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SatChitAnanda
Stranger
Registered: 07/28/07
Posts: 26
Last seen: 15 years, 3 months
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Quite Dreamy all of 'this' is...
#7235305 - 07/28/07 11:38 PM (16 years, 7 months ago) |
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Hmmm... well it seems that apparently many times throughout the day I get struck with this dreamy state, however I am unsure if this is bad. While basking in this, basically nothing seems real and my perception is 'off'.. or 'on', I do not know.
All senses seem distant and the subject/object relationship is ungraspable yet brilliantly surreal. A sense of bewilderment and awe that there is anything at all is by my side throughout these periods.
I have taken my share of psychoactives in the past: pot, mdma, mushrooms, 2c-i, 2c-e, 2c-t-7 and the latest Ayahuasca. I feel as though nothing is real, nothing ever happens and this is basically a dream, a fantasy and nothing is actually going anywhere. I am quite disinterested in social structures and have no will to make something of myself and leave some legacy behind. Instead I am keenly fascinated with the most trivial things and all of lifes idiosyncrasies.
I ingest foods, herbs and plants as a regular part of my diet that directly effect the mind, cognition, awareness etc. These medicines are powerful and used traditionally in Ayurvedic, Chinese Medicine and Native Americans. Ginkgo, basil, Brahmi, Gotu Kola, Calamus root, Chyawanprash, Reishi Mushroom yadda yadda and many more.
I play many instruments that vibrate the head such as flute and didgeredoo and within minutes can reach states of ecstasy. I am very sensitive and often I have been asked if I am a mystic.. goodness how should I know? What the hell is a mystic anyways?
There are alot of mental issues and cases of schizophrenia in my family, sometimes I wonder if all of this mind exploration and tweaking is working against me or helping. I occasionally, daily, go back and forth from heaven/hell, connectedness/separation. My 'highs' I can describe as simply resting with the divine and at times the lows are literal short periods of insanity. Perhaps I am also going through a quarter life crisis as I am 24 and currently saying goodbye to many things in my life and saying hello to other things.
Anyways... anyone resonating with all this?
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SatChitAnanda
Stranger

Registered: 07/28/07
Posts: 26
Last seen: 15 years, 3 months
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Re: Quite Dreamy all of 'this' is... [Re: SatChitAnanda]
#7244605 - 07/31/07 06:22 PM (16 years, 7 months ago) |
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bump..
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jonathanseagull
Cool!


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 993
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
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Re: Quite Dreamy all of 'this' is... [Re: SatChitAnanda]
#7248289 - 08/01/07 04:44 PM (16 years, 6 months ago) |
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I have the same feeling probably once a day. If anyone can recall the moment they first woke up out of the "trance of every day life"...quit being a mindless robot, and entered into a mindful life... It's like waking up one more step above being aware. I realize nothing at all is happening, nothing is real, and that this is all just a dream, not in my mind, but in the mind of God. Nothing is real, thus, everything is real. I have all kinds of ideas of what existence could be, but the only one I have experiential "proof" of is that this is just a dream of God's. I believe the Hindu's say the same. The universe ends when God wakes up, and begins again when he sleeps.
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Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show, That the dear She might take some pleasure of my pain: Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know, Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain.
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Mike_yy


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 7,253
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Re: Quite Dreamy all of 'this' is... [Re: SatChitAnanda]
#7250097 - 08/02/07 02:13 AM (16 years, 6 months ago) |
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You sound kind of introverted,, sorry if i'm pointing out the obvious there,,, but yeah..
Do you have a circle of friends ?
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Limerick
a moment ofclarity



Registered: 10/22/06
Posts: 656
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Last seen: 16 years, 3 months
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Re: Quite Dreamy all of 'this' is... [Re: SatChitAnanda]
#7250567 - 08/02/07 08:12 AM (16 years, 6 months ago) |
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sounds like depersonalization.
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EternalCowabunga
Being of Great Significance



Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
Loc: Time and Space
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Re: Quite Dreamy all of 'this' is... [Re: SatChitAnanda]
#7252023 - 08/02/07 04:23 PM (16 years, 6 months ago) |
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If this is really a problem for you, I would suggest you start investing in a social persona. I too am basically the same as you, but I realized that it's almost like humans are meant to become attatched to their social selves. Become aware of your body and your mind as these are ultimately your primary vessels for experiencing this world. Create a story about who you are and where you are going.
From what you write, and my own experiences being very similar, it sounds like perhaps your life could use a little more balance or routine. The world is beautiful, and any object can put you in awe, but we can't always be super high and in awe. I think you are trying to force it and this is what makes you go insane - you are trying to use your ego to transcend ego filters.
By all means, don't become a boring robot but also try and keep your feet on the ground, if you stop relating to other humans on their preferred level then you may forget how to do it after a while. I don't want to bring god into this, but I don't believe you were meant to become a dissociated mystic shaman - I think you DO have an interest in social structures but you've taken a position at the other side of the pole - you are trying to explore yourself in a way that transcends standard cultural behaviour. Do you have fantasies about reaching impossibly high states of extacy through sheer will power alone? I am worried that you are heading down a path I was once on.
"Now you may get the 8 pack, you might get the 16 pack... but it's all what you do with the colours, the crayons, that you're given. Don't worry about colouring inside the lines or colouring outside the lines.. I say colour outside the lines, colour right off the page! We're not landlocked, i'll tell you that much. We're in motion with the ocean!"
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SatChitAnanda
Stranger

Registered: 07/28/07
Posts: 26
Last seen: 15 years, 3 months
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Thanks for the replies and I agree with alot of what was said. I need to see my friends and get out more.. although I will admit I find it hard to really relate to anyone or even have alot to say. I used to, but ever since I stopped buying into my thoughts and personal story, I have gone from very extroverted to very introverted.
However this comes to my question... and it is about stories. Apparently, according to some, the worst thing is to believe in your story.. yet I have heard it is the most important. Why is it important EternalCowabunga?
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EternalCowabunga
Being of Great Significance



Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
Loc: Time and Space
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Re: Quite Dreamy all of 'this' is... [Re: SatChitAnanda]
#7254646 - 08/03/07 08:23 AM (16 years, 6 months ago) |
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To identify with a story is risky but to not have any story is equally risky. If you are not creating your own sense of self, then 'something else' is creating it for you. I believe it is important to have a healthy ego while we are here as humans because even if this is all a big dream, which it is, we seem to need some basic requirements while we are here to be content:
food water social interaction physical touch a purpose (?)
Now, someone could say we don't actually need these things if we are already everything, but the truth is life can't be enjoyed as much without taking the time to engage in the above activities. I have tried to live as a completely independent and whole unit but it is impossible - I am not everything, I am not the one - I'm just a dependent peice of the puzzle like everything else.
I would say don't worry about finding somthing to say or trying to relate to people on a deep level for now, simply be there and be a part, in whatever way you can imagine, be a part of the ritualistic aspects of human social interactions. Express yourself the way you see fit and if people can't relate, than either adapt/imitate for their sake or laugh it off (but not the insane laughs like "hahaha they can't understand my insane mind" you know?)
5-10 minutes of deep breathing a day helps to keep me grounded
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Lion
Decadent Flower Magnate



Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,775
Last seen: 8 days, 6 hours
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Quote:
(but not the insane laughs like "hahaha they can't understand my insane mind" you know?)
-------------------- “Strengthened by contemplation and study, I will not fear my passions like a coward. My body I will give to pleasures, to diversions that I’ve dreamed of, to the most daring erotic desires, to the lustful impulses of my blood, without any fear at all, for whenever I will— and I will have the will, strengthened as I’ll be with contemplation and study— at the crucial moments I’ll recover my spirit as was before: ascetic.”
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Mike_yy


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 7,253
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Re: Quite Dreamy all of 'this' is... [Re: SatChitAnanda]
#7258453 - 08/04/07 08:09 AM (16 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
SatChitAnanda said: However this comes to my question... and it is about stories. Apparently, according to some, the worst thing is to believe in your story.. yet I have heard it is the most important. Why is it important EternalCowabunga?
Can i say to believe your story is to be honest,, as long as your story's true. If it's not and you still believe i guess that's a bad thing.
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SatChitAnanda
Stranger

Registered: 07/28/07
Posts: 26
Last seen: 15 years, 3 months
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Re: Quite Dreamy all of 'this' is... [Re: Mike_yy]
#7258891 - 08/04/07 11:35 AM (16 years, 6 months ago) |
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Judging from the little you know of me and from perhaps your own experience and relating to this, do you think I should stay away from psychoactives? I feel they play some role in my life, maybe I just find the balance point, or get myself grounded better first.
There are times where I feel I grow stronger and wiser from them, then there are times where it's the oppposite. Sometimes I ask myself "What do I do with all this information and these experiences?".
Right now, I don't feel they are anymore or less important then.. oh, brushing my teeth, stopping at a red light or an itch on the leg. It's all just about 'this', 'this' moment.. nothing more.
I guess I am still trying to see what my path is and where to place my energy. I am quite confused and very open right now hence a bit of my hermitage.
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