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Invisiblechodamunky
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Registered: 02/28/02
Posts: 2,030
Loc: sailing the seas of chees...
Venting - letting out your feelings to people and the effect on the listener
    #7427548 - 09/19/07 10:45 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

last nite i was talking to my gf on msn and she said she felt stressed out because of her day... I asked if she wanted to talk on phone instead even though I was feeling tired after a long day at work myself, and having played soccer to the point of getting a headache due to extreme physical exertion. So anyway, I called her up and we chatted a bit, and she told me about her day...I listened with occasional input of encouragement and positive remarks because I could totally relate to what she was telling me about. I noticed though after a while of listening to her I felt like I was being weighed down and my head started hurting more... to be blunt, I just didn't wanna hear about her bad day anymore cause it was bringing me down! I think this was amplified by the fact I was just really tired myself and my head was just not in a mode to think about these issues. I let her know that I was really tired and that I wanted to change the subject to something less stressing before I head off to bed. I could tell that kind of set her aback and she said if I didn't want to hear about her day then I shouldn't of asked... she said that to her this is venting her stress and makes her feel better. We have had conversations like this before when her talking to me made her feel better, and I enjoyed hearing her talk as well and being there for her.

This got me thinking... what exactly is the purpose of venting to another person? When you vent your stressful thoughts, what happens to them? I have thought about this and I think that when people vent, they are essentially transferring their 'energy' to the listener, thus they vent their negative (though this is a strong word) energy and pass it on to the person who is willing to listen. This can make people feel better because someone close to them actually cares to listen ... Now if you vent to a stranger, I think the venting effect is less effective because the listening stranger like a psychiatrist or a random person you meet, doesn't really have as close connection to you as your friends, significant other, or family. So essentially the venting of anger, stress, boredom is less efficient because the listener doesn't absorb this energy compared to a person who genuinely cares.

What do you guys think thus far?


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InvisibleSenor_Doobie
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Registered: 08/11/99
Posts: 22,678
Loc: Trump Train
Re: Venting - letting out your feelings to people and the effect on the listener [Re: chodamunky]
    #7427579 - 09/19/07 11:00 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I think I strongly dislike listening to people vent. Depends though, on the person...how frequently they do it. Like this on girl I know is pretty much always stressed out and it seems every time i talk to her there's going to be a ten minute rant somewhere along the way about how stressed out she is. I find it to be a major drag and I really dislike it. I don't know if it does any good either. Or at least I would say that the negative effects on the listener far outweigh the positive effects of the venter.


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OfflineLily_Morgan
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Registered: 07/05/06
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Re: Venting - letting out your feelings to people and the effect on the listener [Re: Senor_Doobie]
    #7427583 - 09/19/07 11:03 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I think you guys are both just bad listeners.


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InvisibleSoundform
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Registered: 09/06/07
Posts: 126
Loc: Canada
Re: Venting - letting out your feelings to people and the effect on the listener [Re: Lily_Morgan] * 1
    #7427748 - 09/19/07 11:54 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I'd agree that venting allows someone to expel their negative energy and pass it onto someone else who usually breaks it down and gets rid of it. I don't think you can vent to just anyone though, it depends on the state of mind of the listener, if they're tired or under stress then I don't think they're able to fully break down the negative energy.

When someone vents to me I'm usually happy they're doing so because I know that it's making them feel better.


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Invisiblechodamunky
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Registered: 02/28/02
Posts: 2,030
Loc: sailing the seas of chees...
Re: Venting - letting out your feelings to people and the effect on the listener [Re: Soundform]
    #7427834 - 09/19/07 12:19 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I usually never really need anybody to vent to... I have found that going for a walk for example, clears my head and I am able to work out my stress or issues, without having to involve other people. Other times I can see how venting your feeling to another person could help me see my thoughts from a different perspective. My lady is pretty cool and she never nags or nothing, last nite I was just not in the right headspace to hear her frustrations and I felt them rub-off on me after a while..


Edited by chodamunky (09/19/07 12:34 PM)


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InvisibleMushmanTheManic
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Registered: 04/21/05
Posts: 4,587
Re: Venting - letting out your feelings to people and the effect on the listener [Re: chodamunky]
    #7427868 - 09/19/07 12:27 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

I don't know about all this negative energy transfer stuff, but sitting back and letting my girlfriend talk about her problems and concerns - while I just nod my head and let her know I understand how she feels - really seems to help her deal with stress.


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OfflineNiamhNyx
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Re: Venting - letting out your feelings to people and the effect on the listener [Re: chodamunky] * 1
    #7428096 - 09/19/07 01:11 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Some people are bad listeners, some are bad venters. When you just go on and on and on about the same problem without attempting to resolve it, or without showing some sign of feeling better thanks to the listener, than it can just get overwhelming to listen to.


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InvisibleRahz
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Registered: 11/10/05
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Re: Venting - letting out your feelings to people and the effect on the listener [Re: NiamhNyx] * 1
    #7428506 - 09/19/07 02:38 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

NiamhNyx said:
Some people are bad listeners, some are bad venters. When you just go on and on and on about the same problem <b>without attempting to resolve it<b>, or without showing some sign of feeling better thanks to the listener, than it can just get overwhelming to listen to.




Yea, the venter is a vampire, unless they are looking for a solution. They may even tell you they want help, but generally they just want to share their crap. Asking for help can be a ploy to open up those emotional channels. I want to help people, and generally if someone is sincere it's easy to tell. If I get the idea someone is just venting, I begin to ignore them. You can try to wake them up "no, you're just giving me shit, what is the REAL problem?". Supplication never does them any good because they will revert back to the negative frame very quickly. If you give them crap for trying to give you crap, at least they're being pointed in the right direction. Someone who wants help is actively looking for solutions as they are talking, and it's a very different kind of emotional energy involved.


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rahz

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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: Venting - letting out your feelings to people and the effect on the listener [Re: Rahz] * 1
    #7438018 - 09/21/07 07:35 PM (16 years, 4 months ago)

this is why we need to meditate

in some ways venting is understandable however many take on a patient/vampire relationship and it is not good

problems are rather fickle and illusory, the more purified we get in our conscoiusness and the ability to live in the present and let things go, the more we can have our RELATIONSHIPS with others consistent upon a FRAMEWORK that involves POSITIVE ENERGY EXCHANGE rather than the forging of negative circuits which in time become easily redible patterns

i don't know what redible means, easily available?

however, emotions are a very important thing to exchange and people will have times when they do the venting thing

stress is an illusion, stress is bullshit

while even the peacefulest of us may have stress from time to time, it is our very sole obligation as HUMAN beings to live our lives in such a way that not for one instant does any stress ever acumulate throughout the entire course of our day

and believe me it is possible

people that succumb to stress, well i could call them weak, but lets just say they have to get rid of the energy, and instead of learning to transmute and transcend it, they may have to dump it somewhere.


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I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


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