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lJusticel
Strange(r)

Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 63
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
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I am so confused.
#7389864 - 09/09/07 09:35 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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First off, I love this forum and have read as many posts as I can get my hands on. Some wonderful ideas are floating around out here.
OK, here is a little background on me;
I grew up with a father that more enjoyed doing drugs than being a "dad". Not that I was outright neglected, I was well taken care of, but he did nothing with/for me and my brother until I was 11. He then started going to a baptist church and became "addicted" to religion. He threw out the TV, told us what music we could and couldn't listen to, punished us with a "switch", and other such things. Needless to say it was a rough transition.
At the age of 14 my parents divorced and I became a bit rebellious. I stopped going to school with any regularity and hung out with the wrong crowd(druggies). I basically was an asshole.
I got into drugs hardcore at 16 and all this while thinking to myself that the world could end at any moment when Jesus would come down from heaven and take us all away. I thought I was invincible because I was/am saved. I snorted 80 ritalin in one line thinking it would be fun. Shit like that is just what I did.
I continued down that path until I found meth at 21. Holy shit I found my new "god". I ended up going to prison for possession. I got out and stayed clean for almost a year. I then bumped into an old friend and started doing crack while still on parole. Talk about being a dumbass. Luckily I never got caught and got an early release from parole. So I finally got off the crack and started drinking. Bad shit ensued and I quit drinking. I then take up my first love, pot. It was all good until I got drug tested at work. I was suspended 'til I tested clean.
What all this comes down to is that I believe religion had a big part in my failure. Not that I as a person am not to blame but my belief system was definitely a contributing factor.
I still believe that there is only one true God but I have difficulty believing in a book written by men. If God wanted us to "know" he would have better luck using a more direct method of reaching us. I guess what I'm saying is that I am gradually becoming more spiritual, less religious, and fortunately less of a substance abuser (though I do plan on partaking in a little herbal smoke session once in a while) thanks to you guys and a certain fungi. Thank you very much for being here for me.
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EternalCowabunga
Being of Great Significance



Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
Loc: Time and Space
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Re: I am so confused. [Re: lJusticel]
#7389874 - 09/09/07 09:40 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Glad to be here  Keep coming back.
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whattheheck
Chief Love Lover



Registered: 06/01/07
Posts: 7,380
Loc: Denver Colorado
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Re: I am so confused. [Re: lJusticel]
#7389886 - 09/09/07 09:42 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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It sounds like you're on the right path. Keep truckin' man. You're best days are ahead of you.
-------------------- A society whose whole idea is to eliminate suffering and bring it's members the greatest amount of comfort and pleasure is doomed to be destroyed -Thomas Merton
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PoppyRider
Mad Scientist


Registered: 09/07/07
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Loc: Orange County, Ca
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def and good choice to stick to weed, you can smoke that stuff all day and still have "life" to look forword too apposed to smoking crack all day. There are many paths you can take and there is always time to change the road you are on.
-------------------- you make every thing grooooovyy
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
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Re: I am so confused. [Re: lJusticel]
#7389989 - 09/09/07 10:12 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Welcome.  It seems that you made some huge realizations and that you're on the path of discovering yourself. Thank you for being open. The best thing you could do for yourself is try not to feel bad or guilty or inappropriate for your experiences. Because when this happens, you shut yourself off from the things you can learn from them. And I think that you still have A LOT to process on order to get the most of them. Take them as an opportunity because it's what will make you aware of how strong YOU are in fact. And how much you can face and change. Now about the god part. Until now, nobody (except religion which is flawed in my opinion) was able to determine the his existence. And the concept of god is always associated with the concept of religion and religion always induces some form of guilt and steals from one's free Will and personal power. It's what makes us submissive (ironically - or not) to other people.  You can be a "good" person, one who wans to grow and understand as much as possible from this life, without being attached to the idea that there might be a god. Once you get the taste of freedom you find love within yourself, and then there's no turning back. And I think you're just beginning to realize what freedom is like. Good luck on your path.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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lJusticel
Strange(r)

Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 63
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
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I don't necessarily believe in the God of the bible. I do however believe that there is more to this life and universe than can be explained by science. "God" can take many forms, perhaps the universe itself is God. I do not know but what I do think is that no one can truly know anything until we shed our meat suits.
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger



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Re: I am so confused. [Re: lJusticel]
#7390225 - 09/09/07 11:13 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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I think she isn't taking issue with your belief itself, but rather the concept that you are thinking through, representing that belief as - g*d.
What seems to have happened, is that you have automatically assumed that the concept is true, and, from that assumption, began changing the concept so that it fits your purpose, and, at the same time, survives.
It is ineffective in conveying any understanding. Reality is capable of representing itself. Letting this term survive is detrimental for understanding and the communication of that understanding.
She's also begging for trouble. She knows quite well the source of what brings about that submissiveness... there's no reason to externalize one's identity.
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If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
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Quote:
fireworks_god said:
She's also begging for trouble. She knows quite well the source of what brings about that submissiveness... there's no reason to externalize one's identity.
I think I'll have to ask you for some private explanations...  Also, incidentally, I might know something about the subject and maybe I'll let you know about it.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger



Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
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Please teach me. I have a secret crush on my teacher.
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If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
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What a fortunate coincidence, I have a secret crush on my student...
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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lJusticel
Strange(r)

Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 63
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
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I still stand by my previous post. That is where I am at currently but as I have stated (maybe not in so many words) my beliefs and concepts are evolving and who knows where I may stand in the future. I do not want to dive headfirst into an ideology as my father did.
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger



Registered: 03/12/02
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Re: I am so confused. [Re: lJusticel]
#7390420 - 09/10/07 12:45 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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And why do you think it is that you utilize the term g*d to represent your own personal beliefs and concepts? Your father's ideology, perhaps?
The word and its associations came from some source, and it certainly didn't manifest out of reality into one's mind one day, like seeing a tree. It is, of course, the same with all words, all concepts, but yet, when I say "I ate a pizza", at least what I mean can be reasonably discerned. The word g*d has no consensual meaning, and ascribing personal meaning to a borrowed concept and totally shifting its meaning for it to still maintain validity is, in my opinion, ineffective.
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If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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lJusticel
Strange(r)

Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 63
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
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I can call a monkey a coffee table but it does not change the fact that it is what it is. From above my post: Quote:
my beliefs and concepts are evolving
I am not trying to be a dick or anything but you seem awfully hung up on a three letter word. Could you try to ignore that word and insert your own word whatever that may be. To me it's just a descriptor of something more than what we see. Thank you.
Edited by lJusticel (09/10/07 07:28 AM)
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger



Registered: 03/12/02
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Re: I am so confused. [Re: lJusticel]
#7390970 - 09/10/07 07:45 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
lJusticel said: I can call a monkey a coffee table but it does not change the fact that it is what it is.
Okay. I guess it would be pertinent to ask you what you actually mean when you use the term g*d, because I have absolutely no understanding of what you mean.
Quote:
Could you try to ignore that word and insert your own word whatever that may be. To me it's just a descriptor of something more than what we see. Thank you.
I choose to not ignore the word, because you are using it to represent an idea, but yet there is no understanding being provided as to what you actually mean when you use the word. I'm not clear why one would use a word that is so ambigious to represent "something more than what we see", which is, itself, pretty unclear as to what you mean.
Regarding my point, one could say "I believe in something more than what we see", or one could say "I believe in g*d". Which one actualy conveys some understanding as to what the hell you are talking about? Certainly not the latter.
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If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder


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Re: I am so confused. [Re: lJusticel]
#7392311 - 09/10/07 03:13 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
lJusticel said: I do not know but what I do think is that no one can truly know anything until we shed our meat suits.
By then it is too late. One must experience Being here and now and disidentify with our false identities prior to death. In other words, we must die before we die. Death itself is not equivalent to Liberation.
Congratulations on your survival and for embarking on a quest for life's purpose .
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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lJusticel
Strange(r)

Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 63
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
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All I can say is that I can not describe what I mean beyond what I have already said. You see, I have a problem transferring ideas from my head to another medium. Sorry.
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lJusticel
Strange(r)

Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 63
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
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Quote:
MarkostheGnostic said:
By then it is too late. One must experience Being here and now and disidentify with our false identities prior to death. In other words, we must die before we die. Death itself is not equivalent to Liberation.
Congratulations on your survival and for embarking on a quest for life's purpose .
Don't get me wrong, I do love life and all there is to experience in it. I do believe however that death IS liberation for the simple fact that whether or not there is an afterlife the things of this life will cease to be of importance.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: I am so confused. [Re: lJusticel]
#7392622 - 09/10/07 04:38 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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The things that are of importance in this life are only so because you choose to think of them this way. You will be dead soon enough anyway so what is your logic of thinking anything is important? Change the way you think; take that challenge and maybe then life will seem so much more easy to take. Little things (almost everything is little) will not bother you once you really feel that you are going to die. This IMO is the secret to happiness. It's only a secret because when most people look for the "secret to happiness" they want something they don't have to do any work for so they ignore and discredit the obvious solution.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
Edited by Icelander (09/10/07 04:39 PM)
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backfromthedead
Activated


Registered: 03/10/07
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Re: I am so confused. [Re: Icelander]
#7392746 - 09/10/07 05:01 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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"The things that are of importance in this life are only so because you choose to think of them this way. You will be dead soon enough anyway so what is your logic of thinking anything is important?"
?? In my life I choose to think that boardspoarts are important, to me. Very important. They provide an outlet for the impulse to control. They allow you to take that basic instinct and turn it into something beautiful. Buttery smooth turns or stylie airs. Also the charge that you get is amazing... You know adrenaline?? Its like fear all mixed up in there and it just dumps, IMO. Like molasses running through you veins. ...exercise in more than a few ways. What is wrong with having as much fun NOW before you move further. All the while building up a natural tolerance to that 'oh no, slipping away/out of control' feeling. Sitting around waiting to die (again?? )... Seems... Boring. Its about feeling GOOD !! Quality of this life... Passing on that particular signature... And snowballing that shit into eternity, no?? Always the tips of the tree. Find something that turns you on and crank it to eleven, IMO. Important is important. Realizing the inevitable gives you the ability to let go easier, you don't have to be bored.
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