|
wearejellyfish
Stranger
Registered: 11/20/06
Posts: 1,375
Last seen: 14 years, 5 months
|
oh the lovely depression hits again.
#7223824 - 07/25/07 08:20 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
|
|
or has it never even gone away? no. it was just lessened because i was around people i love from fl. but now i am alone in oregon. taking four hours of classes. and working until i can't stand to look at the computer screen and binders anymore. and then i come home. and realize how fucking alone i am.
what is there to do? i don't like smoking pot during the day. i hardly like smoking it anymore anyway because of all the shit i think about now.
i wish i had pills. like oxy. or percs. or xanax. anything to calm me down. because my prescription of kpins aren't working well. i need something to make me feel okay. i'd rather it be a human than a drug. but it doesn't matter, because i have neither right now.
i'd cook food to pass the time. but i'm trying to not eat much. it makes me feel better knowing that i don't have shit in my body (figuratively and literally speaking) anyway. i'll occupy myself with aim instead of this message board so i can end this self-loathing post.
i wish i could see my psychiatrist tomorrow. but i can't until next week. he saw me smoking. so he'll prob bring that up, cause when i first talked to him i told him i did no drugs, no drinking. no smoking. lawl. all lies. anyway. i want to see him now so i can say i feel like shit. and i want better pills to make me feel okay. because nothing's working anymore.
|
Syle
Kenai Sigh
Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 6,678
Loc: WA
Last seen: 1 year, 30 days
|
Re: oh the lovely depression hits again. [Re: wearejellyfish]
#7224204 - 07/25/07 09:51 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
|
|
you need to relieve yourself of dependence on things.
Quote:
wish i had pills. like oxy. or percs. or xanax. anything to calm me down.
Quote:
i wish i could see my psychiatrist tomorrow. but i can't until next week.
you need to take power over that which bothers you. get down to brass tacks and self assess.
you can get through this. go somewhere new tonight, don't even think about it, make it an adventure, and make it a goal to meet someone tonight, whether they become a friend or not is not the point. just make some interaction, you will feel great afterwards, and you will see just how easy it is.
good luck
-------------------- https://kenaisigh.bandcamp.com/ <- Just completed the 2021 RPM challenge for February - An EP in one month (5 songs or 20 minutes). Check it out!
|
CosmicStorm
Stranger
Registered: 05/18/07
Posts: 135
Last seen: 14 years, 6 months
|
Re: oh the lovely depression hits again. [Re: wearejellyfish]
#7224300 - 07/25/07 10:12 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
|
|
I used to lie to my psychiatrist about drugs too. Recently I talked to a new one and told him everything...son of a bitch wanted to send me to a rehab.
I told him, fuck that and that I'd get help elsewhere...so telling the complete truth isn't always good.
When I'm feeling really depressed I play the bass, it really takes my mind off of everything...maybe find something you enjoy doing?
-------------------- "Observing spirits on the wall, What are they telling you?" -Death
|
wearejellyfish
Stranger
Registered: 11/20/06
Posts: 1,375
Last seen: 14 years, 5 months
|
Re: oh the lovely depression hits again. [Re: CosmicStorm]
#7224528 - 07/25/07 11:26 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Syle said: you need to relieve yourself of dependence on things.
Quote:
wish i had pills. like oxy. or percs. or xanax. anything to calm me down.
Quote:
i wish i could see my psychiatrist tomorrow. but i can't until next week.
you need to take power over that which bothers you. get down to brass tacks and self assess.
you can get through this. go somewhere new tonight, don't even think about it, make it an adventure, and make it a goal to meet someone tonight, whether they become a friend or not is not the point. just make some interaction, you will feel great afterwards, and you will see just how easy it is.
good luck
i didn't go anywhere tonight. just read some stuff for my quiz tomorrow. my brother has told me to go to coffee shops and meet people. but i am so bad at initiating a conversation in person unless i have something specific to say to them. such as this kid from one of my classes was from the east coast too, so i approached him and told him i was from there as well. and we introduced each other and talked a bit. it felt nice to at least talk to someone new, but we haven't talked since. i don't seem to think there would be much for us to talk about (i don't like to talk about philosophy, i just like to listen about it, or read about it)
Quote:
CosmicStorm said: I used to lie to my psychiatrist about drugs too. Recently I talked to a new one and told him everything...son of a bitch wanted to send me to a rehab.
I told him, fuck that and that I'd get help elsewhere...so telling the complete truth isn't always good.
When I'm feeling really depressed I play the bass, it really takes my mind off of everything...maybe find something you enjoy doing?
i won't tell him i do other drugs, or drink. i'm afraid he'd take me off my pills if he knew i drank. and when he first asked if i did drugs like mushrooms or acid or smoked pot, i said 'no, because i would think that would give me even more anxiety' it was a total lie. but i lied about cutting. and then came clean about that. so now he knows i do lie. but i won't tell him about other drug usage. i don't think it'd be a good idea, especially since he's the campus psychiatrist. the only thing i enjoy doing is photographing. but i mostly like when i travel to photograph. and i don't like photographing if other people are around, unless i am photographing them.
|
hankydanky2k
member
Registered: 01/19/04
Posts: 469
|
Re: oh the lovely depression hits again. [Re: wearejellyfish]
#7228498 - 07/26/07 10:54 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
|
|
I live up in Seattle, WA but I have relatives in Portland that I visite a few times a year, and I lived in Florida for 8 years and have left behind so many good friends, and I feel very alone and am in school now also. It sounds like you and I have a very similar situation right now, and I always enjoy talking with people about life. PM me and I am sure we will have a lot to talk about.
-------------------- The above post is fictitous, and any coincedence between it and real people, places, or events is unintentional.
|
nightkrawler
explorer
Registered: 06/18/04
Posts: 2,980
Loc: new england
Last seen: 5 years, 8 months
|
Re: oh the lovely depression hits again. [Re: wearejellyfish]
#7232397 - 07/27/07 11:27 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
|
|
well, let me give you my 2 cents.
when you're starting to feel depressed, try to mentally notice what triggers it. i assume your depression comes gradually, and builds up and gets worse. try to notice it at the start. it may be difficult to see at first, but if you are persistent in trying to be consciously aware of what your mind is doing and how it's working, it becomes easier and easier to see what causes your emotions. meditating daily will definitely help with it.
when you feel yourself starting to get depressed, think about everything that you're grateful for (friends, family, music, whatever it may be). don't look down, look up, or atleast straight ahead, it helps to put you in a better mood. if you can catch yourself when you start getting depressed, it's much easier to get yourself out of it. try to always look on the bright side of things. the world is what you make of it. notice the positives, dismiss the negatives.
you like photography, then do it everyday. everyday, try to find something to take a picture of. start looking for things that will make a good picture. notice things that would look like good close up shots.
you're also interested in philosophy. i'd recommend looking into buddhism. i see buddhism as a tool for self improvement. buddhism is a way of looking at things. it's a way of freeing yourself from your attachments which cause suffering. it can help you to find happiness from within, rather than relying on the outside world for pleasure. here's a website that has the basics of it(look particularly at the four noble truths, and the eightfold path)
i hope some of this helps
-------------------- Not all who wander are lost - J.R.R. Tolkien
|
cleeen
Stranger
Registered: 05/23/07
Posts: 383
|
Re: oh the lovely depression hits again. [Re: nightkrawler]
#7232761 - 07/28/07 02:17 AM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
|
|
I vote for exercise .. boost your endorphins and change your state, make your body change its focus and go along for the ride
then see if you can find something to make you laugh .. old 3 stooges , marx bros movies etc are good bets ..simple stuff / nothing complex
Go for a swim , take a sauna eat raw food , apples are good real good , but get exercise and fresh air too .. you will also be going thru detox and that always is a bit of a visit to purgatory so you have to compensate .. fresh food , lottsa water apples and exercise
-------------------- It's a beautiful lie .. It's a perfect denial . Such a beautiful lie to believe in So beautiful, beautiful it makes me .. Nikopol: You piece of shit! Your objectives are shit. Your filthy rapist god ambitions are shit. You're full of shit, Horus! Horus: Coming from a human, remarks like that don't carry much weight. Nikopol: But all that it is not worth of prodigy of your saliva, Jill.
|
Epigallo
Stranger
Registered: 09/17/06
Posts: 8,155
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
|
Re: oh the lovely depression hits again. [Re: wearejellyfish]
#7235345 - 07/28/07 11:59 PM (16 years, 7 months ago) |
|
|
I think the above two posts give excellent complementary advice.
|
Peteomighty
Stranger
Registered: 04/13/07
Posts: 337
Last seen: 16 years, 6 months
|
Re: oh the lovely depression hits again. [Re: Epigallo]
#7236806 - 07/29/07 03:27 PM (16 years, 7 months ago) |
|
|
I've admitted my drug-seeking behaviour to my psychiatrist. I don't care. Anything that helps him understand me better is good.
-------------------- thedudenj said: drugs no drugs sex no sex hats no hats.
|
Maverick
Lover of Earwigs!
Registered: 12/18/05
Posts: 13,442
Loc: Valleys of Willamette
Last seen: 1 day, 11 hours
|
Re: oh the lovely depression hits again. [Re: Peteomighty]
#7236931 - 07/29/07 04:20 PM (16 years, 7 months ago) |
|
|
I'd suggest using the Journal feature, but no one ever reads the journals, let alone leaves comments... They need to make it so you can post a journal entry in a forum yet at the same time have it so it can be listed in the journals as well.
Depression sucks, and I think the best thing for it is a change of scenery. It's not really running away, it's more relocating yourself for breathing space and peace of mind. That's what I'll be doing after I pay off some bills. Washington state here I come.
Edited by DRTMaverick (07/29/07 04:34 PM)
|
wearejellyfish
Stranger
Registered: 11/20/06
Posts: 1,375
Last seen: 14 years, 5 months
|
Re: oh the lovely depression hits again. [Re: Maverick]
#7236994 - 07/29/07 04:46 PM (16 years, 7 months ago) |
|
|
that's why i came to oregon. last night has made up for many nights of feeling like this. had my psytrance party in the forest. farfarfar back. i video taped an hour of it. so i'll upload some clips.
Edited by wearejellyfish (07/31/07 12:13 AM)
|
ZShroom
Stranger
Registered: 07/08/07
Posts: 1,061
|
Re: oh the lovely depression hits again. [Re: wearejellyfish]
#7241819 - 07/30/07 11:40 PM (16 years, 7 months ago) |
|
|
yeah, i hear wash. state is the shit...also somethin about a magic tour or magic festival coming up...i wanna go
--------------------
|
|