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Offlinejoekenorer
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Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there?
    #7415531 - 09/16/07 05:39 AM (16 years, 6 months ago)

I've always thought differently than everyone I've known for as long as I can remember.
I liken it to the phrase "Thinking outside the box", except I live outside the box, and I have to struggle to think within it. It tends to cause conflict with daily life because normally when I try to explain, suggest, or give my views on something, many people are apt to completely dismiss me because I don't make any sense, or I come off as just some weirdo. I still make the same ratio and severity of mistakes as everyone else, but with such a different perspective that when I do, people are like "What in the hell were you thinking to even come to that fucked up, off the wall conclusion?". But alternately, it feels so good when I'm very right on something that people said I was thinking completely ass backwards about in the first place. I see the same thing they see, just from a different angle and process.

I just know there has to be someone out there like me, someone who knows what I mean. Yet, I wonder if I would be able to communicate with or even tolerate being around them. It sends shivers down my spine right now to imagine that I might feel threatened at the notion of my conscious perspective not being exclusive to me. Is it jealousy? Greed? Jealous greed? I can't say. My curiosity overrides my desire for inner security, though, so I am asking in this likely haven...anyone out there like me? If so, describe some of your experiences in life. If we can get over ourselves, we just might find a true fellowship of understanding.


--------------------
My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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OfflineLocus
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: joekenorer]
    #7415556 - 09/16/07 06:02 AM (16 years, 6 months ago)

what kind of views do you have or say for example that would get that reaction?


--------------------

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:

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Offlinejoekenorer
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: Locus]
    #7415630 - 09/16/07 06:53 AM (16 years, 6 months ago)

Most often its mundane things like at work. e.g. I don't want to get way off into details, but we build these monstrous 65 ton wind turbines at a General Electric plant. Someone would say we need move one of these behemoths into the shipping area via overhead crane. Logically you would assemble it, rig it up, lift it and fly it over there, but being one of my first days there, they wanted me to figure out what to do. So I was like "Lets bring the shipping truck into this bay, land the unit on the flatbed, then do the assembly process there and send it away".
The scope of this would have been no more or less labor intensive or effective as the normal plan. But I didn't see the normal plan, I saw this backwards method that noone had even considered. They asked me why I chose to do it that way and not like how everyone else had perceived the task. I just shrugged and said "Thats how I see things" They looked at me weird, but signed off on my heavy lifting certification anyway. Another e.g. would be during the assembly process, theres a certain order that the parts are put on as described in their manual. Their order was defined by how one part would compliment the procedure of installing the next part. During my assembly certification, I did the process from somewhere in the middle and worked my way out in both directions, (having not seen the manual) just as efficiently as the normal way. Once again they said noone had done it that way, gave me the look, then signed me off on the cert. anyway.
This is just at work. Theres an endless array of things that I do and see differently in everyday life. Sometimes its wrong, sometimes its right. Life generally turns out as it normally would for anyone else, but with more head scratching and questions directed me because people don't understand why I would do things the way I do. And neither do I.


--------------------
My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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Offlinefreddurgan
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: joekenorer]
    #7416379 - 09/16/07 11:42 AM (16 years, 6 months ago)

I think it's closer to you going insane. Not in the literal sense, but you're clearly overthinking these things. Don't worry about it.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/

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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: joekenorer]
    #7416498 - 09/16/07 12:33 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

I wouldn't worry about how other people see you, especially if you are clearly just as capable of interacting with reality as necessary for your individual circumstance - for example, taking a different sequence in assembling parts, but still reaching the same end, the completed, proper assemblage. :wink:

One great opportunity in being an uncommonly unique individual is the judgement one perceives from others that do not understand. Don't take it as a sign that you are somehow not right, provided that you can still live your life in accordance with your preferences as to how you wish to live it. Being an individual means not complying with the expectations of how others think you should be - they don't know you, and you couldn't satisfy those expectations even if you wanted to.


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:

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Offlinejoekenorer
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: fireworks_god]
    #7417286 - 09/16/07 05:21 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

Well thats where I am. I have no problem getting the job done in any case, but communication with other humans in general suffers. I can't see where THEY'RE coming from. Therein is my conflict. I'm certainly no genius, so I can't walk up to everything and know what to do. Sometimes I need someone to show me but, when people explain or try to tell ME how certain things work, my mind struggles to comprehend what the hell they're talking about because of differing perspectives. This happens far too often. I feel like I'm being seen as inept because I keep going back and asking the SAME questions over and over to get a handle on the explanation. Even more than the truly inept guy standing next to me picking his nose. I've told people in the past that I just see things differently, but some just don't believe me. They think I'm slow and it infuriates me. It's certainly a quandary that I don't expect anyone to be able to advise me on. I was just wondering if anyone out there knows what I'm talking about that I could connect with and share an understanding. I can sit here all day and talk to people and give advice and the such, but I pretty much gotta' fend for myself, lol. Many of you have no idea what the fuck is going on behind this monitor and within this cranium (not that you should worry yourself with it) and I'm feeling lonelier and lonelier in my world.


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My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: joekenorer]
    #7417312 - 09/16/07 05:32 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

I think you might be a confused idealist.
Reason why you keep asking the same question on & on, without coming to an extended understanding.
Something in how you developed your thinking/reasoning keeps going round in circles. Maybe it's a pattern that you developed in certain situations where it was required. Which situations and why, only you can know, by simply remembering hoe it all started and how you got there. This also explains why you feel more comfortable with giving advices, in this form.
You say you can't come to an understanding when people are trying to explain something to you. Can you give a few examples of those situations?
You also said that you can't see where people are coming from. What do you mean by that? Is it only about what they try to explain to you, or is it also that you're unable to determine how a certain somebody is as a person?


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Offlinejoekenorer
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7417889 - 09/16/07 08:50 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

It's really like taking what someone says in a completely different context than what was intended. They don't realize it and I don't realize it, so we go back and forth. I'm sure theres a wonderful metaphor but I've been smoking tonight. (FINALLY got a fucking bag).

I was dyslexic as a child and was also put on ridalin for a short time when I was 10 (After about a week I had figured out that the pills were making me feel good, despite what my parents wanted me to believe. They cut me off that same day.)
As far as WHY I'm like this, I think it has something to do with my past dyslexia. It does tend to reoccur on a very rare occasion, usually in stressful situations. And anyone with experience with dyslexia knows that it will twist your mind in far more ways than just seeing words backwards. I think its latent somewhere in my subconscious. Or maybe just a deep instinctive memory of it. And also, of course, the ridalin was for my attention deficiency (Funny saying it like that) which I also believe has something to do with it. I don't think it was deficiency in attention as much as it was deficiency in attention to what they wanted me to pay attention to. (say that 5 times fast). Thats my mental history. My mother is completely insane. Literally, she stays locked in a trailer with some guy about 350 lbs lighter than her, talking about how my two brothers are coming to visit her in the hospital while shes delivering our 4th brother. I'm an only child, and she had a hysterectomy right after I was born. According to aunts and uncles she was like that even before she drove my fathers truck off an interstate overpass, landing her 6 months in the hospital, while pregnant with me. I met my father once and he looked exactly like me. I sat at his kitchen table and saw various post-it notes and pieces of paper with doodling all over them. I could have sworn I had drawn them they were so similar to my own. Beyond that I know nothing of my blood line. Except I'm 1/4 of some native tribe from up north, German and Irish. (Raised by the Irish, which could likely explain a lot, if not everything, lol).

Christ, This is starting to look like a journal.


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My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: joekenorer]
    #7417999 - 09/16/07 09:23 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

Yes, it's never attention deficiency, it's only parents who are unable to understand and communicate with their children. Sadly, the ones who are in control are always the parents because presumably they're "mature" enough to tell the wrong from the right.
I think that your experience will be exactly what will help you get out of this. Because, if you decide to pay attention to all the detail from your past, you'll come to a better understanding why you feel the way you do in the present. What you need to know is that everything that you feel and think has a reason and you only need to look for it.
Sometimes we feel that there's something wrong with us because we fail to see the reasons behind our actions and because we don't correspond to some universally accepted standards. Which creates anxiety, mainly because we're afraid of being labeled as freaks, because we fear of being lonely. And then maybe we try to pretend just to make others around us (as well as ourselves) that we are just like everybody else.
This of course creates more confusion and frustration in our minds and the gap between who we are and the role we play becomes bigger and bigger.
What I suggest you do is spend as much time as possible on your own, try to know who you really are and try to understand why. This is more efficient than it looks because when we're alone and feel somehow confused about life, our fears surface. By knowing what you fear, without running away, you are obliged to go deeper and deeper and then you find answers. It means that you're healing yourself. :heart:
And the more you get to know who you are, on the deepest lever, the more open you'll become to other people, now that you released your fears. And you become able to understand others, see them for what they are and make solid and honest connections.
The past is called past for a specific reason. Because it is somewhere behind. So we must get over it. The only thing that it serves for are the lessons we can learn from it. And the present is to be experienced and enjoyed. Life is to be enjoyed. :yinyang:


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:

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Offlinejoekenorer
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7418251 - 09/16/07 10:30 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

MushroomTrip said:

we try to pretend just to make others around us (as well as ourselves) think that we are just like everybody else.
This of course creates more confusion and frustration in our minds and the gap between who we are and the role we play becomes bigger and bigger.





Very accurate.


--------------------
My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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Offlinejoekenorer
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: joekenorer]
    #7418292 - 09/16/07 10:38 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

It's like I said. I know my problems, I've been deep into my own cogniscience. I am on the right track as far as coping with the world and have almost completely integrated my two personalities into one human being. I just wanted to know...is there anyone living a life like this one. It couldn't be that rare, and surely one of them has found a way onto the shroomery.


--------------------
My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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InvisibleEternalCowabunga
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: joekenorer]
    #7418692 - 09/17/07 01:17 AM (16 years, 6 months ago)

I just wrote out a long response, but I accidentally clicked something and the post was erased.

But, I do think that there are people here who have gone through what your experience is. I used to be like you I think, people would say "I really don't understand the way your brain works." It is a kind of psychosis I guess, I couldn't understand anyone else as people and when people would tell me things I never got it in the context that they meant. Actually, it's funny but I didn't even remember this until I started typing - I do remember having to ask people what they meant over and over again. I think I was incredibly proud about being someone who "thought outside the box".

Were you a hardcore daydreamer as a kid? Wild imagination? Very care-free and goofy?

Anyways, I've become more understanding now I think, people try and give me advice now on how to communicate with people or how to read a situation. Unfortunately I am still detached to a degree, I would like to get more in tune with myself, but I am less confused now. Oh and on my last acid trip I overheard my friends commenting to eachother that I was getting closer and closer to becoming one person. You will become a better communicator/listener, you will get to know yourself better in the coming months and years - I'm no psychic but if we have similar characters...

Oh, and you're not going to find anyone quite like you. There is only one person like you at a given time :wink:

edit: Do you smoke a lot of weed or do DXM?


--------------------

Edited by EternalCowabunga (09/17/07 01:25 AM)

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InvisibletrendalM
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: joekenorer]
    #7419010 - 09/17/07 08:07 AM (16 years, 6 months ago)

Take this test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

Find out what it means: http://www.trendal.org/myersbriggs/personhome.htm


You are most likely an xNxx type personality (most of us on the shroomery are) and that puts you in the minority! It's likely the reason you are feeling so isolated.

Around 85% of people are xSxx types (Sensing). That leaves us in the minority, with only 15% of the general population being Intuitive. Compound that with the fact that the two types have different methods of communication....and we're left in the dark.


--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.

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OfflineLion
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: trendal]
    #7419038 - 09/17/07 08:26 AM (16 years, 6 months ago)

Aren't there versions of the Myers-Briggs that offer a scale instead of the 'YES-NO' option? I don't like the latter because for some of the questions it's too confining.

I have taken a bunch of versions of the Myers-Briggs and I always come out INFP, though recently I've noticed on taking different versions that I am swaying more towards 'moderately expressed' - it used to be that I was very borderline between Introvert and Extrovert, with everything else being pretty firmly expressed.

The test is definitely helpful. Reading descriptions of different personality types really helped me understand my place on the spectrum.


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”

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Offlinejoekenorer
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: EternalCowabunga]
    #7420149 - 09/17/07 03:26 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

EternalCowabunga said:

Were you a hardcore daydreamer as a kid? Wild imagination? Very care-free and goofy?




Yes yes and yes. I'm still this way for the most part. Having 2 kids keeps me occupied though,

Quote:

EternalCowabunga said:

Do you smoke a lot of weed or do DXM?




Weed regularly. Never done DXM or salvia or mescalin. Have done LSD back in the 90s, not as much as I would have liked though. I don't drink (Hypersensitivity, especially in the taste buds).


--------------------
My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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Offlinejoekenorer
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: joekenorer]
    #7420198 - 09/17/07 03:37 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

JUNG
INTJ %100 %38 %50 %33


--------------------
My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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Offlinejoekenorer
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: joekenorer]
    #7420387 - 09/17/07 04:40 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

Wow, their description of an INTJ is disturbingly accurate, with only two or three things that I could disagree with. And it says Hannibal Lecter was an INTJ. Thats interesting because he's thus far my favorite fictional literary character, so much so that my youngest sons name is Lecter (I fought the in-laws hard over that).

Then their description of an NT is entirely accurate, and parallels much of my life, especially the part about marriage. Jesus christ its almost depressing to read. It's like someone studied me without my permission and documented EVERYTHING.

Where can I go to find out more about this? Specifically, advice on what I can do to use my Personality type to my best advantage. Because right now its just causing conflict in life.


--------------------
My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: joekenorer]
    #7420466 - 09/17/07 05:03 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Then their description of an NT is entirely accurate, and parallels much of my life, especially the part about marriage. Jesus christ its almost depressing to read. It's like someone studied me without my permission and documented EVERYTHING.




Don't let yourself fooled by it, because it's not like someone studied you without your permission.
You took a test and you answered some question, based on which you got the results. This can be hardly called "spying". These tests serve many proposes and they have their significance, as long as you don't identify yourself with that description.
They only reveal some of the most pronounced traits that you have, leaving you room for all the flexibility and change that you need and strive for.
I don't recommend you to become very absorbed by these types of descriptions because they can lead you to some fundamental errors, such as becoming a plain description in your own eyes, especially now that you find yourself in a more difficult period where you feel the need to understand some things about yourself and connect with others.
You now feel the need to make yourself understood and a test, no matter how accurate might seem on the first view, does not make things easier for you and doesn't tell you who you really are.
We're constantly changing our minds and perceptions and sticking to a fixed description of yourself will come as hindrance in helping you evolve.

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Offlinejoekenorer
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Re: Am I going insane, or is there someone else like me out there? [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #7420526 - 09/17/07 05:16 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

I completely understand that the mechanics of the test and the absolute assignment of definition is broad and impersonal. But I also now have a much better vocabulary and description of much of my own personality. I in no way intend to put myself next to it for the purposes of improving my life. But now I can show it to my wife and say "See, thats why I seem so cold and uncaring when I'm really not".

And yes, I read the other personality assignments and I have little in common with them. Except for the ones close to mine, they have some traits that I have. My task now is to hone this information through study to find out who I am and where my niche' is.


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My favorites are weeping willows, which aren't really weeping at all. They're very wispy, witty and will dance in the breeze with you. Nothing like a tree that wants to dance with you. Although it doesn't like its thin limbs being pulled at all, it absolutely LOVES it when you walk through them, letting them gently slide over your face and shoulders. If you're naked, the willow considers it to be sex. It will orgasm on your mind and you will blow dream chunks into outer space. All very fun until your neighbor sees you.                                    -The Joekenorer

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