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40oz
Registered: 01/18/01
Posts: 30,119
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: Rustifer]
#7191390 - 07/18/07 03:45 AM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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wtf are you talking about?
-------------------- - - - - tiny_rabid_birds said: "your avatar is dirty."
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tiny_rabid_birds
Nocturnal
Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 15,653
Loc: estados unidos
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: 40oz]
#7191461 - 07/18/07 04:23 AM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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he's talking about prozac
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Oracle Of Delphi
I, Phantom
Registered: 06/23/02
Posts: 1,135
Loc: State of Disrepair
Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: ManianFH]
#7191493 - 07/18/07 04:45 AM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
mickdawg666 said: we had a long and tearful (for her) discussion about it last night. my girlfriends sex drive is gone..so whenever we do have sex, she lays there like a corpse and I have to do everything. I talked to her about it using the term 'one sided'.. with regard to our sexual relationship, and she got really upset.
She said with her summerschool, and volunteer work, and her part time job, plus the prozac that she just started for her bi-polar problem, that her sex drive is completely gone. Pretty much the conversation ended with me trying to comfort her and telling her that I would be more understanding of her inability to feel any kind of sexual drive for me anymore. Our non-sexual relationship is very healthy, other than her pessimism towards other people, and we are doing fine.
I have posted before about her, and how she doesnt like to give blowjobs, or handjobs. I dont know.. maybe this makes me shallow, but I really enjoy these things in a relationship. Am I an asshole for wanting these kinds of things?
I have pretty much decided to not come on to her at all until she is ready, and actually comes on to me. I have dealt with all kinds of sexual relationships before, and can wait until she is ready, if ever again...?
I dont know how to ask her to start performing sexual favors (like an occasional blowjob or handjob), and think that is pretty much out of the question at this point in our sexual relationship..
Not to sound like a monster - but how old are you guys? I hope you are both in your late 40's - cause if you aren't its time to move on - Now I know what you're thinking "Oracle, your a monster! How can you leave a girl in such a state of emotional distress?!" Well Ill tell ya' - if shes this messed up now - it aint gonna get betta
- If you are both young - and shes not into sex right now - (And let me tell you - I have severe arthritis, bending to tie my shoes hurts - I still manage to get my legs over Mr. Oracle's shoulders - cause I want to.)- She's not into you right now. And may never be into you - so why waste your youth on someone who's not where you are emotionally. Dont look at it as abandoning her - look at it as liberating her from something she cant do right now.
If your GF is so messed up shes on Prozac and cant bear to be touched - then dont. i would say to her- "I love you enough to give you the respect of not making you do something you dont feel you can do right now". And end it. Im not saying dont talk to her - but to say "Im i a healthy relationship - but i cant fuck her - and she wont touch me - so now i can sleep with other people - its great - Nah man - If you are already allowed to see other people - just break it off - She can be a good friend - and if she overcomes her mental block, you guys will have established a fantastic relationship based on trust - but until then - you need to drop the Girlfriend prefix when referring to her. To make her watch you having physical relationships with other women - while she cant satisfy you in that way is going to fuck with her head even more.
OoD
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makaveli8x8
Stranger
Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 21,636
Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
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tell her since she told you she has no sex drive, you no longer find her attractive or you lost yours too.
Then completly ignore her in every sensual way.
Things should begin to get clear after that.
Let her come to you, and if you have to wait more than 6 months to a year....then leave her.
-------------------- We were sent to hell for eternity Øh® We play on earth to pass the time Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.
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makaveli8x8
Stranger
Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 21,636
Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: makaveli8x8]
#7191497 - 07/18/07 04:51 AM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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oh and you need to keep a spy eye on her, their is a chance she has no sex drive because she's getting it elsewhere and she told you this as an excuss.
just something to be aware of
-------------------- We were sent to hell for eternity Øh® We play on earth to pass the time Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.
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indica
Registered: 08/17/05
Posts: 18,905
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: ManianFH]
#7191501 - 07/18/07 04:56 AM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Hey man I didn't read any of the other posts in this thread so sorry if this post is completely irrelevant, just wanted to add some cents.
I really respect that you haven't gone all "bitch won't suck my fuckin dick" that's fuckin cool man and your girl is lucky to find a guy like that. nice work.
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JonnyDeformed
ॐ
Registered: 03/20/06
Posts: 1,809
Loc: Directlyundertheearthssun...
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: Crystal G]
#7191507 - 07/18/07 05:06 AM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said: meth, ghb, mdpv, DOC, other great chems are excellent aphrodisiacs
will turn the shyest schoolgirl into the horniest tramp no joke!
-------------------- dubiousness Dubious compound it is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong. A penalty for possession of a drug/plant should not be more damaging than the drug/plant itself.
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THE KRAT BARON
one-eyed willie
Registered: 07/08/03
Posts: 42,409
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: ManianFH]
#7191509 - 07/18/07 05:06 AM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
mickdawg666 said: well shit, i have just about ruined this relationship. our sex life is so fucked up right now, i dont know what to do short of some serious relationship counseling to fix it.
Relationship counseling for a 19 year old girl? There's something wrong with that picture dude. Relationship counseling is for middle aged husband and wife couples who've lost all feeling toward one another but want to keep shit together for the kids. You are both young and have other options here.
This is going to sound harsh but have you ever considered that maybe she just doesn't like having sex with you anymore and that her sex drive isn't really gone at all? You said she's 19 and you're 25.. Yet you seem to be really attached to this girl, so attached that you're not seeing the big picture here. (or at least in my opinion) How long have you guys been together, was she really young when you hooked up?
Personally I'd just cut my losses and move on to something new. Usually when the sex drive diminishes the relationship is over and when you try to stick it out and make things work it's just a miserable situation all around.
Good luck man.
-------------------- m00nshine is currently vacationing in Maui. Rumor has it he got rolled by drunken natives and is currently prostituting himself in order to pay for airfare back to the mainland but he's having trouble juggling a hairon addiction. He won't be back for a long while.
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Jon
Registered: 06/28/03
Posts: 961
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: RuNE]
#7191510 - 07/18/07 05:07 AM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
RuNE said:
Quote:
VoidOfsPg said:
Quote:
evolprim said: bi polar girl/ no sex drive. all too familiar.
finish it now :-)
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daytripper05
Psychonaut
Registered: 10/30/06
Posts: 6,962
Loc: In my garden
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: THE KRAT BARON]
#7192096 - 07/18/07 09:34 AM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
matt said:
Quote:
mickdawg666 said: well shit, i have just about ruined this relationship. our sex life is so fucked up right now, i dont know what to do short of some serious relationship counseling to fix it.
Relationship counseling for a 19 year old girl? There's something wrong with that picture dude. Relationship counseling is for middle aged husband and wife couples who've lost all feeling toward one another but want to keep shit together for the kids. You are both young and have other options here.
This is going to sound harsh but have you ever considered that maybe she just doesn't like having sex with you anymore and that her sex drive isn't really gone at all? You said she's 19 and you're 25.. Yet you seem to be really attached to this girl, so attached that you're not seeing the big picture here. (or at least in my opinion) How long have you guys been together, was she really young when you hooked up?
Personally I'd just cut my losses and move on to something new. Usually when the sex drive diminishes the relationship is over and when you try to stick it out and make things work it's just a miserable situation all around.
Good luck man.
For real. Good realistic advice matt.
There are soo many fish in the sea, and it already sounds to me like you need/want something different.
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ManianFH
living in perverty
Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,913
Last seen: 31 minutes, 23 seconds
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: daytripper05]
#7192458 - 07/18/07 11:44 AM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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its just too fuckin wierd man. it would be so much easier to come to a conclusion if our entire relationship were shit. it is hard to say I am going to leave you based on a sexual premise.. that in my opinion doesnt really signify a relationship where love is or was present. I do love her.
Against all the posts that tell me to leave this one, (and by the way if it wre any other woman i surely would have before it ever came to this) im going to be the pussy here and try and stay with her. Im going to eliminate sex from our relationship. For those of you who have never had to do this before, the trick is, no porn... lots of activities, and meditation meditation meditation. I dont care. - I think next time she asks me to fuck her, im going to say... something. I want her to fuck me this time. heh. this feels so childish.
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
Edited by mickdawg666 (07/21/07 12:08 AM)
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freya99
-------A-------
Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 85
Loc: Belgium
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: ManianFH]
#7192681 - 07/18/07 12:56 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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This thread stirred up a lot of emotions and some reactions hurt actually but I'm not going to react to all of them.
In short : I've been in the girl's situation. Sure there are some differences, like no prozac, but I loved my guy and the non-sexual part was good too. I just didn't want to have sex anymore apart from those typical days before your periods start, pure hormonal influences. I still don't know what the problem was because we broke up -and happily not only over this, otherwise it would have hurt even more- before it got solved.
Some people suggest that she's just sick of you sexually or that she's getting it somewhere else. If it makes you doubt, it is really not a necessity. My mind and body just didn't want sex anymore. Not with him, and certainly not with anybody else. On the other hand I did want to have sex because I knew how important it was for him. I can imagine very well she's in that spot right now.
You say that you've been accused that it became your priority nr. 1. It is very possible it became an obsession without you even noticing it. I also notived how it became an obsession and really that doesn't help.
In a way the people who say to stop the relationship are right, you're too young. On the other hand, counseling could help. It seems to me that you guys comunicate well but maybe it helps. If she is so busy a holiday might help. I remember a thaught out of that former relationship after a week of school deadlines 'Damn he's coming tonight, oh no, I have to have sex.'.
What do I advise you what you haven't done already: nothing actually, can't help you.
-------------------- I nawet kiedy będę sam, Nie zmienię się, to nie mój świat. Przede mną droga którą znam, którą ja wybrałem sam. -Myslovitz-
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Phrenic
Mind-expander
Registered: 01/23/07
Posts: 134
Loc: Netherlands
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: freya99]
#7193085 - 07/18/07 03:12 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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hmm, interesting subject indeed.
i can say I've been in a similar situation and i know it's no fun. also i never found an answer about the problem because at a certain point the relation fell apart (other reasons). i can only share my thoughts about the situation.
1. you could suppress your own sex drive and not push her into sex but the subject will come up from time to time. and when it comes up it will feel like "ah no, that issue again" even if it's been a month or even 2 months since you talked about it. not talking about is just not possible because your hormones and sex drive WILL continue. 2. whatever you do, don't ever get mad at her for not having a sex drive. she is not to blame. 3. jerk off before you start any conversation about the subject. it will take some wrong sexual motivation away from you which is necessaries to have a good talk about it. 4. stability will NOT get her sex drive back. people/girls get innerly aroused through adventure and intense experience. if you have the option, go travel with her, on holidays or something. make her life exciting so maybe she gets excited. 5. i read somewhere that zinc helps the build of sexual hormones... you have to look it up for yourself, but maybe it helps
the evil 6: sex IS very important in a relationship. a non-sexual healthy relationship = friendship. sex is needed to share each others passion for each other, to show the love through touch of the highest levels. sex isn't just banging each other, it's a pure form of love. if things don't change after a few months then breaking up is not the worst thing to do. it will hurt but it will also free you both. she needs to find something within herself and you won't be able to help her. being there for her only keeps her from looking for an answer. and you need it because sex drive is an instinct, your mind will always go towards that direction... you always need to feed it.
-------------------- Changing, Exploring, Morphing, Testing, Failing, Succeeding, Traveling, Thinking, Spacing, Tripping, Expanding, Connecting, Registering, Comparing, Discussing, Analyzing, Shifting, Seeing, Brightening, Touching, Timing….. I call it Psychedelic
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eligal
Noobie
Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 7,021
Loc: California
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: ManianFH]
#7193252 - 07/18/07 03:54 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Wow, nice long (and very interesting) thread.
I guess Id just like to throw in my small bit of thought on this.
Maybe its just me, but I dont see how sex should ever be an issue so important that it would be worth ending a good relationship over (and no relationship is perfect, but that doesnt mean its not good). Sometimes girls go through their phases and they just dont crave sex, while at other times they can become sex maniacs.
Most of what Ive seen of girls behavior on this topic is stress related. Some girls handle stress with sex, while others cant even think of sex when theyre stressed. And it sounds like your girl has had her fair share of stress and just isnt in the mood for sex right now... Give her time to relax and resolve any issues which she may have, be supportive, and dont even mention sex until she shows thats shes ready. They more you mention sex now the more she feels like she has to wether she really wants to or not, making it that much harder for her to enjoy sex and later on she may relate to these feelings whenever sex is mentioned again.
Dont get me wrong, sex is great and very fun and enjoyable and can really allow people to share deep feelings for each other in a very passionate way, but it has its time and place.
-------------------- \m/ Spanksta \m/ "do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?" "MolokoMilkPlus said: I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job" "tactik said: respect the can."
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Gumby
Fishnologist
Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: ManianFH]
#7193275 - 07/18/07 03:59 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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This is a stab in the dark but... Does she live in Georgia and is her name Kathryn?
Sounds like my ex. Sex drive eventually came back when she was less stressed.
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xpl0de
ḆËŦŦЯ_őƑ_Ŧwo ƹvïlz
Registered: 07/14/07
Posts: 2,213
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: Gumby]
#7194584 - 07/18/07 08:51 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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its times like this that ur hand is ur best friend
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ManianFH
living in perverty
Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,913
Last seen: 31 minutes, 23 seconds
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: xpl0de]
#7198953 - 07/19/07 05:54 PM (16 years, 7 months ago) |
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thanks for the interesting feedback. I am glad so many people found this topic useful or at least interesting.
I have come to the decision that playing any kind of game with her will be detrimental to our relationship, and its not the kind of behavior i want to encourage in her, and least of all myself. I am still not going to make any sexual advances, until she is the intiator. At that point, whether I am in the mood or not will decide whether we take it further.
Also as far as discussing sexual needs that I have, such as receiving blowjobs, handjobs, and her being more active when we are having sex - I will wait for the right time, and ust ask for these things, when I feel like I truly would like them. I don't want her to be my sex slave, that is not the kind of sexual relationship I want. However, these things are important to me, and I dont want to repress that. If she refuses when I ask, well you'll probably see my frustrated rants about it here.
Im not going to play games, or be withdrawn just because im not getting what I want. that feels childish to me. I feel that if we both care about the others needs, both our needs will be met through respectful and truthful communication. - broadly put.
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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moosehead
poop deck
Registered: 02/04/02
Posts: 9,741
Loc: pnw
Last seen: 20 days, 4 hours
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: ManianFH]
#7199041 - 07/19/07 06:11 PM (16 years, 7 months ago) |
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sex is important to me in a relationship, and not just sex, but everything that is involved in and around sex.
think about how important it is to you, so that you dont end up cheating on some one who only gives you a bj on your bday or something.
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LeftyBurnz
Mr. I Eat Butthole
Registered: 06/21/05
Posts: 24,570
Loc: FL
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: moosehead]
#7199052 - 07/19/07 06:13 PM (16 years, 7 months ago) |
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yeah, im not one of those pigs who wants nothing but sex, but god damnit, if theres NO sex, theres NO relationship. its not everything, but i feel sex is at least %40 of the relationship. if you cant be sexual or romantic, theres some serious problems with the relationship.
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Bridgeburner
Not spiritual at all.
Registered: 09/16/06
Posts: 20,010
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Re: no more sex for me and my girlfriend [Re: LeftyBurnz]
#7199095 - 07/19/07 06:24 PM (16 years, 7 months ago) |
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sounds like she needs a real man.
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