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backfromthedead
Activated


Registered: 03/10/07
Posts: 3,592
Last seen: 15 years, 6 months
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AMAZING!! Just after I posted my last uh... comment.  She called.
Was just on her lunch break and was wondering what was up. 
I swear sending it out... Does something.
??
If I could only replace what she has seen and been through dealing with me.
Gooser??
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Why replace?
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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nothing is right but love is grand find it where you are at (not necessarily sexual)
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_ đź§ _
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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If nothing is right
does it follow
that nothing is left?
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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backfromthedead
Activated


Registered: 03/10/07
Posts: 3,592
Last seen: 15 years, 6 months
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"Why replace? "
It was a nightmare for everybody involved. I don't think she will ever view the matter as a spiritual event. Don't think she gets it. Super frustrating cause its all out there. spiritualemerg's blog has the scoop.
"It is possible to undergo a profound crisis involving non-ordinary experiences and to perceive it as pathological or psychiatric when in fact it may be more accurately and beneficially defined as a spiritual emergency." -- Stanislav Grof
Right??
I just want the chance to write over it in her mind with more positive images and experiences for her. I was in pretty deep, ya know?? It was a train wreck.
"nothing is right but love is grand find it where you are at (not necessarily sexual)"
I know, I know...!! 'Mucho Gusto Ma llamo Bradley, I'm hornier that Ron Jeremy!' Its just... important. To me. Possibly a perv. Look out. Any freaks??
 That's a plus too.
Me talkin about love... 
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Would you really want someone that has replaced memory? What would be so great about it?
Maybe you should just tell her what you just wrote there?
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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backfromthedead
Activated


Registered: 03/10/07
Posts: 3,592
Last seen: 15 years, 6 months
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I don't really know how to go about actually replacing her memory. Sinister. Dang.
I just understand that her idea of 'me' is a collection of what she remembers. Words can't knock those things around sufficiently, unless they are daggers or resonate something fierce. I left a mess. I want to be the person to her now that I want her to know today, ya?? Replace me in her head??  Unfortunately I don't get that opportunity cause she is gone. I fear that she projects her past mental constructs of me on me, rather than seeing me unobstructed for who I am NOW.
Maybe I'm still just a nut... Slow roasted, shelled, and seasoned, mmmm... pits.
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Lion
Decadent Flower Magnate



Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,775
Last seen: 3 days, 17 hours
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I can relate. I realize first I have to see myself for who I am now - or stop trying to see anything other than what is. There are many, many constructs about who I am plastered onto me. Who am I? Whoever I think I'll be in the next few seconds. However I think my hair and my eyes and my jaw look... Have I been working out? Okay, then I'm that guy. Have I been reading a lot? What genre? Then that's how I'm thinking. Ya know?
After LSD a lot of my friends thought I'd gone off the deep end. I was working hard to construct myself for them and every time I would get embarrassed about it and start over.
Fuck it. Let people think what they want. The real you and the real her know each other already and it'll probably shine through more and more. Best you can do is be present.
I don't think you're a nut, you're just weird.
-------------------- “Strengthened by contemplation and study, I will not fear my passions like a coward. My body I will give to pleasures, to diversions that I’ve dreamed of, to the most daring erotic desires, to the lustful impulses of my blood, without any fear at all, for whenever I will— and I will have the will, strengthened as I’ll be with contemplation and study— at the crucial moments I’ll recover my spirit as was before: ascetic.”
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backfromthedead
Activated


Registered: 03/10/07
Posts: 3,592
Last seen: 15 years, 6 months
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Re: "What [Re: Lion]
#7402723 - 09/12/07 09:34 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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"The real you and the real her know each other already and it'll probably shine through more and more. Best you can do is be present."
Know what you mean. It does. I just want her to acknowledge that. I see it. I feel it. I know she does. Sometimes I bring up out of line stuff though... Like the sex on the boat comment. Oops!! It slipped. Um, in and out but thats another story.
Shoot. Um... Sorry.

Being present. That's a task for me. I just fly away immediately. I once had a psychiatrist ask me mid session, 'Can we come out of it, just for a while??' Like he was overwhelmed. I fear that I'm always more trained on the inner happenings. She was interested. We were interested together. She was my lifeline back to the present, it seemed. She always gave me my room to explore, but when it came down to it held me to certain expectations that kept me, here. (for the most part??)
Really. I just want to connect her back to me in her head somehow. Kind of manipulative as fuck. Grrrr. Bad idea. It works though. I want her thinking about me. Is that not conceited as fuck?? Ah well. Crazy emotion, no?? Maybe I'm caught up in something else.
"I don't think you're a nut, you're just weird."
Oh, phoe show!!
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TameMe
Stranger



Registered: 10/24/05
Posts: 2,734
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Quote:
Icelander said: If what is missing is a relationship then all is lost.
all can never be lost
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NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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Quote:
Icelander said: If what is missing is a relationship then all is lost.
I used to be so obsessed with this idea of the perfect relationship that would tear me out of the banality and disatisfaction I was experiencing, fulfilling me completely. Then I snapped out of it (over time.) It is my responsibility to tear myself out of banality and disatisfaction; no one else is capable of the task, at least in the long term. Not only that, but being a strong and self sufficient individual makes one more capable of being in a relationship with another person... so really, taking responsibility for your own happiness and not waiting around for some saviour prince is a win-win situation.
As it stands, I have no idea if I will ever have a long term relationship with another person. It stands to reason that sooner or later I may be so inclined, but so far no dice. That's fine. I've got my life, other folks have thiers. If we happen to meet along the way and be heading in the same direction, great. If not, whatevs. I got friends and a cat, and i'm good enough looking that i'll not suffer for lack of flings when I want them. 
Edited by NiamhNyx (09/12/07 10:38 PM)
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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I too, gave up my idea of ever finding my prince...
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NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'


Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: I too, gave up my idea of ever finding my prince...
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Don't be sad. I have shifted gears and am now seeking my princess.
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger



Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 12 days
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I found my sexy mushroom princess.
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If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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REALLY? Now who would that be?
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Lion
Decadent Flower Magnate



Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,775
Last seen: 3 days, 17 hours
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: REALLY? Now who would that be?
Everyone has a weird nickname for their wang. 
jk FW_G and MT, much love
-------------------- “Strengthened by contemplation and study, I will not fear my passions like a coward. My body I will give to pleasures, to diversions that I’ve dreamed of, to the most daring erotic desires, to the lustful impulses of my blood, without any fear at all, for whenever I will— and I will have the will, strengthened as I’ll be with contemplation and study— at the crucial moments I’ll recover my spirit as was before: ascetic.”
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