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lysergicide
Aurora Borealis


Registered: 12/16/05
Posts: 1,863
Loc: 41.8861° N, 12.4851° E
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Love
#7414403 - 09/15/07 08:08 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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i know there are countless threads concerning how liberating and enlightening love can be, but lets take a moment and talk about a negative side of love when it becomes a lustful addiction.
have you ever loved somebody that didn't love you back, and that undying love you had ultimately ruined a lot of special feelings for you and changed how you felt as a person? ever want somebody that was close to you so badly that it changed who you were and you lost course with your life?
i was having a discussion about this earlier, i want to hear yout thoughts/experiences...
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Lion
Decadent Flower Magnate



Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,775
Last seen: 3 days, 15 hours
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I have expended a lot of energy being in 'love' and yearning for another person. I think now that I have to accept myself completely and unconditionally to really be in love with anyone else. I try very hard to love and accept myself, but I do not know myself well. If I do enter a relationship with another person I'll strive to make my love for that person as pure as I can, but I don't think I'm ready for it.
Lustful addiction is great. I highly recommend it. Because an addiction that is not fed opens the door for many opportunities for insight and growth, and I'm sure it will continue to do so for me because I am definitely not over mine.
-------------------- “Strengthened by contemplation and study, I will not fear my passions like a coward. My body I will give to pleasures, to diversions that I’ve dreamed of, to the most daring erotic desires, to the lustful impulses of my blood, without any fear at all, for whenever I will— and I will have the will, strengthened as I’ll be with contemplation and study— at the crucial moments I’ll recover my spirit as was before: ascetic.”
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lysergicide
Aurora Borealis


Registered: 12/16/05
Posts: 1,863
Loc: 41.8861° N, 12.4851° E
Last seen: 9 days, 7 hours
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Re: Love [Re: Lion]
#7414479 - 09/15/07 08:31 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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i accept myself. i love myself. i mean in order to love and understand other people, i think you need to love and understand your own feelings. you need to respect yourself and treat yourself with care and understanding.
love, from the same person... has made me feel like i was flying high above and nothing could touch me. and a few hours later, make me feel so disgusting and ugly and annoying. it has made me want to end my own life because i felt so addicted to needing somebody else.
it's a sad, sad thing, but it happens...
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NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
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Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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I think there is a distinction between love and dependence. Dependence is more a matter of wanting love, of wanting to be loved and someone fulfilling that role even if the feelings aren't really totally honest or sincere. I've experienced that more often than I've experienced real love. I guess the thing is that love and dependence can mingle, and that is when things are the most confusing. I'm focused on knowing, trusting and loving myself right now. A loving relationship can happen when I'm more prepared for it. I'm probably much closer to being capable of it now than I've ever been...*twiddles thumbs*
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Quote:
that undying love you had ultimately ruined a lot of special feelings for you and changed how you felt as a person? ever want somebody that was close to you so badly that it changed who you were and you lost course with your life?
You're not talking about love, IMO, but obsession. I've had the experience of being desperately infatuated with someone, which developed into obsession after they "failed" to be similarly infatuated with me. I think that this "ugly" side of relationships arises from the irrational belief that someone else can make us happy.
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adrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
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Re: Love [Re: Veritas]
#7415902 - 09/16/07 08:39 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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I love you guys.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: Love [Re: Veritas]
#7415908 - 09/16/07 08:40 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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That is only partially true. If there was no mutual need, people would not get together.
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Love [Re: adrug]
#7415913 - 09/16/07 08:41 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Do you mean that in a healthy, balanced "I want the best for you" kind of way, or in the obsessed, stalker "I want to own you" kind of way?
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: That is only partially true. If there was no mutual need, people would not get together.
What about mutual enjoyment?
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adrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
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Re: Love [Re: Veritas]
#7415920 - 09/16/07 08:43 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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I'm just glad you all exist, that's all. Forgive me, I'm afterglowing...
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Love [Re: adrug]
#7415924 - 09/16/07 08:44 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Glow away, sweetie.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: Love [Re: Veritas]
#7415927 - 09/16/07 08:46 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Veritas said:
Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: That is only partially true. If there was no mutual need, people would not get together.
What about mutual enjoyment?
Doesn't matter how you phrase it. If there was no need there is no attraction. This is very Newtonian.
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Obsession is when you believe that one other person is the key to your happiness. Relationships built upon mutual enjoyment do not include this irrational belief.
If the need is a general, non-attached one (i.e. "I want to enjoy an intimate connection with a loving partner"), and not a specific, fixated one (i.e. "I must make Paul love me or my life is ruined"), then I agree with you.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: Love [Re: Veritas]
#7415951 - 09/16/07 08:54 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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What do you call it when you believe two other people are essential to your happiness?
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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A fun weekend?
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NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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Re: Love [Re: Veritas]
#7416591 - 09/16/07 01:06 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Veritas said: A fun weekend?
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Rahz
Alive Again


Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,230
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I don't think "need" ever has to be involved in the equation.
I might want someone to help me carry a bag of rocks up the mountain, but I don't "need" someone to help me do this. It's the same with love (sexual relationship). Two (or more) people decide to help each other along, and have some fun along the way. No need involved.
When love isn't reciprocated, and it's still desired, it's what the seduction community calls "oneitis". On a deeper level, it's called "not loving ones self". If you love yourself, you have the ability to quit desiring someone when they won't return the favour. Without self-love, the desire for another can seem like a need, but this is just an illusion.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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SlvrZeta
~Asi



Registered: 09/14/07
Posts: 200
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Re: Love [Re: Rahz]
#7417063 - 09/16/07 04:24 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Love is a place & time where you don't always know it's there. Sometimes until you have lost everything.
~Zeta
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: Love [Re: Rahz]
#7417231 - 09/16/07 05:07 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Yes, people don't 'need' each other for sexual satisfaction and making babies. If only they loved themselves enough, children would magically appear.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
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You are aware of the in vitro fertilization, right?  Sperm donors?
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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We don't need to make babies, some of us want to, and masturbation will suffice for basic sexual needs, though it may not be all that one could want. 
Neither of these so-called needs has anything whatsoever to do with obsession and self-destruction. Why should someone create misery in their own life due to relational "failure" with a specific person? If it was about making babies, they would best serve this need by moving on to a willing candidate. If it was about satisfying sexual needs, same game plan. It's totally impractical to fixate on a particular person, and convince oneself that they have ruined your life.
This is not about needs, it is about neurosis.
Edited by Veritas (09/16/07 05:58 PM)
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Love [Re: Veritas]
#7417681 - 09/16/07 07:48 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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It's totally impractical to fixate on a particular person, and convince oneself that they have ruined your life.
Who would ever do such a silly thing? They would have to be daft.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Rahz
Alive Again


Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,230
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Re: Love [Re: Veritas]
#7418565 - 09/17/07 12:16 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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The paradox is that a person will become more attractive the less they believe someone else's affection is needed. Love, by it's very nature, is love of the self. It goes to our very core, and the illusion of not being loved is the very core of our problems.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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BlueCoyote
Beyond



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"The pain one carries is the love one withholds."
Honest love to others can't be hurt, because it's independent of the self. But of course I know what you speak of. It's a rough way to learn about one's dependent 'love' (if one may still call it 'love', what I doubt).
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Love [Re: Rahz]
#7419854 - 09/17/07 02:11 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rahz said: The paradox is that a person will become more attractive the less they believe someone else's affection is needed. Love, by it's very nature, is love of the self. It goes to our very core, and the illusion of not being loved is the very core of our problems.
Right you are. Great post.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
Edited by Icelander (09/17/07 02:12 PM)
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