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InvisibleTaharka
The Root of the Problem

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 09/30/05
Posts: 686
Salvia, The Precipice
    #7261143 - 08/05/07 03:10 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

On my latest Salvia experience (just now, at and after 2:35 A.M. on August 5, 2007) I had a realization, a feeling that I am afraid (if given voice to) will destroy my mind or plunge me into insanity. Let us refer to this feeling as the Unvoiced Revelation.


The voice that is the inner monolgue of my thought (that we listen to at every moment of the day, take dictation from when we write, give voice to when we speak, hear when we read etc.) is read/generated by an inconceivable number of entities whose job it is to fulfill that function. Let us call them the Monologue Creatures. Each of them has a sylable to speak, and they all sit in infinitely long chains, each speaking their part one after the other as the "script" is written by my conciousness. I'm sure that all concious beings' monologues are generated in a similar way. This, I have come to understand/experience on a number of Salvia journeys, although I usually forget the specifics shortly after (2:40 now, and most of it's gone).

When we think about something (or at least when I do) thoughts in the form of "language" are formed and then read by these entities. Often, we have finished thinking something before they can read the entire sentence, and that's fine, and we can dismiss the rest of the sentence (and it is not read out completely). But to really concentrate on something, we let them give voice to the entire sentence, and then interpret it again. I'm sure that some of you understand what I mean. Then again, maybe conciousness is subjective to such an extent that this is complete bullshit to you.

Anyway, the Unvoiced Revelation is extremly important, although I think I'll probably forget it shortly. The problem is this: when I think about this realization, my conciousness begins to generate a sentence as it always does. The "Monologue Creatures" begin to read it, and I perceive them doing so. But on this recent Salvia experience, I've come to understand that if this sentence is read out in it's entirety, something horrible will happen. I will die, the universe will be destroyed, I will go insane, or something like that. Whatever it is, the Monologue creatures are adamant that it not happen, and if I try to think about that realization during a Salvia experience they panic. Chaos and fear and horror, until the aforementioned feelings distract me from wanting to finish the reading-out of the thought.

But when I'm not under the influence of Salvia, I cannot perceive the monologue creatures. I could now, in theory, think about the great revelation (and at this point in my writing, I can't even remember what it was anymore, so I guess I can't actually think about it after all). For the past 10 minutes or so, I've been dismissing the thought as the Monologue Creatures begin to read it out, fearing what would happen if the sentence where completed. This, however, has also prevented me from understanding exactly what the revelation was, because until a thought is read out by the Monologue it is only a feeling, and not a concept that the mind can work with on its own. It's too late now, since the feeling has faded, but still. Was I right to "dismiss" the truth in this way? If the thought ever comes back to me, should I risk letting my Monologue read it out in its entirety? I'm not ready to say goodbye to this world. I have responsibilities, things I want to do, people I care about, etc. that would be devestated if the things my Monologue Creatures fear came to pass. Still, I feel that the Unvoiced Revelation is something so fundamentally important that understanding it would almost be worth the sacrifice.

This is not the first time I have encountered the Monologue Creatures. The vast majority of my Salvia experiences have taken me to the realm they inhabit. Every time I go there, I come back understanding more about what I have seen and how it is significant. This time, I had the Unvoiced Revelation and also realized its danger. I am afraid that next time I take Salvia, I will remember it again and accidentally "complete the sentence" and have to face the consequences.

For those of you who are still with me, where do you think this leaves me now? How should I proceed? Is it safe to use Salvia again? I wouldn't call this a bad trip, but the fear and panic were certainly not pleasant while they lasted, and I came back to this world very afraid.

Is the warning of the Monologue Creatures simply my selfish ego resisting as it is torn away? Will understanding the Unvoiced Realization bring me to higher realms of conciousness? Or should I heed their warning and leave well enough alone, lest I end up dead or in an asylum?

I am still a bit shaken, like a man who has been standing on the edge of a precipice and staring into the bottomless chasm below. Was I really that close to The End?
I have much to think about.


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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/25/05
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Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
Re: Salvia, The Precipice [Re: Taharka]
    #7262107 - 08/05/07 02:29 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

this is very interesting,
i had a dream where a man was saying something like "th, th, th"
and he made me say it with him. eventually we said it union and my heart fluttered and shook violently and he said "that happened because you were speaking 3 different languages in your mind"

it is like monkeys, or monks chanting, both start with monk
they just make noises and resonate their souls together, rather than worrying about the fickleness of words.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


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OfflineBooby
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Registered: 09/14/05
Posts: 3,781
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Re: Salvia, The Precipice [Re: leery11]
    #7262180 - 08/05/07 02:54 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Maybe opera has that appeal because I'm pretty sure not everybody really understands what they're singing.


--------------------
Let it not be remembered
That mycelium eats detritus and dies
But that life in all it's glory
Counts mycelium to be on it's side.


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Offlineleery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/25/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
Re: Salvia, The Precipice [Re: Booby]
    #7262262 - 08/05/07 03:22 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

definitely.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


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InvisibleTripityDooDaDay
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Registered: 09/14/06
Posts: 2,046
Re: Salvia, The Precipice [Re: leery11]
    #7262553 - 08/05/07 04:50 PM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Is the warning of the Monologue Creatures simply my selfish ego resisting as it is torn away? Will understanding the Unvoiced Realization bring me to higher realms of conciousness?




That is my best bet from reading your post but then, I'm not you and know very little about you. For some we could be talking about dangerous mental ground. For others it could be a harmless letting go to further explore.


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InvisibleTaharka
The Root of the Problem

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 09/30/05
Posts: 686
Re: Salvia, The Precipice [Re: TripityDooDaDay]
    #7265191 - 08/06/07 07:31 AM (13 years, 6 months ago)

Thanks for your responses. I'm still thinking alot about this.
What I think/understand about how hearing our inner monologue give voice to our thoughts so that we can reinterpret them seems to have alot to do with Language. I know Terence McKenna wrote alot about thinking and language, so I'll do some reading.

A while ago, I read an article online somewhere about meditation. The author said that the inner monologue was generated by parasitic creatures of some sort, and that learning to silence them was the key to... whatever. He believed that Salvia was actually a useful tool in driving them away. I didn't give much credence to this and didn't read it thouroughly, but I'd like to read it again. If anyone knows what I'm talking about, a link would be appreciated.


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