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Endo Smoke

Registered: 05/31/02
Posts: 609
Loc: State of confusion
maybe im dead
    #713196 - 06/30/02 02:08 PM (15 years, 5 months ago)

I've talked to alot of people about my 'trip' and alot of them say it sounded like what i encountered was a near death thing. I did snort 50mg of 2ct7, and i assumed it just didnt kill me and the hospital took me in cause i was freaking out. They gave me anti poison type drugs just incase...I never thought i was really gonna die till now. Maybe i was going to die, and I just assumed otherwise...To tell you the truth, the thought never crossed my mind once...All that was on my mind is "I had a bad trip."

Well the other night a read a trip report, saying a kid doing the same combo as me (2ct7+e) died. The way they described him was so familliar. It happend the exact way it happend to me, except a little diffrent. In his story, they say he was screaming "I DONT WANT TO DIE, THIS IS STUID" the last few minutes of life. This is pretty much the exact same thing as I was going through, and it is scary. In the trip, I was looking over my body, i could see me, and the cops all fighting me, forcing me to the hospital bed. They were asking me questions...They wouldnt stop. Well it all kinda faded away, and everyone i saw had a weird deja vulook to them. I know who they are, but i dont. I reconize them from...life. They are people i encountered in life, and nothing more. All the stuff i worried about in the past no longer mattered. Nothing mattered it was pointless. It gets a little more complex than that..words cant really do it much justice. Some people tell me it was just EGO death. Others tell me its a near death experiance like thing. I dont know what to think. Everyone I tell this to says "you are stupid, there is no way you did 50mg 2ct7, you would have died" I say "well i didnt, stats are wrong" (paying no attention to the fact i went to the hospital and they brought me down) I dont know...Whether he died of t7, or of choking on vomit, or what....It a bad experiance, comparable to hell. I wouldnt want anyone to experiance it... Im still in search of hte truth though. I dunno what im trying to say, that story just caught me by suprise. I was vomiting uncomtrollably, breaking stuff...they took me for a ride to calm me down, and get me out of hte house... We ended up in a parking lot where i was making a fuss... Some lady with a cell phone approached my friends asking if she should call 911... They said no, i was just really drunk. Eventually after screaming in pain(they said it sounded like pure emotion was coming out, that they could only imagine the pain) they told her to call 911.

Well i woke up in the hospital...My mom was there, I was in the hospital for ODing on drugs, i should be worried. I wasnt. None of the little shit mattered. Was this because of the ego/bad trip, or was it because i almost died? I dont know but i really wanna find out.

Like i said before, i could see myself from above, and everything was so familliar. It was like i was watching someone present my own life to me as a lesson saying "This is where he went wrong." etc etc. I was just a lesson, and everything i knew was fake. It was a sort of lesson, and none of it mattered. Well it mainly focused on me also, so in the future, 6 months after i couldnt look at myself in the mirror. I was too scared of who i was. I couldnt see my name without getting scared. I could hardly sleep, because any spare thought cycle in my mind would result in a horrible thought. I cried myself to sleep alot. My life was hell, i wanted to kill myself every day, except the fact that i was more scared of death than anything.

After the experiance, i owed lots of money to the hospital, and i was in trouble of course...but i told my friends "You should have just restrained me, or locked me in a closet till i was done." But if they didnt send me to the hospital, where would I be? I dunno, its kinda scary to think about, i just wanna know if i could have died, or what. Its really bugging me.

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You may say I'ma dreamer...

Registered: 06/20/02
Posts: 319
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 14 years, 11 months
Re: maybe im dead [Re: tak_old]
    #713227 - 06/30/02 02:20 PM (15 years, 5 months ago)

This displays all the characteristics of an INTENSE Ego Death experience.

Perhaps you DID die and then simply came back somehow. One of my friends was officially pronouced dead and then came back to life, although he didn't have any God-like effects or after life type stuff.

My guess is you died and then came back. I imagine dying and then coming back has the exact same effect on the mind as Ego Death. I have experiened Ego Death many times so I totally know what you mean by "remebering" people, seeing them almost as a recollection. Also, I know what you mean by everything not seeming real, almost like a game. It sounds like you had a powerful experience but that it was only unique in its strength, not in it's thoughts and feelings...you are not alone:)

Most likely, you are no more dead or alive then you were before.

Shroomalicious - :smile: I love you and in doing so I love myself, because we ARE all one :smile: - "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth leaves the whole world blind and toothless". - Mahatma Ghandi

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Registered: 04/23/02
Posts: 1,742
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
Re: maybe im dead [Re: tak_old]
    #714565 - 06/30/02 11:54 PM (15 years, 5 months ago)

This sounds to me like you had a REAL near death experiance. (ie. not the experiance that you want to have). This will trigger the same effects as an ego death experiance such as a greater appreciation of life and not caring about the "little things" anymore. The only problem is that you almost DIED, for REAL. Im glad that you are ok but you need to be careful with that shit because its the real deal and you are lucky to have a second chance.


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Endo Smoke

Registered: 05/31/02
Posts: 609
Loc: State of confusion
Re: maybe im dead [Re: tak_old]
    #714596 - 07/01/02 12:09 AM (15 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah, im very appreciative of it now... It was a case of being misinformed about what drugs were being sold to us. And a lack of common sense on our part. Took way too much, thinking it wasnt enough. :\

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Re: maybe im dead [Re: tak_old]
    #714924 - 07/01/02 05:27 AM (15 years, 5 months ago)

It sounds like you had a Near-Death-Experience. At least... all the things you described fits the mold of a NDE. Certainly you could have died, but a NDE is about not dying... it is about coming so close to death you can feel it.. but from your new perspective close to death you are able to look at your life in a different way.

The question is: What did you learn or gain from your experience?

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Endo Smoke

Registered: 05/31/02
Posts: 609
Loc: State of confusion
Re: maybe im dead [Re: ]
    #715141 - 07/01/02 08:07 AM (15 years, 5 months ago)

Heh. Well after that experiance, i woke up knowing that not all drugs are safe, i cannot handle ANYTHING, that the intesity of some things are way too much that death would seem alot better. In the end, nothing matters, so enjoy pleasures while you can, but dont suffer too much cause it isnt worth it. Not to mention i turned alot more humble than before. After that, i was in search of the truth, so the next 6 months i spend in s&p, and all over the internet/books 24/7 searching and searching for answers to the puzzle. I cam up with my own theorys, etc..but in the end...i learn alot. Now i am forgetting. I dunno, i have a hard time following all forums. Cultivation has been big in my mind lately, so i took a break from s&p. Before that it was cars. Or a special girl. I have 1 interest at a time, I cant have alot at once =\ Im losing sight of my lessons though, at the time, it was the most horrific experiance possible, even months after i was messed up. It was awful. Now i look back, i forced myself to forget, nulled my senses, and its gone...but i miss it. There was a level of insanity to it that filled that hole inside of me.

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Registered: 05/02/02
Posts: 47
Last seen: 15 years, 5 months
Re: maybe im dead [Re: tak_old]
    #716589 - 07/01/02 09:00 PM (15 years, 5 months ago)

i like where you described where nothing matters, cause it doesnt, not in the sense of how humans are living their lives. people cant see this, im not sure why, well the truth is they have forgotten who they are and have been living in their illusion of needs outside themselves. your soul strives for the inner experience of who it is, not worldly goods, please pm me if you are interested further.

"oh to be a kid again, not a worry in the world except mybe the lack of bubbles in the bath tub"

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Richman Sporeman
Registered: 01/15/02
Posts: 133
Loc: USA
Last seen: 14 years, 6 months
Re: maybe im dead [Re: tak_old]
    #751243 - 07/16/02 04:46 PM (15 years, 5 months ago)

Hey,You freaked out.If you can't handle the big shit,smoke pot.All that ego shit means you don't know who you are and what you want.When i come close to freakin out i remember,Know thyself and fear not.I don't mean to cold hearted but you must know yourself and the drug you use.

Well...Maybe just a little.

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Registered: 03/13/02
Posts: 34
Loc: zeitung unter den See
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Re: maybe im dead [Re: francisco]
    #752365 - 07/17/02 02:45 AM (15 years, 5 months ago)

Let's consider two possibilities:

A) You did the whole "runaway soul" routine.

B) You took a lot of powerful, mind-altering drugs and got really scared, envisioning yourself "out-of-body".

I chose B because it makes too much sense.

"Hallucinogens can be like talking to a really talented salesman: beware of what you can sell yourself." - J.L.C.

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