline5150
phantom
 User Gallery
Registered: 09/01/06
Posts: 5,437
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
Re: The Law Done Gaught Me [Re: Herbus]
    #7432907 - 09/20/07 03:22 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)



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"the way of the warrior is the resolute acceptance of death"

Miyamoto Musashi


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OfflineWakeboardrB
Pepe Silvia
Male


Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 13,678
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: The Law Done Gaught Me [Re: 5150]
    #7436249 - 09/21/07 11:44 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

5150 said:
http://www.amazon.com/Permanent-Midnight-Memoir-Jerry-Stahl/dp/0446607266

this is a good book u may relate to




The movie was pretty decent too. It's the only time I've ever seen Ben Stiller smoke crack and squirt a blood filled syringe all over the ceiling of a bathroom. :crazy2:


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Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. They found me in an alley in Burbank trying to re-enter the earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.


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